After a week of shocking Epstein revelations, the powers that be are trying to change the subject. I\u2019m no scholar in Middle East politics, so I won\u2019t say anything other than I\u2019m anti-genocide, I\u2019m pro-human rights, and I don\u2019t believe there\u2019s any excuse for mass casualties.<\/p>\n The headlines are suddenly full of the war in Iran instead of the shock and awe of the Epstein files dump and the murders in Minneapolis. But as much as I want to care about Iran, the only part of this war I feel resourced to care about is that, according to Iranian state media, 165 children were killed at Shajarah Tayyebeh girls\u2019 elementary school in the southern town of Minab. This is happening right when we\u2019re talking about how so many girls were sex trafficked and raped. This is happening right after Renee Good and Alex Pretti were murdered in cold blood by thugs who think they can get away with it- and who probably will.<\/p>\n Many of us are screaming inside,\u00a0\u201cSomeone please stop the powerful men who can\u2019t seem to avoid committing atrocious violence against women, children, or anyone who tries to stop them!\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n As Suzanne Bender, MD wrote on Psychology Today in her essay\u00a0The Emotional Impact of American Misogyny<\/a>:<\/p>\n The decision to ignore front-row misogyny has been normalized.\u00a0President Trump<\/a>\u00a0responded to reporter Kaitlan Collins\u2019 question about the Epstein files by berating her because she wasn\u2019t smiling. He reprimanded another female journalist with the phrase \u201cQuiet piggy\u201d. In each case, note what happens next. The other reporters pivoted to ask their own questions and moved on. They ignored the despicable treatment of their female colleague to obtain the information they wanted. In an alternate universe: What if each reporter had repeated their colleagues\u2019 questions so Trump was unable to dodge them so easily? What if they all left the press conference to send a message that it is unacceptable to treat a fellow female reporter in this manner?<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n And don\u2019t even get me started about Trump\u2019s comments to the US men\u2019s hockey team. On Feb 22, 2026, a video was recorded after the US men\u2019s hockey team won Olympic gold. During a congratulatory call in which Donald Trump invited the players to the White House and said he had medals to give them, he joked that he\u2019d need to invite the women\u2019s team too or he\u2019d \u201cbe impeached.\u201d The male players in the locker room were seen laughing at the misogynistic comment, which got widespread negative media attention. In\u00a0Stop Calling It Sexism; It\u2019s Cowardice,<\/a>\u00a0Liz Plank wrote:<\/p>\n Everyone is piling on the U.S. men\u2019s hockey team for\u00a0laughing at Trump\u2019s joke about \u201chaving to\u201d invite the women\u2019s team to the White House<\/a>. The word flying around is\u00a0sexist. And sure, it\u2019s not false but I think that framing is actually way too generous. It implies these men were making a power move. They weren\u2019t. What happened in that locker room was something far more embarrassing, not for women,\u00a0but for men. What I saw in that locker room wasn\u2019t sexism, it was submission. A group of grown men, at the peak of their physical power, having just won Olympic gold, completely fell to their knees trying to impress a man the whole world is laughing at.<\/em><\/p>\n Think about what they were actually doing. They weren\u2019t laughing because they hate women. As many people have pointed out, these guys actually have publicly praised their female teammates. And yet, they\u00a0still\u00a0laughed at them if it meant getting the validation of one man. They put their entire dignity and reputation on the line and publicly mocked women that they seem to actually respect, to get the approval of a 79-year-old man in diapers. They wanted him to like them. They wanted to be in on it. They needed the approval so badly they couldn\u2019t manage the bare minimum of just\u2026 not laughing. Not pushing back. They couldn\u2019t even be quiet. Just silence, truly the lowest possible bar, and they couldn\u2019t clear it. Every instinct they had, including the one men love to brag about, the male protector instinct, the one they dust off whenever it\u2019s convenient, evaporated the second a man they wanted to impress made a joke at the expense of women they claim to actually respect.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n Then as Celeste Davis pointed out in\u00a0When men make a mess, no need to send the men with an apology, just send a woman with a smile<\/a>,\u00a0<\/strong>nobody from that men\u2019s hockey team apologized for 3 days after that. Instead, the women\u2019s hockey coach (who was the mother of two of those hockey players) made excuses for them.<\/p>\n That\u2019s a woman with internalized misogyny, a woman who betrayed her own team. And yes, us women are reeling from this kind of misogyny right about now.