Every Grey Hair Is a Badge<\/a> in response to fifteen life prompts by Holly Hatam. That doesn\u2019t mean I find them easy or straightforward. <\/p>\nThe conversation left me wondering where my issues might lie. Aware of the irony of using the Q&A format to explore my problems answering questions, I reached out to ChatGPT. \u201cI find Q&As challenging to answer,\u201d I prompted. \u201cCompose ten questions to help me understand why this is.\u201d I present the questions unedited. The answers are all my own. <\/p>\n
The Questions and the Answers<\/h3>\n
1. When I\u2019m asked a question, what is my immediate reaction (e.g., stress, blank mind, overthinking)? Why might that happen?<\/b><\/p>\n
It depends on the context. At work it\u2019s likely to be a technical question, in which case I begin by making sure I understand what I\u2019m being asked. That may involve asking questions of my own. What precisely do you need from me? Is there a deadline? After that I\u2019ll figure out my best route to the answer and whether or not I need to involve other people or teams. With friends I\u2019m generally at ease no matter what I\u2019m being asked. Whether it\u2019s face-to-face, on a call, or in chat I\u2019ll ask for clarification if I\u2019m unsure what\u2019s being asked. I\u2019ll also assert my boundaries in the (unlikely) case the answer involves something I\u2019m uneasy sharing with them. I\u2019m most likely to stumble in interview-type situations where I\u2019m being judged on how I perform. My mind tends to freeze or go blank because my instinctive \u2014 and honest \u2014 response is very unlikely to be what the interviewer is looking for. <\/p>\n
2. Do I struggle more with certain types of questions (open-ended, technical, personal)? What patterns do I notice?<\/b><\/p>\n
I struggle if I\u2019m asked how I feel about something or how I\u2019m feeling generally. I realised a couple of years ago that this is due to something called alexithymia. It\u2019s a personality trait characterised by difficulty in identifying and communicating feelings. It\u2019s something I lived with most of my life without realising it had a name. The everyday opener \u201cHow are you?\u201d stumps me. I usually answer \u201cI\u2019m good.\u201d It\u2019s not necessarily a lie but it rarely conveys the full picture. I answer that way either because I\u2019ve no idea how to convey what I\u2019m feeling or because I don\u2019t want to get into a conversation about it. <\/p>\n
3. What thoughts go through my mind while I\u2019m trying to answer a question? Are they helpful or distracting?<\/b><\/p>\n
This is a good question! What thoughts are going through my mind right now as I try to answer it? Mostly I\u2019m casting about to see if an answer presents itself, which doesn\u2019t seem to be happening! I\u2019ll press on anyway. At work, I\u2019d probably be thinking about what information was most relevant to the question. I\u2019m good at spotting patterns and breaks in patterns. The latter often leads me to the answer with technical questions, especially the \u201cwhat just happened?\u201d \/ \u201cwhy did it break?\u201d kind. We get a lot of those!<\/p>\n
More generally, I tend to scan my thoughts and memories for information or experiences relevant to the question. If that doesn\u2019t help I\u2019ll do my best to empty my mind of thoughts and assumptions, allowing my subconscious to suggest a way forward. A good example of this is if I\u2019m trying to remember someone\u2019s name. I clear my mind and recite the alphabet slowly to myself. That\u2019s often enough for the name to come to me. If not, I pay attention to any letters which \u201ccatch\u201d my attention in some way, and return to them afterwards. It\u2019s surprisingly effective! <\/p>\n
4. Do I feel pressure to give a \u201cperfect\u201d or \u201ccorrect\u201d answer? Where does that pressure come from?<\/b><\/p>\n
Not really. I\u2019m looking to give the best or most useful answer in the circumstances. I don\u2019t believe in perfect or one-size-fits-all answers. Life is complex. What\u2019s right or true for me may be wrong, inadequate, or inappropriate for someone else. Even when I\u2019m answering for myself, the answer may vary depending what\u2019s going on for me at the time. It\u2019s another reason why \u201cHow are you?\u201d is such a difficult question for me to answer honestly. <\/p>\n
5. How comfortable am I with saying \u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d or asking for clarification? Why?<\/b><\/p>\n
I\u2019m comfortable with this in a person-to-person situation but it\u2019s not possible with pre-written questions. I find myself prefacing answers with \u201cOn the assumption the question means w, my answer is x. If it means y, my answer is z. If otherwise, I have no idea.\u201d I come across this a lot with staff surveys at work. The questions are often poorly written and open to interpretation. I complete them when required \u2014 they tend to be mandatory \u2014 but my answers bear little resemblance to how I actually feel or think. It\u2019s not a format that works for me at all.<\/p>\n
6. Do I find it difficult to organize my thoughts into words, or is the challenge more about understanding the question itself?<\/b><\/p>\n
I touched on comprehension in the previous question. I\u2019ve also mentioned alexithymia. I find it difficult to identify (label) what I\u2019m feeling and thus I struggle to communicate it to someone else. Fran uses a four category system in which emotions are summarised as mad (angry), sad, glad, or afraid. That helps but conveys little of the fine detail. Alexithymia doesn\u2019t mean I don\u2019t feel emotions. I do. Often intensely. It just means I find it hard to describe what I\u2019m feeling. This may lead people to think I\u2019m lacking in emotions, simply because I don\u2019t talk about them much. I\u2019m more at ease talking about what I\u2019m doing than how I\u2019m feeling. Emotions aside, I\u2019m confident at organising my thoughts into words, though I\u2019m likely to \u201ctake the scenic route\u201d and use more words than strictly necessary. <\/p>\n
7. Have past experiences (school, work, social situations) influenced how I respond to questions? How?<\/b><\/p>\n
