![\"Post](\"https:\/\/www.raptitude.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/running-guy.jpg\")
<\/p>\nWhen you die, you appear before a studio audience and they give you a standing ovation. The host then interviews you about your great successes and misses in life.<\/p>\n
One thing you realize, when they review the footage, is that you didn\u2019t really try most of the time.<\/p>\n
You thought you had tried and failed to learn a second language, to make a million dollars, to get really fit. You made an attempt or two, but in hindsight you were not in any way determined to make it happen.<\/p>\n
Fake trying is hard to see in real time, at least in yourself, but there are hints.<\/p>\n
Five years ago, I signed up for a 10k race when I was in no shape to run 10k. I had months to get ready, so by race day I could easily finish in less than an hour.<\/p>\n
There were setbacks. I injured my foot, so I couldn\u2019t train for a while. When I was about recovered, we had a brutal heatwave, which made it hard to get enthusiastic about training. Then I had a minor medical procedure, which set me back another few weeks.<\/p>\n
Ten days out from race day, I could barely get to 5k. At this point, running 10k without stopping was impossible. So I lowered my goal: get to the halfway point without stopping, then walk. This seemed like a sensible compromise.<\/p>\n
On race day I felt fine. I made it to the halfway point and wasn\u2019t dying to walk, so I kept running. By mile four I knew I could finish the race without stopping, and I did.<\/p>\n
There was nothing special going on that day. I didn\u2019t have a great sleep, I didn\u2019t feel inspired. I certainly hadn\u2019t trained well. The only difference from my training runs was that, in a race setting, with spectators and timekeepers, it felt harder than usual not to actually try.<\/p>\n
<\/span><\/p>\n This experience made me realize (momentarily) that trying \u2014 seriously attempting a goal \u2014 is much rarer than failing. Most failures aren\u2019t preceded by trying, but rather by reasoning yourself out of really trying.<\/p>\n I was reminded of this fleeting insight recently by a post from Cate Hall<\/a>, who writes about discovering personal agency relatively late in life. She points out that we often don\u2019t act like people who want to succeed:<\/p>\n Putting in a mediocre effort at a given task is deeply irrational if our goal is success at that task. But often, when we put in a mediocre effort, it\u2019s because we have other covert goals we\u2019re not really acknowledging.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n She says people typically try one strategy, it doesn\u2019t get them what they want, and then they stop. Often this is because the initial setback turns their intentions toward a conflicting goal, such as being comfortable, not being embarrassed, or not being disappointed again.<\/p>\n In Cate\u2019s example, a consultant is trying to make more money. There are lots of good strategies a person could use to make this happen: raise rates for existing clients, reach more people by making more content, develop new services to offer, find a mentor to guide you, and more.<\/p>\n But instead, the consultant tries one strategy, it doesn\u2019t work, and she stops, because her attention has turned to other goals:<\/p>\n It would seem to make more sense \u2013 certainly from the perspective of a guest on the Afterlife Talk Show \u2014 to pursue a goal whose prize would outweigh all those smaller considerations (such as doubling your income) and try it for real.<\/p>\n To try for real means to sustain your aim on that desired outcome without flipping to a lesser, more cowardly goal when you experience some pain or frustration.<\/p>\n Real trying should be a trial: <\/em>a prolonged experience consisting of the exact sequence of mistakes, pains, and setbacks that make success possible from where you began.<\/p>\n Goals usually must be achieved by gaining understandings and skills you didn\u2019t have at the outset. You learn how to handle this or that type of interaction, how the pros really do X, and how to avoid pitfalls Y and Z. Trying means enduring the trial of learning these things, mainly by doing them in ways that don\u2019t work. If there was no trial, either you got lucky and succeeded immediately, or you didn\u2019t try.<\/p>\n To try is to undergo the trial to its end, which is either success, or a genuine, earned understanding that the prize isn\u2019t worth what it really would cost you.<\/p>\n An easy way to tell if you\u2019re really trying is to ask yourself, \u201cHow would someone who is actually determined to do this<\/em> go about it?\u201d Right away, you know whether that\u2019s you.<\/p>\n When I think back about the goals I\u2019ve failed to achieve, I seldom made a best effort and<\/em> did not succeed. Much more often I decided at some point, without recognizing it, that it would be too difficult or too risky to really <\/em>try. Or I\u2019d tell myself that I will<\/em> really try, only not quite yet.<\/p>\n Then, years later, after it didn\u2019t happen and it doesn\u2019t seem like it\u2019s going to, the story in my head (or what I say to others) is that I tried and I couldn\u2019t make it work. This is almost always untrue. Failing is common, trying is rare. But when you really do it, trying works surprisingly well.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n This post was adapted from one originally appearing on Raptitude\u2019s Patreon page<\/a>. Patreon supporters help keep this site online, and get access to a library of extra posts and other goodies.<\/em> <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.raptitude.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/30pctchance.png\")
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