{"id":7073806,"date":"2026-10-03T04:15:31","date_gmt":"2026-10-03T04:15:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7073806"},"modified":"2026-10-03T04:15:31","modified_gmt":"2026-10-03T04:15:31","slug":"why-people-are-misreading-your-posts-its-not-your-fault","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7073806","title":{"rendered":"Why people are misreading your posts (it\u2019s not your fault)"},"content":{"rendered":"


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\"why<\/figure>\n

Social media has brought many wonderful things into the world. But one of the worst is that it\u2019s never been easier for people to get the wrong end of the stick. <\/p>\n

Have you ever commented on something and had someone totally misunderstand you online? Or how about a Facebook post that you thought was hilarious, but it offended your colleague or friend? It\u2019s happened to me a few times \u2013 and I\u2019ve been on both sides of the fence. Sometimes I\u2019m offended. Other times I\u2019m doing the offending.<\/p>\n

Sometimes misunderstandings are frustrating \u2013 but they can also ruin friendships and do real damage. So I wanted to understand why it\u2019s so common (and so easy) for this to happen. What makes it so easy to misread content online? And how do we make our words \u2013 and intentions \u2013 clearer? <\/p>\n

We are not very good at reading <\/h3>\n

If you want to understand why online content is so hard to understand, you need to know that we \u2013 human beings \u2013 are notoriously bad at reading stuff and understanding it. Especially when it comes to understanding the emotional intent of online content. <\/p>\n

One study<\/a> showed that when we share something online, we think that 90% of people will understand our intent \u2013 but the actual figure is closer to 50%. So literally half<\/strong> the time we post stuff, people don\u2019t really understand what we\u2019re getting at. That\u2019s a HUGE gap between how effective we think our online communication is, and the reality. <\/p>\n

So why people misunderstand you online so much of the time? And what can we do about it? <\/p>\n

1. Online content has no visual cues <\/h3>\n

One obvious reason why online content can easily be misread is that social media strips out a lot of context<\/a> that we\u2019d have in a regular conversation. <\/p>\n

When we send an email or post an update, the reader can\u2019t see our expression, or hear our tone of voice. There are no gestures, no body language or eye contact. It\u2019s incredibly easy to miss something that would be obvious if someone was to say the same thing in person. <\/p>\n

The science of this is known as the removal of \u2018paralingual<\/a> communication\u2019 and studies show that you can say the EXACT same thing in a text or in person, and get a totally different reaction. Something that sounds hostile or critical in a social media post might be less threatening, or more understandable, when said in \u2018real life\u2019. <\/p>\n

2. We notice things that match our emotional state <\/h3>\n

Human brains are very efficient \u2013 when we read any sort of content online, our brain doesn\u2019t just read the words and do all that processing from scratch. Actually, the brain takes various short cuts to help us process information quickly \u2013 one of which is known as \u2018mood-congruent processing<\/a><\/strong>. <\/p>\n

This is a fancy pants term that means if we get information that matches how we\u2019re feeling, we notice it more. And if we see information that contradicts that emotional state, we\u2019re liable to overlook it. <\/p>\n

So if I\u2019m angry and I read a text, I\u2019m more likely to notice the parts that make me feel angry, and overlook things that might make me feel differently. Or if I\u2019m feeling insecure in my job, I might read that email from my boss as being sarcastic and critical, when on a better day, it would seem neutral. <\/p>\n

This is why when your mother told you to \u2018sleep on it\u2019 she was 100% right. When you\u2019re feeling calm and positive, that message or post might not cause anything like the same emotional reaction. <\/p>\n

3. We read what we expect to see <\/h3>\n

A related psychological factor at play when we\u2019re online is confirmation bias<\/a><\/strong>. If someone sends you a Facebook post and says it\u2019s offensive, guess what? You\u2019re probably gonna be offended. <\/p>\n

If we\u2019re told that a post is snarky and our bestie is soooo<\/em> upset, then our brain activates networks associated with negative concepts \u2013 and we\u2019re unconsciously looking for evidence to support that initial interpretation we were provided. When we understand how this process works, it\u2019s not hard to see how you might misinterpret something that could actually be ironic, or ambiguous, or nuanced. <\/p>\n

I used to have a friend who would regularly see posts that she thought were being snarky about me \u2013 and send them to me with a supportive \u201cOMG look what that witch said about you!\u201d type message. <\/p>\n

Lo and behold, I\u2019d immediately go and read those posts and be upset and offended. But at least 50% of the time, if I went back and read the same posts weeks later, I\u2019d wonder what I\u2019d got so upset about. <\/p>\n

\"apologise<\/figure>\n

4. Sometimes it\u2019s all too much <\/h3>\n

When we\u2019re reading something that evokes strong feelings, our brain is coping with a heavy cognitive load<\/a>. Strong emotions use up lots of mental resources \u2013 this is called \u2019emotional interference\u2019 and it makes our brain less efficient at processing and understanding information. When we are feeling strongly about something we\u2019ve read, there is literally<\/em><\/strong> less capacity for balanced or nuanced understanding. When we\u2019re calm, we\u2019re far better at engaging in deliberative, analytical thinking.<\/p>\n

5. We assume it\u2019s about us <\/h3>\n

There\u2019s a very common cognitive distortion called \u2018personalisation<\/a>\u2018 \u2013 which means we assume that when someone else expresses negative emotions or language, we assume it\u2019s our fault, or directed at us \u2013 even when there is no logical connection. Many of us actually have this as a default setting \u2013 if something is ambiguous, we will analyse it through a self-critical lens. <\/p>\n

So a friend says<\/strong>: \u201cI\u2019m struggling with my anxiety just now, I can\u2019t be at big parties.\u201d <\/p>\n

But what we hear is<\/strong>: \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t have invited me to this party, you\u2019re an inconsiderate friend.\u201d <\/p>\n

Or you say<\/strong>: \u201cWow, I\u2019m so busy at work just now, I can\u2019t imagine how I\u2019ll finish this project in time!\u201d <\/p>\n

But your colleague hears<\/strong>: \u201cYou should have helped me more, and sent me this project earlier. This is your fault.\u201d <\/p>\n

It\u2019s not logical. It\u2019s not helpful. But it happens ALL the time. <\/p>\n

How to avoid online miscommunication <\/h3>\n

I think a helpful starting point to reducing miscommunication is to remember that 50% of people may misinterpret our intentions online. That means we have to be more careful both in the content we share online -and the content we consume. Here are some tips you might find helpful: <\/p>\n