735. RT Rewind: September 2012 Reviews

[intro]

Sarah Wendell: Hello and welcome to episode number 735 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell, Amanda is with me, and we are in the time machine once again. This month we’re going back to September 2012 to take a look at the reviews, and later the ads and features from Romantic Times magazine. In this issue we have a very male hero, and we talk about letting teens be teens, and alas, there are a lot of terrible men to add to the growing pile.

We also talk about our favorite Garth Brooks songs and our favorite go-to karaoke songs, and I would love it, love it, love it if you would tell me yours. If you are in the Patreon, you could comment on the post. If you would like to talk to us at Smart Bitches, smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast; look for episode 735. But I would dearly love to know what your go-to karaoke song is.

Now, I want to warn you that at about twenty-five minutes in, we talk about something rather morbid: we talk about books bound in human skin, of which there are very few, for obvious reasons. That lasts about three, three and a half minutes.

I have a compliment this week, which is among my favorite things.

To Sweet Thistle: One of your closest friends just told their coworker friend that you are the absolute funniest person that they know, and that they cannot wait to see you again.

If you would like a compliment of your very own, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. The Patreon community keeps us going every week, makes sure we have a handcrafted transcript from garlicknitter – hi, garlicknitter! – [hello! – gk] – and it is comprised of some of the nicest humans on the Earth. You can meet all of them in our podcast Discord, and you can talk to me at the end of the year for our Holiday Wishes episodes, which, can you believe, will be coming up very soon. How? How, how is it, how is it time? I don’t know. But either way, patreon.com/SmartBitches.

All right, are you ready get back to September 2012? I mean, maybe yes, maybe no, but that’s where we’re going! [Laughs] Hop in the time machine! On with the podcast.

[music]

Sarah: Are we recording?

Amanda: We are!

Sarah: Why, yes! Yes, we are! How excellent for everyone. All right!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So I have had some questions about the hot dog cabinet, and –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I was going to ask you about it, but it seems that there’s more in it now. What, what do we have?

Amanda: I feel like every time we record there’s one new thing.

Sarah: There’s something else in there!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Right, ‘cause before it was just that, that, flat donut with the stripe of mustard, and now you have a second – or hot dog – now you have another hot dog that’s, like, upright.

Amanda: Yeah, and this is like a Squishmallow hot dog?

Sarah: ‘Kay.

Amanda: their name is Coney. Right down there is a 3D-printed frog.

Sarah: Cool.

Amanda: And then – I think…you can’t see it in the back, but there’re, like, these little vinyl toys. One is a potato wearing a hot dog suit, and one is a potato wearing a Coca-Cola can suit. And then Brian found these little tiny Legos? They’re like this big. They’re, they look like a little pill.

Sarah: I love those – I love those. They’re so cute!

Amanda: One, one is a pickle, and the other one is a hot dog?

Sarah: Amazing.

Amanda: So just lots of hot dogs. And then, I pointed this out in the back, and Sarah asked me to grab it. Brian…

Sarah: This is very important, everyone. I need you to know that if you are not looking at this show, I just –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – just for this section, just for this moment, go to the YouTube –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and look at what you are about to see, ‘cause it’s incredible.

Amanda: Brian 3D-printed me a, a Jimothy!

Sarah: Amazing.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Amazing!

Amanda: A little Jimothy.

Sarah: And he’s smiling!

Amanda: Look at that face.

Sarah: It’s a little smiley Jim-, Jimothy!

Amanda: Yeah! So a little Jimothy; he hangs out in the, the cabinet. So I’m just accruing little freaks, little guys, little hot dogs. Nothing else is in the cabinet really, so.

Sarah: Well, I’m going to, I’m going to share a link with you, just while we’re on the subject of hot dogs, I’m going to –

Amanda: What?

Sarah: – share a link with you. I found some hot dog, like, dispensers for, like, ketchup and mustard, I guess –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – on their, and, and they look like vaginas.

Amanda: Yeah. The mustard splotch –

Sarah: Looks like a vagina. Are you collecting hot dogs that have a sort of yoni attribute to them? Or are you just really going for –

Amanda: [Laughs] None of these –

Sarah: – just –

Amanda: – none of these are vaginal in execution.

Sarah: Vaginal dogs?

Amanda: Yeah, no vaginal dogs here. These are all normal interpretations of a hot dog, in my opinion.

Sarah: That’s excellent.

Amanda: I think the mistake is the mustard is not skinny. It’s not a skinny line of mustard.

Sarah: No, it’s a big flat, like, big splotch.

Amanda: It’s a big, yeah, it’s a big gloop of mustard.

Sarah: So do you, do you want me to tell Brian that they can request the Wienermobile to be at places like maybe, maybe bringing you home –

Amanda: My baby shower?

Sarah: – from the hospital or at your baby shower? Have –

Amanda: No, I – [laughs] –

Sarah: – the Wienermobile –

Amanda: – I did not know that was possible!

Sarah: You can request the Wienermobile in many locations.

Amanda: Boy.

Sarah: So we are here to talk about the reviews in the February 2012 issue of Romantic Times. This is now the era when it was RT Book Reviews, and the tagline is –

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – Read Smarter. This issue is courtesy of Sarah Brady, who is also keeper of the sacred list of terms you’re not allowed to use in a Love Inspired. I think she told me that she was applying for a job at RT and bought some magazines and then was like, Would you like to have them? And I said, Absolutely; I don’t have these. So I picked this one because the cover is so funny to me? We’ll talk more about the cover –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – in the ads and features, but the cover is Robin Britches – Bridges, not Britches – Robin Bridges Writing The Gathering Storm, which is about Imperial Russia. Do you remember when Imperial Russia was having a moment in romance?

Amanda: There were so many, like, Anastasia retellings for a hot second, or, like, Romanov sort of inspired YA for –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – for a while.

Sarah: But we’re going to talk about the new releases back in February 2012. Where were you in February 2012?

Amanda: 2012, I was in my senior year of college? I was getting ready to leave college and go to grad school. So I went to grad school in 2013? Yeah!

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: So I was in Tallahassee, Florida.

Sarah: And you were working for the site at that point. I think you were my intern.

Amanda: I think I didn’t start – when did I start? I know it was like –

Sarah: I was –

Amanda: – September. So this might have been –

Sarah: I was pretty – no, because –

Amanda: – a few months shy!

Sarah: Well, no. I think what – if I remember correctly, and my memory is shit, so correct me if I’m wrong – if I remember correctly –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – you were my intern while you were in high school? You needed an internship, and you just emailed me and were like – no, that was in –

Amanda: That was college.

Sarah: That was college.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: So you’re, so you emailed me about an internship in college, and then when you graduated and went to grad school, I think that’s when I sent you the job proposal, like, Hey, do you want to work for the site as, like, your job-job? So that started in grad school. So you were, like, still an intern and about to become, you know, the copilot of the Hot Pink Palace.

Amanda: I did not know that was going to happen! Like, I, I needed an internship – [laughs] – for my major, and I thought it would just be like a, you know, a semester and then that was it. I had no clue that it would turn into this. No, no complaints, obviously.

Sarah: And now, I mean, look, you, you, you work for Smart Bitches; you, you write for BookPage; you review for different outlets. Like, you are very enmeshed in the romance community now.

Amanda: Yeah, can’t escape.

Sarah: Sorry!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I mean, it’s been great, but sorry about that part, ’cause that – I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but lately the romance community is really unhinged.

Amanda: Look, I –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: I, I buffered for a second.

Sarah: I just watched all of the thoughts run to the front of your brain and compete as to which one was going to get out first.

Amanda: I, I feel like, have never felt more my age – which is late, late thirties at this point; we’re getting there – than when I’m on, like, Bookthreads or, like, a BookTok or a Bookstagram comes across my feed.

Sarah: Oh my God.

Amanda: I know Sarah talks a lot about, like, you know, romance at the old folks’ home –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – but I, I’m feeling it. I’m feeling the, like, we’re litigating this again? Or – I also told Sarah that I heard that the, you know, Gen Alpha and Gen Z I’ve heard known as the Christopher Columbus generation? Because they think that everything they discover is new, and they’re the first ones to have thought of it?

Sarah: That absolutely destroyed me, and then I told Adam, and he, like, he buffered for, like a full body buffer for like thirty seconds. It was just like, that, yeah, that, that’s a thing.

Amanda: Yeah, and that’s how I feel of, like, oh boy, this conversation again? Or, you know, you’re about a decade too late or whatever.

Sarah: Yep. We used to have, like, we used to have, like, behavior scandals. Like, someone would do something outrageous, or they’d do something outrageous at a conference where lots of people saw and everyone’s talking about it. Like, you know, ask me about J.R. Ward and her bodyguard and her group of friends not letting anyone use the ladies’ room at RWA because she had to block off a ladies’ room just for her own private use while she was there, and – while she, like, when she needed to go; it wasn’t, like, reserved for her full time.

And so we all, like, talked about that! And now the behavioral scandals are people doing weird marketing, people trying to do book events that don’t sell. Yeah, there’s a whole other, there’s, like, a whole new way of being scammy. [Laughs] It’s kind of incredible!

Amanda: Yeah, there’s, like, this new book box, this new book event! There are, you know, like, book spaces, like little Facebook groups or Discords where people are talking shit, and now that’s breaking containment of their Discords, and it’s like – one thing that Sarah and I have talked about, ‘cause you know, we have, like, a, a Slack for Smart Bitches, and we’ve been on that Slack for a long time, and it’s like, okay, what is lurking in the Slack that, you know –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – we talked about a decade ago? But I think we’re both comfortable of, like, there’s nothing in that Slack that I would feel weird about –

Sarah: I would say it out loud.

Amanda: – someone saying on Threads or whatever. [Laughs] But I think –

Sarah: Yeah, we’re very tame! [Laughs] Woohoo!

Amanda: Yeah, but I think if you’re having, like, these conversations in places like Discord where you think it’s a closed community, like –

Sarah: It’s not.

