I\u2019ve been through eighteen years of college drop off in my role as a psychiatrist at Boston University Student Health Services.<\/a><\/p>\n Don\u2019t knock on your student\u2019s door at 7 a.m. and ask for a campus tour. Don\u2019t show up at any of their classes, and definitely don\u2019t ask questions of professors you may meet. Don\u2019t befriend their roommate\u2019s parents, even though they seem like nice people. (That\u2019s embarrassing.)<\/p>\n And whatever you do, don\u2019t join the parent Facebook page. (That\u2019s cringe.) When in doubt, remember the Golden Rule: Parents should be seen and not heard<\/em>. Respect their turf.<\/p>\n Some parents misinterpret their new role in their student\u2019s life as less important, and miss the way things used to be. This is a mistake. For young adults, parents are about more than reminders to get renter\u2019s insurance or go to the dentist. <\/p>\n They\u2019re also about more than no interest loans or free plane tickets, though those things are all great. For young adults, parents are the embodiment of their cultural heritage. They are the tether to a life of purpose and meaning.<\/p>\n They\u2019re also the most likely phone call for students having trouble adjusting to college. How to advise your student if you get that call? Here are a few suggestions:<\/p>\n Their roommate. Yes, they have one. Actually, they probably have several. Research shows that graduation rates are higher for students who live on campus, so colleges have been piling undergraduates into every coat closet and stairwell landing. <\/p>\n Suggest that your teen socialize with their roommate, who is honestly probably on the phone with their parents. (You wouldn\u2019t believe the number of students I have met who have never had a real conversation with the person sharing their dorm room.)<\/p>\n Level their expectations appropriately. They need to stop comparing people they have just met to their old friends from home. The only way to make good friends is to start with acquaintances, work your way up through mediocre and only so-so friends, go through good times and bad together and voila!: lifelong friendship. In short, the only way to meet people is . . . to meet people. And the only way to get to know people is . . . to get to know them. <\/p>\n Free time is highly overrated. That\u2019s right, they need to be busy and overextended like the rest of us! Colleges are bursting with interpersonally rich experiences: Students just need to show up! There\u2019s dorm social events, clubs and activities, intramural sports, dance, music, and various performances; pretty much anything from trivia to fashion to rocketry.<\/p>\n None of those things are right for your student? There\u2019s research or volunteer work, not to mention getting a job. All of these are excellent ways to make friends and build community.<\/p>\n Tell them to get off the phone. With you, I mean. If they\u2019re on the phone with you, they\u2019re not talking to someone new. Resist the urge to check in on them every day. This can make them miss home more, and can inadvertently send the message that you don\u2019t think they can handle being on their own.<\/p>\n This fall I will experience my nineteenth college drop off season. I\u2019m also going to experience my first\u2013 as a parent of a college freshman. Luckily I know all the rules about early morning door-knocks and not speaking to professors and \u2026 actually, those rules are going to be pretty hard to follow. But I\u2019ll definitely draw the line at the parent Facebook page. That\u2019s cringe.<\/p>\n More Great Reading: <\/strong><\/p>\n Dr. Lisa Damour: How to Find a Therapist for Your College Student<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/grownandflown.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/1280px-Boston_University_Marsh_Chapel_Boston_MA-600x450.jpg\")
New college parent insider tips <\/h2>\n
What parents should do when they get a call from their teen who has a problem<\/h2>\n
Roommates<\/h3>\n
Friends<\/h3>\n
Free Time<\/h3>\n
Get Off the Phone<\/h3>\n