Here are four updates from past letter-writers.
1. Our meetings always start with a discussion of bad things that have happened to my coworkers
Life and work both went insane shortly after I wrote in, and I missed not only your reply on the day but also the comment section interaction, which is an immense bummer because I appreciate the AAM commentariat! I have recently gone back, checked, and tried some suggested solutions. I am sad and a bit staggered to report that nothing has dissuaded my colleagues from treating meetings as an opportunity to share their misfortunes. We now officially have a meeting solely for “social” topics I’d happily chew off a limb to avoid, such as health and politics. Politics. At work. In 2026. Why not just organize an in-office fight club? I’m equipped to handle that.
Some of my colleagues are isolated individuals with personal lives that really suck, and evidently nothing can overcome the need to get this off their chests. Experiencing their lives is probably worse than simply hearing about them, so I suppose I’m stuck here with this for the time being!
Thank you so much for publishing my initial letter, and thank you for your interesting and really super useful site — it is a welcome oasis of sanity on the insane internet.
2. In-office days have turned my office into a germ-filled petri dish (#2 at the link)
I ended up emailing HR individually. I did talk to a few close coworkers, who report to various managers, and included the anonymized results as evidence of the confusion. HR replied, saying I wasn’t the only one who asked and they would get back to me soon. Apparently “soon” meant more than a month, but eventually they sent out a clarification to the company: missed in-office days now have to be made up within two weeks, but it’s not an ironclad rule and you can work with your manager on a timeline specific to your circumstances. So while it’s not exactly a satisfying update, it’s satisfactory.
3. How do I motivate someone who doesn’t bother to do his work?
The employee never improved, got a low rating on a performance review, and I had just started down a formal path with HR involved. The first step is an official warning before moving onto a PIP. He was stable and doing okay for a while. The HR person asked me if he was performing to the level required for the entry-level position he was currently in. That changed my perspective as I realized he was working at an adequate level after improving slightly after the warning. If he wanted to stay at an entry-level position forever, he was doing just barely enough for that.
A few months later, we had a small re-org where I was no longer managing anybody (but stayed at my current band at the same pay). I had mixed feelings about that because I’m no longer gaining important management experience for my resume. But as far as I could tell, he was still struggling and I was glad it was no longer my problem. Then a few months after that, layoffs came through. He was one of only three people let go from our large department. A few people have noticed that it’s weird to get rid of the lowest-paid person in our department. Some people might speculate, but they’ll never really know.
4. Interviewer was surprised I left my last job at a bad time for my company (#4 at the link)
I actually still have yet to hear back from that company (they have a notoriously long hiring process) but I am happy to share that I did land a new position with a company that I feel will be a much better fit for me overall! They actually called my references the day after and made an offer within the week. As a bonus, my new position would be a step up career-wise. I did prepare this time to be asked about my departure, but it never came up in the interview process because new company was way more focused on what I could bring to the table.
