{"id":7062087,"date":"2026-09-20T12:37:51","date_gmt":"2026-09-20T12:37:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/50-liberating-relationship-rules-for-feminists-to-live-by\/"},"modified":"2026-09-20T12:37:51","modified_gmt":"2026-09-20T12:37:51","slug":"50-liberating-relationship-rules-for-feminists-to-live-by","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7062087","title":{"rendered":"50 Liberating Relationship \u2018Rules\u2019 for Feminists to Live By"},"content":{"rendered":"


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\u201cOriginally published on Everyday Feminism<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Back when I used dating apps, the word \u201cfeminist\u201d appeared on my profiles. And that\u2019s how I learned how many people have a bone to pick with feminism.<\/p>\n

My inbox filled with messages like: \u201cDo you not like boys?\u201d What if I told you I was a masculinist?\u201d \u201cFeminism ignores the oppression that\u2019s been imposed on men for centuries.\u201d<\/p>\n

I ended up on dates with seemingly progressive people who made comments like \u201cwell, men\u00a0do\u00a0<\/em>have \u00a0spatial skills\u201d and \u201cbut hijabs\u00a0are\u00a0<\/em>oppressive.\u201d<\/p>\n

People\u00a0<\/strong>told me I shouldn\u2019t be too picky<\/strong><\/a>. They said I was splitting hairs by reconsidering relationships over things like this.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

When a guy groped me in a park on a first date, a friend recommended I give him a chance because it could\u2019ve been a misunderstanding. When a boyfriend ignored my complaints about\u00a0pain during sex<\/a>\u00a0and kept going,\u00a0a therapist<\/a>\u00a0told me that men can\u2019t help themselves.<\/p>\n

So, I settled. A lot. I ignored my nagging feeling that I wasn\u2019t getting what I wanted, believing that would be too much to ask.<\/p>\n

After a few years, I got tired of it. I decided that if being in a relationship required hiding my feminism and putting up with sexism, I\u2019d rather just be single.<\/p>\n

So, I spent a year deprioritizing dating and focusing on my career. I worked through the fear that being single made me inadequate and got comfortable with it.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

When I met my current partner, I decided I\u2019d rather risk things not working out over my feminism than compromise it. I told him feminism was important to me in the beginning, and I made a promise to look out for myself and not put up with certain things.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t follow the same rules, that doesn\u2019t make you a bad feminist. There are many reasons someone might not have that privilege. Someone might stay with an abusive partner, for example, because they\u2019re financially dependent on them or have been threatened by them.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019ve pledged to follow these rules to stay true to my feminism while dating whenever I safely and comfortably can.<\/p>\n

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1. I won\u2019t hide my feminism to get someone to like me. If they have a problem with it, I don\u2019t want to date them anyway.\u00a0<\/p>\n

2. I won\u2019t buy into the myth that I do or don\u2019t \u201cdeserve\u201d certain people due to my looks, my class, or my achievements.<\/p>\n

3. I won\u2019t feel obligated to have sex with someone just because they\u2019re expecting it.<\/p>\n

4. I won\u2019t feel obligated to date someone just\u00a0because they\u2019re \u201cnice.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n

5. I won\u2019t feel obligated to talk to someone just because they really,\u00a0really\u00a0<\/em>want me to.<\/p>\n

6. I\u2019ll disappoint people if that\u2019s what it takes to guard my boundaries.\u00a0<\/p>\n

7. If someone violates my boundaries, I won\u2019t wonder what I did to \u201clead them on.\u201d<\/p>\n

8. I\u2019ll ignore advice that diminishes my self-worth, victim-blames me, or encourages me to settle.<\/p>\n

9. I\u2019ll keep people who routinely say negative things about oppressed groups at a distance, and I won\u2019t feel bad about it.<\/p>\n

10. I\u2019ll respectfully question loved ones\u2019 sexist, racist, or otherwise oppressive word choices or assumptions. All with the belief that they want to be better allies but just don\u2019t know how and the intention to help them.<\/p>\n

11. I won\u2019t let anyone convince me I\u2019m \u201ctoo sensitive\u201d for suffering when others suffer, \u201cangry\u201d for caring about \u201csmall\u201d injustices, or \u201cclosed-minded\u201d for opposing others\u2019 decisions just because they don\u2019t personally feel the same way.\u00a0<\/p>\n