Amanda: – it’s never, it’s never a closed community. Like, you, you’ve got to, like, have a –

Sarah: I mean –

Amanda: – I think if you’re saying shit, like, you’ve got to have, like, a private, offline group chat with, like –

Sarah: [Chants] Save it for the group text! I mean, even that could be screencapped, but your number of people who could have done it is very, very, very small. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It rem- – I mean, look at, Rachel Reid has a Discord, and she makes a comment about how she regrets making, or saying that Shane is autistic, and people just melted down. And I’m like, the – oh boy.

So, so now that everyone’s emotional intelligence is lowered by thirty points – so shall we talk about Historical romance?

Amanda: We, we shall!

Sarah: Because it’s always the first one in the magazine. I don’t know if you know –

Amanda: Always the first one.

Sarah: – but this magazine loves historical romance.

Amanda: [Laughs] Yeah, it sure does.

Sarah: Like, a lot, a lot.

Amanda: Yeah. The books in this entire issue were kind of mid, in my opinion. Like –

Sarah: Oh yeah. This was –

Amanda: – there were some ones that I’m like, Oh wow, like, I remember this book; this was great; but, like, most of the review, like, it took a while to find a two-star review in this one.

Sarah: There were hardly any! This was, this was a very gentle issue for reviewing purposes.

[Laughter]

Amanda: …this was a gentle issue.

Sarah: This one was very gentle. Very, very gentle. Where would you like to start?

Amanda: So I’m starting right at the beginning of the Historical romance reviews on PDF page 32. It is the very first review on that page. It is Firelight by Kristen Callihan. Four and a half stars, Hot –

Sarah: Hot!

Amanda: – a Top Pick, setting is Victorian England.

Sarah: [Gasps]

Amanda: I picked this one because I loved this book. I think I reviewed it for the site. I love this book; I liked the series. In my opinion – I don’t think I ever read the last book in the series? But I will say the first book I think is still my favorite, and my enjoyment of the books and the series sort of, like, went down with each book. Like, the first one was the best for me, and then –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – I liked the second one the next best, and so on and so forth? But I love a blend of historical romance and paranormal romance, or historical –

Sarah: Yeess!

Amanda: – I think it’s historical and paranormal. I think the fantasy can get a little too twee. Paranormal feels a little bit, like, grittier for me as a subgenre?

Sarah: That’s a really good way of describing it, yeah.

Amanda: Yeah! And so I love the series, and Kristen Callihan sort of took a detour and wrote a lot of contemporaries, some sports contemporaries. She had the one set in, like, the music industry. And I just always hope she’ll come back to historical paranormals, because I really love that mashup of genres, and I feel like it’s not really done enough for my liking.

So that was my pick. The review:

>> Like moths to a flame, readers will be drawn to the flickering Firelight and get entangled in the first of the Dark London series. Combining Stephen King’s Carrie with Beauty and the Beast, Callihan crafts a taut tale filled with sexual tension. This is one of the finest debuts of the season.

Hard agree.

Sarah: Of the season!

Amanda: Hard agree!

Sarah: This is the Historical section.

Amanda: I know. The summary:

>> Miranda Ellis’ gift and curse destroyed her family fortune, and she’s forced to marry the mysterious, masked, and disfigured Lord Benjamin Archer.

Sarah: Hm!

Amanda: >> Archer feels passion for his flame-haired bride, but she demands more than he can offer. Miranda begins to have suspicions about his actual age. If her young, virile husband is only in his thirties, why are his friends so much older?

Sarah: [Laughs] That was your first clue, huh? The age of his friends.

Amanda: Yeah! [Laughs]

Sarah: Not the fact that he says things like, you know, forsooth? I’m joking, he doesn’t actually say that. [Laughs]

Amanda: >> When his companions from the West Moon Club are found brutally murdered, Miranda’s search for the truth will draw her into a frightening dark world where her uncanny power may be the only means to save Archer’s soul.

Sarah: That’s intense!

Amanda: It’s good, it’s a good one! I liked it. Pretty tense. Pretty, like, violent, if I remember correctly. Definitely, you know, like, pretty descriptive there? But I liked this series a lot. So I’m glad to see it got a, a four and a half TP as far as ratings go.

Sarah: That’s excellent!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: I locked my husband out of the house. Would you be willing to excuse me for just a moment? I have locked –

Amanda: Of course, yes.

Sarah: Not only did I lock him out, but –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – he went to Costco, and I locked him out.

Amanda: Okay –

Sarah: I’m the worst? I’m going to have to grovel so –

Amanda: He braved Costco.

Sarah: On a Friday! I’m going to have to grovel so hard. Please excuse me; I apologize.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So where were we? Is it my turn?

Amanda: Yes, it is your turn.

Sarah: It is my turn. Okay, so I picked – this review spans two pages, which is slightly annoying, but I picked The Capture of the Earl of Glencrae by Stephanie Laurens, four and a half stars, Hot. Setting is 1829 London and Scotland. And this is, we are still Cynster-ing. This is some Cynsters; we got Cynsters everywhere. So here we go. So the review is:

>> The last in the trilogy is trademark Laurens, featuring a fast-paced romance, a spunky heroine, and a, and a –

Amanda: I hate that. I – [laughs] – hate that adjective.

Sarah: I do not like describing things as spunky, but here’s –

Amanda: No.

Sarah: – here’s the part where I was like, Okay, we need to talk about this. So we have a spunky heroine and a very male hero.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: [Laughs] Very male hero! He’s not just male, he’s very male.

Amanda: What does that mean?

Sarah: I don’t know! [Laughs]

Amanda: He’s got a great big bushy beard.

Sarah: [Laughs] Or he’s got a really, really long wiener. I mean, if you’re measuring maleness by the size of the appendage, maybe. Anyway, so we have a spunky –

Amanda: Oh, you think you’re a man? How long is your wiener? [Laughs] Like –

Sarah: Yes, does it come down to your knee? Then I’m sorry.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> – a spunky heroine and a very male hero who can nevertheless be brought down by one small woman. Cynster fans will cheer as love wins the day.

>> Youngest Cynster sister Angelica is finally given the talisman that helps the family find their true loves. While wearing it for the first time, she meets Viscount Debenham, who promptly kidnaps her, taking her to his home. He begs her to help him save his clan. His mother has stolen a jewel-encrusted goblet in retaliation for his obsession with Angelica’s mother.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So to recap – this is why I picked this one; the, that and the very male hero – the, the hero’s wife, Viscount Debenham’s mom, has stolen a jewel-encrusted goblet to retaliate for the fact that her husband, his father, is obsessed with Angelica’s mother. So going and kidnapping her was the best course of action in this very, very messy setup.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: This is clearly the right choice.

Amanda: I feel like for a historical romance hero, kidnapping as a solution ranks pretty high for things.

Sarah: They really think that’s, like, in the top five, don’t they? Like, it’s absolute- – that and, like, getting revenge on your business enemies by destroying their daughter? That’s really high up there for a lot of them too! They think that’s a real good option.

Amanda: Also, the revenge stuff in particular I don’t fully understand, ‘cause as someone who is a very angry person and a very petty person, I want my revenge to be as direct as possible.

Sarah: Oh yes. Oh yeah. I do not need it to be, like, just fluffy. I, I need to, I need the person to know.

Amanda: Yes, sorry.

Sarah: So to recap the recap, Viscount’s mom is, is mad that her husband is obsessed with the heroine’s mother, and so she stole a goblet, and so the hero kidnapped her because his mom stole a goblet. Anyway.

>> She will not return the goblet unless her son ruins one of Cecilia’s daughters.

So the mother is not going to give this goblet back unless the hero ruins one of the daughters. He already did; he kidnapped her! He’s just doing what his mom said? Anyway.

Amanda: She sounds awful. Also, real, real boy-mom energy, one; don’t like that.

Sarah: Such boy-mom energy, a hundred percent.

Amanda: Two, real mama’s boy energy! Don’t like that!

Sarah: Right? Kidnaps a whole-ass person ‘cause your mom stole a cup? For reals? All right. Like, they’re adults! Let them work it out! This is not your job.

>> Angelica agrees to help Debenham, since she realizes that he is her true love.

Girl?

Amanda: How?

Sarah: Girl? Well, she’s got that talisman!

Amanda: How do you realize that?

Sarah: Maybe you need to ignore the talisman this time, because this family sounds terrible. Do you want to have holidays with these people?

Amanda: No. You’re going to see her post on NO MIL. No mother-in-law.

Sarah: Yeaahh –

Amanda: Like, that’s what’s –

Sarah: – r/JUSTNOMIL. Oh yeah.

Amanda: [Laughs] Just no MIL!

Sarah: You’re not going to believe my mother-in-law and this fucking goblet. Oh my God.

>> Making love only worsens the situation. They are more distracted than before.

Why? Like, are they itchy? [Laughs] Is there a problem here?

Amanda: Well he’s got that lo-, he’s got that long wiener!

[Laughter]

Sarah: You’re so distracted by what to do with it! Like, would you just throw it over your shoulder? I don’t know.

Amanda: He rolls it up like a fruit rollup! [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah! Just sticks it in his pocket, and then, like, it unrolls, and she’s like, Whoa, we have a, we have a, I’m very distracted now!

Amanda: Like a cartoon tongue of a wolf when he sees a hot lady.

Sarah: Brrrrr!

[Laughter]

Sarah: >> As they get closer to locating the goblet, murder and mayhem ensue, bringing danger and her family to their door.

I hope her family shows up and just shoots all of these people. [Laughs] Like, girl –

Amanda: [Laughs something]

Sarah: – you have a bad – you’ve, you’ve got, you’ve got a bad picker. Talisman is clearly broken. Give me back the talisman. We need to take care of these – goblet! She stole a goblet and then is demanding that her son ruin this woman, and she didn’t do anything! Her husband’s just obsessed with her. This is real, this is real girl-on-girl violence here. 

Amanda: Like, have a conversation with your husband, lady. Like –

Sarah: Right? This is his fault! I don’t get it.

Shall we move on into Inspirational? Which is in second place! Has Inspirational always been in second place? I thought it was –

Amanda: I don’t know!

Sarah: – later in the magazine as other, in other issues, but it’s right up front here!

