{"id":7070316,"date":"2026-09-30T18:08:12","date_gmt":"2026-09-30T18:08:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7070316"},"modified":"2026-09-30T18:08:12","modified_gmt":"2026-09-30T18:08:12","slug":"a-trip-to-zambia-saved-me-from-suicide-words-by-mul","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7070316","title":{"rendered":"A trip to Zambia saved me from suicide \u2013 Words By Mul"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><em>TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of suicidal thoughts, self-harm &amp; medication withdrawal. <\/em><\/h5>\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading\">DEPRESSSION \u2013 0 MULENGA \u2013 1<\/h6>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/media2.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExbXY5cWo3bThydmMzcDQwazM1czJhb3g4NnJnYWJ4amZjaTV2YWN5NiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/5Yl9hNHJK9KYzDKry1\/giphy.gif\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media2.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExbXY5cWo3bThydmMzcDQwazM1czJhb3g4NnJnYWJ4amZjaTV2YWN5NiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/5Yl9hNHJK9KYzDKry1\/giphy.gif\" alt=\"\" style=\"width:386px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I have been out for a year, and it\u2019s been\u2026 something. Let\u2019s say I\u2019m glad you\u2019re not wearing my name on a t-shirt or using my name in the past tense.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I left for Zambia with the intention of joining the 27 Club. <\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The\u00a0<strong>27 Club<\/strong>\u00a0is an informal list consisting mostly of\u00a0popular musicians,often expanded by artists, actors, and other\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/27_Club\">celebrities<\/a> who died at age 27.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am by no means a celebrity, a writer, but I did go with the intention to end my life. I was in so much emotional pain that nothing seemed worth it anymore. I was tired. Every day I woke up, I felt like I was in hell, and I was constantly drowning in despair. At first, I thought it was mere melancholy, but as time went by, it was deeper than that.\u00a0<\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">It was <strong>Depression.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I have always advocated for healthy mental wellness, and I believe I always will, until it came to me. I gave up on everything, including myself, and I have never felt such heartbreak as when I felt myself sink with no hope left. I would look in the mirror and say \u201dHow did it get so bad?\u201d and I would cry. <em>Everyday <\/em>for months.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The sadness I felt was gut-wrenching. I cried every day for two \u2013 three months straight. I would wake up with suicide on my mind. At times, I would squeeze my eyes shut in hopes it would go away, but how could it? It was all in my mind, and it felt louder each time.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The past year has been the loneliest I have ever felt, from taking antidepressants, isolation, loneliness, self-harm, and actively writing a suicide note, oh,<em> it was bad.<\/em><\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">According to WHO, In 2021, an estimated <a href=\"https:\/\/www.who.int\/news-room\/fact-sheets\/detail\/depression\">727 000 people<\/a> lost their lives to suicide. Suicide is the third leading cause of death in 15\u201329-year-olds.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Depression convinced me that;<\/p>\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><em>I am alone<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>I wasn\u2019t loved<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>I am better off dead<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>I am not good enough<\/em> <\/li>\n<li><em>No one cares about me <\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Never ugly though, even depression couldn\u2019t come for my vanity. Somehow, I knew I still <em>ate<\/em>.<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/media4.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExZmdvNHk2em1tYTB0YnB4bzZtMTFxbnNjeHZxdm43Y3d4M2oyOXF2YyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/2CpvU4g8bpvsLM0Ebp\/giphy.gif\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media4.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExZmdvNHk2em1tYTB0YnB4bzZtMTFxbnNjeHZxdm43Y3d4M2oyOXF2YyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/2CpvU4g8bpvsLM0Ebp\/giphy.gif\" alt=\"\" style=\"width:366px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Last year, I wrote a blog called \u201d<a href=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/2024\/08\/02\/100-real-and-silly-reasons-not-to-kill-yourself\/\">100 Real and silly reasons not to kill yourself<\/a>\u201d and what\u2019s number one on the list? Yeah, I ran with it. Yes, I convinced myself I am too sexy to kill myself. Whether as a joke or not, I ran with it. I mean, why not? I\u2019m still here,<em> <\/em>so clearly it worked. I mean\u2026<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/media2.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExdXkwNDUxdmtlajR4cmxkMnZ5bTZzODhlajF5eDE3Z3NhNWIzaDV6ZyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/9dxECMprFLvXq4aOrd\/giphy.gif\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media2.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExdXkwNDUxdmtlajR4cmxkMnZ5bTZzODhlajF5eDE3Z3NhNWIzaDV6ZyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/9dxECMprFLvXq4aOrd\/giphy.gif\" alt=\"\" style=\"width:291px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The first week of being in Zambia was difficult as it had only been 15 days since I stopped taking my meds cold turkey\u2026<\/p>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>NEVER ABRUPTLY STOP TAKING ANTIDEPRESSANTS<\/strong> <\/h4>\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading\">You cannot stop taking antidepressants without a doctor\u2019s knowledge, as it can be detrimental to your well-being.<\/h6>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201d<em>..but you never looked depressed?\u2019<\/em>\u2018 because I will never give my enemies reason to rejoice. Jokes aside, depression doesn\u2019t have a <em>\u201dlook\u201d<\/em> rich, poor, tall, short, beautiful, ugly, etc, depression does NOT discriminate. Anybody can get it, that\u2019s a fact.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The thing about depression is that until you go through it, you can never understand it. <\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Two weeks before my trip, I ended up in the ER due to self-harm because I was a \u201drisk to myself\u201d Thankfully, that visit wasn\u2019t extended because I felt I understood myself better than whatever the nurse was saying. To me, it felt like she was there just for the sake of being there, so I left and went home..The NHS is <em>soo<\/em>\u2026that\u2019s a conversation for another day because if I speak\u2026<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/media2.