12. I won\u2019t change my beliefs just because the majority of people around me believe otherwise.<\/p>\n

13. I won\u2019t\u00a0apologize for voicing my discontent<\/a>\u00a0to my partner.<\/p>\n

14. I won\u2019t let my partner make me forget what I think.<\/p>\n

15. I won\u2019t internalize my partner\u2019s beliefs about me if I don\u2019t agree with them.<\/p>\n

16.\u00a0If I\u2019m not enjoying sex, I\u2019ll stop.<\/p>\n

17. If I\u2019m unsure of something my partner wants to do, I\u2019ll say \u201cno,\u201d knowing I can change my mind.<\/p>\n

18. I\u2019ll never say \u201cokay\u201d when I mean \u201cmaybe,\u201d or \u201cmaybe\u201d when I mean \u201cno.\u201d<\/p>\n

19. I\u2019ll only date feminists.<\/p>\n

20. I\u2019ll dump anyone who tries to convince me that feminism is worthless or sexism isn\u2019t real.<\/p>\n

21. I won\u2019t feel obligated to hang out with a partner\u2019s misogynistic, racist, or intolerant friends or family. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

22. I won\u2019t keep quiet about my activism, shave my body hair, or do anything else to tone myself down to fit in with my partner\u2019s friends or family.<\/p>\n

23. I won\u2019t buy into the myth that I\u2019m \u201chigh-maintenance\u201d or \u201ca lot to handle\u201d for ensuring my emotional needs are met.<\/p>\n

24. I\u2019ll demand courtesy, communication, and thoughtfulness about consent from even my most casual sexual partners.<\/p>\n

25. I won\u2019t have sex just to prove I\u2019m liberated.<\/p>\n

26. Sex will only include what I want it to include. I\u2019ll feel free to forego kissing, penetration,\u00a0orgasms<\/a>, and any other \u201cnormal\u201d part of sex that I don\u2019t actually want.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n

27. I won\u2019t live on a timeline that says I must partner up, get married, or have kids by a certain age.<\/p>\n

28. I won\u2019t turn people down because others consider them \u201cdifferent\u201d or deem the relationship \u201cunconventional.\u201d<\/p>\n

29. I\u2019ll figure out how I feel about each individual I meet, rather than following prescribed societal roles for our dynamic.\u00a0<\/p>\n

30. I\u2019ll strive to cultivate love for\u00a0everyone<\/em>, rejecting a narrow definition of love that says it must be felt or expressed in a certain way toward a select few people.<\/p>\n

31. I won\u2019t pigeonhole my partners or friends based on stereotypes.<\/p>\n

32. I\u2019ll feel free to make relationship choices based on intuitions, even if I can\u2019t explain them, and values that don\u2019t make sense to others.<\/p>\n

33. I won\u2019t project my preferences (even these ones) onto my friends. I\u2019ll empower them to establish relationships that meet their personal criteria.<\/p>\n

34. I\u2019ll try my best to empathize with the \u201cother woman\u201d rather than let jealousy dictate my actions.\u00a0<\/p>\n

35.I\u2019ll remind myself that other people aren\u2019t really my \u201ccompetition\u201d because it\u2019s not about who\u2019s best\u00a0\u2013\u00a0it\u2019s about compatibility.<\/p>\n

36. I won\u2019t act \u201cfeminine\u201d or \u201cmasculine\u201d because that\u2019s what a partner or love interest desires or expects.<\/p>\n

37. I\u2019ll demand emotional maturity, openness, and clarity from my partners, regardless of their gender.<\/p>\n

38. I\u2019ll discuss STIs with partners without holding back.<\/p>\n

39.\u00a0I won\u2019t try to turn anyone\u2019s \u201cno\u201d or \u201cmaybe\u201d into a \u201cyes.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

40. I won\u2019t assume I have consent based on body language, past experience, or anything other than verbal affirmation.<\/p>\n

41. I\u2019ll wear whatever I want and talk to whoever I want without fear of making my partner jealous.<\/p>\n

42. I won\u2019t let my partners explain things to me as if they know better when they don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

