{"id":7077130,"date":"2026-10-05T17:22:29","date_gmt":"2026-10-05T17:22:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7077130"},"modified":"2026-10-05T17:22:29","modified_gmt":"2026-10-05T17:22:29","slug":"how-to-become-friends-with-the-monster-inside-my-head","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7077130","title":{"rendered":"How To Become Friends With The Monster Inside My Head?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div itemprop=\"text\">\n<p>It\u2019s coming up to <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/15-spooky-good-ways-to-spread-kindness-this-halloween\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Halloween<\/a><\/span>, so I wanted to take a more Halloween-y approach to a few of my articles this October where possible (I know, it\u2019s still September by a day, but who\u2019s counting) because this is the best time of year. I was also listening to the Eminem ft. Rihanna song, \u2018The Monster\u2019, while thinking about what my next article could be on, and the two fit perfectly. I hope you find it a useful and enjoyable article.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p><span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Eminem ft. Rihanna - The Monster (Explicit) [Official Video]\" width=\"840\" height=\"473\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/EHkozMIXZ8w?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/span><\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-Is-The-Monster-Inside-My-Head\"\/>What Is The Monster Inside My Head?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h2>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>\u201cThe monster inside my head\u201d is a fairly common metaphor for mental health struggles, <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/intrusive-thoughts\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">intrusive thoughts<\/a><\/span>, <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/tag\/anxiety\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">anxiety<\/a><\/span>, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.nhs.uk\/mental-health\/conditions\/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd\/overview\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">OCD<\/a><\/span>). For a lot of us, it\u2019s common to experience an inner voice that can be very critical of us in a way we would never speak about others (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Dave\">Dave<\/a><\/span>, 2026).<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>It can help to think of that inner voice, that monster, as an algorithm created by our brain in response to an event (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/tag\/trauma\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">trauma<\/a><\/span>, <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/tag\/abuse\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">abuse<\/a><\/span>, <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/teaching-children-about-bullying-for-better-mental-health\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">bullying<\/a><\/span>, etc.) or our environment, where we may have felt we had little control or agency (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Blanch\">Blanch<\/a><\/span>, 2021). For example, when we relied on support or external <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/8-ways-to-cultivate-internal-validation-for-better-mental-wellbeing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">validation<\/a><\/span> and approval.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>This may have worked to protect us at the time, but it quickly becomes an algorithm stuck in a time we don\u2019t need protecting from anymore.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>Thus, this protective inner voice becomes a harsh <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/inner-critic-how-to-call-out-your-inner-critic-and-take-control\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">inner critic<\/a><\/span> that feels like a monster in our heads. This often means we\u2019re left with a relentless <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/inner-critic-how-to-call-out-your-inner-critic-and-take-control\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">inner critic<\/a><\/span> that is trying to anticipate a treat or prevent harm that\u2019s no longer coming (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Dave\">Dave<\/a><\/span>, 2026).<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>The monster in our head doesn\u2019t mean to be our enemy, it just hasn\u2019t understood that things have moved on from the time our brains created it to protect us (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Blanch\">Blanch<\/a><\/span>, 2021). Thus, we need to make our monster aware that things have changed, rather than unintentionally reinforcing it with our <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/safety-behaviours-the-short-term-relief-that-prolongs-the-pain\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">safety behaviours<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Befriending-The-Monster\"\/>Befriending The Monster<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h2>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>The monster in our head can show itself in many forms. It can be a fierce <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/inner-critic-how-to-call-out-your-inner-critic-and-take-control\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">inner critic<\/a><\/span>, an anxious spiral, or a shadow self. But befriending the inner monster isn\u2019t about defeating it in some kind of epic showdown.