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Welcoming a new baby is an exciting time, and it can also be overwhelming. The early months are often filled with sleepless nights, emotional highs and lows, and a significant adjustment for new parents. Friends and family can play a vital role in providing both practical and emotional support. But how can they be truly helpful? Here are some essential tips to make sure the support of new parents is meaningful while respecting boundaries.<\/p>\n
In the first few months after childbirth, new parents experience a whirlwind of changes. These include sleep deprivation, mood shifts, and relationship adjustments. Beyond the physical and emotional shifts, new parents are also navigating their new roles and identities, managing expectations, and adjusting their priorities. For some, it\u2019s also dealing with unexpected feelings of isolation, even when surrounded by loved ones.<\/p>\n
As Jessica Tucker, DO<\/a>, NABBLM-C a women\u2019s health and lactation medicine specialist at the OhioHealth Fourth Trimester Clinic<\/a>, explains, \u201cAll of these things happen together. Nobody really prepares us for how to handle all these changes that happen at the exact same time and influence each other.\u201d She notes that these overlapping challenges can feel like a lot to handle, especially when advice often focuses on isolated problems rather than the entire experience. These realities make the first months particularly hard, but having a strong support network can help new parents work through these changes with a little more ease.<\/p>\n You know you want to support your friends or family members who are new parents \u2013 now what? Because new parents may be overwhelmed with all of the changes in their lives, they may not know what type of help to ask for or fully comprehend, in their sleep-deprived state, what tasks could be delegated to their support system.<\/p>\n \u201cMany parents won\u2019t realize when they need help,\u201d says Dr. Tucker. \u201cSo instead of asking \u2018What would be helpful?\u2019 and \u2018How can I help you?\u2019, I think it\u2019s important for families and friends to have an idea of a couple of things they could help with and offer those things to the new parents.\u201d<\/p>\n Here are some examples of the language Dr. Tucker suggests using in these conversations:<\/p>\n The first few weeks with a newborn often feel like survival mode, so any help that eases daily tasks is appreciated. Offering support without the expectation to stay and visit can be incredibly helpful to new parents, as it allows them to relax without feeling the pressure of hosting. A few ways you can offer practical support are:<\/p>\n During visits with new parents, it\u2019s important to note that while some parents might appreciate someone holding the baby, others may not feel comfortable with it. Dr. Tucker cautions, \u201cSometimes new moms don\u2019t want other people to hold their baby. Always ask first and be mindful and respectful of their wishes.\u201d<\/p>\n It\u2019s not just about the practical help\u2014emotional support is equally critical. Being a good listener and creating a safe, judgment-free space for them to talk can make a big difference. Dr. Tucker emphasizes the importance of being present and understanding without overstepping: \u201cI think it\u2019s important to be mindful that what you think might be helpful may be more harmful.\u201d\u200b She suggests offering your presence and care in a way that aligns with the new parents\u2019 needs. Regular check-ins, thoughtful texts, and simply asking, \u201cHow are you doing today?\u201d can show that you care without overwhelming them.<\/p>\n Supporting new parents also means respecting their boundaries and parenting choices. Every family and every generation have their own approach, whether it\u2019s about sleep, feeding, or vaccinations.<\/p>\n \u201cI think that the way that families and friends can love new parents best is to understand and respect the new family\u2019s priorities and values without imposing their own priorities and values,\u201d says Dr. Tucker. \u201cIt\u2019s really important for people to have conversations that are curious and not try to change new parents\u2019 values for their family.\u201d<\/p>\n Friends and family can best support by being curious and open, rather than offering unsolicited opinions or comparing current practices to what worked in the past. For example, while previous generations might have placed babies to sleep with blankets, today\u2019s parents are more likely to follow newer, evidence-based recommendations for different safe sleeping practices\u200b. Infant feeding is another major area where past practices differ from current evidence-based guidelines and can create tension between generations caring for the same newborn.<\/p>\n Flexibility is key. Be open to taking feedback from new parents without taking it personally.