43. If my partner does something to disrespect me, I\u2019ll make it clear that it\u2019s not okay to treat me that way.<\/p>\n

44.\u00a0I\u2019ll ensure that the way my partner and I divide household labor and money makes sense to both of us.<\/p>\n

45. I won\u2019t tell my partners what to do with their bodies, or even opine on what they do, unless they ask or it directly affects me.<\/p>\n

46. I won\u2019t\u00a0educate dates or partners about feminism or social justice when I don\u2019t feel like it.<\/p>\n

47. I won\u2019t try to\u00a0give partners or dates feminist makeovers<\/a>\u00a0in attempt to turn them into someone I want to be with. I\u2019ll only date people I want to be with as they are.<\/p>\n

48. I\u2019ll speak up even about the smallest things that bug me so my partner has all the information necessary to accommodate me. I\u2019ll view these conversations as mutually beneficial, not adversarial.<\/p>\n

49.<\/strong>\u00a0I\u2019ll sympathize when I hurt my partner rather than defending myself.<\/p>\n

50. If a partner is making it hard for me to follow these rules, I\u2019ll express that with the understanding that if it leads us to break up, it\u2019s for the better.<\/p>\n

***<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve noticed a drastic difference in my mental health when I\u2019m following these rules and when I\u2019m not.<\/p>\n

In my last relationship, when I compromised them all the time, I was constantly irritable because I was suppressing so much anger. I\u2019d hide what I wanted and get mad at my partner for not giving me it.<\/p>\n

In my current relationship, I notice this feeling creep up occasionally, and that\u2019s when I know I\u2019m not being true to myself. Once I speak up about my needs as a feminist, I feel valued in the relationship again \u2013 because I\u2019m valuing myself.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re free to follow or disregard these rules as you wish. As I said, telling others how to have relationships is actually anti-feminist, even if you\u2019re advocating feminist values.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019m offering them regardless because I wish I had them years ago. I wish I knew it was okay to ignore what my friends said and honor my needs. I wish I knew that expecting people to respect my boundaries was reasonable.<\/p>\n

In short, I wish I knew it was okay to go against what the majority seemed to think. If the majority of people believe something, that doesn\u2019t make it right \u2013 it may just prove we have a long way to go.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

And living according to your own values, regardless of what others think, is important because it\u2019s ultimately about consent.<\/p>\n

The importance of consent in relationships isn\u2019t just about sex. It\u2019s also about making sure you\u2019re consenting to the kinds of relationships you get into and the beliefs that inform them.<\/p>\n

And if the beliefs you want to follow are feminist ones, this list is one place to start.<\/p>\n

Suzannah Weiss is a Contributing Writer for Everyday Feminism. She is a New York-based writer whose work has appeared in The Washington Post, Salon, Seventeen, BuzzFeed, The Huffington Post, Bustle, and more. She holds degrees in Gender and Sexuality Studies, Modern Culture and Media, and Cognitive Neuroscience from Brown University<\/em><\/p>\n

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Did you know that we have created a Radical Self-love membership community off of social media? For full details on how to join this amazing new space,\u00a0<\/em>please visit our info page here<\/em><\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cOriginally published on Everyday Feminism.\u201d Back when I used dating apps, the word \u201cfeminist\u201d appeared on my profiles. And that\u2019s how I learned how many people have a bone to pick with feminism. My inbox filled with messages like: \u201cDo you not like boys?\u201d What if I told you I was a masculinist?\u201d \u201cFeminism ignores […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7062088,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12143,113053,98906,103008],"tags":[25614,5883,81237,155378,4903,17663,11149,115852],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-7062087","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating","category-feminism","category-self-care","category-self-love","tag-dating","tag-feminism","tag-feminists","tag-liberating","tag-live","tag-relationship","tag-rules","tag-self-love"],"yoast_head":"\n50 Liberating Relationship \u2018Rules\u2019 for Feminists to Live By - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7062087\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"50 Liberating Relationship \u2018Rules\u2019 for Feminists to Live By - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cOriginally published on Everyday Feminism.\u201d Back when I used dating apps, the word \u201cfeminist\u201d appeared on my profiles. 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