Grief always involves loss of identity. Who am I now?\u00a0<\/em>is a central question we are forced to process after loss.<\/p>\n When we grieve our loved one, we also grieve the identity we had with them. We don\u2019t just miss our loved one. We miss who we were with them.<\/p>\n One of the biggest changes after loss is the role, position, or title we held.<\/p>\n You were a mother. A wife or husband. A daughter or granddaughter. You were the pastor\u2019s wife or a milspouse or you worked together to build a business. You were a sister, a friend, a bestie, a colleague.<\/p>\n A lot of who you were was tied up in that role. I loved being a wife, and being Dan\u2019s wife. It was a bit disconcerting to give up my maiden name at 20 years old and take on his last name. But after 26 years and life together, I came to cherish being known by his name.<\/p>\n Yes, I was my own person, but I was also his person. It wasn\u2019t just me.<\/em> It was us.<\/em> I had relationships with his colleagues and clients as his wife. His friends were in my orbit because I was his wife. His family was my family because I was his wife.<\/p>\n Some or all of that falls away after the death of our loved one. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. And even when relationships remain, they look different.<\/p>\n So much of grief comes not only as ache for the one we no longer have with us, but the stripping away of the life shared together. It\u2019s a secondary loss that often goes unrecognized by family, friends, and community around us.<\/p>\n Our roles and positions were part of an ordered life that helped life make sense. We had identities we\u2019d become comfortable with and dearly loved wearing. <\/p>\n But then we went to sleep in one life and woke up in another. Waking up in a new, disordered life over and over again is not only emotionally grueling but jarring to our sense of who we are.<\/p>\n We all wear invisible name tags that read \u201cEmmy\u2019s mom\u201d or \u201cBrian\u2019s wife\u201d or \u201cPatty and Al\u2019s daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n And while those relationships will always be part of us, loss means we no longer walk them out this side of heaven.<\/p>\n The death of our loved one forces us to write a new invisible name tag. It forces us to grapple with who we are apart from our loved one.<\/p>\n As we grieve the loss of who we were, we can find comfort in who we are in Christ.<\/p>\n While our identity may change after loss, our identity in Christ does not.<\/strong><\/p>\n Knowing who God says you are will help you root yourself in Christ rather than your circumstance<\/strong>.<\/p>\n If you need a reminder to see yourself the way God sees you, this Scripture-based list will help you anchor your identity in what is true, rather than what you may feel.<\/p>\n![\"woman](\"https:\/\/lisaappelo.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/grief-and-loss-of-identity_-who-am-I-after-loss_-2-tiny.jpg\")
<\/figure>\nYour Identity in Christ When Grief Shakes Everything<\/h2>\n