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>More often, it\u2019s about realising that the monster is actually just a terribly misguided defence mechanism wearing a scary mask. When we stop trying to banish it to the shadow realm, we change the dynamic entirely.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>When we talk about the monster, we are usually talking about a fragmented part of ourselves, which from a <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/blog.routledge.com\/mental-health-and-psychology\/what-is-jungian-psychology\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Jungian<\/a><\/span> perspective would be called the \u2018shadow\u2019, or what modern therapies like internal family systems (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Internal_Family_Systems_Model\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">IFS<\/a><\/span>) call \u2018protectors\u2019.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>Monsters aren\u2019t born; circumstance creates them. At some point in our life, usually our childhood or a period of high <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/tag\/stress\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">stress<\/a><\/span>, we experienced some form of emotional pain, rejection, or failure. To ensure we never felt that way again, our brain created a defence mechanism.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>But this defence mechanism grew to be our monster. The monster can be fed by events that confirm its birth, even if we\u2019re misinterpreting these events, which is often the case due to our <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Negativity_bias\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">negativity bias<\/a><\/span>. This can be further made worse by the <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/thinking-errors\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">cognitive biases<\/a><\/span> we can develop, especially if our <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/examining-your-core-beliefs-for-improved-mental-wellbeing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">core beliefs<\/a><\/span> become unhealthy.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>The tragedy of the inner monster is that it\u2019s using terrible, destructive methods to achieve a benevolent <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/creating-goals-so-you-can-overcome-your-difficulties\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">goal<\/a><\/span>: keeping us safe. It acts like a monster because it is terrified. After all, we were fearful at the time it was born.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>But when the monster feels heard and safe, its defensive posture relaxes, and it stops using its claws and starts using its focus.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The-Metamorphosis-Transforming-The-Monster\"\/>The Metamorphosis: Transforming The Monster<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h2>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>One of the big things in science is that we can\u2019t destroy energy; we can only change its state. With the monster, we can\u2019t destroy it; we can only transform it. When we successfully befriend our inner monster, it doesn\u2019t disappear from our head entirely.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>For some, it may fade into the background and only come back if something triggers it, but we can also get the monster to take on a new job description.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The-monsters-old-job-The-perfectionist\"\/><strong>The monster\u2019s old job: The perfectionist<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>The <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/the-harm-of-perfectionism-and-how-to-overcome-it\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">perfectionist<\/a><\/span> monster typically starts as a form of protection (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Kang\">Kang<\/a><\/span>, 2025), one that traps us. How that manifests can vary, but it\u2019s common to avoid doing anything we don\u2019t think we\u2019ll instantly be good at or won\u2019t do in case people see we\u2019re not <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/wabi-sabi-the-amazing-beauty-in-the-broken-and-imperfect\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">perfect<\/a><\/span>. We also won\u2019t accept anything better than <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/the-harm-of-perfectionism-and-how-to-overcome-it\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">perfection<\/a><\/span> in the things we do.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>But that\u2019s a very draining and unhappy life to live, so we want to move our monster from being our <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/the-harm-of-perfectionism-and-how-to-overcome-it\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">perfectionist<\/a><\/span> to shaking off the fear of failure and focusing on high standards (not <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/the-harm-of-perfectionism-and-how-to-overcome-it\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">perfection<\/a><\/span>), where we hopefully end up with craftsmanship and dedication. At the same time, our standards don\u2019t even need to be that high; we can move to good enough, being good enough, because in almost everything we do, it is.