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Some people find it easy to tell others when they\u2019re struggling. For other people, \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d is almost an automatic response.<\/span><\/p>\n They\u2019re often the ones who seem cheerful, capable and positive. They make other people laugh, keep the peace and get on with whatever needs to be done. They might be the person everyone else turns to when they need support.<\/span><\/p>\n From the outside, they seem absolutely fine. But underneath, they may be dealing with worry, sadness, exhaustion or a mind that simply won\u2019t stop.<\/span><\/p>\n I see this quite often through my work as a Bach flower practitioner<\/a>. Someone will initially tell me they\u2019re fine, or that there isn\u2019t really anything seriously wrong. But as we talk, it becomes clear that they\u2019ve been carrying a lot, often for quite some time. They just haven\u2019t felt able to say it out loud.<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes they don\u2019t want to worry other people. Sometimes they feel they should be able to cope. And sometimes they\u2019ve become so used to pushing their feelings down that they\u2019re not entirely sure what they feel anymore.<\/span><\/p>\n Agrimony is the Bach flower remedy<\/a> we most closely associate with hiding worries behind a smile. However, there are several other remedies that may be relevant, depending on what is really sitting beneath that \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n Agrimony<\/a> is for the person who appears cheerful and carefree, even when they\u2019re struggling inside.<\/span><\/p>\n You may be known as the fun one. The easy-going one. The person who makes a joke when things become uncomfortable or changes the subject when the conversation gets a bit too close to how you\u2019re really feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n Agrimony types don\u2019t usually want other people to see that they\u2019re worried or upset. They may feel uncomfortable being vulnerable, or worry that talking about their feelings will burden someone else. They would much rather put on a smile and keep the atmosphere light.<\/span><\/p>\n They also tend to dislike confrontation. If there is tension in a room, they\u2019re often the person trying to smooth things over and make everyone happy again. They might agree that everything is fine simply because the alternative feels too uncomfortable.<\/span><\/p>\n The difficult feelings are still there, though. They often become more noticeable when there\u2019s nothing else going on. You might find that you\u2019re constantly keeping busy, making plans, scrolling through your phone or watching television because you don\u2019t like being left alone with your thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n Agrimony could be helpful if you recognise that you:<\/span><\/p>\n The positive potential of Agrimony isn\u2019t to become serious or lose your sense of humour. It\u2019s being able to laugh at your problems but deal with them too. You can still be cheerful and positive, while also being honest with yourself and other people when something isn\u2019t right.<\/span><\/p>\n Oak<\/a> can look similar from the outside, but the feelings behind it are slightly different.<\/span><\/p>\n Oak is for strong, dependable people who keep going, regardless of how tired or overwhelmed they feel. They may not be deliberately hiding their emotions. They simply don\u2019t feel that stopping is an option.<\/span><\/p>\n This is the person who thinks, \u201cEveryone is relying on me. I just need to get on with it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n They will continue working, parenting, caring for other people and dealing with their responsibilities even when they have very little left to give. They rarely complain and often find it difficult to ask for help. Other people may have no idea that they\u2019re struggling because they continue doing everything they normally do.<\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re in an Oak state, you may know that you\u2019re exhausted, but still find yourself pushing through. Even when you get a chance to rest, you might struggle to take it because there is always something else you could be doing.<\/span><\/p>\n Oak is about recognising that you don\u2019t need to prove your strength by running yourself into the ground. Resting doesn\u2019t mean giving up. Accepting support doesn\u2019t make you less capable.<\/span><\/p>\n Elm is one of the Bach flower remedies<\/a> I often recommend when someone says, \u201cI can normally manage, but suddenly everything feels too much.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n This is usually a temporary feeling. You\u2019re generally capable and confident in what you do, but perhaps several things have happened at once. Work has become busier, family responsibilities have increased, someone needs extra support or there are simply too many decisions to make.<\/span><\/p>\n You may still appear as though you\u2019re coping. You\u2019re still getting through your to-do list and making sure everything happens. But underneath, you\u2019re wondering how much longer you can hold it all together.<\/span><\/p>\n Elm is different from Oak. Oak keeps pushing on through exhaustion because they feel they must. Elm is more about briefly losing confidence in your ability to manage the amount being asked of you.<\/span><\/p>\n It may be relevant if you feel as though there are too many people depending on you, too many things that need your attention and not enough of you to go around. Too much pressure and too much responsibility being held.