<\/p>\n One of the toughest challenges for new parents is communicating their needs, especially when they\u2019re overwhelmed. Dr. Tucker emphasizes the importance of clear communication \u2013 \u201cIt\u2019s really important to be\u00a0 loving but firm about your boundaries.\u201d New parents should try to be calm and objective when discussing their boundaries. As a supporter, encouraging parents to express what would bring them peace and rest can help align your support with their actual needs.<\/p>\n Postpartum depression and anxiety are more common than many realize and often go unnoticed. Dr. Tucker emphasizes that while mood changes after birth are normal, postpartum depression and anxiety symptoms should not be ignored\u200b. Friends and family should be aware of subtle signs like a change in behavior, withdrawal from social interactions and changes in mood.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe you noticed the person is not going on walks every day like they used to,\u201d says Dr. Tucker. \u201cMaybe they\u2019re not trying to get back involved in a hobby or texting like they used to. Look out for those little, subtle, more nuanced things and behaviors.\u201d<\/p>\n Start by checking in with new parents and saying, \u201cI noticed you haven\u2019t been responding to our group texts like you used to. I just want to check in and see if everything\u2019s okay\u201d.\u200b Reaching out with compassion and gently suggesting some mental health resources, such as postpartum support groups like Postpartum Support International<\/a> or mental health professionals like those at OhioHealth\u2019s Fourth Trimester Clinic<\/a>, can make a significant difference and help ensure parents get the support they need. \u00a0<\/p>\n Self-care might look different after having a baby. \u201cMaybe self-care used to sound like getting your nails done, but when you become a parent, self-care is one of those things that really change,\u201d says Dr. Tucker. For new parents, self-care is about finding moments of peace and rest, which could be as simple as taking a shower uninterrupted or going for a 10-minute walk.<\/p>\n For expecting parents, Dr. Tucker recommends making a list of whatever activities and things bring you calm and comfort. \u201cSometimes you don\u2019t even have the mental energy to remember what it was that gave you peace or rest,\u201d she says. \u201cSo, when you\u2019re expecting a baby and planning for postpartum, write down a list of things that bring you peace and rest and stick it on your refrigerator so you know where to look when you need it.\u201d<\/p>\n Dr. Tucker stresses the importance of good nutrition to the well-being of new parents: \u201cFood is medicine.\u201d After childbirth, many parents neglect their own meals while focusing on their newborn. Offering to bring over nutritious meals or healthy snacks is an excellent way to support them physically and emotionally. Nutritional support for new parents doesn\u2019t only have to be in the form of full, warm meals. It could also look like granola bars, prepackaged fruit cups, bottles of iced tea or Gatorade \u2013 whatever can make eating healthy and staying hydrated throughout the day easier. Keeping snacks around the house can be helpful too for times it\u2019s not easy to get to the kitchen or pantry. Everybody has their own strategy when it comes to nutrition, whether that be partaking in a vegetarian diet, avoiding gluten or staying away from preserved foods. Make sure that you understand what their dietary values are of the parents you are trying to love on are.<\/p>\n Finally, accepting help can sometimes be difficult for new parents who feel like they should manage everything themselves. It\u2019s easy to feel like you should do it all, but there\u2019s no shame in leaning on others. Dr. Tucker advises to lean on your support network, reminding new parents that they don\u2019t have to do everything on their own. Accepting help lightens the load and allows friends and family to share in the joy.<\/p>\n As a mother herself, Dr. Tucker said accepting help while protecting boundaries was one of the hardest lessons for her and her family to learn. \u201cWith each subsequent child, I learned more about how to ask for and accept help earlier on,\u201d she says. She recollects reaching out \u00a0for doula support, physical therapy, nutrition support and postpartum fitness support. Asking for and accepting help extends beyond the reach of your friend and family network \u2013 make sure to ask for support from care providers along the way as well.<\/p>\n
\nHow to offer practical support for new parents<\/h2>\n
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\nProviding Emotional Support<\/h2>\n
\nRespecting boundaries and parenting choices<\/h2>\n
\nRecognizing Signs of Postpartum Depression or Anxiety<\/h2>\n
\nEncouraging self-care for new parents<\/h2>\n
\nNutrition and wellness tips for new parents<\/h2>\n
\nAccepting help: Advice for new parents<\/h2>\n