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The-monsters-old-job-Raging-protector\"\/><strong>The monster\u2019s old job: Raging protector<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>The protector functions like a faulty smoke alarm. It calculates every worst-case scenario because it genuinely believes that if it <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/worry-and-gad-from-real-worries-to-hypothetical-worries\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">worries<\/a><\/span> enough, we won\u2019t be caught off guard. But we want to move the monster from being our raging protector to helping it stop lashing out internally and start enforcing healthy <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/boundaries\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">boundaries<\/a><\/span>. Thus taking on the job of being a self-protection and <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/the-importance-of-learning-how-to-be-assertive\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">assertiveness<\/a><\/span> advocate.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The-monsters-old-job-Hyper-critic\"\/><strong>The monster\u2019s old job: Hyper critic<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>Such a monster usually starts as an attempt to criticise us <strong>before<\/strong> anyone else can. If it beats us up first, it thinks it is keeping us safe from the devastating surprise of external rejection. Either way, we\u2019re still getting a beating.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>What we want is to move the monster from being our hyper <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/inner-critic-how-to-call-out-your-inner-critic-and-take-control\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">inner critic<\/a><\/span> to helping it stop panicking and become a sharp, analytical <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/being-proactive-and-problem-solving-your-worries-away\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">problem-solver<\/a><\/span>, thus becoming our strategist.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-To-Befriend-The-Monster\"\/>How To Befriend The Monster<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h2>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Integrate-the-monster-shadow\"\/><strong>Integrate the monster (shadow)<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>In psychological concepts, the parts of ourselves we reject or deem \u201cmonstrous\u201d don\u2019t disappear; they just ferment in the basement. True integration means recognising that this part of us often holds misdirected energy.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>For example. A <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/the-harm-of-perfectionism-and-how-to-overcome-it\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">perfectionist<\/a><\/span> monster might just be a passionate creator who is terrified of not being good enough; an angry monster might be an overly fierce protector of our personal <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/boundaries\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">boundaries<\/a><\/span>. Once it feels safe and heard, that raw energy can often be redirected into something constructive.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Forget-avoidance-and-suppression\"\/><strong>Forget avoidance and suppression<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>Avoiding and <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/the-little-known-truth-about-thought-suppression\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">suppressing<\/a><\/span> the voice of the monster inside our head often has the exact opposite effect (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Seif\">Seif and Winston<\/a><\/span>, 2018). The monster wants to be heard because it thinks it\u2019s helping us. What often happens when we ignore a child, they will do things to get our attention, even if it means throwing a tantrum. That\u2019s basically how our monster works as well.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>We may be able to distract ourselves from it for a while (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Blanch\">Blanch<\/a><\/span>, 2021), but the thoughts we\u2019re trying to avoid will come back again, sometimes when we\u2019re not prepared to handle it.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Accept-the-monster\"\/><strong>Accept the monster<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>First, it helps to look at <strong>why<\/strong> the monster exists inside our head and how we can practically renegotiate our relationship with it. According to <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Schwartz\">Schwartz<\/a><\/span> (2013), <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Internal_Family_Systems_Model\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">IFS<\/a><\/span> therapist found that the biggest roadblock to change is a lack of self-acceptance. Thus, being able to <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-the-best-self-help-guide\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">accept<\/a><\/span> the monster in our head can help with changing the role of the monster or getting it to hibernate.\u00a0<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>The <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/therapy-goals-getting-the-best-from-your-mental-health-treatment\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">goal<\/a><\/span> isn\u2019t to silence the monster from being our harsh <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/inner-critic-how-to-call-out-your-inner-critic-and-take-control\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">inner critic<\/a><\/span> but to change how we relate to it (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Dave\">Dave<\/a><\/span>, 2026). Often fighting with this monster just feeds it like throwing fuel on a fire, but if we <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-the-best-self-help-guide\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">accept<\/a><\/span> what it\u2019s saying rather than challenging it, the monster feels heard and will stop pestering us. It also helps with gaining insight about the monster and why it\u2019s here in the first place.