{"id":7071235,"date":"2026-10-01T11:03:30","date_gmt":"2026-10-01T11:03:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7071235"},"modified":"2026-10-01T11:03:30","modified_gmt":"2026-10-01T11:03:30","slug":"even-if-only-you-want-to-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7071235","title":{"rendered":"Even if only YOU want to!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div id=\"eut-post-content\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<!-- Post Title --><\/p>\n<p>\t\t<!-- End Post Title --><br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"eut-hidden\">&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t<span class=\"eut-structured-data\" itemprop=\"image\" itemscope=\"\" itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\">&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t   <span itemprop=\"url\">https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/wp-content\/themes\/corpus\/images\/empty\/thumbnail.jpg<\/span>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t   <span itemprop=\"height\">150<\/span>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t   <span itemprop=\"width\">150<\/span>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t<\/span>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"eut-structured-data\" itemprop=\"author\" itemscope=\"\" itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/Person\">&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t\t<span itemprop=\"name\">Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.<\/span>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t<\/span>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t<span class=\"eut-structured-data\" itemprop=\"publisher\" itemscope=\"\" itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/Organization\">&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t\t<span itemprop=\"name\">Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.<\/span>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t\t<span itemprop=\"logo\" itemscope=\"\" itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\">&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t<span itemprop=\"url\">https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/03d54fba0507d1f6428a9716ceb2aa95966b1e14d24c8e86b162c393f9fd5edb?s=96&amp;d=blank&amp;r=pg<\/span>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t\t<\/span>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t<\/span>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<time class=\"eut-structured-data\" itemprop=\"datePublished\" datetime=\"2026-09-30T05:45:51-04:00\">September 30, 2026<\/time>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t<time class=\"eut-structured-data\" itemprop=\"dateModified\" datetime=\"2026-09-29T10:56:16-04:00\">September 29, 2026<\/time>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t\t<span class=\"eut-structured-data\" itemprop=\"mainEntityOfPage\" itemscope=\"\" itemtype=\"http:\/\/schema.org\/WebPage\" itemid=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/2026\/09\/earning-love-not-the-goal\/\"\/>&#13;<br \/>\n\t\t<\/span><\/p>\n<div itemprop=\"articleBody\">\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/NotAboutEarningLove.jpg\"><img src=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/NotAboutEarningLove.jpg\" fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-3002\" alt=\"Saving your marriage is NOT about earning back your spouse's love.\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/NotAboutEarningLove.jpg 400w, https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/NotAboutEarningLove-300x225.jpg 300w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\"\/><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-3002\" src=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/NotAboutEarningLove.jpg\" alt=\"Saving your marriage is NOT about earning back your spouse's love.\" width=\"400\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/NotAboutEarningLove.jpg 400w, https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/NotAboutEarningLove-300x225.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\"\/><\/a>Sometimes, people tell me that as they are trying to save their marriage, they actually feel like they are trying to earn back the love of a spouse. \u00a0They want to know if that is what it really is \u2014 earning back the love (and even trust).<\/p>\n<p>The short answer is NO, that is not the goal.<\/p>\n<p>A slightly longer answer is that if you are working to earn back love, you are also working on building a unsustainable and not-very-healthy relationship.<\/p>\n<p>That is my topic for this week\u2019s Save The Marriage Podcast: \u00a0why you are NOT trying to earn back your spouse\u2019s love, why that approach is problematic, AND what to do instead.<\/p>\n<p>Your marriage can be saved. \u00a0But not by trying to earn back your spouse\u2019s love.<\/p>\n<p>Can the love return to your marriage? \u00a0Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>But that doesn\u2019t mean it is the goal of the process.<\/p>\n<p>(Love isn\u2019t earned. \u00a0It is given.)<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>RESOURCES<\/em><\/strong><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/2015\/05\/happy-couples-do-differently-connection\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>Connection and Marriage<\/em><\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/2012\/05\/goal-of-marriage-to-save\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>Building A WE<\/em><\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/2018\/01\/power-apology-forgiving\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>Forgiveness and Marriage<\/em><\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/system\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>Save The Marriage System<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/player.blubrry.com\/?podcast_id=155593347&amp;media_url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.blubrry.com%2Fsaveyourmarriage%2Fcontent.blubrry.com%2Fsaveyourmarriage%2FSTMPodcast619.mp3\" scrolling=\"no\" width=\"100%\" height=\"165\" frameborder=\"0\" id=\"blubrryplayer-1\" class=\"blubrryplayer\" title=\"Blubrry Podcast Player\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p class=\"powerpress_links powerpress_links_mp3\" style=\"margin-bottom: 1px !important;\">Podcast: <a href=\"https:\/\/media.blubrry.com\/saveyourmarriage\/content.blubrry.com\/saveyourmarriage\/STMPodcast619.mp3\" class=\"powerpress_link_pinw\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Play in new window\" onclick=\"if (!window.__cfRLUnblockHandlers) return false; return powerpress_pinw('https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/?powerpress_pinw=4766-podcast');\" rel=\"nofollow\" data-cf-modified-3060775da98783bd791e0800-=\"\">Play in new window<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/media.blubrry.com\/saveyourmarriage\/content.blubrry.com\/saveyourmarriage\/STMPodcast619.mp3\" class=\"powerpress_link_d\" title=\"Download\" rel=\"nofollow\" download=\"STMPodcast619.mp3\">Download<\/a><\/p>\n<p class=\"powerpress_links powerpress_subscribe_links\">Subscribe: <a href=\"https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/feed\/podcast\/\" class=\"powerpress_link_subscribe powerpress_link_subscribe_rss\" target=\"_blank\" title=\"Subscribe via RSS\" rel=\"nofollow\">RSS<\/a><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#13; &#13; https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/wp-content\/themes\/corpus\/images\/empty\/thumbnail.jpg&#13; 150&#13; 150&#13; &#13; &#13; Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.&#13; &#13; &#13; Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.&#13; &#13; https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/03d54fba0507d1f6428a9716ceb2aa95966b1e14d24c8e86b162c393f9fd5edb?s=96&amp;d=blank&amp;r=pg&#13; &#13; &#13; September 30, 2026&#13; September 29, 2026&#13; &#13; Sometimes, people tell me that as they are trying to save their marriage, they actually feel like they are trying to earn back the love of a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7071236,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[112949],"tags":[],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-7071235","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-save-your-marriage-podcast"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Even if only YOU want to! - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7071235\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Even if only YOU want to! - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"&#013; &#013; https:\/\/savethemarriage.com\/stmblog\/wp-content\/themes\/corpus\/images\/empty\/thumbnail.jpg&#013; 150&#013; 150&#013; &#013; &#013; Lee H. 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