5. Men Pressuring Men – Many of our male respondents said that the pressure men felt from other men was huge, when and if they were to come out and admit that they were openly spiritual. It’s one of the key reasons many men kept their spirituality quiet and close to their chest. Many said that there’s an innate competitiveness between males that shamed them into feeling ‘less than’ and defensive for not sharing the mainstream ideal of what it is to be ‘masculine’. And yet, many women (as well as myself) said that we found it extremely masculine when a man can openly share his feelings and express his spirituality. Men said that they have difficulty opening up when other men are around, as they tend to feel that they’ll be judged or put down. Whereas, they felt safer opening up in front of women who would be more accepting of them. Although there were some men, who said women were judgemental too and had ideas that spiritual men can be ‘too soft’. Of particular note amongst our male respondents, is that they said it was common for men to assume that another man is ‘effeminate’ when he shows or shares his spiritual side – seeing spirituality, as being ‘feminine’, rather than ‘masculine’.
6. Spirituality Seen as ‘Not Masculine’ – Many of our male respondents agreed that men (and women) saw spirituality as a feminine quality and one that diminished their masculinity in some way. This applied added weight to the reason why men were reluctant to openly share their views and experiences in spiritual discussions, as they feared their gender would come into question. Indeed, it’s so important that we understand that being open to your spiritual truth has nothing to do with gender (that polarises it way too much). Spirituality is our common source and isn’t gender based. Yes, we can express our spirituality through the lens of femininity and/or masculinity. Each of us has access to both of these energy flows. One is not better than the other. One is not more spiritual. Both combine to create the whole. Indeed, the more that we can see more men openly sharing their spirituality while maintaining who they are, in their integrity and authenticity, the greater permission it gives for all men to do the same and for women to also follow suit.
7. Blending Science and Spirituality – Another great point from our respondents was that some men view spirituality through the lens of science. They see science as the essential corridor through which the spiritual dimension can be quantified and touched, thereby making spirituality more accessible and acceptable to all. And thus, these men don’t tend to share their views from a spiritual ‘subjective and personal’ standpoint, but more from a structured, results and evidence based perspective.
8. Male Spiritual Leaders Dominating – Many of the respondents (men and women alike) had a similar experience where men they had come across in spiritual groups or forums would try and take over – or take on a leadership role, not long after joining. In particular, this would happen with men who may have been ‘new’ to the spiritual path, but felt that they ‘knew everything’ after only a short time of being exposed to spiritual concepts and perspectives. This was ‘off-putting’ to many genuine men (on their path for many years) who attended spiritual groups, classes or workshops in order to contribute, grow and learn. They were actually ‘embarrassed’ by some men trying to take over and dominate discussions and teachings, so soon after joining a group. They said this is what put them off from sharing too much about their spiritual path publicly, as they didn’t want to be judged, as one of ‘those domineering males’, who try and take over – particularly when there’s a predominantly female audience in attendance.
9. Men Feeling Safer to Express in Groups – Many of the men who responded to my post also said that they felt safer opening up in group situations that they were familiar with, rather then doing so (perhaps in a more random way) online. Whereas women, found a common bond by sharing (perhaps to those they don’t even know). Men seemed to be much more cautious, preferring to keep quiet, until they felt they were safe from judgment or recrimination. Again, this appears to be because they don’t want to be judged or pressurised by other men and/or women.
10. Spiritual Men and Ulterior Motives – A popular response was the number of instances that men (and women) experienced where men who were openly ‘spiritual’ or perhaps even ‘spiritual teachers’ were abusing their positions of trust. Many said that men they have come across in spiritual classes or retreats were only there to meet women, who they found to be easy targets – looking for their soul mates or spiritual men who understood them. Indeed, I’ve seen this happen with some men that I’ve met in spiritual groups and I’ve heard it happening (quite a lot) with women I’ve worked with in personal sessions. Many women have begun a relationship with their male spiritual teacher, which has been confusing to them. I’ve always thought that men ‘in particular’ must have great integrity if they are to be a spiritual teacher, because with so many women in this field open, trusting and looking for men to relate to on a soulful basis, one must always be – above reproach.
11. Losing Touch with Friends When Coming Out as Spiritual – And finally, the other common theme amongst many male respondents was that they found the spiritual path a lonely one, once their friends or colleagues knew about their spiritual path. Many felt sad or disappointed that once their friends and/or family knew more about who they are that they no longer wanted to be around them. They slowly saw people from their past move away and lose touch. And on the flip side of this, some men said that they were actually grateful that they had been open and honest about who they are and what they follow, as it meant they no longer had to play a charade and associate with people they no longer resonated with. So, it can go both ways.