<\/p>\n Regarding the Epstein files, I can\u2019t stop wondering why so many of the most powerful men on the planet did not\u00a0care<\/em>\u00a0enough about protecting girls and women- and then, after betraying girls and women, they dismiss what\u2019s been done- and we\u2019re just supposed to move on and care about the war in Iran. They don\u2019t realize many of us\u00a0can\u2019t<\/em>\u00a0move on. The dawning awareness about the extent of misogyny in America- and the complicity of\u00a0so many people,<\/em>\u00a0especially men- refuses to let us move on.<\/p>\n As American women, we were already beside ourselves in 2016, when the words of an eye-rollingly misogynistic TV star running for President were unearthed: \u201cI don\u2019t even wait. And when you\u2019re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. \u2026 Grab \u2019em by the pussy. You can do anything.\u201d<\/p>\n Then our own country\u2019s voting population betrayed women, including the internalized misogyny of far too many women who voted for Trump, by putting him in power. Twice, Trump was elected over the women who ran against him, who might have been our first female Presidents. We didn\u2019t know how to process that shock, but all along, the Epstein nightmare was playing out in the background. It was hidden, but our nervous systems registered it, nevertheless. Some part of us knew\u2026something is not right in this country. I don\u2019t feel safe here anymore. This country doesn\u2019t respect me anymore.<\/em><\/p>\n Now, it feels like the worst version of a mashup between our outrage that Trump was elected in 2016 and the confusion about what\u2019s real that arose during the pandemic. After we spent so much energy trying to figure out what was a real conspiracy and what was a debunkable conspiracy theory during the early pandemic, when we discover from the Epstein files that an\u00a0actual<\/em>\u00a0conspiracy has been suppressed for decades, it\u2019s understandable that we\u2019re all reeling a bit. I don\u2019t believe Q was right or that an evil cabal of elites headed by Hillary Clinton were drinking the blood of children. That\u2019s a debunked \u201cPizzagate\u201d conspiracy theory that led to a 28-year-old North Carolina man named Edgar Maddison Welch entering the Comet Ping Pong pizza parlor with an AR-15-style rifle and a revolver, causing customers and employees\u2014including families with children\u2014to flee. Inside the restaurant, he fired his rifle into a locked door while trying to investigate the conspiracy claims. After spending about 20 minutes inside and finding no evidence of children being held in some imaginary basement, he surrendered to police.<\/p>\n But yes, there was a ring of evil elites, mostly men but some women, who enabled Epstein to rape and sex traffic girls and women and who may have raped children and women themselves. And they covered for each other and are still doing so, joking about the cute girls and making misogynistic comments to each other the whole time.<\/p>\n When we wake up to the fact that some of the most powerful men on our planet at the very least enabled Epstein\u2019s sex trafficking and rape of young girls- and then joked about those girls, when it hits us how many bystanders were complicit with their silence and failure to protect those girls, when we see our own President\u2019s obvious misogyny- and so many other people\u2019s lack of care about it- it can be paralyzing. We don\u2019t know whether to fight, flee, freeze and dissociate, fawn, or just indulge addictions to numb it all out.<\/p>\n We must see the rest of the Epstein files. Already, the fall out is huge, but it\u2019s not enough. When we\u2019re faced with the fact that so many powerful men are still conspiring to hide what\u2019s in the Epstein files, that they\u2019re protecting what powerful men said, did, and wrote, instead of protecting vulnerable victims, our imaginations are left to run wild. In the absence of enough prosecutions, we wonder what, if anything, will happen to people who enabled sexual violence against girls and women. If not much will happen, if the news cycle just moves on, we have a right to feel unsafe, outraged, and angry at those who continue to look the other way.<\/p>\n Add the misogynistic insult of hearing about girls killed in Iran- all because the boys can\u2019t keep their missiles in their pants. Add how people like Deepak Chopra, Jeffrey Martin, and Peter Attia, people who the public trusted, people from the wellness and spiritual world who should have known better, joked about Epstein\u2019s girls- instead of calling the police and reporting what they appear to have known.<\/p>\n And now we\u2019re supposed to change the subject and talk about Iran, right as we\u2019re finally getting some traction and feeling just a little bit heard and validated? Huh?<\/p>\n In my private mentoring sessions and in the IFS practice groups I lead (like\u00a0LOVE SCHOOL<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0THE WRITER\u2019S CALLING<\/a>), undiluted fury from women is pouring out like lava. People are having panic attacks after reading social media posts. We feel disgust and a deeply rooted sadness that quickly turns to rage. For many of us, all this misogyny lands like a psychological shock to an already weary system.