{"id":7055444,"date":"2026-09-03T04:23:59","date_gmt":"2026-09-03T04:23:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/why-is-acceptance-hard-for-me\/"},"modified":"2026-09-03T04:23:59","modified_gmt":"2026-09-03T04:23:59","slug":"why-is-acceptance-hard-for-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7055444","title":{"rendered":"\u201cWhy is acceptance hard for me?\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n<\/p>\n

\n

W<\/span>hy would anyone go all in on self-improvement if they haven\u2019t accepted what supposedly needs to be improved? \u00a0Like many of us, do you find yourself frequently asking \u201cWhy is acceptance hard for me?\u201d Let\u2019s talk\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n

Sure, the war will continue for a time, and we may be able to see flames on the horizon. However, if we exit the battlefield and choose life, the outcome of the war will no longer be important.<\/p>\n\n


Introduction<\/strong><\/h2>\n

This article was originally published on October 14, 2014. For professional and personal reasons, I knew it was time to move acceptance to the front of the line. Since the feedback was good on the original, I decided to do this <\/em>rewrite.<\/em><\/p>\n

Name \u2018em: major depressive disorder, panic disorder, compulsive behavior issues, schizophrenia, chronic stress. All too often, the missing piece to the healing puzzle is acceptance.<\/p>\n

What you\u2019re about to read was inspired by Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy<\/em>.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a workbook written by Steven C. Hayes, PhD with Spencer Smith. As the title reveals, it\u2019s grounded in acceptance and commitment therapy<\/a> (ACT). Dr. Hayes is one of its developers.<\/p>\n

Acceptance and commitment therapy<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) is a scientifically-based psychotherapy. \u2014 one of the \u201cthird wave\u201d behavioral and cognitive therapies. Other therapies riding this wave include dialectical behavior therapy<\/a> (DBT) and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy<\/a> (MBCT).<\/p>\n

An effective approach to solving internal problems<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Dr. Hayes asks if we\u2019ve noticed that some of our most troubling problems have become more deeply engrained and out of control over the years \u2014 in spite of working our fannies off to fix them.<\/p>\n

Hayes submits it isn\u2019t surprising, as it\u2019s the result of our all too logical minds being asked to do what they were never designed to do. And suffering is just one outcome.<\/p>\n

According to Hayes\u2026<\/p>\n

\n

\u2026humans are playing a rigged game in which the human mind itself, a wonderful tool for mastering the environment, has been turned on its host.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

How \u2018bout that?<\/p>\n

The battlefield<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Hayes presents a cool metaphor in describing the distinction between the function of a psychological disorder and how it presents in one\u2019s life. He says it can be likened to someone on a battlefield fighting a war. The war is going poorly, and we fight all the harder.<\/p>\n

\"acceptance\"acceptance<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, we never consider the option of leaving the battlefield and living our lives \u2014 now.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

I mean, losing is a devastating option. And we believe unless we win the war, living a worthwhile life is impossible. So we continue to fight. Unfortunately, we never consider the option of leaving the battlefield and living our lives \u2014 now.<\/p>\n

Sure, the war will continue for a time, and we may be able to see flames on the horizon. However, if we exit the battlefield and choose life, the outcome of the war will no longer be important.<\/p>\n

That means we don\u2019t have to have all of our problems resolved before we begin embracing life.<\/p>\n

And so this is about the true substance of emotional and mental issues, not their appearance.<\/p>\n

The quicksand maneuver<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Dr. Hayes goes on to offer this brilliant take. When we step into something we want to get out of, 99.9% of the time the best course of action is to walk, run, step, hop, or jump.<\/p>\n

\"solving\"solving<\/p>\n

The very best thing one can do when stuck in quicksand is stop struggling and try to lie flat\u2026<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

But that\u2019s a losing proposition when it comes to quicksand. Stepping out requires lifting one foot and moving the other foot forward. Stuck in quicksand, that instantly doubles downward pressure.<\/p>\n

Add that to the suction effect around the foot being lifted, and yet more downward pressure is applied. Getting out becomes a coin toss.<\/p>\n

The very best thing one can do when stuck in quicksand is stop struggling and try to lie flat \u2014 spread-eagle \u2014 to maximize contact with the surface. Not only is it possible one won\u2019t sink, one may even be able to log-roll to safety.<\/p>\n

And so it is with how we\u2019ve traditionally tried to manage our emotional and mental woes. We flail about and frantically do all we can to \u201cfix\u201d the problem \u2014 not knowing there\u2019s another strategy that would bring much better, and lasting, results.<\/p>\n

Acceptance to the rescue<\/strong><\/h2>\n

It\u2019s natural to fight for the fix when we encounter a problem. And in the external world, it\u2019s the only way to go. But when we try to force the fix for what we experience internally, we\u2019ll fall flat on our faces \u2014 \u00a0time and time again.<\/p>\n

Trying to rid ourselves of pain only amplifies it, gets us more gummed up, and generates trauma. The alternative is acceptance (screaming, weeping, and gnashing of teeth, I know).<\/p>\n

According to Hayes\u2026<\/p>\n

\n

Acceptance, in the sense it is used here, is not nihilistic self-defeat; neither is it tolerating and putting up with your pain. It is very, very different than that. Those heavy, sad, dark forms of \u2018acceptance\u2019 are almost the exact opposite of the active, vital embrace of the moment that we mean.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Make no mistake about it, acceptance has to be the first order of biz when it comes to extricating ourselves from the battlefield\/quicksand of emotional and mental struggles.<\/p>\n

Live our lives<\/strong><\/h2>\n

If you\u2019re in the midst of challenging emotional or mental health circumstances, Dr. Hayes\u2019 take on acceptance may have made your jaw drop.<\/p>\n

Sure, there\u2019s more to the healing process than acceptance. But nothing is going to get better if we don\u2019t acknowledge and buy-in to what ails us \u2014 and move forward in spite of it.<\/p>\n

What say we leave the battlefield and quicksand behind, and just live our lives.<\/p>\n\n

On Dr. Hayes\u2019 book list: Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please review the Chipur emotional and mental illness info and inspiration titles on the articles page<\/a> \u2014 or by category below, right sidebar on desktop. We\u2019ll both appreciate it.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\"Bill\"Bill<\/div>\n
\n
\n

After a decades-long wrestling match with emotional and mental illness, Bill finally found his professional and personal passion \u2013 life\u2019s meaning. He wanted to lend a hand to those struggling as he did, so off he went to grad school at age 49 and earned his counseling credentials. He continues his service through Chipur and other projects.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why would anyone go all in on self-improvement if they haven\u2019t accepted what supposedly needs to be improved? \u00a0Like many of us, do you find yourself frequently asking \u201cWhy is acceptance hard for me?\u201d Let\u2019s talk\u2026 Sure, the war will continue for a time, and we may be able to see flames on the horizon. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7055445,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[102969,173760,122118,173759,173758,173761,173757,110641],"tags":[20177,1338],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-7055444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-acceptance","category-anxiety-treatment","category-bipolar-disorder","category-coping-skills","category-depression-treatment","category-disorder-management","category-psychology-therapy","category-trauma","tag-acceptance","tag-hard"],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cWhy is acceptance hard for me?\u201d - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7055444\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u201cWhy is acceptance hard for me?\u201d - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Why would anyone go all in on self-improvement if they haven\u2019t accepted what supposedly needs to be improved? \u00a0Like many of us, do you find yourself frequently asking \u201cWhy is acceptance hard for me?\u201d Let\u2019s talk\u2026 Sure, the war will continue for a time, and we may be able to see flames on the horizon. 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