Amanda: I have no clue, ‘cause sometimes I feel like it’s right after Historical because there’s a lot of overlap, because –

Sarah: That’s true.

Amanda: – a lot of the inspirationals wind up being historical?

Sarah: Being historical. Yeah, that’s true; you make a good point there. So –

Amanda: So I don’t know.

Sarah: – what did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked, it’s, this is another, like, review goes to the next page? So it’s 46 to then 48 –

Sarah: Yeah, my review did that –

Amanda: – because there’s a big ad.

Sarah: – the same thing. Yeah.

Amanda: But if you look at PDF page 49 as well, there’s the cover for it, and we got a hat watch. So.

Sarah: That’s a gorgeous hat! And also, would you just –

Amanda: That’s a good hat.

Sarah: – would you just look at her skin? What’s her skincare routine like?

Amanda: I mean, the whole outfit’s –

Sarah: She is just –

Amanda: – gorgeous. Like, the corset looks, like, velvety? Like, the outfit is great.

Sarah: Ah! Ruffles?

Amanda: The hat is great.

Sarah: Oh, everything about this is good. And if you look, her sleeves are super ruffly, but they’re lined, and there’s different fabrics inside, so when she holds up her arm there’s this gorgeous striped fabric that’s showing, and oh, I, I would wear the hell out of that dress! Ooh!

Amanda: Yes. Unfortunately, it sounds like the man is garbage. So, you know.

Sarah: Oh, I hate that! Dagnabbit! Well, let’s hear it.

Amanda: [Laughs] So the book is Words Spoken True, which is a historical by Ann H. Gabhart, four stars.

Sarah: What an interesting title! Words Spoken True?

Amanda: It’ll make a little bit of sense with the description.

Sarah: A little bit of sense? Okay, cool.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I’m ready.

Amanda: >> Gabhart’s ability to transport readers into the world of newspaper writing in the 1850s is amazing!

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: >> Her latest conveys the power of the written word, family secrets, and the knowledge that the choices we want to make are not always the ones that happen in the end.

So it’s about, like, you know, newspaper writing.

>> Adrian Darcy could not remember a time when she was not in her father’s newspaper office, the Tribune. It seems she was born with ink stains on her fingers. Blake –

Sarah: Aw, girl!

Amanda: I know, isn’t that sweet?

>> Blake Garrett works for the town’s other paper, the Herald, and believes that women don’t belong in this world of hard-edge writing.

[Laughs]

>> Adrian is attracted to Blake, but she knows he is the enemy and she’s engaged to someone who will save the paper. When women of the night are being murdered, Adrian and Blake will need to work together to solve the crimes.

Why? They’re not – you’re newspaper writers.

>> Will they be able to put their differences aside to keep the city safe?

So, somewhat interesting, I’m like, newspaper writing, 1850s, like, she’s invested in the, the family business. But the fact that the main hero believes that women don’t belong in the world of hard-edge writing – whatever that means – I’m like, this guy seems like an asshole. Like, is it going to be at the end where, like, she gives up her newspaper and they join newspapers, and he runs it and she, like, retires to be a homemaker? Like, that would piss me off.

Sarah: I still wish that there was a website that would just randomly spoil the ends of different books so I could just be like, how does this end? Like, I know they end up together; what’s the circumstances? There’s a lot of crap-ass men in this issue.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Some of these heroes in some of these books are just crap. They’re just crappy.

Amanda: Yeah, the fact that it’s an inspirational, you know, gives me pause of sort of like –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – what, how the conflict will resolve.

Sarah: And it’s interesting, because a lot of the time historical inspirationals were doing really interesting things in terms of women having cool jobs. Like, there was a –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – lot of women having cool jobs in the inspirational historicals.

So I picked, on page 51, this is a mainstream inspirational as opposed to historical, Not in the Heart by Chris Fabry, and every time I read the title, I’m like, Oh! Not in the heart! No! Like someone’s, someone’s trying to avoid being killed. This is three stars!

>> Another engaging novel from Fabry – Fabry – complete with an intriguing storyline and a bit of mystery. Truman is not a very sympathetic protagonist, and the reader doesn’t have much opportunity to warm up to him unless, until almost the end of the book, but the redemptive themes will appeal to readers.

Speaking of crappy-ass men:

>> Truman Wiley has been an absent husband and father for a long time. His job as a reporter carried him around the world, but his penchant for gambling has pulled him away even further.

So this is a contemporary, by the way.

>> His son Aiden desperately needs a heart transplant.

Not in the heart!

>> A man on death row, who claims to be innocent –

Yikes!

>> – wants to donate his heart to Aiden. In exchange, he wants Truman to write his story.

Oy!

>> As he listens to the man –

We don’t need his name; it’s un-, it’s irrelevant.

>> – he uncovers things that someone may want kept quiet. Can he balance his son’s need for a new heart with the truth that seems to be coming to light?

Amanda: So, like, if he – my guess is like, he listens to this guy’s story, realizes that no, he’s right, he is innocent, but if he –

Sarah: He is innocent.

Amanda: – if he helps prove his innocence, that means his son doesn’t get the heart transplant.

Sarah: Right. So if he proves this man is innocent, then his son could die.

Amanda: My guess – this is, this is my guess how it ends: the man’s innocence is proven, and all he wants to do is die an innocent man, so he still dies, knowing –

Sarah: Mm.

Amanda: – that the general public now believes he’s innocent, and then he can give his heart to the kid. I think the man will still die at the end.

Sarah: You’re probably right about that, because you’re going to have to save the son. I mean, it’s an inspirational; that’s kind of the whole point is –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – you know, keeping the son alive, whether it’s Jesus or somebody else’s kid named Aiden.

Amanda: Yeah. Tangentially related to, like, Oh, I’ll give you the heart if you, like, tell my story: one of my favorite little pieces of fun facts about the Boston area is when I first moved here we did, like, a spooky Halloween tour?

Sarah: That’s so cool! I’m sure it wasn’t spooky in the least. It was totally normal.

Amanda: It was pretty morbid. Like, we went to –

Sarah: There’s a lot of old shit, yeah!

Amanda: Well, like, not even old-old. Like, we went to the street where, like, an apartment was where, like, the Boston Strangler killed one of his victims. Like, one of –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: It was like that. Yeah. Did not –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: I thought it was to be, like, mostly ghost stories. It was not. But we learned that the Boston Athenaeum has one of the, one of the few books that is bound in human skin.

Sarah: I saw a documentary about this! Why was I watching a documentary about books bound in skin I don’t know, but I have seen this!

Amanda: But it is bound in the author’s skin. And the stor- –

Sarah: [Shrieks]

Amanda: – the story is, is that he was in jail. He was jailed and could not afford to publish his writings, so he, like, in his will, he was like, Okay, when I die, please use my skin as the binding as a way of, like, getting his stories, like, bound. So –

Sarah: Whoa. That’s in- –

Amanda: – that’s what they did! So – [laughs] –

Sarah: That’s pretty intense.

Amanda: – the book is bound with the author’s skin.

Sarah: Would you like to know what the proper term for binding books in human skin is?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Anthropodermic bibliopegy.

Amanda: That’s too much for me.

Sarah: Yep. I mean, I love what I’ve written, and I love my books, but I don’t think I’m, like, donating my epidermis to them. They can exist on their own. They don’t need my epidermis; I’m using it right now.

Amanda: Yeah. [Laughs] It’s –

Sarah: So –

Amanda: – claimed!

Sarah: – before we get into the books that we picked for Mainstream Fiction, I wanted to ask you, have you seen the movie High Fidelity?

Amanda: I, yes, I have. It’s been a long time.

Sarah: So the reason I’m asking is because one of the Top Picks is a book called Spin by Catherine McKenzie, and I cannot understand this first line.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: >> If Bridget Jones’s Diary and High Fidelity had a literary baby, the result would be this book.

What does that mean?

Amanda: Good question.

Sarah: Does that make sense to you? Like, that doesn’t make any sense to me!

>> A funny heroine –

Amanda: See, like, that –

Sarah: >> – and plentiful music references make this book a standout.

Amanda: I think because, when did High Fidelity come out? The movie, ‘cause I know the book was around for a little bit. High Fidelity came out in 2000. So I feel like already –

Sarah: So it’s like twelve years old at this point, yeah.

Amanda: – that reference is pretty dated.

Sarah: Yeah, it’s already pretty old! I, I just thought it was such a strange reference to describe a book.

Amanda: ‘Cause the book, the Nick Hornby book came out in 1995, so that’s even earlier. Yeah, I would agree that’s a weird reference to make in general, let alone combining the two.

Sarah: I’m going to – okay, you need to see, you need to see the cover for this book?

Amanda: ‘Kay.

Sarah: It’s, like, super disturb- – yeah, it’s disturbing, right? It’s, it’s a picture from the side of a woman who is on her knees, and her shoulders are right on top of her knees. She is face down on the bed, and then her head is like at a ninety-degree angle to her shoulders ‘cause she’s pressing her head and her shoulders into the bed. And I’m like, My neck hurts just looking at this.

Amanda: So this reminds me of a photo that I took of my brother –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – when he first started, like, getting into drinking, and he would go crazy for some Arbor Mist. That boy –

Sarah: Arbor Mist?

Amanda: – that boy loved a bottle of Arbor Mist.

Sarah: Oh my God, that’s…[laughs]

Amanda: [Laughs] And I have a photo of him passed out in bed in this position, like –

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: – face down, ass up. Just conked out –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – after some – [laughs] – Arbor Mist. That’s what it reminds me of.

Sarah: Oh man. So you know –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – I’m just going to, I’m just going to change my pick to this book, because I remain fascinated. I’ll just read the summary –

Amanda: Sure.

Sarah: – and the review. So as we’ve, as we’ve established, this is Bridget Jones’s Diary and High Fidelity had a literary baby.

>> A funny heroine and plentiful music references –

Is that what it is?

>> – make this book a standout. McKenzie’s tale of girls gone wild and gone to rehab is ripped straight from the latest tabloid headlines and will keep readers intrigued to the very last page.

