I’ve been down some deep rabbit holes over the past few years.
When I find something that sparks my interest, I become obsessed with learning everything I can about it.
I’ve discovered things like astrology, human design, David Kibbe’s style system, color analysis, and Ikigai, all of which have led me to a deeper understanding of myself and my personal preferences.
I’ve had a-ha moments after learning that my astrology placements can explain my love for writing or that oversized, trendy clothes don’t work on me because I’m a Soft Classic in Kibbe’s style system.
These systems and labels can be helpful because they validate and confirm what we already know about ourselves. They help us name confusing concepts and provide parameters that reduce analysis paralysis.
But there’s one problem.
My interest in these systems and personality tests starts as excited curiosity and then quickly slips into an all-consuming need to get everything ‘right.’ It’s easy for an interest to become an obsession (and thanks to Reddit, I know I’m not the only one).
So are these systems actually helpful if they cause us to hyperfocus on making the ‘best’ or ‘right’ decision?
Today I’m sharing what I’ve learned from these systems, how we find meaning through them, and why I really think we like to label ourselves.
The rise of boxes and labels
Let’s start by talking about different systems and labels so you understand what I’m referring to.
Forewarning: after reading this, you may fall into some of your own rabbit holes.
Kibbe Body Types
Introduced in the 1980s, David Kibbe’s style system is based on 13 image identities. These identities aren’t related to the typical fruit body shapes (apple, pear, etc.) but rather how proportionate you look, whether you’re more angular or rounded, and how tall or short you seem.
The idea is to dress in a way that complements your natural features. Perhaps you’ve always struggled to make clothing trends work, but you couldn’t figure out why. Your Kibbe body type might give you some clues.
You can try to figure out which type you are using online quizzes, but only David Kibbe himself can give an accurate typing. Because of this exclusivity, people feel they have no choice but to determine their own type, and there are subreddits to help people figure it out.
It’s all good fun when you’re getting started, but it can quickly become frustrating when you don’t fall neatly into one category or get stuck trying to follow the guidelines.
Color Analysis
Color analysis (aka finding your “best colors”) is another system from the 80s that’s come back in full force. Are you a winter, summer, spring, or autumn? Are you warm or cool, bright or muted, light or deep?
They say knowing your colors will help you look harmonious in your clothes, and you won’t have to wear as much makeup because the colors will do the work for you (the fact that this is mainly targeted at women improving their looks is a topic for another time).
The problem is that some people fall neatly into these seasons and others do not. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve thrown my money at five different virtual color analysts only to have them all tell me I’m in different seasons.
I can hear you saying, “Just wear the colors you like!” Unfortunately, my brain can’t seem to let me do that now that I know about color analysis. The perfectionist in me wants a matching wardrobe.
Astrology
Astrology is a system that helps us understand ourselves and others through the movement of the planets. Perhaps it’s a generational thing or just the bubble I’m in, but astrology seems less taboo today than it was in the past.
Astrology can give you a better understanding of who you are and help you interpret your current phase of life. You may know you’re a Leo, but do you know where the moon was when you were born and how that may affect your emotional needs? Or how about where Mars currently is and how that may affect your motivation levels?
Because of its potential to interpret future events, the quote goes: “Millionaires don’t have astrologers; billionaires do.”
While astrology can be helpful if you know how to use it, using it in the wrong way can create negative stereotypes and generalizations.
Human Design
There’s another system related to astrology called Human Design which can help you understand how to live your daily life with ease.
Depending on your type, you can determine whether the best use of your energy is to be an initiator of new ideas (Manifestors), to be a workhorse and get things done (Generators), to follow your many interests (Manifesting Generator), to be a guide to others (Projectors), or to simply observe the world and reflect back what you learn (Reflectors).
This one opened my eyes to the idea that our modern world tells everyone they need to be initiators and workhorses, yet many people are not designed to use their energy that way (perhaps this is one reason why burnout and chronic fatigue are so prevalent today).
Why we put ourselves in boxes
Maybe you’ve gone down the same rabbit holes as I have, or perhaps these systems have never piqued your interest.
Either way, we humans like to put people into boxes even when we say we don’t.
The question I find myself asking is: What am I REALLY seeking to understand about myself through these systems?
For me, the appeal is a set of parameters that have the potential to make my life easier.
If I know that I’m a certain body type in the Kibbe system and my color season is True Autumn, maybe I’ll waste less money on clothes that don’t suit me.
If I know that I’m an INFJ in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I can feel better about my need for alone time.
Perhaps all of this is to say that I’m a perfectionist who wants a set of rules to follow because I think that will make my life easier.
But is seeking an outside system as an internal guidebook the way to go?
In an edition of Oliver Burkeman’s newsletter titled ‘Systems vs. life’, he writes:
Many of us yearn to find a system or set of rules or life philosophy that could somehow live life for us, on our behalf, so that once we’d pledged allegiance to the rulebook, we wouldn’t have to face the messiness and discomfort of actually showing up, moment after moment.
If I really dig deep, I want these systems to give me confidence in myself when I feel unworthy.
Maybe if I follow the rules and guidelines perfectly, I won’t have to deal with any discomfort that makes me feel self-conscious.
But life doesn’t work that way.
Becoming too reliant on an outside set of rules means we lose our personal preferences in the search for what’s right or perfect.
The quest for self-understanding shouldn’t become a pursuit of perfection.
Are these systems pointless?
So, if we can’t rely on these boxes and systems to define who we are, does that mean they’re completely pointless?
I don’t think so. After all, they can help us make sense of the world and find meaning in abstract ways.
It’s perfectly understandable to want a sense of meaning in life since no one wants to waste their time and energy. But searching for the perfect system and trying to follow it to a T might end in wasted time and energy anyway.
Part of the fun of life is seeing what comes to us when we’re not pushing, not searching for answers, and not trying to make things perfect. All you have to do is ‘be’ – you’ll be you either way.
In the end, trying to rely on any system other than your own inner knowing will lead you further away from what you want and need.
Let yourself contain multitudes
Identifying your personality traits or finding your perfect colors isn’t necessarily going to change your life or give you the confidence you seek.
There’s nothing wrong with using these kinds of systems and labels; you just have to approach them from a place of curiosity rather than perfection. If they’re not fun anymore, it may be time to let go.
If you truly want to feel confident in yourself, accept that you can be multiple things at once. Be okay with being undefinable. Create your own guidelines for life instead.
I write this as a message to you and to myself. It’s what I need to hear to stop getting so caught up in the details.