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Pull-back-the-curtain-personification\"\/><strong>Pull back the curtain (personification)<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>Monsters thrive on ambiguity and darkness. When it speaks in vague, overwhelming absolutes like, \u201cYou\u2019ll mess this up\u201d and \u201cNobody\u00a0 likes you\u201d, force it to get specific.<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"> <a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/decoding-your-inner-voice-how-to-change-negative-self-talk\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Giving the voice an identity<\/a><\/span>, a visual form and a name, can help break the monsters power over us. This is called personification (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Gershman\">Gershman<\/a><\/span>, 2020).<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>It\u2019s much easier to negotiate with a dramatic, stressed-out monster named Barry III than an existential, nameless inner voice.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Establish-a-dialogue-with-our-monster\"\/><strong>Establish a dialogue with our monster<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>Befriending our monster doesn\u2019t mean liking what it says. That\u2019s not what <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-the-best-self-help-guide\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">acceptance<\/a><\/span> is. It just means changing how we respond to it.\u00a0To break the loop where we mistakenly feed the monster and make it stronger, we can use a technique called \u2018externalised dialogue\u2019. When the monster starts talking to us, grab a pen and paper and write out the conversation.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>The monster<\/strong>: \u201cYou\u2019re going to mess this up. Why do you even bother?\u201d.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Us (the host)<\/strong>: \u201cI hear you. You\u2019re really loud right now. What are you worried will happen if I mess up?\u201d.<\/li>\n<li><strong>The monster<\/strong>: \u201cPeople will see you fail and they\u2019ll think you\u2019re a fraud\u201d.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>By writing out the interaction like a dialogue, we slow our thoughts down to a more manageable pace. This can help reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed by it. So let it speak without immediately fighting it or agreeing with it so we can uncover the core vulnerability.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>It\u2019s a bit like using <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/explorable.com\/e\/downward-arrow\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">downward arrowing<\/a><\/span> to find an unhealthy <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/examining-your-core-beliefs-for-improved-mental-wellbeing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">core belief<\/a><\/span>, just through the use of dialogue used to move the conversation from \u201cYou\u2019re a failure\u201d to \u201cAh, you\u2019re terrified of being rejected\u201d. At least in this example.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>This is important because the relationship with have with ourselves is arguably the most important relationship we have in our lives (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Dave\">Dave<\/a><\/span>, 2026). That means we benefit from finding a way to <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-the-best-self-help-guide\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">accept<\/a><\/span>, live, and adapt the monster in our head so we can improve our quality of life.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium_large wp-image-17593\" src=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/pin-How-To-Become-Friends-With-The-Monster-Inside-My-Head-Halloween-Mental-Health-Unwanted-Life-400x600.png\" alt=\"The picture is split in two, with the top image being of a man in skeleton face paint in a crowd. The bottom image being of a couple in Halloween face paint. The two images are separated by the article title - How To Become Friends With The Monster Inside My Head?\" width=\"400\" height=\"600\" srcset=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/pin-How-To-Become-Friends-With-The-Monster-Inside-My-Head-Halloween-Mental-Health-Unwanted-Life-400x600.png 400w, https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/pin-How-To-Become-Friends-With-The-Monster-Inside-My-Head-Halloween-Mental-Health-Unwanted-Life-333x500.png 333w, https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/pin-How-To-Become-Friends-With-The-Monster-Inside-My-Head-Halloween-Mental-Health-Unwanted-Life-683x1024.png 683w, https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/pin-How-To-Become-Friends-With-The-Monster-Inside-My-Head-Halloween-Mental-Health-Unwanted-Life-100x150.png 100w, https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/pin-How-To-Become-Friends-With-The-Monster-Inside-My-Head-Halloween-Mental-Health-Unwanted-Life-233x350.png 233w, https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/pin-How-To-Become-Friends-With-The-Monster-Inside-My-Head-Halloween-Mental-Health-Unwanted-Life-300x450.png 300w, https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/pin-How-To-Become-Friends-With-The-Monster-Inside-My-Head-Halloween-Mental-Health-Unwanted-Life.png 1000w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\"\/><\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Shift-to-curiosity\"\/><strong>Shift to curiosity<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>Much like establishing a dialogue by writing it out, we can also engage with it using our inner voice. So when the monster flares up, try to avoid the instinct is to fight back or <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/the-little-known-truth-about-thought-suppression\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">suppress<\/a><\/span> it.