{"id":7077777,"date":"2026-10-06T06:05:18","date_gmt":"2026-10-06T06:05:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7077777"},"modified":"2026-10-06T06:05:18","modified_gmt":"2026-10-06T06:05:18","slug":"six-pillar-roadmap-for-how-to-move-from-merely-surviving-to-truly-mattering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7077777","title":{"rendered":"Six-pillar Roadmap For How To Move From Merely Surviving To Truly Mattering"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n<\/p>\n

\n

Question: There is so much
\nto learn from your book. What are the best first steps a reader should take,
\nbeyond the One Small Steps recommended in the book, to incorporate the
\nlearnings into their lives?<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Miles<\/b>: I would start by resisting the
\ntemptation to change everything at once. The first step is to become more aware
\nof where you are experiencing a Mattering Gap\u2014the distance between what you are
\ngiving and how significant you feel while giving it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I suggest asking yourself six
\nquestions through the lens of the M.A.T.T.E.R. Framework:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Meaning<\/b>: Can I see how what I
    \ndo contributes to something that matters?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Autonomy<\/b>: Where am I acting
    \nmore like an executor than an author of my own life?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Trust<\/b>: Where am I withholding
    \na truth, from someone else or from myself?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. Time<\/b>: Does my calendar
    \nreflect what I say matters most?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. Energy<\/b>: What consistently
    \ngives me energy, and what continually extracts it?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  6. Reciprocity<\/b>: What am I
    \ngiving, and what am I receiving in return?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Then don’t try to fix all
    \nsix. Identify the one that is most out of alignment and create one piece of
    \nevidence that you can change it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    If time is the problem,
    \nreclaim 10 minutes for something that matters. If autonomy is the problem, make
    \none decision you have been unnecessarily waiting for someone else to make. If
    \ntrust is the problem, have the conversation you’ve been avoiding. If energy is
    \nthe problem, eliminate one unnecessary energy drain.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    The goal isn’t simply
    \ninsight. The goal is evidence. We change our lives when our intentions
    \nrepeatedly become evidence that our voice matters, our time matters, our energy
    \nmatters, and our contribution matters.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Question: How best during
    \na performance review can a business leader make an employee feel like he\/she
    \nmatters?<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Miles<\/b>: The biggest mistake a leader can
    \nmake is treating the performance review as a transaction: here is what you
    \naccomplished, here is where you fell short, and here is what I need from you
    \nnext year.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Instead, use the review as an
    \nopportunity to help the person see that they are known, valued, and that their
    \ncontributions matter.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    I would ask five questions:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

      \n
    • What are you most proud of
      \naccomplishing this year?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
    • What part of your work gave
      \nyou the most energy?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
    • Where did you feel you made
      \nthe greatest difference?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
    • What is getting in the way of
      \nyou doing your best work?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      And perhaps most importantly:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        \n
      • What can I do as your leader
        \nto help you grow and contribute at a higher level?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

        Then listen without
        \nimmediately turning the answers into action items.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        Mattering is not the same as
        \npraise. Someone can receive an excellent performance review and still feel
        \ninvisible. People feel that they matter when they know their contribution is
        \nseen, their perspective is valued, their development matters, and their presence
        \nis more than the output they produce.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        One of the simplest things a
        \nleader can do is be specific. Don’t simply say, ‘You’re a great contributor.’ Tell someone exactly what changed because of their contribution and who
        \nbenefited from it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        Meaning turns a task into a
        \ncontribution, and specificity makes that contribution visible.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        And leaders should remember
        \nthat the performance review itself is only one moment. If someone has to wait
        \nsix months to find out whether their work matters, the organization is missing
        \nhundreds of opportunities to provide that evidence along the way.<\/span><\/p>\n

        Question: As someone
        \ncontemplates their death, how should they relate mattering to leaving a legacy?
        \nOr don’t those correlate?<\/b><\/p>\n

        \u00a0<\/p>\n

        <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

        Miles<\/b>: I think they correlate, but they are
        \nnot the same thing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        Legacy asks what remains
        \nafter we’re gone. Mattering asks what becomes different because we’re here.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        And there’s an important
        \ndistinction between the two.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        Research by Tom Gilovich and
        \nShai Davidai found that when people reflect on their greatest regrets, they are
        \nmuch more likely to regret not becoming the person they hoped to become than
        \nfailing to meet the obligations they felt they should have met. In other words,
        \nwe can spend a lifetime becoming who we think we’re supposed to be while moving
        \nfurther away from who we actually hoped to become.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        That connects deeply with
        \nwhat I call the Slow Fade.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        Most people disappear from
        \ntheir own lives incrementally. We take the promotion. We accept another
        \nresponsibility. We become indispensable. We keep saying yes because other
        \npeople need us. We become very good at being the person everyone else needs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        And then one day we look up
        \nand realize, ‘I’ve become very successful at being needed. But have I
        \nbecome the person I wanted to be?’\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        That’s where I think
        \nmattering changes the conversation about legacy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        If we’re only thinking about
        \nlegacy, we can become preoccupied with what we’ll leave behind: the company we
        \nbuilt, the books we wrote, the awards we received, the money we accumulated, or
        \nwhether people remember our name.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        But mattering asks a more
        \nimmediate and human question: ‘Who is different because I am here?’\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        Maybe it’s a child who
        \ndeveloped confidence because you believed in them. Maybe it’s an employee who
        \nfound their voice because you gave them an opportunity. Maybe it’s a friend who
        \ndidn’t feel alone because you stayed. Maybe it’s a community that became stronger
        \nbecause you contributed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        Those things may never appear
        \nin an obituary. But they are forms of legacy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        So, when I think about my own
        \nmortality, I don’t want my primary question to be, ‘What will people remember
        \nabout me?’<\/span><\/p>\n

        I want it to be: ‘Did I use
        \nthe life I was given to make a meaningful difference while I was here\u2014and did I
        \nbecome the person I was capable of becoming?’<\/span><\/p>\n

        Because ultimately, legacy is
        \nwhat remains. Mattering is what happens while we’re here.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        And perhaps the greatest
        \nlegacy is not that people remember your name, but that they carry something
        \nforward because your life touched theirs.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        \u00a0<\/p>\n

        Question: What would
        \nit look like for workplaces, schools, or communities to truly prioritize
        \nmattering?
        <\/b><\/p>\n

        \u00a0<\/p>\n

        <\/b>Miles<\/b>: Prioritizing mattering requires a
        \nshift in how we lead and how we design the environments people move through
        \nevery day. It means moving away from treating people as problems to solve\u2014and
        \ntoward creating the conditions where they can actually thrive.<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        Question: There is so much to learn from your book. What are the best first steps a reader should take, beyond the One Small Steps recommended in the book, to incorporate the learnings into their lives?\u00a0 Miles: I would start by resisting the temptation to change everything at once. The first step is to become […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7077778,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[146762,238275,12280,109295,238276,238277,97575],"tags":[42236,11341,19449,238278,26471],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-7077777","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-eric-jacobson-on-leadership-and-management","category-john-r-miles","category-leadership","category-leadership-books","category-mattering","category-the-mattering-effecting","category-workplace","tag-mattering","tag-move","tag-roadmap","tag-sixpillar","tag-surviving"],"yoast_head":"\nSix-pillar Roadmap For How To Move From Merely Surviving To Truly Mattering - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7077777\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Six-pillar Roadmap For How To Move From Merely Surviving To Truly Mattering - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Question: There is so much to learn from your book. 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