pressure from my dad to accept less pay, should I let employees fail so they can learn, and more
It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Pressure from my dad (who is my boss) to accept less pay
My dad is second-to-the-top at a small business and manages everyone, including me. Yesterday, he asked me if I could start work two hours early the next day (manual labor) and finish at my normal time, I asked how I would be compensated for that, which was met with a response of “we don’t know yet, but we will make you whole” and that they would “maybe overpay you as a bonus, like last time,” which I disagree with because the last time they paid for my overtime it was unclear what the hours were as they do not have any bookkeeping, so they just came up with a number. To avoid family arguments, I moved this conversation to the business owner and asked how he thought I should be paid for this, to which he texted, using laughing emojis, “You don’t get paid hourly,” explaining I get paid day rates. I said I did not feel comfortable accepting work for pay that cannot be openly discussed, so I respectfully declined to go to work.
I agreed to a day-rate figure a long time ago, but it was never formally discussed how I’d get paid for overtime, and as an ignorant young man, these issues are becoming apparent to me only now.
I received a phone call two days later from my dad, who was very angry about the ordeal and said, “I have done so much for you and fought for you to stay working here. There have been times where there was no work for you and I made sure there was. You don’t truly have a place here.” This surprised me, because for the past two months (out of two years working there, transitioned from sales to manual labor three months ago), I had been asked repeatedly to come to jobs because there was no one else, and told I had learned enough to be useful.
Points I think are important: I get paid minimum wage. My actions were considered an “ultimatum.” Past favors are being used to justify (to me) illogical explanations. After I was “let go,” they only then started explaining to me that their business is struggling, and that they don’t want people demanding money. This isn’t an ultimatum … what I’m asking for is unreasonable, right?
Yes, it’s reasonable to ask how you’ll be paid for overtime if that hasn’t been clear in the past. It’s also reasonable to expect that the answer to that will comply with the law — which requires you to be paid time and a half for all hours above 40 in a given week (and, depending on your state, possibly also all hours above eight in a day). Employers don’t have the legal right to pay you less than that. That’s true even when your boss is your dad. (The exception to that is if the business is 100% owned by your parents and their kids are their only employees, which isn’t the case here.) Businesses need to follow those laws even when they’re struggling, and “we don’t want people demanding money” (money which they’re legally obligated to pay!) is a wildly dysfunctional expectation.
That’s the legal side. There’s also the family dynamics side, which are clearly their own whole mess — your dad feels like he’s the reason you have work there at all (whether or not that’s true) and expects you to be grateful for the opportunity and that, as part of that gratitude, you won’t hold the business to following employment laws or pressure them when they’re struggling. Those aren’t unusual family dynamics to encounter, but they clash head-on with what the business is legally obligated to do. Working for family can be really messy for that reason.
2. Do I let my employees fail so that they can learn?
I manage a small team where 80% of our time is spent providing general strategy guidance to clients, and 20% is hands-on work with our company’s complex proprietary product. The hands-on tasks are often on a very short deadline to cover a client’s mistake or emergency, so they’re often tasks that require troubleshooting and untangling complex problems using deep product knowledge.
My challenge as a manager is that just providing training on our product isn’t enough for my employees to handle those 20% hands-on tasks. It takes lots of time using our product to learn all of its quirks. And if employees are only tasked with using it infrequently, then I am always going to have to be jumping in on the urgent requests — meaning I’m the one further developing my troubleshooting expertise, not my team.
I need to ensure coverage and backups, so I cannot just make 100% of the hands-on work one person’s job. What is the best way to develop my employees here? Do I let them fail a little bit before jumping in so they get practice, even though that slows down resolution for the client? Do I invest my time in creating practice assignments for them, and have them spend time doing these fake projects to prepare for the real deal? Is there another option I’m not thinking of?
How much does it slow down the resolution for the client? If it’s not significant, then yes, you let tasks take a little longer so your employees can learn, in the interests of having work go more smoothly in the long run. It’s the same as how a new hire might take longer to get work done as they’re learning the job, and you’d assign work with that in mind (i.e., not giving them something high-profile and important while they’re still learning, but not assigning them nothing either).
But if the delays would be a problem for the clients (or for their happiness with your team), then creating and coaching them through practice assignments is the way to go.
3. Can I ask my new job to go fully remote because of my child’s school schedule?
I joined my organization two months ago, and the role was advertised as hybrid. During the interview, I was told I would need to be in the office twice a week to collaborate with the team. However, my daughter was recently accepted into a competitive half-day pre-K program, which ends at 11:20 am, five days a week.
Given that most employees only come in once a week or work entirely remotely — with at most 10 people in the office at any given time— is it appropriate for me to request to transition to fully remote work despite my short tenure?
Probably not, no. The job was advertised as hybrid, not fully remote, you’re new, and they clearly told you that you’d need to come in two days a week. Plus, if the plan would be for you to take care of your daughter when she’s home in the afternoons, that itself is likely to be a deal-breaker since most employers don’t allow remote work while you’re also the primary caregiver for a young child, other than in one-off emergency situations.
4. Is there value in a co-signed recommendation letter?
I’m collecting letters for a future job application and came across this advice for those writing the letters: “Reference letters are a key component of the application materials [for] admission to continuing education opportunities and future employment … Consider the advantages of co-signing a letter. Faculty and graduate student instructors are often inundated with requests for reference letters. In turn, students may debate whether to pursue the ‘status’ of a faculty letter in lieu of more personalized comments by a graduate student instructor. Co-signed letters serve the student’s needs while providing a creative solution to pressing workloads.”
Is submitting a co-signed letter reasonable advice for letters intended to go to employers? I’m not as interested in the TA/professor scenario, but say you’re a volunteer in a large organization. The volunteer coordinator on staff barely knows you because of the volume of people volunteering … but a peer volunteer you’ve volunteered closely alongside for years could speak to your performance in the role (which included skills relevant to the job you’re seeking). Is that a time when it’s reasonable to have a letter from the peer, with the volunteer coordinator cosigning to add institutional weight? Or would that just raise eyebrows?
Recommendation letters aren’t really used outside of academia and some parts of law (reference-checkers want to talk to your references and ask their own questions), so it’s largely moot! But if you’re in a field where recommendation letters are used … well, it would be a little weird to have a letter signed by a volunteer and volunteer coordinator, but not kill-your-chances weird. Really, though, in your example you’d be better off just using the volunteer who knows you well and leaving the volunteer coordinator who doesn’t out of it.
5. Should I include “writing resumes” as a skill on my resume?
I was thinking of adding “writing resumes” to the skills section of my resume, just to show a little humor. Is that okay to do?
Don’t do it. You probably won’t get rejected over it (although you might) but it definitely won’t add enough to justify annoying the people who it will annoy. This is also a document that you want people to think you’ve taken seriously.
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