\n
It has been a long time since I posted on here, and even longer since I posted regularly. It is difficult to even remember the person that I was when I first started this blog. The past few years have been a blur and I feel like I have changed so much as a person in that time. <\/p>\n
When I originally started this blog, I felt like my life was in a great place. I was a new homeowner of a house that I adored, in a town that I loved, and had a great community around myself. Things got a little shaky in 2020, with fewer get-togethers, and a lot of the businesses that I loved closing \u2013 but it was something that could be bounced back from. Losing my parents in 2022 and 2023 rocked me to my core. As much as I might try, I don\u2019t think that I can ever get to the same headspace that I was in when they were still alive. The shadows of grief took over, and even though I am trying to find myself again, that grief will always still be there too.<\/p>\n
I debated letting this site go. I don\u2019t really use it anymore. Every time that I have told myself I would come back to blogging, I haven\u2019t. I don\u2019t know what to write or what purpose this site even serves at this point. I am no longer writing for any kind of audience. I am not writing for a business or to make money in any way. This blog has really been a place where I could just write, but now I find myself barely ever able to write. When I do have something that I could write about, it tends to be rooted in sadness, and not something I necessarily want to share with the entire world. <\/p>\n
So many people are good at putting on a show and keeping up with appearances. They can create the perfectly curated images of a beautiful life that others would try to emulate. I have never been good at that kind of thing. Even if I were better able to do so, I don\u2019t really want to. I don\u2019t see a point in it, for me at least. Blogging just doesn\u2019t seem well suited to me and where I am right now. Besides, in a world of TikTok, Youtube, and Instagram, I don\u2019t think many people are looking to read blogs anymore. <\/p>\n
I can think of a lot of good reasons to let this blog go, but I can\u2019t bring myself to do it. It is a good way to force myself to keep writing, or it would be if I actually followed through. I have always been a writer. Writing is something that I love and that allows me to feel like my true self. However, it is so hard for me to even pick up a pen or open a keyboard nowadays. Writing opens me up in a way that allows me to channel my innermost feelings, and to be honest, I tend to hide from those feelings a lot lately. Ultimately though, the reason that I can\u2019t bring myself to get rid of this site is my mom. She was always my biggest fan; she followed this blog and read everything I wrote, always encouraging me to write more. She helped me brainstorm the name of this blog and I talked to her about every step in the writing process. Letting go of the blog feels like letting go of another aspect of her, and that is something that I don\u2019t think I can do. I still love the idea of continuing to write here with my mom as my main audience in mind, so now I need to find a way to do it. I don\u2019t know if anyone else will ever read this blog, but I think all that matters is that I feel like I am writing for my mom again. So that\u2019s what I will do. Now I just have to figure out what to write.<\/p>\n
Writing was a big goal for me as we entered the new year. It is such an important aspect of my life, that I feel like I have lost alongside my parents. I told myself that I would write every day and blog here at least once a week. I have a manuscript of a middle grade novel that I wrote waiting for me to finish editing it, but I think I need to focus on smaller writing projects before I go back to that. If writing ability is like a muscle, I have allowed mine to atrophy too much over the past few years. I think my quiet little blog without an audience might be the perfect way to stretch that writing muscle for now. <\/p>\n
February is an especially difficult month for me. As we get closer, I can already feel the depressions weighing heavier on me each day. I am trying to make plans to keep myself from fading away completely during that time, so I think I am going to challenge myself for the month. I am going to make February my blog challenge month and have a goal of writing here every single day. I am still not sure what exactly I will write about yet. I could just write about how I am feeling on a given day, glimpses of daily life, homeschooling, recipes and housekeeping routines, or crafts and activities that I do with my kids. I could also write fiction. This blog could be the perfect starting ground for some many little stories and characters living inside me. On days that I really don\u2019t know what to write, I might just generate a random prompt, either fiction or non-fiction.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s my plan for now. Let\u2019s see how I do in meeting those goals. <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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