Coming out of the same studio that gave us RuPaul’s Drag Race, and stacked with a whole crew of former contestants, Stop! That! Train! plays like RuPaul basically taking a bow for the entire franchise she’s built. It’s not really a gay film in the traditional sense, but with so many drag stars from Ru’s shows popping up alongside a few cameos from well known out gay actors, I figured it earns a spot on this blog anyway. The whole thing is completely over the top, packed with GenZ slang, loud flashy visuals, and humor that’s constantly winking at you knowing how ridiculous it is. Going in you’d assume it’s meant to be a laugh riot, and a lot of critics online seem to be eating it up, but I just couldn’t get into it at all. I’ve never really been someone who vibes with campy silly stuff like this, so honestly my reaction doesn’t surprise me one bit.
The setup follows Tess and DeeDee, two low level stewardesses who sneak onto the fancy Glamazonian Express train on the exact day it’s about to run straight into a massive storm called the Stormaganza. Naturally the train’s brakes decide to stop working. There’s a US president in the mix, Judy Gagwell, played by RuPaul herself, and the question becomes whether she can somehow save everyone, though that’s far from guaranteed. One of the two girls has a huge crush on the train’s conductor, a guy who’s apparently been featured in a magazine called Conductors We Want to See the Dick Of, played by Jordan Alvarez from English Teacher. As the storm rages on, a rogue scorpion takes out the one crew member who actually knows how to handle the situation. On top of that, the president’s old PTSD starts flaring back up at the worst possible time. With the train totally out of control and barreling toward a stretch of land that somehow contains a nuclear reactor, a dog shelter, and the home of actress Laurie Metcalf, Tess and DeeDee end up having to step up, with Tess keeping the passengers calm and distracted while DeeDee teams up with Cal to try and fix the controls.
Adam Shankman directs this one, and I don’t think it’s going to land with a wide audience at all. Most of the comedy seems aimed squarely at gay viewers even though the plot itself isn’t particularly gay. Drag culture thrives on exaggeration and that’s clearly the appeal they’re going for here, but the nonstop mugging for the camera got old fast for me. You really need to be in a very specific headspace to enjoy this kind of silliness, and I just wasn’t there. To be fair though, the production design is genuinely stunning, every detail feels intentional and the color palette is inviting. It looks like they used practically every color imaginable across the sets, costumes, and overall art direction. Drag as an art form is this beautifully absurd thing, and it’s kind of a shame that Stop! That! Train! plays things so safe and predictable given how much crossdressing talent they had to work with. The cameos never stop coming, and honestly RuPaul playing the president is the one part that actually made me laugh. Alvarez gets a decent amount of screen time as DeeDee’s love interest, and his presence honestly drags down what could’ve been a dumb fun time otherwise. If you go in with your brain fully switched off you might find it watchable, but it’s still hard not to feel like RuPaul and her whole lineup of queens deserved something way better crafted than this. For now, this film was nothing more than a glorious 90 minute Drag Race acting challenge. (2/10)