<\/p>\n There\u2019s a disorienting feeling that echoes what many people experienced during the revelations about abusive priests in the Catholic Church. Oprah-endorsed \u201cspiritual leaders\u201d like convicted rapist John of God and Epstein-implicated Deepak Chopra and\u00a0Jeffrey Martin<\/a>\u00a0(and\u00a0other badly behaving self help authors that I blew the whistle on here<\/a>) are betraying public trust in the arenas where we need to trust our leaders the most- medicine, spirituality, coaching, wellness. Public personas and private actions don\u2019t line up. Institutions that were supposed to protect the vulnerable instead protected the powerful. These are the people we often go to when we\u2019re physically sick, when we\u2019re heartbroken, when we\u2019re soul sick, when our nervous systems are fried. And they\u2019ve betrayed us.<\/p>\n Being betrayed by our President (and all the people who voted for him) is bad enough. But when we find out that the very people whose work helped soothe us are also complicit in enabling the rape of girls and women, it\u2019s destabilizing. The result is a kind of collective vertigo. Many people feel as if we\u2019ve been dropped into a horror movie without their consent- and it\u2019s\u00a0everywhere.<\/em><\/p>\n Maybe we\u2019d been able to compartmentalize misogyny, to put it under the sofa while we go to yoga class (even though yoga gurus have mostly fallen too.) But we can\u2019t escape it anymore. As more information about Epstein\u2019s network becomes public, the depth of misogyny embedded in our culture becomes difficult to ignore. In the Epstein files, the female body was treated as disposable. The bodily integrity of children was treated as irrelevant.<\/p>\n All of this dredges up for many of us the ways we\u2019ve been victims of misogyny in our own lives. We can\u2019t avoid feeling the stings of how we, as girls, as women, have suffered at the hands of men who degraded, denied, invalidated, attacked, exploited, committed violence against us, and then blamed us. It\u2019s all too familiar- the narcissism playbook.<\/p>\n First, deny wrongdoing\u2014even when evidence appears overwhelming. Then gaslight the people who are upset, implying they are overreacting or misunderstanding. If that fails, shift the blame onto the victims or critics. And when accountability still threatens, introduce distraction after distraction until attention scatters and the original issue fades from focus. Whether in personal relationships or public life, the pattern is recognizable.<\/p>\n We seem to be seeing a version of this dynamic in the political sphere as well. As public attention grows around Epstein\u2019s crimes and the powerful figures connected to him\u2014including scrutiny involving Donald Trump\u2014the news cycle rapidly floods with other crises, geopolitical conflicts, and controversies. Whether intentional or not, the effect is the same: our collective nervous system becomes overwhelmed. And when people are overwhelmed, attention fragments- and accountability becomes out of reach.<\/p>\n I just got into a bit of pissing match with two powerful men who are trying to make statements about this moment in history, and I don\u2019t think they\u2019re getting it. But just like BIPOC women like\u00a0Layla Saad,<\/a>\u00a0author of\u00a0Me & White Supremacy,<\/a>\u00a0don\u2019t want to teach \u201cspiritual white women\u201d about white supremacy, I don\u2019t want to do the emotional labor of teaching cis, white, hetero men about patriarchy. It\u2019s too triggering how clueless men can be about how misogyny affects women. Let the men do that with each other. Let us women grieve and metabolize our outrage together.<\/p>\n All this made me flash back to 2012, when Jackson Katz gave a TEDx talk-\u00a0Violence Against Women- It\u2019s A Men\u2019s Issue\u00a0<\/a>at the same event where I did my first TEDx talk-The Shocking Truth About Your Health.<\/a>\u00a0His talk is an idea worth spreading, because it calls out male silence, male complicity, a man\u2019s ability to leverage the privilege and power of being male to look the other way when it comes to sexual violence of women and children. They minimize them (and therefore can ignore them) as \u201cwomen\u2019s issues\u201d when they should be men\u2019s issues.<\/p>\n But it\u2019s obvious right now that the Epstein files are a men\u2019s issue. As Celeste Davis asked in\u00a0this essay, \u201c<\/a>Everyone is asking how did these men get away with so much rape? No one is asking what would\u00a0cause<\/em> so many to want to rape so much in the first place?\u201d<\/p>\n In his TEDx talk, Jackson Katz said,<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cThe perpetrators aren\u2019t these monsters who crawl out of the swamp and come into town and do their nasty business and then retreat into the darkness. That\u2019s a very naive notion, right? Perpetrators are much more normal than that, and everyday than that. So the question is, what are we doing here in our society and in the world? What are the roles of various institutions in helping to produce abusive men? What\u2019s the role of religious belief systems, the sports culture, the pornography culture, the family structure, economics, and how that intersects, and race and ethnicity and how that intersects? How does all this work?