737. RT Rewind: February 2012 Ads & Features

September 25, 2026

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We’re back in the time machine to check out the ads and features from the February 2012 issue of Romantic Times.

We’re talking about Anastasia, Madame Toussauds, and how close some cover models get to showing some hog.

THEN! Then, we have about a half hour of live cover snark. I’m wondering if this video will be taken down by the Y’Tube, because these covers are…unclothed.

What was the thing you were obsessed with when you were younger? Was it mythology, Anastasia, or something else?

Do you love historical pettiness? What’s your favorite example?

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Here are the books we discuss in this podcast:

VISUAL AIDS!

These are behind a spoiler tag because they’re really quite NSFW.

Show Spoiler

An ad for Avon showing six print paperbacks and six smaller covers for digital-first release beneath the headline “Love can be found in many forms this Valentine’s Day.” The covers are very 2010s, with low rise pants, fenceposts and horses for contemporary, and somewhat undressed folks doing sexy things.

You can kinda tell that there’s a status difference here, right?

Pole Position by Natalie Acres: More threesome! A woman in a bikini is on the hood of a car and a man is behind her, but his leg is bent in front of her so it looks like she’s positioned for a pap smear with her legs bent and spread. There are so many legs. And the guy behind them is a human on the top half and a car on the lower maybe? Hard to tell.

Why are there so many legs? Is that guy in the back a car shifter? As in he shifts into a car?

It Begins with a Rogue’s Bite by Jessica Frost. Note the subtitle: Haven for the Lustfully Damned. Another threesome! This is an upright vertical sandwich of naked people standing in front of a waterfall with an image of a wolf superimposed on top. Left bread of this person sandwich looks a little like Brendan Fraser, except he has barely an ass. Like very little in the trunk.

There’s so much to enjoy about this cover.

Where Love Conquers All - Dixie Lynn Dwyer: Four people, three men and a woman, are collaged in front of a stone house. One dude is laying sideways with his undies on, while a blonde woman is looking over her shoulder at you but because the focus and depth of field are all different it’s very uncanny valley.

This one, too. Especially Temu Jason Statham on the desk there.

Love Under Two Benedicts - Cara Covington. More lusty texas! A woman is between two men and they appear to be having a threesome while also melting? Fading? Into a full set restaurant table. They are brothers, too, not two dudes named Benedict. Bridgerton could never!

This restaurant is going to fail their next health inspection.

Two honchos! One has Joey Fatone’s 2010 beard. And the oil rigs behind them are VERY SUBTLE. Let me know if you need me to explain.

His Seductive Spy - Lara Santiago: A white woman wearing a white bra and panties is arching her back as a shirtless man holds himself over her. Behind them is another shirtless man with a pair of ear protection headphones and goggles firing a fun.

He’s got ear protection and eye protection but they’re about to be very startled when he fires.

And now…the Almost Hog cover trend of the early 2010s!

Night Walker Lisa Kessler: Low. Ri. Der. Another muscular man chest, this one with no head, with very low trousers, against a cloud night sky

Chance of hog: 72%

North of Need by Laura Kaye - more low rise pants! A white man is doing a pit check over his muscular chest with snow and a cabin behind him. Sir, it’s cold, put on a shirt.

Chance of hog: 57%

EXTREME CHANCE OF HOG. The National Weather service has issued a Sever Chance of Hog warning for your area.

Look at that gorgeous coat. Inspirational historicals have some truly gorgeous covers.

HAT WATCH: Words Spoken True by Ann. H. Gabheart, another Revell (they’re inspirational romance) title. This features a brunette woman in a red and silver gown with a large ruffle at the neck, and ruffled lined bell sleeves. She is wearing a read hat wrapped in red fabric with flowers on top and the whole thing is gorgeous.

HAT WATCH! Look at that gown. I’d wear that every day if I owned that outfit.

This is a “first day of senior year” picture, right? Here’s the fun part: the plot of this book is as follows. Sarah Hastings, fleeing her latest foster home, gets caught in a thunderstorm. When the skies clear, she finds herself in 1862 Concord, Massachusetts, at the home of the March family from “Little Women.”

Transcript

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This podcast transcript was handcrafted with meticulous skill by Garlic Knitter. Many thanks.