First of all, there is very little in the way of review. They said that the honey – the, the honey – the heroine is funny and that the story is ripped from the headlines, but, like, there’s no statement of, like, quality except for it’s four and a half stars Top Pick. I guess you have to go figure out why.

>> When Kate Sanford screws up the job opportunity of a lifetime by showing up to the interview still drunk after a night of partying, she thinks all is lost. Then a gossip magazine offers Kate an undercover assignment: enter rehab to spy on a popular actress. If Kate gets the dirt, she’ll get the job she wanted at the music magazine. Kate becomes friends with the actress that she is supposed to betray and begins to realize that maybe she really needed to be in rehab herself. Can Kate keep her new friend and get the job?

This sounds so fucked up on several levels, but I still don’t understand how this is Bridget Jones’s Diary and High Fidelity. Like, there’s no rehab in those books; there’s just drinking! It, it, it – okay. All right! Sure.

Amanda: There’s, there’s just drinking!

Sarah: It’s just drinking! And, and counting your cigarettes. The, the book has a 3.76 on Goodreads –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – which, now that we’ve started doing this during the show, it’s like my favorite thing to do. The, the largest number of reviews is four stars, followed by three stars. And the three stars are sort of like, Well, I like this author, but this one wasn’t really very complex. It’s more like chick lit, it’s very superficial, and the ending is apparently a huge eye-roll.

I am just still stuck on how this is Bridget Jones and High Fidelity. Like, I, it’s about music and she drinks. Like, how – ‘cause, I mean, Bridget Jones’s Diary is a Pride and Prejudice retelling, and High Fidelity is a comedy. Like, what’s the – okay. I’m probably thinking ten times more about this comparison than the person who wrote the comparison. Because they probably had a deadline and were like, This is what it is! Moving on.

[Laughter]

Sarah: We’re done now!

Amanda: Enough about this book. [Laughs]

Sarah: Enough, and it’s fine!

So what did you pick? [Gasps] Oooh! You picked a good one!

Amanda: Yeah, so I picked a two-star. It’s on page 55 of the PDF. The book is called The Darlings by Cristina, Cristina Alger. Two stars. Now, we’ve talked before about how sometimes a two-star or even a one-star review is still pretty nice and doesn’t really – [laughs]

Sarah: They’re very gentle. They’re very, very gentle.

Amanda: Yes. I feel like this is not that.

[Laughter]

Amanda: This is –

Sarah: No!

Amanda: – not gentle.

Sarah: No.

Amanda: [Laughs]

>> Alger’s background in financials and law really shows in this debut novel, in a bad way. The Darlings is swimming with too many characters and doesn’t really settle on a protagonist until three-quarters of the way through. Far too many pages devoted to financial and business talk make this a bland, dry read.

Big oof.

Sarah: Ouch!

Amanda: Big oof!

Sarah: Ooh! So that’s a review. That had, that – why didn’t you, like, the, what you want a review to do – if I could get meta for a second –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – what you want a review to do is, is answer the question that someone who hasn’t read the book would ask, which is, What did you think? Why do you think that? So, Did you like it? How come, or How come you didn’t? I know why this reader didn’t like this book. Like, that says a lot. Whereas compared to the other reviews in Historical, it’s like, I have no idea whether you liked it or not; you’re just telling me things about it. That’s –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – woof! So when they go in, they go in.

Amanda: The summary:

>> In the middle of the worst financial meltdown since the Great Depression, the Darlings exist in a bubble of Hamptons millionaires and Upper East Side socialites. But when patriarch –

Sarah: Oof.

Amanda: >> – Carter Darling’s business partner commits suicide, it thrusts Carter’s investment firm into the spotlight and brings to light the biggest Ponzi scheme this side of Madoff.

I know, right? Crazy.

>> Carter’s family is caught in the middle, especially his son-in-law Paul, who’s being targeted by the SEC to expose Carter.

So I feel like –

Sarah: Ruh-roh!

Amanda: – this, this is pretty fresh off of the giant recession and financial collapse.

Sarah: Yep. And that was not too far after – I was actually, I put this in the intro of the, of an episode, but you were asking when did the YA apocalypse lit explosion happen, and, and, and why? Part of it was Hunger Games and Divergent, but part of it was also the 2009 global economic collapse, because, as you know, my point being that New Adult and Chick Lit are the same genre in reverse economies? The YA apocalypse was Oh my God, the world has just ended, and for a lot of people who were about to graduate college, the world did just end.

And then Clay made a truly interesting point in the Discord. Basically, Clay pointed out that with romantasy, you can draw a line between the YA apocalypse and the romantasy, because in a lot of the romantasies, the book starts with the world already broken. It is already broken and violent, and they have to figure out a way through it or a way to repair it, but they are starting with some kind of, if not apocalypse, really shitty situation. And, and that just – Clay is so right!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: That totally blew my mind.

Amanda: And the romantasy heroine and YA dystopian heroine are very similar in that –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – they are the one special thing to fix this problem. They hold –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – the key to whatever it is.

Sarah: And it’s so interesting, because if you know how things change, you actually need community, and you don’t need a top-down system. You need a collaborative, collective effort to really enact change, because nothing is scarier to people in power than a whole group of people saying, I don’t like you, and we’re going to make you stop. Whereas if you keep saying, No, it has to be that one special person, that one person who’s going to fix everything, well, then you get people, like a lot of white people, entering movements as if, Well, I’m here to save everyone. I’m the saving one. I’m here to save everyone. What do you mean I can’t save everyone just by myself? It, it undermines the idea that actual change comes from collaborative community. No, the special one is the one to do it. And if you’re not the one to, if you’re not the special one, well then, you know, you can just ignore it, ‘cause you’re not the special one.

Isn’t it wild though how, how romantasy and apocalypse, YA apocalypse had a lot in common that I hadn’t thought of until Clay said that?

Amanda: I’m also curious, too, especially when you have, like, ACOTAR graduating from, like, YA to New Adult to adult –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – if it’s also sort of like a continuation of these YA dystopian readers have graduated out of YA, and now –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – like, their camp is, like, adult romances –

Sarah: Rrromantasy!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah! Amazing, right? There’s like four trends, and we just keep cycling. [Laughs]

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: It’s like the rest is done with mirrors. It’s just four main trends, y’all. Either the economy is good or the economy is bad. That’s what, that’s what we’re doing here.

[Laughter]

Sarah: So in Sci-Fi and Fantasy, we both picked books on the same page! What did you pick?

Amanda: We did! So I picked Article 5, which is another two-star, and this is a YA sci-fi. And there’s this review and then the review I picked in Teen Scene that I feel are indicative of reviews of We just need to let teens be teens.

Sarah: Oh God, yes.

Amanda: Let teen fiction be for teens, right? Like, I get adults read –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – YA, but the primary audience is for young adults and teens. Teens are messy.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: You know, the worldbuilding, in my opinion, I can be more forgiving with worldbuilding if it’s a YA versus an adult sci-fi, right?

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: And I think this review and the review I picked for Teen Scene are very indicative of adult readers sort of ascribing what they expect from an adult book onto a genre for teens and young adults.

Sarah: I’m holding my lighter.

Amanda: [Laughs] So the review is, so Article 5, Kristen Simmons, two stars.

>> A largely inoffensive but generic offering, from the never concretely defined global war to the theocratic autocracy ruling America.

This is a YA book, so you need to simmer it down –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – James Davis Nicoll, who wrote this review? Like, I feel like you’re taking this way too seriously.

>> When drawing on such well-established, thoroughly explored tropes, it is important to offer an original or at least enticing angle, which unfortunately Simmons fails to do.

I know I might be being a little persnickety, but this reads to me as, like, a man being like, I know more than you? And you’re doing it wrong.

Sarah: I don’t get it –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – but because I don’t get it and I am a man –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – then you’re wrong. If, if I don’t get it, then you’re wrong.

Amanda: And so the summary:

>> A calamitous war has depopulated the United States, leaving it in the hands of President Scarborough’s religious fanatics. Nonconform- –

Sarah: No shit.

Amanda: [Laughs] I know, right?

Sarah: Oh fuck!

Amanda: Hits a little too close to home.

Sarah: Mr. Nicoll, I need you to know that the theocratic autocracy is very concretely defined. We are all aware of it –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – right now. Oh boy.

[Laughter]

Amanda: >> Nonconformist teen Ember Miller is separated from her mother and consigned by the Moral Militia to a rehab center –

Sarah: Oh God.

Amanda: >> – to be reshaped into something more useful to America’s theocratic masters. Escape appears in the unlikely form of her surly yet irresistible childhood chum, Chase, a Moral Militia soldier who was last seen by Ember arresting her mother. Ember and her pal soon are pursued across America in a desperate race to find safety before the Moral Militia locates the fleeing teens.

This is a YA and, like –

Sarah: Uh, that sounds –

Amanda: I don’t know! I don’t think it sounds that bad.

Sarah: Well, I mean, part of my Oh yikes is the fact that apparently Kristen Simmons, the author, is something of a Goddamn psychic, because geeze Louise! A lot of that is happening right now. But –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – it has a 3.76 star –

Amanda: That’s pretty average!

Sarah: – average. Okay. This is the cover copy, the first two lines of the cover copy:

>> New York, Los Angeles, and Washington, DC, have been abandoned. The Bill of Rights has been revoked and replaced with the Moral Statutes.

Okay, I can’t read this because it’s, like, way too close to home –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – but this does not sound inconcretely defined, and it does not als-, it also does not sound generic. Like, geeze!

Amanda: And, like –

Sarah: This sounds like a lot of complex worldbuilding.

Amanda: – possibly, to this reviewer, the author didn’t fully explain how this world came about or, like, why this happened, but, like, this is a book –

Sarah: It’s YA!

Amanda: – for teens! Like, it, this is YA.

Sarah: Yeah! And if it’s about teens in that world, they’re not going to necessarily care that, about the, you know, the intricacies and the reasons why it is this way. It is this way, and it sucks!

Amanda: Yeah, and I feel like a lot of YA – not YA, sorry – a lot of fantasy and sci-fi too? Some of it really just operates of, I’m throwing you into this world, and you just sort of have to go along with the rules that I’ve established, right?

