{"id":7072792,"date":"2026-10-02T11:08:19","date_gmt":"2026-10-02T11:08:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7072792"},"modified":"2026-10-02T11:08:19","modified_gmt":"2026-10-02T11:08:19","slug":"a-fall-friendship-cleanse-letting-go-of-toxic-connections","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7072792","title":{"rendered":"A Fall Friendship Cleanse: Letting Go of Toxic Connections"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n<\/p>\n

\n
\"Unknown\"<\/figure>\n

There are tall ships<\/em>
There are small ships<\/em>
But the best ships<\/em>
Are friendships\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

Unless, of course, they\u2019re not.<\/p>\n

Fall has a way of making us want to clear things out. Our closets. Our calendars. The habits we meant to leave behind months ago.<\/p>\n

But what about our friendships? When was the last time you checked in with how the people around you actually make you feel?<\/p>\n

Social connection is the fifth pillar in my Five Pillars of Self-Care and Well-Being, because nurturing healthy, supportive friendships is itself a powerful form of self-care.<\/p>\n

\"Dark<\/figure>\n

And sometimes, self-care means acknowledging when a friendship has become painful.<\/p>\n

Perhaps as you\u2019re reading this, you have someone in mind.<\/p>\n

To be honest, I\u2019ve been fortunate not to have experienced many toxic friendships over the years. I was raised to talk to everyone, and I\u2019ve always had friends in many different circles. Cliques were never my thing. But I know that friendships can become painful, even when you enter them with an open heart and the best intentions.<\/p>\n

Over the years, readers have shared stories with me about broken trust, gossip, and friendships where they give so much and receive very little in return.<\/p>\n

And that can hurt. Especially when there\u2019s history.<\/p>\n

What a nurturing friendship looks like<\/strong><\/h2>\n

While in Florida years ago, I was having one of those overwhelmed mom moments. My girlfriend Kara looked at me and said quietly, \u201cBring me both your boys, and goodbye. Walk away, grab your beach chair, and go read your book.\u201d<\/p>\n

THIS is nurturing.<\/p>\n

She saw what I needed and offered to help.<\/p>\n

Friendship doesn\u2019t have to look exactly like that, of course. But there should be room for your needs, your feelings, and your life, too.<\/p>\n

Every friendship has difficult moments. People cancel plans. They say the wrong thing. They go through hard seasons when they have less to give.<\/p>\n

What matters is whether hurtful behaviour becomes a pattern, and whether there\u2019s room for honesty, accountability, and change.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s time to give your friendships a fall check-in. Who\u2019s with me?<\/p>\n

Six friendship patterns worth paying attention to<\/strong><\/h2>\n

1. They repeatedly let you down<\/strong><\/h3>\n

We all need grace when life gets in the way. But if someone constantly breaks promises, cancels at the last minute, or leaves you waiting without a word, it\u2019s reasonable to feel frustrated.<\/p>\n

What you can say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cI understand that plans change, but when you don\u2019t let me know, it affects my day. I\u2019d really appreciate a heads-up next time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then pay attention to what happens next. An apology matters. Following through matters, too.<\/p>\n

2. There\u2019s only room for their life<\/strong><\/h3>\n

You know what\u2019s happening with their partner, their work, their children, and their neighbour\u2019s renovation. But do they know what\u2019s happening with YOU?<\/p>\n

Friendship won\u2019t always be an equal exchange in every conversation. Sometimes one person needs more support. But over time, both people deserve to feel heard.<\/p>\n

What you can say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cI want to be here for you, but I\u2019ve been going through something too, and it would feel good to talk it through with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

3. Your private business becomes public conversation<\/strong><\/h3>\n

You share something in confidence, only to discover that someone else has heard it.<\/p>\n

Whether it\u2019s sharing secrets or spreading rumours, broken trust can change how safe you feel in a friendship.<\/p>\n

What you can say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cI shared that with you privately. I felt hurt when I found out someone else knew, because I thought it would stay between us.\u201d<\/p>\n