I always performed well with exam questions at school and university. I revised thoroughly and had few issues in the exam itself. Things are very different in the workplace. I\u2019m good at my job but useless at interviews or formal assessments. I always have been. Past experiences where I\u2019ve performed poorly in interviews definitely colour my attitude to them now. As to social situations, I\u2019ve always struggled in conversation with more than one other person, two at the most. I have little to offer on most socially acceptable topics. I\u2019m not remotely interested in sport or travel and I\u2019m not up on current trends in music or movies. My lack of confidence is at the root of my social anxiety.<\/p>\n
8. Do I tend to overthink my answers or second-guess myself? What triggers that?<\/b><\/p>\n
Another good question! I daresay I overthink, though that depends what\u2019s meant by the term. How much thinking is overthinking? We might do better to think more<\/i> about our answers than less! That raises something important that I\u2019ve not touched on so far. I often struggle to identify what\u2019s actually being asked of me, because I\u2019m aware of the arbitrary nature of language. Words mean what we use them to mean. There\u2019s no guarantee a given word means the same to you as to me. Regret is a good example. \u201cIs there anything you regret?\u201d would be difficult for me to answer. There are things I\u2019ve done or not done, said or not said, that I\u2019m not at all happy or easy with. In a similar situation today I\u2019d look to behave differently. That\u2019s what people generally mean by regret, I think. So on that basis, yes there are things I regret. But the word is meaningless to me. I can\u2019t go back and do differently than I did. I reckon most people reading this would say I\u2019m overthinking this!<\/p>\n
9. How do I feel about being judged based on my answers? Does that affect how I respond?<\/b><\/p>\n
I\u2019ve mentioned examinations and interviews already. I always performed well at the former, appallingly badly at the latter. I don\u2019t believe question and answer exercises accurately assess someone\u2019s nature, personality, or abilities beyond their ability to answer those kinds of questions to the satisfaction of the examiner or interview panel. I\u2019ve stayed in essentially the same role and at the same pay grade for decades because I loath the interview process in principle and know how poorly I\u2019d perform. On a personal level, I recognise that no matter how I express myself I\u2019m going to be judged one way or another, whether formally or informally. That does affect how I answer and project myself in certain situations but don\u2019t think that\u2019s necessarily bad or unhealthy. <\/p>\n
10. What would answering questions feel like if it were easy for me? What would I be doing differently?<\/b><\/p>\n
I\u2019m in awe of people who are able to answer questions openly and easily, especially in social situations. My friend Aimee is like that. If I found answering questions easier I think it would feel more like it seems to do for her. I\u2019d hesitate less on my answers. I\u2019d feel more confident in situations where I\u2019m being asked for my opinion. I\u2019d probably prepare more than I do for scheduled meetings or appointments. If I\u2019d been that way in the past it\u2019s likely I\u2019d have been promoted several times over the years. I\u2019d be working at a higher level professionally and earning considerably more money. I\u2019d feel more confident generally. <\/p>\n
What Have I Learned from This Exercise?<\/h3>\n
I invited ChatGPT to ask me ten questions to help me understand why I find Q&As challenging to answer. I\u2019ve done my best to answer as openly and honestly as I can. What, if anything, have I learned in the process? Has it been helpful? More questions. (So many questions!)<\/p>\n
The first thing to say is that I found this Q&A as challenging as any other. I set it aside for several weeks, allowing myself to be distracted by other blog posts and activities. Picking it up again felt like a chore, a task to be performed rather than something I was looking forward to. That\u2019s quite unusual. I\u2019m generally engaged and keen with my blogging, especially when I\u2019m exploring personal, deep, or difficult topics. That in itself convinced me of the value of the exercise. If something is that off-putting it\u2019s a sure sign it deserves my attention! <\/p>\n
It\u2019s confirmed for me that my main issues arise when I\u2019m answering written questions. Much of that difficulty comes down to a lack of clarity and understanding. I find it hard to know exactly what I\u2019m being asked or how to relate the question to my thoughts, feelings, and experience. This is less of a problem when I\u2019m talking with someone face-to-face or in chat because I can ask for clarification and adapt my answers accordingly. <\/p>\n
That doesn\u2019t fully explain my issues with interviews, however. They are face-to-face and yet the very thought of being interviewed would put me off applying for any new role at work, or indeed outside my present employ. In this case, my problem is more to do with the interview process itself, witnessed second-hand as friends and colleagues have navigated it. Some successfully, others less so. I\u2019m unsure how to address that. There\u2019s no imperative to do so at this stage in my career. I have no more than a couple of years in my current job before I retire and I\u2019m not looking to change roles or seek promotion. It could hold me back if I want a job post-retirement, though.<\/p>\n
On the whole, I\u2019m glad to have challenged myself to do this Q&A exercise. It\u2019s something I might return to in the future. <\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Photo by Julia Taubitz<\/a> at Unsplash.\n<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I would rather have questions that cannot be answered than answers that cannot be questioned. \u2014 Richard Feynman This post was inspired by a conversation with my friend and fellow blogger Aimee Wilson. Aimee said she likes question and answer posts because the structure makes them easier to put together. I agreed but said I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7069140,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[111139,135226,230218],"tags":[4970,1338,6855],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-7069139","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blogging","category-conversation","category-talking","tag-answer","tag-hard","tag-questions"],"yoast_head":"\n
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