Sarah: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Amanda: And if you’re the kind of reader that can’t do that, and it’s like, I need to know in a way that makes sense to me how we got here, instead of accepting how we got here –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – then, yeah, sure. But, like, I am a person who, I don’t want to read fifty pages of, like –

Sarah: Of exposition and worldbuilding.

Amanda: And, yeah! I don’t want to do that. Anyway, I think this guy was a little too harsh on – [laughs] – a YA sci-fi novel, to be honest. And why this isn’t in Teen Scene, I have no idea.

Sarah: I don’t know the answer to that either. Why don’t you go to your Teen Scene review, since they’re thematically paired?

Amanda: So, the Teen Scene – I think we actually reviewed this one on the site as well? It’s on page 64 of the PDF, The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight by Jennifer E. Smith. I think Carrie reviewed it. And this is two stars.

>> YA fans may find, as this reviewer did, Smith’s justification of Oliver’s half truths and evasiveness unacceptable. Smith has created a female character who thinks it is okay to be deceived and not fully respected by her boyfriend, a poor role model for young girls.

Look –

Sarah: Ohhh, fuck!

Amanda: Whomst among us has not been disrespected by a teen boyfriend that we’ve had – [laughs] – okay? And think –

Sarah: What teen boys do you know are like, Yes, that’s the role model I want for all of the girls? They’re teenagers! They’re still figuring shit out!

Amanda: Yeah, and –

Sarah: Oh boy.

Amanda: – that’s part of being a teen is, like, figuring out what a relationship looks like and also, you know, looking back on those experiences and being like, Yikes! Why did I accept that behavior? Anyway. I also think this feeds into our current sort of issue right now with reading as everything on the page has to be morally acceptable by me?

Sarah: Yes! Oh, that’s such a good point.

Amanda: Yeah. So. I mean, the summary is like whatever.

>> Dreading her father’s remarriage, Hadley’s being forced to fly to London for the wedding. She’ll meet “that British woman” and see her dad for the first time in over a year. Angry –

Sarah: Yikes! That’s so sucky!

Amanda: I know.

Sarah: Her dad sucks. Another shitty man for the pile in this episode.

Amanda: Oh, I wonder why, you know, maybe, she’s dating someone who could be shitty when her dad is shitty?

Sarah: Speaking of terrible role models, yeah!

Amanda: [Laughs]

>> Angry and hurt that he left her behind, Hadley is mutinous and late. She misses her flight by four minutes and has to wait for the next plane in three hours. Instead of arriving well before the wedding, she’ll barely get there on time. But then she meets Oliver. She asks him to watch her suitcase, they get dinner, and end up sitting next to each other on the plane. After seven hours pressed together on, in a crowded plane, there is something between them. That carries Hadley through the wedding, until she realizes exactly why Oliver was coming to London too. In twenty-four hours, Hadley and Oliver will change each other’s lives, all because of a plane that left exactly on time.

Like, it’s a b-, it’s a teen novel!

Sarah: This was adapted by Netflix. This was adapted by Netflix! It sounds perfect for that. The whole idea of, like, being a terrible role model? Why are you looking to YA characters to be role models? YA lit is about exploring how messy it is to be a young adult. Like, you don’t even have a fully formed prefrontal cortex, you have terrible impulse control, you’re not fully educated on how to be an adult, but you’ve got a lot of adult problems! Like, that’s a s time of – like, why would you be like, And, and you have to be a role model? Like – let people be messy?

Amanda: Yeah. Let, let teens be teens. They’re still children, okay? They’re still kids –

Sarah: Mm – oh, I know! Oh yes.

Amanda: – figuring shit out, okay? Like –

Sarah: Oh yeah!

Amanda: – I was a nightmare as a teen girl –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – like a moody nightmare. And, like, you know, fine. I know we’ve had – I know you’ve experienced, like, reviewing sometimes if someone reviews a YA, and it’s like they talk about how immature the characters are? It’s like, but the character’s like seventeen. Like, what do you –

Sarah: Yeah, like, you are mad at them for not being an adult? And a lot of teens deal with adults being mad at them that they’re not adults.

Amanda: For not being adults.

Sarah: Doesn’t help. Yeah. And let me tell you, my, my kids are both legal adults, which limits what I can do for them, but they are still figuring it out and they still need help. I joke all the time: you move into a consultant position, and you are going to earn your consultant’s fee the first year or two. Like, you use a lot of consulting, but they’re, they’re still figuring it out! I didn’t know jack; I still don’t know jack!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I agree with you: let, let teens be teens. And that, that review –

Amanda: Let teens be teens.

Sarah: – that review for Article 5 is way harsh, Tai. Way harsh.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So for my sci-fi, I also picked another two-star. This was City of the Lost, a fantasy by Stephen Blackmoore.

>> This quick read is a brash, gory zombie tale filled with just about every magical being imaginable. There are zombies, witches, vampires, demons, and even a Nazi wizard! The resulting stew is long on quirkiness and short on both character development and plotting. Readers looking for something lightweight might enjoy this, but those looking for more substance should look elsewhere.

‘Kay.

Amanda: Nazi wizards! [Laughs] That’s so… Excuse me?

Sarah: Nazi wizards! Along with zombies, witches, vampires, and demons, and a Nazi wizard.

>> Joe Sunday is an enforcer for hire who gets more than he bargained for when his boss sends him to kill a business rival and retrieve a stone.

‘Kay.

>> It’s a routine job for someone like him, but his boss left out a few details, including the one about how hard it is to kill someone who’s already seven hundred years old. In the ensuing fight, Sunday is killed and then brought back to life, but his killer is gone, and so is the stone. He stern, he soon learns that this mysterious stone has the power to grant immortality, something a zombie could certainly use. Unfortunately, he’s not the only one hoping to live forever.

So he’s a zombie now? Like –

Amanda: I guess so?

Sarah: – talk about burying the lede. He’s a zombie? Like –

Amanda: He’s a zombie! Surprise!

Sarah: – that’s kind of import-, it’s kind of important information, don’t you think?

And then the YA that I picked is Every Other Day by Jennifer Lynn Barnes, four and a half stars, Top Pick. You probably recognize Jennifer Lynn Barnes from The Inheritance Games. She’s been writing for a long time, and she’s very talented.

>> Readers will devour this fantastic new series starter. Loner heroine Kali is smart, relatable, and quippy, while the supporting characters give the story a Breakfast Club feel, rare for a paranormal read. With her signature style, Barnes brings her characters to life in stunning detail. All in all, this is not your usual paranormal fare. The only question is, when will the next book be out?

>> In a world where the paranormal is normal. Kali is after something different. Every other day, she’s a normal teenage girl, but on alternate days, she’s a demon hunter with primal instincts and incredible healing powers. When Kali sees the mark of a soul-sucking chupacabra on her classmate Bethany, Kali knows that if she can lure the succubus into her body, she may survive what Bethany can’t. This selfless act plunges Kali, Bethany, and the class slut Skylar into the center of a conspiracy.

I just have to say I really don’t think that the publisher was the one to be like, “and the class slut.” The class – can you –

Amanda: You know – [laughs] – the class slut.

Sarah: You know, the class slut! Oh, her, yeah! Like, the class slut?! I’m actually –

Amanda: I’m going to look and see – yeah. [Laughs]

Sarah: I’m actually googling Every Other Day, Jennifer Barnes, and then in, in quotes, “the class slut.”

Amanda: I don’t see it in, on the Goodreads, like, book copy.

Sarah: No, I don’t see it either.

Amanda: Imagine forgetting, like, what day it is. Like, Oh, is this my normie day, or is this my –

Sarah: Imagine being –

Amanda: – demon-hunting day?

Sarah: – Skylar, the class slut! Like, what –

Amanda: [Laughs] They’re like, Ugh! Excuse me!

Sarah: Is she a slut today or no? Oh my God, can you believe that? Was that necessary? Did you really need –

Amanda: But also, like –

Sarah: – the part about her being a class slut?

Amanda: – aren’t chupacabras like, chupacabras don’t they just, like, suck on blood? I mean, I know they’re, like, a cryptid, but they, like, they suck on the blood of goats. Isn’t that what they do?

Sarah: Yeah! It’s the goat sucker, isn’t it? Yeah, goats and sheep.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: I don’t know. Well, maybe Bethany’s a sheep! I don’t know. Maybe this is like a prequel to that movie –

Amanda: Yeah, one day she’s a normie girl, the other day –

Sarah: And every other day –

Amanda: – the next day she’s…

Sarah: – she’s a sheep, right? Yes –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – we’ve cracked it. Good job, us.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Romantic suspense has a little bit more in it this month than in previous months, or in other months –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – that we’ve covered. This is like ten books, which is a lot. Sometimes it’s like four?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: What did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked, on page 69, Dream Shadows –

Sarah: Nice.

Amanda: – by Ingrid Weaver. This was a weird – the description is bonkers to me. It’s three stars, Hot. The review is whatever; it’s fine.

>> Weaver smoothly takes her characters from time period to time period in this interesting suspense novel. The narrative is repetitive, but it does move, just at a slightly slower pace.

Whatever. The summary –

Sarah: That doesn’t even say anything! Okay, sure.

Amanda: [Laughs] The summary:

>> While trapped in a coma, Elizabeth hears the music of country musician Rick Denning and meets him in her dreams, which span different eras. Rick is determined to find Elizabeth, the woman in his dreams, but he doesn’t know there is someone who is just as determined to see her dead.

That’s it! [Laughs] That’s it! The suspense sort of, like, element doesn’t get dropped off until the very last like five words of the summary.

Sarah: Wooow!

Amanda: I forgot it was suspense, like, when I was reading about how she is in a coma.

Sarah: Well, I mean, if she’s tr-, going from place to place in her dreams in different eras, this could also be paranormal, except – well, no, paranormal has mystery and people wanting other people dead. Often they kill them on the page! So, interesting! Okay!

Amanda: But, like, does she imagine this country music star, and they’re both in the ‘60s, and now they’re both in the 1700s? Like, what do they mean by different eras?