You\u2019re allowed to be more selective about what you share while you decide whether that trust can be rebuilt.<\/p>\n

4. Everything becomes a competition<\/strong><\/h3>\n

You share good news, and somehow the conversation turns into what they\u2019ve accomplished. You mention a struggle, and theirs is immediately worse.<\/p>\n

A little friendly competition can be fun when you both enjoy it. Constantly having to defend, downplay, or compare your life is exhausting.<\/p>\n

What you can say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cI was excited to share this with you. I was hoping we could celebrate it together.\u201d<\/p>\n

You deserve to enjoy your good news without feeling you need to make it smaller.<\/p>\n

5. They constantly find fault<\/strong><\/h3>\n

There\u2019s a difference between a friend who tells you a hard truth with care and one who repeatedly makes you feel small.<\/p>\n

The digs. The backhanded compliments. The \u201cI\u2019m just being honest\u201d comments that leave you questioning yourself.<\/p>\n

What you can say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cI value your honesty, but that comment felt hurtful. I would appreciate you not speaking to me that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Being close to someone doesn\u2019t give them permission to be unkind.<\/p>\n

6. Your boundaries become a guilt trip<\/strong><\/h3>\n

You say you can\u2019t meet, and suddenly you\u2019re a terrible friend. You need a quiet evening, and they make you feel selfish.<\/p>\n

A friend can be disappointed without making you responsible for fixing that disappointment every time.<\/p>\n

What you can say:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cI\u2019d love to see you, but tonight doesn\u2019t work for me. Can we find another time?\u201d<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t need a lengthy defence every time you say no.<\/p>\n

So\u2026 do you stay, step back, or let go?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

This is the part that can leave us on the fence, especially when a friendship has been part of our lives for years.<\/p>\n

Start by asking yourself:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • Can I be myself around this person?<\/em><\/strong><\/li>\n
  • Is there room for my needs as well as theirs?<\/em><\/strong><\/li>\n
  • Can I bring up something hurtful without being mocked or dismissed?<\/em><\/strong><\/li>\n
  • When we talk about a problem, does anything actually change?<\/em><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    If the friendship matters to you and you feel comfortable doing so, have an honest conversation. Be specific about what happened, how it affected you, and what you need moving forward.<\/p>\n

    Then give yourself permission to notice their response.<\/p>\n

    Some friendships can grow through a difficult conversation. Others may need more distance, fewer expectations, or firmer boundaries. And some may need to end.<\/p>\n

    You don\u2019t have to make a dramatic announcement. You can step back without gossiping, retaliating, or recruiting mutual friends to take sides.<\/p>\n

    And while you\u2019re thinking about the friendships that hurt, remember to nurture the ones that feel good. Call the friend who checks in. Make the coffee date. Be the person who listens and celebrates, too.<\/p>\n

    If a friendship is causing you ongoing distress, talking with a therapist can help you work through your feelings and decide what boundaries you need.<\/p>\n

    A fall friendship cleanse doesn\u2019t have to mean cutting people out. It can mean getting honest about which relationships need care, which need boundaries, and which you\u2019re ready to release.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    If you\u2019re working through this right now, I\u2019m sending you lots of love. You can miss someone and still know that the friendship needs to change.<\/p>\n

    Have you ever had to step back from a friendship\u2014or did an honest conversation help you find your way back to each other?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \"\"<\/figure>\n

    P.S. If you\u2019re craving more social connection, nurturing friendships, and a little time for YOU, why not join me next month at\u00a0Reset & Thrive at Canyon Ranch<\/a> in Lenox, October 15\u201318<\/strong>? Think spa time, beautiful fall hikes, meaningful conversations, laughter, and space to exhale. The ultimate girls\u2019 getaway with a little more intention. Come with a girlfriend or come on your own\u2014I\u2019d love to welcome you. <\/p>\n

    \"DAD<\/a><\/figure>\n