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExd3dodW5ubzk2ZHl5djk5amM0bWc0bW56Y3Q5ODF1ZDk0YndjNTd2cSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/kGCuRgmbnO9EI\/giphy.gif\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media2.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExd3dodW5ubzk2ZHl5djk5amM0bWc0bW56Y3Q5ODF1ZDk0YndjNTd2cSZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/kGCuRgmbnO9EI\/giphy.gif\" alt=\"\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As soon as I got home, I started to strategise. I was going to Zambia soon anyway, I didn\u2019t plan how, but I knew I wanted to do it there. I knew I wanted to be buried next to my grandmother, who died two years ago; that\u2019s all I knew in my head.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Most days, I was aggravated; the loadshedding didn\u2019t help either, and I was always distracted by someone or something going on. I spent most days with my baby brother\u2026he\u2019s 22 but he\u2019s my baby brother.<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignleft size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"3970\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/2025\/10\/09\/a-trip-to-zambia-saved-me-from-suicide\/img_3448\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/img_3448.jpg\" data-orig-size=\"4032,3024\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-title=\"IMG_3448\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/img_3448.jpg?w=723\" width=\"723\" height=\"542\" src=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/img_3448.jpg?w=723\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-3970\" style=\"width:422px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/img_3448.jpg?w=723 723w, https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/img_3448.jpg?w=1446 1446w, https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/img_3448.jpg?w=150 150w, https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/img_3448.jpg?w=300 300w, https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/img_3448.jpg?w=768 768w, https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/img_3448.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/img_3448.jpg?w=1440 1440w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 723px) 100vw, 723px\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He wasn\u2019t aware of my intentions, but he did find me in the kitchen when I was having the worst mental breakdown, the day before I ended up in the ER. This kid is a blessing to me. He picked me up and told me everything was going to be okay. He hugged me and gave me a lot of reassurance. Now I have no choice but to work harder smh. The Lambo is coming, bro, don\u2019t stress.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In fact, I heard the discontinued making g-wagons\u2026damn, I was JUST about to get two\u2026one for me and one for you brother\u2026<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/m\/DZMNReO4dd4AAAAd\/osita-osita-iheme.gif\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media1.tenor.com\/m\/DZMNReO4dd4AAAAd\/osita-osita-iheme.gif\" alt=\"\" style=\"aspect-ratio:1.4747255398721197;width:320px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Being in Zambia gave me a different perspective on life. People with less seemed to have more; the sense of community was outstanding. I rarely saw people alone; there were always people with friends or family around at all times. The UK can be lonely and isolating, which contributes to your mental health. Zambia was extraordinary, from the food, the people, the weather and family, you couldn\u2019t help but extend a smile.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026the thing is\u2026I was having so much fun that I <em>forgot<\/em> my plans. I was <em>hehe-ing<\/em> &amp; <em>haha-ing<\/em> so much with my family and friends that I completely forgot all about my depression and suicide \u201dplan\u201d. That is, I didn\u2019t remember until about 8 days before posting this blog. That\u2019s a blessing.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Some may say my approach is conceited,\u00a0<em>true,<\/em>\u00a0but I don\u2019t really care because I have come so far in life. I am 28 in a week &amp; I\u2019ve\u00a0been given\u00a0a second chance to live, and I plan on living it to the fullest with those who know my worth.\u00a0I am not going through this alone again.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I am grateful for my friends and family, and I hope and pray I continue to make you proud.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I found my silly reason to live. I hope you find yours as well. I need you to understand that your life matters, whatever reason you choose to live for, as long as it\u2019s not harmful. Run with it, no matter how silly or bizarre it may seem to others, because life shouldn\u2019t be that serious. Choose\u00a0<strong><em>you<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0always.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201dAs long as you\u2019re alive, you can begin again and again\u2026and again.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading\">To my friends and family, thank you again for saving my life.<\/h6>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>I am Alive, much happier &amp; content now<\/strong>. <\/h4>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of suicidal thoughts, self-harm &amp; medication withdrawal. DEPRESSSION \u2013 0 MULENGA \u2013 1 I have been out for a year, and it\u2019s been\u2026 something. Let\u2019s say I\u2019m glad you\u2019re not wearing my name on a t-shirt or using my name in the past tense. I left for Zambia with the intention of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7070317,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[100620,12148,12284,96877,116881,12017],"tags":[116883,15334,14279,8087,5301,14452],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-7070316","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anxiety","category-depression","category-life","category-mental-health","category-mental-wellbeing","category-writing","tag-mul","tag-saved","tag-suicide","tag-trip","tag-words","tag-zambia"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>A trip to Zambia saved me from suicide \u2013 Words By Mul - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7070316\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A trip to Zambia saved me from suicide \u2013 Words By Mul - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of suicidal thoughts, self-harm &amp; medication withdrawal. DEPRESSSION \u2013 0 MULENGA \u2013 1 I have been out for a year, and it\u2019s been\u2026 something. Let\u2019s say I\u2019m glad you\u2019re not wearing my name on a t-shirt or using my name in the past tense. 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DEPRESSSION \u2013 0 MULENGA \u2013 1 I have been out for a year, and it\u2019s been\u2026 something. Let\u2019s say I\u2019m glad you\u2019re not wearing my name on a t-shirt or using my name in the past tense. 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