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: This is –

Sarah: And why is it a –

Amanda: – just such a bizarro setup to me.

Sarah: Amanda, I can’t prove this – 

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – but the fact that it’s a country musician makes me think that maybe this was fanfic? Because why would they need to be a country musician? They could just be like Joe Schmoe, like some rando. It’s like people who are always reincarnated versions of famous people?

Amanda: Hmm.

Sarah: Like, it could have just been, I meet this guy Bob, and we’re always in the same place, but I’m just dreaming. But it’s a country music star? I wonder if you read it and you’re like, Oh, that’s Garth Brooks. Yeah. [Laughs]

Amanda: Oh, Garth. I do, I do love a Garth Brooks.

Sarah: Garth Brooks was the whole universe when I was in college.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like –

Amanda: I loved Garth Brooks, “The Thunder Rolls”? Ugh. So good!

Sarah: So good. “Callin’ Baton Rouge” is one of my favorite songs.

Amanda: I might have told this story before, but when I was like nine or ten, my parents got me a little karaoke machine?

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: And it would hook up to the TV, and you would play the songs on, like, a little DVD or whatever. And the one song that I vividly remember performing by myself alone in my childhood bedroom – one, the, like, lineup of songs was bizarre to begin with – but the one that I vividly – [laughs] – vividly remember is “Friends in Low Places”?

Sarah: Ohhh, that’s such a karaoke song, and I would love to hear baby Amanda singing it.

Amanda: Yeah, like nine-, ten-year-old Amanda just, you know, with her little micro- –

Sarah: [Sings] I’ve got friends –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – in low places.

Amanda: Yeah! By myself – [laughs] – alone in my room.

Sarah: I just need you to know that I will pay money to hear you do that on karaoke anytime at any age. That’s fucking hilarious.

Amanda: I – what a, I, I do a lot of Elton John when I go to karaoke.

Sarah: What’s your go-to karaoke?

Amanda: “Tiny Dancer.”

Sarah: Ohhh, that’s a, that’s a good long one, too. That’ll keep you on stage for a good four minutes.

Amanda: Yeah, “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John.

Sarah: That’s a good one.

Amanda: The music video was crazy and weird. But the, like…

Sarah: Silver naked child, right? Is that the one with silver naked child?

Amanda: I think so?

Sarah: Yes. I have a friend who does that, and all he’s does is he just substitutes the lyrics so that the whole song is about the silver naked child in the karaoke music video. If you’ve never been to karaoke, folks, sometimes the videos they show on the screen are not music videos ‘cause they don’t have the license for that? So you get, like, some random collection of video images that are very strange.

Amanda: Yeah, the one that we would go to is in Chinatown, and you get, like, your own little room. But –

Sarah: Oh, I love those!

Amanda: Yeah, that’s my preference. But when you’re searching for the music –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – we could not figure out how to get the search results to be in English.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: So we would type in English, and then the search –

Sarah: [Still laughing] Oh no.

Amanda: – would populate. And the – you just have to hope what you clicked on is
the song that you searched for. Most of the time –

Sarah: It’s the right thing, yeah.

Amanda: – it was, but it’s always a real wild card. And then, like, no one was singing and my friend put on “Despacito,” and we’re like, Christy, you’re the only one who knows Spanish here, so I don’t know why you put this on –

Sarah: [Hums]

Amanda: – ‘cause you’re the only one who can –

Sarah: – Despacito – [hums more]

Amanda: – do it.

Sarah: [Still humming]

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: [Sings] A burrito! Yeah. Well, I remember reading that Justin Bieber was mostly recording it phonetically, and when he tries to do it in concert, he just ends up making up words like burrito, quesadilla. It’s, like, super offensive. [Laughs] So he doesn’t know the words either.

Amanda: Of course. Of course!

Sarah: My go-to karaoke is usually “I Want it That Way” by the Backstreet Boys?

Amanda: That’s a good one.

Sarah: Because I want everyone to sing along. Like, I don’t want it to be just me?

Amanda: Backstreet Boys at the Sphere was one big sing-along. It was so good.

Sarah: I cannot imagine how good it was. I’ve –

Amanda: It was great.

Sarah: – I have seen so many people’s clips where they, like, just sort of leap out of the floor, and I’m like, I don’t even want to travel that far and I could, I’m thinking I could totally go see that show. That looks really cool.

Amanda: It was very good.

Sarah: That is cool.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Well, I picked Before She Dies by Mary Burton. And if you have never read Mary Burton, she has a very long backlist of romantic suspense, and she’s pretty good at romantic suspense, too. Like, it’s not my genre, but I’ve read a couple of her books ‘cause I’ve met her a couple times? She’s very, very good.

>> Burton delivers another page-turner that will keep readers up well past midnight. Strong, relatable characters like Charlotte don’t come around very often, and now she has a story all her own. Her mystery will keep readers guessing until the end with its even pacing and suspenseful plot.

What an absolute dry cracker of a review.

Amanda: Yeah, a saltine for sure.

Sarah: St-, strong relatable characters, page-turner, even pacing, suspenseful plot. Next thing they’re going to tell me that the characters were well fleshed out and the story rang true; like, just line up some more clichés. This was four stars, Hot, by the way, if I didn’t say that earlier.

>> A serial killer has appointed himself judge, jury, and executioner of the witches who tempt and corrupt with their evil. He holds them underwater to purify them of their sins and stakes them to the ground, marking them so all will know what they were. Charlotte Wellington seems like an ice-cold, composed, professional defense attorney, but she has a past no one would even suspect. As the killer takes victim after victim, Charlotte’s former life is exposed, putting her in mortal danger.

So witches is in quotes, so I don’t think these are actual witches; I think this is more of like an incel, no one will fuck me, so I must kill people.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But what do you think her former life is?

Amanda: I wonder, like – well, one, if he’s going after, like, women who he finds tempting or have tempted him, I wonder if she has, like, a background in maybe, like, sex work? That would be interesting. Or, you know, sometimes we see, like, I was like the original final girl; like, I escaped him before –

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: – and now he’s back sort of thing? So – but they said, like, former life.

Sarah: Okay, well, it’s in the cover copy.

Amanda: Okay, what is it?

Sarah: It’s in the cover copy. Are you ready?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: >> No one knows about defense attorney Charlotte Wellington’s murdered sister. Or – [clears throat] – or about her childhood spent with the carnival that’s just arrived in town.

She was a carnie! [Laughs]

Amanda: Wow. Not where I thought that was going.

Sarah: Was not expecting carnie. However, I would like people to know that this has more than five thousand ratings and it is a 4.09! She’s a carnie, Amanda; that’s the secret. She was in, she worked at the carnival. She was a carnie.

Amanda: Where does it take place? In Florida? Florida has, gets a lot of carnies.

Sarah: Is that just like Carnie Central?

Amanda: Maybe? But, like, Florida has a lot of laws that were put into place because of the large, like, carnie contingency? Like, I know there’s a law where you can’t do tarot readings unless you have some kind of permit or license? And that was most- –

Sarah: Oh damn!

Amanda: – that that was mostly because of, like, the carnie community.

Sarah: So they were just protecting their business interests so no one could compete with them. Interesting! I wonder what the carnie lobby is like. Like, if you’re the lobbyist for the carnival-owning comp-, community, like, what’s your job like as a lobbyist? Is it different from other lobbyists?

Amanda: I don’t know! Yeah, apparently there’s specific fortune-telling permits that some cities and counties in Florida have.

Sarah: Interesting!

Well, Amanda and I both passed on Contemporary because it was all very boring. And it’s funny because a lot of these titles could be published today? Except for the fact that they don’t have enough trope words, these are all very, like, meh…

Amanda: Cozy, small town.

Sarah: Yeah, I’m, I’m very boring. I’m not interested.

Amanda: A little, like, shop-scape –

Sarah: Yes, for sure.

Amanda: – for a cover.

Sarah: And then we get to Paranormal, and when I tell you that there are some bangers in this section: Joey W. Hill has a book in here, Devyn Quinn, Katie Reus, Anne Rice? Remember her? So I picked –

Amanda: Say her name three times and she shows up.

Sarah: Ahhh! No!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: No, I really don’t want that. Gangster bloggers? Gangster bloggers. You know, she called us gangster bloggers. Gangster bloggers –

Amanda: I –

Sarah: – who think they know book reviews. And I –

Amanda: I –

Sarah: – died.

Amanda: – so wish she was –

Sarah: Gangster bloggers?

Amanda: – still alive –

Sarah: Oh my God.

Amanda: – to see BookTokers and Bookstagram?

Sarah: I just want to see her –

Amanda: Ohhh.

Sarah: – and the fan community of Lestat, because they have made Lestat the biggest, campiest, most fabulous, sexiest thing. People are losing their minds over it. The fanfic is everywhere. The fan edits are everywhere. She would be beside herself if she were alive today.

So I picked Alpha Instinct by Katie Reus. It is four stars, it is Hot, and the sub-, the – [laughs] – the subgenre is Shapeshifter. There’s also Paranormal Fiction, Vampire, and EBook Novella. So the, these, these little titles at the top don’t really tell you anything important.

>> Known for her romantic suspense, up-and-comer Reus ably launches a paranormal romance series, Moon Shifter, featuring sexy shifters.

So if you’re curious, the series title is Moon Shifter, and it’s about shifters.

>> Partly a murder mystery, this story also focuses on the uneasy relationship between humans and shifters. Reus shows great promise, and you’ll look forward to visiting this world again soon.

Now, if I’m reading between the lines, that kind of sounds like a Eh, it was fine.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: >> Ana Cordona and her sisters are trying to pick up the pieces after all of the males and a number of females in their pack were murdered by silver poisoning.

Damn! This summary does not match this review.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> Trying to hold their pack together, Ana must also deal with the advances made by Taggart, the shifty leader of an adjacent pack.

Now, time out. Is it fair to call someone who is a shapeshifter shifty?

Amanda: Maybe they take offense to that.

Sarah: Maybe? But also, like, okay, yes, of course he’s shifty: he literally changes forms. Anyway.