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n Later in his talk, he says:<\/p>\n \u201cNow, among the many great things that Martin Luther King said in his short life was, \u201cIn the end, what will hurt the most is not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.\u201d There\u2019s been an awful lot of silence in male culture about this ongoing tragedy of men\u2019s violence against women and children, hasn\u2019t there? There\u2019s been an awful lot of silence. And all I\u2019m saying is that we need to break that silence, and we need more men to do that.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n Too much silence. I\u2019ve been too silent. My partner has been too silent. Powerful people who actually had the power to move the needle have been too silent. My inbox is now full of insides in the wellness and spirituality world, people who worked for the Chopra Center, people who worked for Oprah, people who worked at Hay House- telling me their stories and naming names about all that we\u2019ve witnessed. I do not want more private stories shared with me!<\/p>\n I want us all to stop being silent in order to protect powerful people.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n I wrote this article\u00a0\u201cGood Guys,\u201d Here\u2019s What Women Need When Talking About The Epstein Files<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>about how men can help the women in their lives metabolize everything that\u2019s happening around misogyny and patriarchy right now. We need both women and men (and any other gender identities) to help us cope with all this. But we especially need men to understand what we\u2019re going through.<\/p>\n In my conversations with clients and colleagues, I keep coming back to a few grounding reminders. First, there are three deeply disturbing elements of the Epstein situation:<\/p>\n When those in power minimize harm or deny obvious wrongdoing, it can make people question our own perceptions. That disorientation is a classic effect of gaslighting. But your reactions are not irrational. Feeling grief, anger, disgust, or a yearning for accountability is a healthy human response to learning that vulnerable people were harmed and that justice may have been obstructed. Your anguish is a good thing- because it reflects your empathy.<\/p>\n At the same time, constant exposure to traumatic information can itself be destabilizing. Research has shown that repeated media exposure to traumatic events can produce symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress\u2014heightened anxiety, intrusive thoughts, dysphoria, and sleep disturbance. Social media algorithms often amplify shocking or disturbing content, meaning people can encounter new revelations repeatedly throughout the day, whether they intended to seek them out or not. The takeaway isn\u2019t to shut yourself off from the world. But it is wise to pace your exposure.<\/p>\n Limit how often you read updates. Choose a few trusted sources rather than scrolling endlessly. Step away when your nervous system feels flooded. Regulation is not avoidance. It is self-protection.<\/p>\n It may feel as if no one is standing up to powerful abusers, but allies do exist. Journalists, investigators, survivors, and advocates have been working for years to bring this story into the light. Whistle-blowers brought down the Catholic Church. We must continue to blow whistles and to remind ourselves that brave people do exist. We can do what\u2019s within our power to support those courageous, risk-taking folks. When facing powerful systems that enable abuse, solidarity matters. Accountability rarely emerges from isolated voices; it grows when enough people speak up-\u00a0together.<\/em><\/p>\n If what you are learning is making your stomach turn or disrupting your sleep, don\u2019t carry that weight alone. Talk with trusted friends or family. Speak with a therapist if you have access to one. If you feel called to use your platform to advocate for accountability, do so thoughtfully and responsibly- and name names when you\u2019re ready- so you can help protect the next victim.<\/p>\n Remember, what you are feeling is not the result of some kind of inner weakness; it is a natural human response to injustice. And one of the few reliable antidotes to both abuse and intimidation is collective clarity: people refusing to look away, refusing to forget, and refusing to let harm to the vulnerable be dismissed as the price of power.<\/p>\n How are y\u2019all doing? Share what\u2019s coming up for you in the comments. And thank you for staying in the hard conversations here. I\u2019m so grateful to the women of Substack right now for all the amazing content you\u2019re putting out! Please share your favorites with regards to this historical moment in the comments if you feel inspired to do so. If you feel inspired to write about this moment, join us for\u00a0The Writer\u2019s Calling<\/a>\u00a0on 3\/13.\u00a0Learn more here.<\/a><\/p>\n Or come write with me and\u00a0Memoir As Medicine<\/em>\u00a0author Nancy Aronie for a weekend Zoom workshop in April for\u00a0Enough Already.<\/a><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/lissarankin.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/67b5a6b1-aea1-4222-9e23-4e84e556a7ab_1024x1024.webp\")
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