{"id":7053912,"date":"2026-09-01T13:40:37","date_gmt":"2026-09-01T13:40:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/cause-when-i-relapse-it-feels-like-a-crime-words-by-mul\/"},"modified":"2026-09-01T13:40:37","modified_gmt":"2026-09-01T13:40:37","slug":"cause-when-i-relapse-it-feels-like-a-crime-words-by-mul","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7053912","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Cause when I relapse, it feels like a crime \u2013 Words By Mul"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"> Filler Blog <\/h4>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When I go a while without writing, I often overthink what I should share. Well, it\u2019s a filler blog so you know what time it is\u2026<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/giphy.com\/gifs\/OneDayAtATime-poptv-pop-tv-odaat-x5dxgxeNeEWo6iJU52\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"4238\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/2026\/08\/23\/cause-when-i-relapse-it-feels-like-a-crime\/it-is-me-pop-tv-gif-by-one-day-at-a-time\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/it-is-me-pop-tv-gif-by-one-day-at-a-time.gif\" data-orig-size=\"500,500\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;alt&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"It Is Me Pop Tv GIF by One Day At A Time\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/it-is-me-pop-tv-gif-by-one-day-at-a-time.gif?w=500\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" src=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/it-is-me-pop-tv-gif-by-one-day-at-a-time.gif\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-4238\" style=\"width:333px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/it-is-me-pop-tv-gif-by-one-day-at-a-time.gif 500w, https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/it-is-me-pop-tv-gif-by-one-day-at-a-time.gif?w=150&amp;h=150 150w, https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/it-is-me-pop-tv-gif-by-one-day-at-a-time.gif?w=300&amp;h=300 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I haven\u2019t published anything since March; I know a lot has happened in my life since then, to say the least, but at the same time not so much.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s officially 12 months since I stopped taking antidepressants; my mental health has vastly improved. This is my first time since I was 16 that I am living a life <em>without<\/em> depression, and it\u2019s very weird. I got so used to being low; I truly believed I would never overcome it, even though my whole thing was encouraging everyone around me to get better and look after themselves. I kind of accepted my fate. I truly believed I would live with depression and anxiety for the rest of my life. <\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019d often be in such a good mood that I found it suspicious.<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media2.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExZWg3b2owdHM3bzFwZjczaWYwNjVsZGIxbmlqbm9pOTRlcGdqNTdmMCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/PSpxkurzpZfFvJgPrf\/giphy.gif\" alt=\"\" style=\"width:345px;height:auto\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Since we are over the formalities, let me tell you something: life is sweet on the other side. <\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media0.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExeWo1dXJxZjY3dTNweDQ4YzN6YWk4amNsaGxmbjM3cHd1bWZidjgybyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/SvcIZouMTdCPlT2IL3\/giphy.gif\" alt=\"\" style=\"width:396px;height:auto\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My head is less cloudy; it still gets loud often. I don\u2019t have suicidal ideation anymore; all my scars have healed. Sometimes when I get distressed, I have the urge; it happened a few days ago, but I thought about it, I caught myself \u2019cause when I relapse it feels like a crime. This is a line from my current favourite song, \u201cBefore The Soul Goes to Waste,\u201d by Fabrizio.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-spotify wp-block-embed-spotify wp-embed-aspect-21-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"\/>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But the craving is worse than last night. If I don\u2019t quit soon, it\u2019ll claim me for life<br \/>I\u2019m scared to try one more time. \u2018Cause when I relapse, it feels like a crime<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the song, he talks about alcohol, though I cannot relate; the thing that came to my mind whenever I hear that line is self-harm, which I haven\u2019t done in over a year, too. My scars have healed, as have I. I\u2019m thankful for my family and, most of all, my friends; whenever we make plans, have FaceTime calls, texts, anything. It means a lot to me. Unfortunately, crippling loneliness is something I still experience, so whenever calls are picked up, it means more to me than it does to the average person.<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">My room isn\u2019t untidy anymore; I can see my floor, I am eating, I go out for walks now, I love to walk. I smile more; I got my dream job!! (<em>Once I start, I will be very happy to share that with you)<\/em> I deserve this. I deserve to live,\u00a0<em>she says conceitedly<\/em>. I have a new appreciation for life; no one can tell me how to live \u2019cause I know what it\u2019s like to wish for death upon myself consistently.\u00a0 <\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I laugh out loud, and gosh, my laugh is LOUD. I don\u2019t feel bad about it because I know what it\u2019s like to cry every day, though yes, I am still a crybaby. I no longer cry because I am alive; I may still cry when watching a K-drama. What? I can\u2019t help it; they are sooo cute!! Or a random tiktok; I am an empath.<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media4.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExdzN0cWoxb2EwODNkbWY0cHBrOGtiazJuZ3FnNmhoeXh6anN3N3VuYiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/kfXhUY4NDwUtAubDW7\/giphy.gif\" alt=\"\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Thank you for reading my blogs across the years. Even this one is a little everywhere, but I wanted to share that I am doing much better, and\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/wordsbymul.com\/about\/\">Mulenga Chola<\/a>\u00a0finally beat depression, and so will you.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So long as I have my ability to speak and write, I\u2019ve got you always. There\u2019s so much I will share over time about how I overcame it, what I did, etc. For now, I wanted to say I am still here, and I hope you enjoy the last few weeks of summer left. Here\u2019s to a new eraaa<\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/media2.giphy.com\/media\/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNnk1MTBiZWY5bHg2cHY0NmptMjJtbjliMmdrbHZwbGVrMGNoYzFraCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw\/JTtqMCNy28MnDqOM4Z\/giphy.gif\" alt=\"\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Filler Blog When I go a while without writing, I often overthink what I should share. Well, it\u2019s a filler blog so you know what time it is\u2026 I haven\u2019t published anything since March; I know a lot has happened in my life since then, to say the least, but at the same time not [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7053914,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[100620,12148,12284,98149,96877,116881,12017],"tags":[5422,11311,116883,104313,5301],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-7053912","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anxiety","category-depression","category-life","category-love","category-mental-health","category-mental-wellbeing","category-writing","tag-crime","tag-feels","tag-mul","tag-relapse","tag-words"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>\u2018Cause when I relapse, it feels like a crime \u2013 Words By Mul - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7053912\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u2018Cause when I relapse, it feels like a crime \u2013 Words By Mul - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Filler Blog When I go a while without writing, I often overthink what I should share. 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