{"id":89390,"date":"2025-02-15T09:09:33","date_gmt":"2025-02-15T09:09:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/animal\/when-easy-things-feel-hard\/"},"modified":"2025-02-15T09:09:33","modified_gmt":"2025-02-15T09:09:33","slug":"when-easy-things-feel-hard","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=89390","title":{"rendered":"When Easy Things Feel Hard"},"content":{"rendered":"


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I thought about Lucas last night.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure what triggered it, but\u2013seemingly suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere\u2013my fingers ached to dig into the thick, fluffy fur around his neck. And, oh, it hit hard when I realized I couldn\u2019t quite remember how it felt anymore. <\/p>\n

\"Lucas,<\/figure>\n

\u201cGrief changes shape, but it never ends. [\u2026] People have a misconception that you can deal with it and say, \u2018It\u2019s gone, and I\u2019m better.\u2019 They\u2019re wrong.\u201d \u2014 Keanu Reeves<\/strong><\/p>\n

And, I suppose, grief is what triggered my thoughts about Lucas, though it came from an unexpected place: <\/p>\n

Ease.<\/p>\n

Joy. <\/p>\n

Calm.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been feeling so<\/em> grateful for Penny lately. She is one of the extremely rare go-anywhere, do-anything dogs. She loves walking the aisles at Lowe\u2019s on a busy Saturday. She adores long walks in the woods and never tries to chase a squirrel or harass another dog off the trail. She waits patiently while strangers ask a million questions about her disabilities, and she even likes riding in the car to pick up the girls from school. <\/p>\n

\"A<\/figure>\n

Penny isn\u2019t perfect. She\u2019s super quirky (have you been following along with her Whimzees weirdness on Insta<\/a>?) and she\u2019s recently discovered how much she enjoys chewing up Barbies and dollhouse accessories. <\/p>\n

But she\u2019s easy.<\/em><\/p>\n

She\u2019s joyful. <\/p>\n

She\u2019s full of a calm, quiet energy that accepts things as they are. <\/p>\n

I can walk her without a constant sense of dread and hypervigilance. I can leave the curtains open and know she won\u2019t lose her mind barking out the window at\u2026 anything. I can trust her to meet people and animals without planning an escape route. <\/p>\n

I feel such gratitude for all those traits every single day. It\u2019s all so easy with her, but that makes it hard. The ease comes with pangs of guilt that probably stem from grief. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s not that I didn\u2019t love Lucas or Cooper this much. Of course I did. And, also, they were so hard. They were so often dysregulated, and they required so much effort <\/em>from me all the time. Physical, emotional, mental effort. All the while, Penny is just easy. And then I feel bad for being grateful for this ease because it feels like I\u2019m diminishing or tarnishing the boys\u2019 memory. <\/p>\n

Oh, how I love Penny. She\u2019s a miraculous puppy. I feel bad being grateful for the characteristics that make her different because it makes me feel guilty for implying that she\u2019s \u201cbetter,\u201d when that\u2019s not the case. <\/p>\n

Anyway, I\u2019ve been thinking in circles on this and so wanted to share. I have a small section in one chapter of my forthcoming book, FOR THE LOVE OF DOG, where I explore grief and the science of how our dogs grieve. <\/p>\n

But I\u2019d love to know in the comments below: Does anyone else fall into these weird traps? I\u2019m not alone in this, am I?<\/strong><\/p>\n

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If you enjoyed this post, you\u2019ll probably enjoy my forthcoming book, For the Love of Dog, from Regalo Press in 2025. It\u2019s chock full of the latest research in canine cognition combined with stories of my dogs to bring the data to life. To stay up-to-date on the latest with my publication news, please join the mailing list<\/a> or follow along on Instagram<\/a>. I\u2019d love to connect with you more!<\/p>\n

Read More<\/em><\/h3>\n<\/p>\n<\/div>\n