>> While confronting him, Ana is stunned when her first love, Connor Armstrong, and his warrior class wolves arrive. Ana has mixed feelings about Connor’s return. The attraction is still there, but the hurt from his walking out remains. When another pack mate is poisoned, Ana and Connor must join forces to find out who is targeting them and why.

So that sounds like a whole lot of plot. And the –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and the review is like, There were sexy shifters, and the relationships are tense. Like, no, they’re all being poisoned! Like, this is intense. These do not –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – match.

Amanda, what on earth could you have possibly picked that came out in February 2012?

Amanda: Yeah. In a shock to absolutely no one – [laughs] – I picked the review of Lothaire by Kresley Cole.

Sarah: Woohoo!

Amanda: 80, page 81.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: What number was this? I think it was like ten; was it ten? I’m trying to refresh my memory. I’m looking. But yeah, Lothaire was, like, hotly into – it was number eleven.

Sarah: Whoo!

Amanda: Yeah. Lothaire was, like, the big bad, right, for a little bit? And this is very much like a villain redemption story? This was a lot of people’s favorite, ‘cause he’s like a villain. It was also very interesting because his love interest is sort of like this backwoodsy woman from Appalachia, which is, like, really funny pairing with, you know, Lothaire. There’s of course the, the scene where she, like, cuts off her middle finger and sends it to him. So there’s that, but like –

Sarah: As you do.

Amanda: Yeah! This wasn’t my favorite of the series, to be honest. I found the heroine to be a little grating. I think she’s, like, relatively young. I don’t want to say, my brain wants to say she’s nineteen –

Sarah: [Groans]

Amanda: – but I can’t remember, so don’t quote me as fact on that. I just remember she’s pretty young, and she seems like it. Like, she seems pretty immature, especially when paired –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – with this, like, old vampire.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: But everyone was so pumped when this came out. I thought it was okay. Not in my top five personally in the series, but, you know, different strokes for different folks. But this one got four and a half stars, Hot, a Top Pick, which is not a surprise to me.

>> How do you make the crazy, arrogant, and ruthless archvillain of a series a hero? With great difficulty, yet Cole pulls it off –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: >> – splendidly in her latest Immortals After Dark offering. It helps that most of the immortal Lore are none too sane and all pretty bloodthirsty, yet Lothaire, the enemy of old, is a cut above. While keeping Lothaire’s hardcore personality intact, Cole manages to find an unusual heroine for him. Cole outdoes herself.

That’s the re- –

Sarah: Exclamation point!

Amanda: Yeah, lots of exclamation points in that review.

Sarah: Mm-hmm!

Amanda: >> Since his mother’s murder a millennium ago, Lothaire has been striving toward his endgame of ruling both the Horde and Dacia vampires. To do this, Lothaire needs his bride. There’s an inconvenient problem: although Lothaire believes his mate is Saroya, the Soul Reaper, she is trapped inside the body of human Elizabeth Peirce. Despite being young and from remote Appalachia, Elizabeth is no pushover. Although she couldn’t keep Saroya from killing while in her body, Elizabeth won’t cede control, not even when a deadly and handsome vampire promises to eliminate her soul.

It wasn’t –

Sarah: Oh damn!

Amanda: Yeah! It wasn’t bad! Definitely, like, I think earlier Immortals After Dark books operate as like a standalone. I think like the first three or four are fine. But once –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – you get through the first few, the cast becomes so big, and –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – because Lothaire is such a villain in the first several books?

Sarah: Need another villain!

Amanda: Yeah! And, like, I think it’s necessary to read those to sort of really understand who he is as a character and why this book is important? ‘Cause it’, like –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – hard to have a villain redemption story if you don’t know what he’s being redeemed for, right? If you don’t have any context?

Sarah: Absolutely true.

Amanda: So yeah, this is definitely one of those series, I think we had a recent – oh gosh – a recent After Dark rec request –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – and someone, I think someone was looking for, like, good grovels where, like, the heroine is initially rejected, and the hero regrets it? And I think I mentioned this one offhandedly to that person with the caveat that you can’t just pick this one up. It does require –

Sarah: No.

Amanda: – having to read all of them.

Sarah: So in Urban Fantasy, on page 87, I just wanted to bring this up because this is something we talk about a lot. This is Unbroken by Rachel Caine, and this gets three stars.

>> In the final book of Caine’s Outcast Season series, Cassiel finally recognizes that she has come to love humanity and that they’re absolutely worth trying to save, even in the face of enemies with almost limitless powerful –

Amanda: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sarah: >> – of, of almost limitless power.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> Cassiel is a compelling narrator, and the strength of her voice is almost enough to mitigate the completely unrealistic nonstop action that composes the greater part of this book.

>> Cassiel, the djinn cast into human form and stripped of most of her powers, finds herself fighting for the very humans she used to despise. With Weather Warden Luis Rocha at her side, Cassiel struggles to stop the end of the world from happening while still protecting Luis’s orphaned niece Isabel. Hurtling from one catastrophe to another, Cassiel and Luis finally arrive in Seattle, where they come face to face with Pearl and her army of corrupted children. Cassiel must come to terms with what is required of her if the world and those she loves in it are to continue, even if what is required of her is her life itself.

So we’ve talked a lot about reviewing books in a series after like book two. Like –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – book three is even, you’re going to start giving away what happens in the book by summarizing the – like, you have to avoid cover copy if you’re reading a series and you haven’t gone ahead. I’ve been spoiled by many a piece of cover copy. But this is so interesting to me, ‘cause this is the final book in the series, and it gets three stars. And I remember recently Lara wrote a review of the last book in the Lore Olympus series, and she basically said, I really don’t think it’s possible for any book to have measured up to the hype and the anticipation of this story, because it was built in pieces of, you know, secondary characters in other books finally getting their book. I am fascinated by the idea that they’re going to review the final book, and they’re going to give it three stars, but the review really doesn’t say whether or not it’s a good end to the series. And I think if you’re re-, reviewing the final book of a series, you need to acknowledge, how does this end the series? Not just how does it stand alone as a story, but how is it completing this, this whole book series that obviously they’ve been reviewing all of them.

Amanda: I also think, too, these reviews in general – not, like, this specific one, but this magazine in general – is for readers to decide, Should I read this book?

Sarah: Do I want to buy this? Yeah. Do I want to –

Amanda: And I –

Sarah: – buy this? Do I want to borrow it? Yeah.

Amanda: And I feel like if you are a person who has kept up with a series, you already know –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – whether or not you’re going to pick this up. You, you could be like, Oh, I tapped out two books ago? Like, I don’t care?

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: Or –

Sarah: Now I just know how it ends.

Amanda: – I’ve been waiting for this conclusion; I can’t wait to see how it ends. Like, I feel like this doesn’t really serve the purpose that other reviews do, because –

Sarah: Agree.

Amanda: – the people who are going to buy it are going to buy it, and the people who aren’t are aren’t. And if you have no context for this series at all, you don’t care about this review. Like, this doesn’t matter to you.

Sarah: Yeah, it doesn’t make a difference to you! No, it doesn’t make a difference at all!

So that continues our ongoing discussion about whether or not and how to review different books in a series.

And now we’re going to move on to – [dramatic pause] – Series! So what did you pick?

Amanda: Normally when it comes to Series, I will scan for like a two- or a one-star.

Sarah: Hard same.

Amanda: There weren’t a ton in this section, and I actually found a book that sounded interesting.

Sarah: ‘Kay.

Amanda: However, it’s a fucking Love Inspired Historical.

Sarah: Oooh!

Amanda: And for those who don’t know, that’s the, that’s an inspie line. I double-checked – [laughs] – double-checked to make sure I was right. In the current Love Inspired section at harlequin.com there’s – what made me laugh is A Match for the Amish Beekeeper, and it’s got an Amish woman with a bunch of beehives around her. So this – [laughs]

Sarah: A Match for the Amish –

Amanda: For the Amish beekeeper. [Laughs]

Sarah: – Beekeeper.

Amanda: So yes, the Love Inspired line is an inspirational line. And Sarah and I have discussed before about inspie books in general. I need to know the Jesus-by-volume. How religious –

Sarah: The JBV, baby.

Amanda: – how religious is this? Because I read this book description and this review and had no indication that, like, religion or faith or anything like that played a role in this title? So when I looked to see what the line was, I was very surprised that it’s a Love Inspired Historical. Anyway.

The Rogue’s Reform by Regina Scott. It got four stars. England, 1805.

>> Expecting to inherit the Everard barony after his uncle dies, Jerome Everard is shocked to discover his uncle has a supposedly legitimate sixteen-year-old daughter to whom the title may pass. Determined to prove the girl’s claim false, he, his brother, and cousin descend on Dalston Manor, only to discover genteel governess Adele Walcott determined to protect her charge from them. As for Jerome, he is soon falling for Adele and beginning to believe her charge may in fact be his legitimate relation. A fine start to the Everard Legacy miniseries, introducing the three heroes, set in an interesting area far from London society.

I kind of love the notion of this governess being super protective of this sixteen-year-old, being like, Who the fuck do you think you are –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – coming in here?

Sarah: Mm-hmm!

Amanda: And the fact that, like, this sixteen-year-old is technically next in line to be, like, a baroness. I think that’s a really cool setup! And then it’s like Love Inspired Historical – womp-womp. So, like – [laughs] – I don’t know. I don’t know. Is there a hat on the cover?

Sarah: No, but you’ve got to see this cover. It’s a dude! Amanda, it’s just a – it, we have got, this is a very dude-heavy –

Amanda: He looks like a Property Brother!

Sarah: He does look like a Property Brother! What’s the JBV? I mean, these are not long. I bet you could get through one of these in like an hour and find out.

Amanda: Yeah, I mean, I wonder if it’s only inspirational ‘cause there’s no sex in it? Like, even the Goodreads copy doesn’t list, like, religion or faith or anything like that, but it is labeled as, like, Christian fiction?

Sarah: Mm.

Amanda: So, yeah, very curious if it’s just, like, no sex stuff. And we all know that I have a no-door policy in my reading.

Sarah: [Laughs] Yes.

Amanda: An open-floor-plan policy.

Sarah: Open floor plan for the sexytimes.

