{"id":7050581,"date":"2026-08-29T04:17:55","date_gmt":"2026-08-29T04:17:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/the-beginning-of-my-health-anxiety-journey\/"},"modified":"2026-08-29T04:17:55","modified_gmt":"2026-08-29T04:17:55","slug":"the-beginning-of-my-health-anxiety-journey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7050581","title":{"rendered":"The Beginning of My Health Anxiety Journey"},"content":{"rendered":"


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Since starting this blog in 2013, I\u2019ve disappeared many times.<\/p>\n

The perfectionist in me feels deep guilt around this. I\u2019ve wanted to show up consistently, to publish often, to continue building something that feels meaningful.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019ve found I can\u2019t do that if I\u2019m putting unnecessary pressure on myself to have it all together while life is crumbling around me.<\/p>\n

The truth is that I\u2019ve been in the depths of trying to return to myself, to undo years of playing the role of the perfectionist, the one unable to speak her needs or to even recognize what they were.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve spent too long forcing myself through emotional storms while trying to appear put together on the outside.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned the hard way that when you force your way through life, your body will eventually force you to do what it needs. <\/strong>It will force you to slow down and take a good, hard look in the mirror.<\/p>\n

When this happens, it will feel like the collapse of your entire being and everything you ever knew to be true.<\/p>\n

The unraveling<\/h2>\n

The collapse started in October of 2024.<\/p>\n

After pushing through a year of big change\u2014the end of an eight-year relationship, moving back in with my parents, moving to another state, dealing with a stressful financial situation, and experiencing a health scare\u2014my body wanted me to pause.<\/p>\n

The back pain I\u2019d lived with since 2021 became excruciating. I started experiencing pain and discomfort in almost every area of my body. The list of strange and unexplainable symptoms I had could fill an entire notebook.<\/p>\n

I did what I could to push through. I thought I was doing all of the right things by journaling, meditating, and trying to stay positive. I don\u2019t think I was doing anything wrong, but I needed something deeper than that to heal.<\/p>\n

My body was saying, \u201cIf you don\u2019t listen to what I\u2019m telling you, you\u2019re going to spiral out of control.<\/em>\u201c<\/p>\n

And because I wouldn\u2019t listen, that is indeed what started to happen. After trying to hold everything in, it all came spilling out.<\/p>\n

Anxiety and pain took over<\/h2>\n

What started as chronic back pain eventually turned into severe health anxiety that took over my life.<\/p>\n

I began to fear the most mundane things. Every unfamiliar sensation in my body became something to worry about. My brain tried to convince me that I was dying more times than I can count. While this was happening, I had some of the darkest thoughts I\u2019ve ever had in my life.<\/p>\n

The whole time, I was wondering, \u201cWhy am I like this? Is there something inherently wrong with me?<\/em>\u201d And there was a voice inside my head that said, \u201cPeople experience much worse. Be grateful.<\/em>\u201c<\/p>\n

But that way of thinking did nothing but add shame to an already intense experience. Fear and shame do not mix well.<\/p>\n

I can look back on these things a year later and realize I was having a perfectly human response to the changes in my life, but I put so much pressure on myself to keep pushing forward and hold it all together.<\/p>\n

Finding my way out<\/h2>\n

Over the past two years, I\u2019ve swum in the depths of fear, pain, obsession, and dysregulation.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve lived through pain that felt like sandpaper grating on my nerves. I\u2019ve had panic attacks in the middle of the night that made me question my sanity. I\u2019ve woken up in fear, day after day.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019ve come out on the other side. I\u2019ve begun to heal wounds and patterns that started long ago. I\u2019ve started to understand my triggers and the root of where they came from.<\/p>\n

As I write this in 2026, I no longer experience health anxiety or back pain as part of my daily existence. They are not part of my identity.<\/p>\n

Telling the truth<\/h2>\n

Too many people experience fear and panic daily, yet we\u2019re told to \u201cjust relax\u201d, that \u201cit\u2019s not that deep\u201d, and that \u201cyou\u2019re too sensitive.\u201d<\/p>\n

I know I\u2019m not the only one who has felt what I have, yet few people seem to be talking about it.<\/p>\n

I feel part of my duty on this earth is to bring light to these very human experiences.<\/strong><\/p>\n

If more people could tell the truth about how they\u2019re feeling and what they\u2019re experiencing, our society would be a better place.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, as a culture, we do not know how to sit with our emotions. We blame others for our problems instead of looking inward. We think we\u2019re perfect and that everyone else is the problem.<\/p>\n

We all have ghosts that haunt us, but few people try to face them. And why would we? Where\u2019s the fun in that?<\/p>\n

From my experience, facing the ghosts that live within you will grant you access to everything you\u2019ve ever wanted.<\/p>\n

Returning to myself<\/h2>\n

I believe something had to shake up my world enough for me to uncover the truth of who I really am. That\u2019s how I see the ongoing chapters of my life.<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019m in the process of rebuilding my life, a life that is actually mine.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m living alone for the very first time. I\u2019m taking dance classes, something that I\u2019ve always wanted to do. I\u2019ve put myself out there (as an introvert) to meet new people at local meetups. I\u2019m in a healthy relationship. My creativity is back and alive.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m returning to the truest version of myself, and I wouldn\u2019t be able to do that if I kept running away from my problems.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Everyone wants to know the secret to feeling at peace with themselves.<\/p>\n

The reality is that it involves a painful process of:<\/p>\n