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Shelby pushes things off until the last minute.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Jamia doom-scrolls for hours.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Hunter has a couple extra glasses of wine most nights.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n All of these folks are using avoidance coping. And it\u2019s probably making things worse.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Coping skills are anything we do to manage our emotions in the moment. Most of us have a mix of adaptive (healthy) and maladaptive (not as healthy) coping skills.\u00a0<\/p>\n Adaptive coping skills <\/strong>support our overall wellness and help us move through tough situations without experiencing negative consequences on the other side. Getting good sleep, taking medications, practicing mindfulness, or exercising are all examples of adaptive coping.<\/p>\n Maladaptive coping skills <\/strong>feel really good <\/em>in the moment\u2013like isolating or distracting ourselves. Ultimately, though, they don\u2019t help us manage our feelings in a healthy way.\u00a0<\/p>\n One of the most common maladaptive coping skills is avoidance<\/em>.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n Avoidance coping<\/strong> happens when we do anything to avoid thinking about, feeling, or doing something difficult. We use other things in our lives to avoid a deeper issue: screens, substances, procrastination, denial, toxic positivity. This can be a conscious or subconscious decision. So, you might not even realize when it\u2019s happening!<\/p>\n Whereas active coping gathers and uses resources, skills, and supports to directly confront a problem, avoidant coping is generally defined by avoiding, denying, or escaping a stressor.<\/p>\n Stressors can look different for each person. <\/strong>People often use avoidance coping when confronted by:<\/p>\n Actions and places that trigger painful memories or emotions.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n Feeling awkward.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n Tasks they don\u2019t know how to finish.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n The potential for someone to be mad or disappointed with them.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n Unwanted attention\u2014either positive or negative.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n It\u2019s human nature to want to avoid pain or discomfort. In this way, avoidance coping seems <\/em>adaptive. A great way to be less stressed is to just avoid the stress, right? But, at the end of the day, we need to learn how to manage<\/em> our stress. Because we can\u2019t <\/em>always avoid it.\u00a0<\/p>\n Avoidance coping often also makes the problem worse<\/em><\/a> in the long term. It can actually increase <\/em>our stress over time. Procrastination is an excellent example \u2013\u00a0<\/p>\n Kenyetta avoids her big project at work because she\u2019s afraid it will be too hard. She feels like she won\u2019t live up to her boss\u2019s expectations. But, as her timeline shortens, she becomes more stressed about her ability to complete the project. She\u2019s tried to stop thinking about it, but now she\u2019ll continue to feel stressed until it gets done. Her project ultimately falls short because she waited too long to start<\/em><\/p>\n In this way, the old adage \u201cWhat you resist, persists,\u201d is true! Avoidance coping ultimately creates situations where we need to face a stressor that\u2019s worse now than it would have been if we faced it head-on in the beginning.\u00a0<\/p>\n For example:<\/p>\n Jemma is at her wits end. Her husband works outside the home and constantly talks about how he works harder than she does. She feels under-appreciated and taken advantage of. But she feels like expressing her discontent would start a fight. So, she avoids the conversation. Over time, though, she begins to resent her partner. Now, they barely talk to avoid getting into an argument. Their relationship is suffering.<\/em><\/p>\n These examples show how avoidance coping doesn\u2019t really help to solve or address the problem at hand. And, as these problems persist, we start to become more anxious, depressed, and self-conscious.\u00a0<\/p>\n So, let\u2019s do something about our avoidance.<\/em><\/p>\n Remember, some avoidance coping might happen subconsciously. Especially if it’s something you\u2019ve been doing for a long time, you might default to this habit without realizing it! Identifying avoidance coping as it\u2019s happening can help you stop in your tracks and choose a different path. It can also help you figure out what situations trigger this response, so you can gain more insight into the situation.#2 Fill the gaps.<\/p>\n Everyone starts somewhere. And everyone has something to learn. To build your confidence, fill the gaps in knowledge you may have.\u00a0<\/p>\n Never changed a diaper? Find a YouTube video! Need ideas of how to calm a fussy baby? Take a parenting course! Interested in baby-led weaning? Read up on what the experts have to say!<\/p>\n Even seasoned parents can use a refresher! No shame or judgment necessary<\/em><\/p>\n Changing your go-to coping skills won\u2019t happen overnight. Forming new habits takes time. So, be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself. You\u2019re taking big steps to create a happier, healthier you! Honor your progress as it\u2019s happening, even if it feels slow. Remember, this is hard <\/em>work. And often it feels like things are getting worse before they get better. You can do this!<\/em><\/p>\n We often avoid stressors because we feel helpless to address them. In those moments, it\u2019s important to take a breath and focus on what you can <\/em>control about the situation. This will help things seem more manageable. Start by making a list of steps you need to solve the problem.<\/p>\n Classic techniques like journaling, reframing, and moving your body are excellent ways to get started on a different path. Experiment a bit to see what works for you!<\/p>\n One reason we use avoidance coping is because we can\u2019t tolerate uncomfortable feelings. Learning to sit with the yuck <\/em>is an excellent way to build your active-coping arsenal. Mindfulness activities\u2013the evidence-based practice of noticing and naming your thoughts and feelings without judgment\u2013allow us to experience those negative emotions while letting them pass by without dwelling on them.\u00a0<\/p>\n The Headspace app<\/strong><\/a> offers a ton of guided meditations to try, and you can get started with a free 14-day trial.<\/strong><\/p>\n Sometimes we avoid stressors because we don\u2019t know how to solve the problem or talk with someone about a difficult subject. We could all use a little extra help in the communication and problem-solving department. So, bridge those gaps! Do some research on what you can do to boost your skills. Then, practice, practice, practice. Progress not <\/em>perfection.\u00a0<\/p>\n My free resource, Navigating Touchy Topics<\/a>, is a great place to start.<\/p>\n Therapists are experts at helping you identify and replace harmful coping skills. They can also help you develop new strategies to effectively solve problems. To find a therapist who specializes in postpartum experiences, visit Postpartum Support International\u2019s directory<\/a>.<\/p>\n Avoidance coping and anxiety often go hand-in-hand. If you struggle with worry, too, I have a course for you! Check out my free masterclass: 5-Step Method to Reduce Worry.<\/a><\/p>\n Holahan, C. J., Moos, R. H., Holahan, C. K., Brennan, P. L., & Schutte, K. K. (2005). Stress generation, avoidance coping, and depressive symptoms: a 10-year model. Journal of consulting and clinical psychology<\/em>, 73<\/em>(4), 658\u2013666. https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/0022-006X.73.4.658<\/a>\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\nCoping 101<\/h2>\n
Avoidance Coping and Stress<\/h2>\n
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7 Ways to Tackle Avoidance Coping<\/h2>\n
#1 Recognize when it\u2019s happening.<\/h3>\n
#2 Be patient with yourself.<\/h3>\n
#3 Focus on what you can <\/em>control.<\/h3>\n
#4 Explore new coping options.<\/h3>\n
#5 Try mindfulness.<\/h3>\n
#6 Bridge gaps in communication and problem-solving skills<\/h3>\n
#7 Talk with a pro.<\/h3>\n
Manage your worry.<\/h2>\n
Sources and Further Reading<\/h3>\n