Amanda: Someone said Christian elements were pretty mild, didn’t seem overly preachy.

Sarah: Oh! Well, maybe this, this, this might be a good option for you!

Amanda: But they do a lot of praying. [Laughs] Apparently a lot of praying happens.

Sarah: And we know –

Amanda: Okay!

Sarah: – there’s no sex, so it’s definitely not the Oh God, Oh God, Oh God kind, right?

Amanda: No.

Sarah: Yeah.

So I picked, on page 92, The Wayward Son by Yvonne Lindsay, two stars.

>> Pretty Anna Garrick has given Judd Wilson the perfect way to get even with his estranged father for abandoning him and his mother.

This issue is replete with just piles of shitty men.

>> Anna has brought him the man’s offer: come home and inherit the house and the winery.

So Judd’s dad is estranged, and Anna comes to be like, Yo, your dad says come home and you get the house and the winery.

>> Judd believes Anna is also his father’s lover, and his greatest satisfaction would be to lure her into his own bed and then abandon her after he destroys his father bus-, father’s business as retribution, that is.

Amanda: All right.

Sarah: >> There’s too much bitterness in Judd and maybe too much warm-heartedness in Anna to make Lindsay’s story either romantic or easy to finish.

Why would you not just give that one a one? Because that sounds terrible. Like, wow.

But like I said, hey, visiting revenge by seducing the daughters of your enemies is, like, a long standing romance tradition. It’s a terrible one, but it’s a, it’s a longstanding tradition.

Amanda: I feel like to get a one in this magazine, the book has to be, truly be awful, but they’re not going to tell you it’s that awful. They’re really going to pull the punches to give you some vague –

Sarah: Always.

Amanda: – word salad about why it’s a one, but it’s never going to feel, like, deserving of a one. But they judge so gently that, like, something’s got to be wrong if they’re giving something a one.

Sarah: Right? Or do you think it is that every author reviewed in this magazine is a potential advertiser, and so they don’t want to alienate anyone from potentially buying an ad in the future?

Amanda: I don’t know! Like –

Sarah: And that’s why it’s allll so gentle, because we’ve discussed before that the audience of this magazine, in terms of it being a business, is different from the audience of the magazine that read it, you know?

Amanda: Yeah. I mean, I review at places that will only run positive reviews, and I’ve mentioned this? Like, they’ll only run a good review. But they’re –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – very upfront of, like, if you, if there’s nothing nice you can say or if you don’t feel like you can recommend this to an audience, just tell us. We’ll pay you a kill fee, and you can go on your merry way!

Sarah: That’s a good way to run things.

Amanda: I – yeah! Because, like, I think that outlet is more for, like, you know, libraries and stuff like that.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: But, yeah, this is just – I think you’re right that the advertising, and that’s where, you know, magazines make their money is with advertisements.

Sarah: Oh yeah!

Amanda: I think that’s a really good point.

Sarah: I mean, that’s what happened to Sassy magazine. Sassy magazine ran articles call-, they had a whole column called It Ha-, It Happened to Me, and people would write in with stuff that happened to them, and someone wrote in about contracting toxic shock syndrome and almost dying. And they refused to pull the article, and as a result, Procter & Gamble and Tampax all withdrew their advertising, which really hurt the magazine’s ability to survive, and it wasn’t the same after that. And you could see how much they were softened and how, how much they had to tone down their attacks on, like, corporations or businesses. And, like, they would do things like, We’re going to give you a perfume section, and it’s very clear that they are being paid by this perfume company to talk about these per- – like, it was so different –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – after that. if you offend your advertisers and you can’t get them back, it’s very hard, and so I wonder if one of the reasons why this is just overall so gentle is because every author is a potential advertiser. ‘Cause you don’t see a lot of reader ads in here. A lot, not a lot of readers adver- –

Amanda: Yeah, and authors, like – you know, no shade to authors – authors can take things pretty personally. I feel like author –

Sarah: What?

Amanda: [Laughs] I know, I know. Authors sometimes also have a very long memory of, like, I remember when you gave my book a two-star seven years ago. You know, that sort of thing. So –

Sarah: Shocking, shocking revelations to me.

Amanda: I know.

Sarah: I’ve had people come up to me at conferences and be like, I remember you; you didn’t like my book. And I’m like, That wasn’t me; that was an entirely different person on the website that I run. So it, and I had to learn very early that people were going to attribute to me stuff that other people said, which was, like, super annoying. But yeah, there is a bit of a long memory there, isn’t it? A little bit of a long memory.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So for Erotica, what did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked an author that I’ve always wanted to read –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – though I’ve heard kind of, like, mixed things, ’cause I know one of her series has some questionable sort of, like, man is in a harem in the Middle East and is a sex slave sort of deal. It’s Kate Pearce.

Sarah: [Gasps] Ohhh.

Amanda: Yeah! I love a sexy erotic historical. So she’s always been on my radar, but I’ve never read anything. And also, putting together the new releases for next month, she has a new historical coming out next month! For anyone who’s a Kate Pearce fan, she’s got a new historical coming out, which is crazy in 2026. So on page 99, I picked the book Simply Carnal by Kate Pearce. The –

Sarah: Nice.

Amanda: – rev-, the review is what, it’s like a two-sentences one. Four stars, Erotic Romance Historical.

>> This sexy Regency-set novel is sometimes funny, sometimes sad. The fascinating characters will hold your interest.

That’s it. [Laughs]

Sarah: That’s the whole review!

Amanda: That’s the whole review! [Laughs]

Sarah: This book, this book is sometimes funny and sometimes sad.

Amanda: Yeah. The summary is:

>> Christian runs his mother’s exclusive London pleasure house. When a new lady –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – going by the name of Mrs. Smith arrives, she brings an air of mystery. The other residents find her to be reticent, but they still like her. Her cu-, his curiosity aroused, Christian gives her a job as his assistant and instructs her in the ways of sensual seduction. Thus starts the journey of discovery for them both.

But yeah, I think, like, a lot of her series has like pleasure house sort of vibes.

Sarah: Sex club!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Got to have a sex club.

Amanda: She’s always been on my radar. So if you’ve read Kate Pearce and, and would recommend, maybe I should finally –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – shit or get off the pot, and –

[Laughter]

Amanda: – and read, and read some Kate Pearce.

Sarah: So I picked, on the same page, The Principal’s Office by Jasmine Haynes, four-star Erotic Romance.

>> The third DeKnight story has plenty of great sex, but it also addresses current social issues. Rand helps Rachel discover her strengths, but she’s instrumental in coming into her own power.

You could, like, just change a few words and make that about so many books. Like, this is a I didn’t read the book and I’m writing a book report –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – and hope the teacher doesn’t notice.

>> When divorced mother Rachel begins a torrid affair with a sexy, kinky stranger named Rand, she begins to turn her life around. She plans her secret time with Rand around her week-on, week-off schedule with her two teenage sons. When her oldest has trouble at school, Rachel learns that her lover and the new principal are the same man. She avoids Rand for a time, but he convinces her to resume their relationship. All goes well until her ex discovers a video the couple made.

Now, I thought this was interesting because we just read about, like, demons and vampires and psychics, and I’m traveling through my dreams and –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – this is just horny, regular people with regular problems. They’re just –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – regular degular horny folks. And I was like, you know what? It’s very refresh- –

Amanda: Horn-, horny normies is what I wrote. [Laughs]

Sarah: Horny normies is – okay, hang on; that might have to be the subtitle. Horny normies.

Amanda: Horny normies.

Sarah: I don’t know; what do you, what do you think the subtitle should be? Piles of terrible men or horny normies? I think horny normies is the winner there.

Amanda: I think horny – I mean, piles of terrible men isn’t, you know, that rare, unfortunately. [Laughs]

Sarah: That’s not a surprise, no. But I just, I just love an erotic romance where it’s like they’re not, you know, werewolves and, and, and they’re not, like, psychic. And it’s just like they’re just horny folks with regular degular –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – problems. And I, I love, I love books that are like, this is going to be super fucking sexy, so much fucking, lots of horny times, but also just regular degular problems.

So what did you think overall of the books in this issue? You said up top it was kind of like, Eh, it was all right.

Amanda: Yeah. I, I mean pretty mid. There weren’t, like, terrible, like, memorable, oh my God, this sounds awful. And there were a few that I’ve read or, like have fond feelings for, like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – Firelight by Kristen Callihan. But yeah, it was just fine. It was just okay.

Sarah: It was fine!

Amanda: And, and I –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – think the reviews match that, right? The reviews are all like, Oh, this is great!

Sarah: This was fine. This was good.

Amanda: Whatever!

Sarah: Yep. But I will also point out that last month we were reading some absolute bangers in that issue, and one of them was Amanda Quick. Am I now reading my second –

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: – Amanda Quick novel since we recorded? Yes, yes, I am. Need some Amanda Quick. It’s very enjoyable.

Well, come back in two weeks and we’re going to talk about the ads and features from this issue, and wow, are there some interesting concepts being discussed here. So come back in two weeks!

Amanda: [Laughs]

[outro]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. I hope you enjoyed that trip back to September 2012. What new releases do you remember? Were you interested in reading any of these particular books? And as I asked in the intro, what’s your go-to karaoke song? I would love to know.

I will have links to all of the books that we mentioned – all of them – in the show notes, and that’s at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast under episode 735.

And there is a video for this episode if you would like to see us, and maybe you want to watch the first few minutes to see the amazing Jimothy. You can find us on YouTube at Smart Podcast, Trashy Books, and there’ll be a link in the show notes.

I always end with a terrible  joke, and this week’s joke is just awful? I’ve already unleashed it upon several family members, so now I get to share it with you, and you get to share it with all of your family members!

What is the opposite of antipasto?

Give up? What is the opposite of antipasti?

Provolone!

[Laughs] I love it when I can imagine you groaning! Provolone.

On be- – [still laughing] – on behalf of everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a – [still laughing] – hmm! – have a – whoo! – have a wonderful weekend, and we will see you back here next week! And in the words of my favorite retired podcast Friendshipping, thank you for listening. You’re welcome for talking!

[end of music]