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When I first entered OCD recovery, I was so excited. I had more time for myself, I was able to try new things… I couldn’t wait to start living the life I had always hoped for. And then grief struck. It <\/span><\/span>hit hard, and the better my OCD got, the worse the grief got because<\/span> I started to realise just what OCD had cost me over the years. With this grief came really intense feelings of anger, shame, loss and depression. <\/span><\/span> <\/span><\/span><\/em>I really wasn’t expecting it.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Ten years into my recovery now, the grief is still there, but I carry it lightly. It’s taken me a while to get to this place, but I’m there. I can look back and accept how things were, and put my energies into looking forward to an OCD-free(ish) future. I say ish because my OCD often still comes knocking, but it doesn’t impact me in the same way anymore. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
So it’s from this position that I thought I’d write about OCD and grief. I’ll cover what it is, why it happens, and how I began moving through it. I hope it helps. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\nHow OCD recovery can cause Grief <\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n<\/p>\n\n
Grief and OCD often go hand in hand. OCD causes us to spend a lot of time on things other than getting on with living. Whether it\u2019s\u00a0time spent on compulsions, avoiding certain situations, or the emotional and mental energy spent battling intrusive thoughts, it\u2019s\u00a0really tough\u00a0to look back and realise how much time we\u2019ve\u00a0lost to OCD, and it\u2019s\u00a0totally normal to grieve the moments we feel were taken from us.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\nAcknowledging the Grief<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n<\/p>\n\n
The first thing to remember is that <\/span><\/span>grief is a natural response<\/span><\/span><\/strong>\u00a0to losing something important. It\u2019s\u00a0okay to feel sad or frustrated when we reflect on how OCD has impacted our lives. We may have missed out on social events, had our education and relationships impacted, or found ourselves unable to fully enjoy life events because OCD got in the way. It\u2019s\u00a0important\u00a0to allow ourselves to grieve this time and to recognise the pain that comes from these losses.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Here are a few things to keep in mind:<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
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It\u2019s\u00a0okay to mourn what we\u2019ve\u00a0missed.<\/span><\/span><\/strong>\u00a0Whether it’s\u00a0missed opportunities, lost friendships, or personal growth, it\u2019s\u00a0completely normal to feel\u00a0a sense of grief.\u00a0I found that acknowledging it was the first step toward healing.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Our feelings are valid.<\/span><\/span><\/strong>\u00a0We didn\u2019t\u00a0choose OCD, and it\u2019s\u00a0not your fault that it\u2019s\u00a0impacted our lives in this way. We are allowed to feel frustrated, angry, and disappointed.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Grief isn\u2019t\u00a0a sign of weakness.<\/span><\/span><\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s\u00a0simply a sign of how deeply we care about our own\u00a0well-being and the well-being of those around us. Feeling grief is a sign we know we deserve better – and this is vital.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\nReframing Thoughts around Grief<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n<\/p>\n\n
I want to be really careful that this doesn’t enter into the world of toxic positivity here, but it would be wrong of me not to add this section because I found it really helpful in my own recovery. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Dealing with OCD is tough, but I can now recognise the skills I\u2019ve\u00a0developed in managing my anxiety, the empathy I\u2019ve\u00a0cultivated for myself and others, and the resilience I\u2019ve\u00a0built over the years. They are all part of my story, and\u00a0they are strengths, not weaknesses, and the same is true for you.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Here are\u00a0some of the ways I began to reframe the grief, and I hope it helps you do the same:<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
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Focus on all the things we’ve\u00a0learned.<\/span><\/span><\/strong>\u00a0While OCD might have stolen time from us, it\u2019s\u00a0also taught us important lessons. These are tools that will serve us for the rest of our lives. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Recognise our resilience.<\/span><\/span><\/strong>\u00a0I have a love\/hate relationship with the word resilience because I think it’s used far too often as a way of encouraging people to put up with inappropriate situations, but in this case, I think it applies… Think about all the times we\u2019ve\u00a0faced OCD head on, even when it felt impossible. Every time we pushed through a difficult moment, we grew stronger, and that is something to celebrate.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Find meaning in the tough times.<\/span><\/span><\/strong>\u00a0No one wants to have to deal with OCD, but it might help to know that the hard\u00a0moments aren\u2019t\u00a0wasted. The pain we\u2019ve\u00a0felt can help us connect with others who are going through similar struggles. Our story can inspire others to keep going, and that\u2019s\u00a0a powerful way to make our experiences count. Having lost so much time to OCD makes me more determined than ever to make the most of the time I have now! <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\nWorking Towards the Future<\/span><\/span><\/h2>\n<\/p>\n\n
Here are just a few ideas to help us move forward with compassion and hope:<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Set small, achievable goals<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
Focus on areas of your life where we can make meaningful progress. This\u00a0could be something as simple as getting out of bed on a tough day, trying a new relaxation technique, or even having a quick go at an activity we usually avoid because of OCD.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
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I\u2019ve\u00a0done the best I can, and I\u2019m\u00a0proud of my efforts.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
It\u2019s\u00a0okay to feel sad about the time lost to OCD.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
My struggles do not define me.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n\n
Focus on what we can control<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
One of the most frustrating aspects of OCD is that it often makes us feel like we don\u2019t\u00a0have control over our own lives. But in reality, we have far more control\u00a0than we think. Focusing on the areas of our lives that we can influence can really help.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n
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Setting boundaries with activities or people who drain your energy.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Scheduling time for activities you enjoy or want to try – things that make you feel alive and connected.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Reducing time spent on compulsions by\u00a0using tools like mindfulness, cognitive-behavioural\u00a0therapy (CBT), or exposure and response prevention (ERP).<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n\n
We don\u2019t\u00a0have to go through this journey alone. Talking to others who understand OCD can be incredibly helpful. Whether it\u2019s\u00a0a friend, family member, therapist, or support group, sharing our feelings of\u00a0grief can lighten the load.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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