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>Instead, we should try treating it like a hyper-vigilant, completely exhausted monster working as our security guard who has been awake for three days straight. As such, shift our internal dialogue from adversarial to curious.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Adversarial<\/strong>: \u201cShut up, you\u2019re ruining my day and making me miserable\u201d.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Curious<\/strong>: \u201cI hear you sounding the alarm loudly right now. What exactly are you trying to protect me from?\u201d.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>This is important because studies have shown that self-curiosity supports emotional regulation and reduces cognitive rigidity (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Kang\">Kang<\/a><\/span>, 2025). Furthermore, behind almost every <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/inner-critic-how-to-call-out-your-inner-critic-and-take-control\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">harsh inner critic<\/a><\/span> is a core fear of vulnerability, rejection, or failure. When we address the underlying fear we can work to deflate the monster or assign it a healthier role.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Put-the-monster-in-the-passenger-seat\"\/><strong>Put the monster in the passenger seat<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>It\u2019s also important to remember that when we befriend the monster, that doesn\u2019t mean giving it free reign. We can validate its existence without letting it be in control. Acknowledge its presence, thank it for its highly enthusiastic (if unhelpful) input, but maintain our <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/boundaries\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">boundary<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>We acknowledge what it\u2019s said, but at the same time we\u2019re telling it we\u2019re going to take the lead on this one. This is a form of cognitive reframing (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Kang\">Kang<\/a><\/span>, 2025). The monster only wants to be heard, after all.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-birthed-the-monster\"\/><strong>What birthed the monster<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>Generally, some event, series of events, or <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/tag\/trauma\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">trauma<\/a><\/span> is the reason our monster was born. Shifting to curiosity and establishing a dialogue with our monster are two good ways to get to the why the monster is here. However, finding out why it\u2019s trying to protect us doesn\u2019t always mean we know the events that lead to its creation. But sometimes it can.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>For the times it doesn\u2019t, it can help to explore our life events as a <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/tag\/Journaling\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">journaling<\/a><\/span> exercise, and reappraise some of the events with our current understandings.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>A lot of the stuff that can happen to us growing up doesn\u2019t always register as being harmful. But as we explore the world and get exposure to healthier relationships, that insight can come. This is what can make it a good <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/tag\/Journaling\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">journaling<\/a><\/span> exercise.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h4><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Take-the-monster-to-therapy\"\/><strong>Take the monster to therapy<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h4>\n<p>When it comes to things like <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/tag\/trauma\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">trauma<\/a><\/span>, we can often benefit from professional support (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Blanch\">Blanch<\/a><\/span>, 2021), and there\u2019s nothing wrong with that. But even if it\u2019s not <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/tag\/trauma\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">trauma<\/a><\/span> related, incorporating our monster into something more helpful can also benefit from the aid of a therapist.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>Working with a therapist that won\u2019t judge us and who will provide compassion can really help with learning about the deep dark recess of our mind, the parts where our fears hide (<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"#Schwartz\">Schwartz<\/a><\/span>, 2013). Then help us work out a plan to better manage those parts of us.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Summary\"\/>Summary<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h2>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>When it comes to the monster in our head, it\u2019s not a one-time fix. It often takes practice. The monster has likely been running the security department of our brain for years, so it won\u2019t trust our leadership immediately.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>It will test us by getting loud again. This makes the first stage of changing our monster the hardest part, but one worth sticking too. By starting with the <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><a style=\"color: #ff0000;\" href=\"https:\/\/unwantedlife.me\/creating-goals-so-you-can-overcome-your-difficulties\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">goal<\/a><\/span> to simply notice it, name it, and refuse to view it as an enemy, we\u2019ve taken the first important step.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>Remember, it is a part of us, but a part that got stuck in the dark, and it needs us to show it the way out.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>As always, leave your feedback in the comments section below. Also, please share your experiences with the monster in your head in the comments section below. Don\u2019t forget, if you want to stay up-to-date with my blog, you can sign up for my newsletter below. Alternatively, click the red bell icon in the bottom right corner to get push notifications for new articles.<\/p>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p>Lastly, if you\u2019d like to support my blog, please find the PayPal and Ko-fi donation payment options below. Until next time, <del>Un<\/del>wanted Life readers.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"References\"\/>References<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"\/><\/h2>\n<h6>\u00a0<\/h6>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" id=\"Blanch\">Blanch, A. (2021, May 10). The enemy within \u2013 healing the critical voice. <em>Good Psychology<\/em>. Retrieved from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.good-psychology.com\/post\/the-enemy-within-healing-the-critical-voice\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#ff0000\" class=\"has-inline-color\">https:\/\/www.good-psychology.com\/post\/the-enemy-within-healing-the-critical-voice<\/mark><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" id=\"Dave\">Dave, H. (2026, May 30). Why are Our Inner Voices so Mean and Critical?<em>.<\/em> <em>Hennessy Clinical Psychology<\/em>. Retrieved from <a href=\"https:\/\/hennessyclinicalpsychology.com\/why-our-inner-voice-is-so-mean\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#ff0000\" class=\"has-inline-color\">https:\/\/hennessyclinicalpsychology.com\/why-our-inner-voice-is-so-mean<\/mark><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" id=\"Gershman\">Gershman, N. (2020).\u00a0I Am the Very Worst Person on Earth and Other Myths: Understanding and Reconciling With the Inner Critic. <em>Pacifica Graduate Institute<\/em>. Retrieved from <a href=\"https:\/\/delos-inc.com\/articles-b\/THESIS%20N.%20Gershman%203_5.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#ff0000\" class=\"has-inline-color\">https:\/\/delos-inc.com\/articles-b\/THESIS%20N.%20Gershman%203_5.pdf<\/mark><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" id=\"Kang\">Kang, M. (2025, November 2). How Internal Family Systems can help you befriend your inner critic. <em>Psychology Today<\/em>. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/gb\/blog\/rebuild-your-life\/202511\/the-well-meaning-protector-befriending-the-inner-critic\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#ff0000\" class=\"has-inline-color\">https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/gb\/blog\/rebuild-your-life\/202511\/the-well-meaning-protector-befriending-the-inner-critic<\/mark><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" id=\"Schwartz\">Schwartz, R. C. (2013). Moving from acceptance toward transformation with internal family systems therapy (IFS). <em>Journal of Clinical Psychology<\/em>, <em>69<\/em>(8), 805-816. Retrieved from <a href=\"https:\/\/sppc.org.pt\/downloads\/IFSTherapy\/RS_schwartz_moving_from_acceptance.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#ff0000\" class=\"has-inline-color\">https:\/\/sppc.org.pt\/downloads\/IFSTherapy\/RS_schwartz_moving_from_acceptance.pdf<\/mark><\/a>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" id=\"Seif\">Seif, M., &amp; Winston, S. (2018, April 26). Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts. <em>Anxiety and Depression Association of America<\/em>. Retrieved from <a href=\"https:\/\/adaa.org\/learn-from-us\/from-the-experts\/blog-posts\/consumer\/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#ff0000\" class=\"has-inline-color\">https:\/\/adaa.org\/learn-from-us\/from-the-experts\/blog-posts\/consumer\/unwanted-intrusive-thoughts<\/mark><\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s coming up to Halloween, so I wanted to take a more Halloween-y approach to a few of my articles this October where possible (I know, it\u2019s still September by a day, but who\u2019s counting) because this is the best time of year. I was also listening to the Eminem ft. Rihanna song, \u2018The Monster\u2019, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7077131,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[99852,100620,165061,98079,96877,99547,100632,114852],"tags":[2222,82094,6450,1162,460,114853],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-7077130","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice","category-anxiety","category-coping-strategies","category-general","category-mental-health","category-research","category-stress","category-what-is","tag-anxiety","tag-coping-strategies","tag-friends","tag-monster","tag-stress","tag-what-is"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How To Become Friends With The Monster Inside My Head? - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7077130\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How To Become Friends With The Monster Inside My Head? - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It\u2019s coming up to Halloween, so I wanted to take a more Halloween-y approach to a few of my articles this October where possible (I know, it\u2019s still September by a day, but who\u2019s counting) because this is the best time of year. 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