<\/span><\/p>\n Elm helps us regain perspective. It allows us to see that we don\u2019t have to deal with everything at once, and that feeling overwhelmed doesn\u2019t mean we\u2019re incapable.<\/span><\/p>\n For some people, saying they\u2019re fine is a way of making sure they don\u2019t inconvenience anyone else.<\/span><\/p>\n Centaury<\/a> is for kind, helpful people who find it difficult to say no. You might agree to help even though you\u2019re already exhausted. You may go along with someone else\u2019s plans because you don\u2019t want to disappoint them, or say that something doesn\u2019t bother you when it actually does.<\/span><\/p>\n This isn\u2019t because you don\u2019t have an opinion or needs of your own. You may just be so used to putting everyone else first that expressing what you want feels uncomfortable or even selfish.<\/span><\/p>\n Over time, this can lead to tiredness, frustration and resentment. But rather than telling anyone, a Centaury person will often continue helping and insist that everything is fine.<\/span><\/p>\n If this is you, it might be helpful to notice how often your \u201cyes\u201d is genuine. Are you agreeing because you want to, or because you\u2019re worried about what will happen if you say no?<\/span><\/p>\n The positive potential of Centaury is still being caring and generous, but with stronger boundaries. You can support other people without always putting yourself at the bottom of the list.<\/span><\/p>\n Pine<\/a> is for guilt and self-blame.<\/span><\/p>\n You may find yourself thinking that you shouldn\u2019t feel the way you do. Perhaps other people have bigger problems. Perhaps you have things in your life that you feel you should be grateful for. You might believe you should be coping better or that asking for support would be self-indulgent.<\/span><\/p>\n As a result, you say you\u2019re fine because you don\u2019t feel entitled to say otherwise.<\/span><\/p>\n People who need Pine can be incredibly hard on themselves. They focus on what they believe they\u2019ve done wrong, apologise when they don\u2019t need to and take responsibility for situations that aren\u2019t entirely their fault.<\/span><\/p>\n You might offer kindness and understanding to everyone else but find it almost impossible to extend that same compassion to yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n Pine helps you look at yourself more fairly. It doesn\u2019t mean avoiding responsibility when you\u2019ve made a mistake. It means accepting that you\u2019re human and that having needs, difficult emotions or moments when you don\u2019t cope perfectly is nothing to feel guilty about.<\/span><\/p>\n You can appear completely calm on the outside while your mind is having a very different experience.<\/span><\/p>\n White Chestnut<\/a> is for repetitive thoughts and mental chatter. You might replay a conversation from earlier, analyse something you said, wonder what somebody meant or run through everything that could happen tomorrow.<\/span><\/p>\n Nobody else can see any of this. You may be sitting quietly, carrying on a conversation or lying in bed while internally your thoughts are going around and around.<\/span><\/p>\n White Chestnut could be useful if you find yourself:<\/span><\/p>\n White Chestnut is chosen for the repetitive nature of the thoughts. Other remedies may be added to address what you are thinking about. For example, Pine might be relevant if the thoughts are driven by guilt, while Red Chestnut may be considered if you are repeatedly worrying about someone you love.<\/span> Sometimes \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d means, \u201cI\u2019m still finding my way through this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Walnut<\/a> is the remedy for change and transition. It can be considered during times such as moving home, starting a new job, becoming a parent, going through a separation, experiencing menopause or entering any new stage of life.<\/span><\/p>\n Even when a change is positive or something you chose, it can still feel unsettling. Other people may assume you\u2019re fine because you wanted it to happen. You might assume that too and feel confused by the emotions that have come with it.<\/span><\/p>\n Walnut supports us as we adjust to a new situation. It can also be helpful when other people have lots of opinions about what we should be doing and we need to listen to our own judgement.<\/span><\/p>\n There can be many different emotions sitting beneath the same two words.<\/span><\/p>\n For one person, \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d means, \u201cI don\u2019t want anyone to know that I\u2019m hurting.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n For another, it means, \u201cEveryone relies on me, so I have to keep going.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n It might mean, \u201cI don\u2019t want to disappoint anyone,\u201d \u201cI shouldn\u2019t be struggling\u201d or \u201cI look calm, but my mind hasn\u2019t stopped all day.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n This is why Bach flower remedies are chosen for the individual. Two people can be going through an almost identical situation but need completely different remedies because of how they are responding emotionally.<\/span><\/p>\n A simple way to begin is to ask yourself what you\u2019re afraid might happen if you admitted you weren\u2019t fine.<\/span><\/p>\n Would you feel exposed? Would you worry about burdening someone? Would you feel guilty? Are you frightened that everything would fall apart if you stopped coping for a moment?<\/span><\/p>\n Your answer may tell you far more than the words \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d ever could.<\/span><\/p>\n You may recognise yourself in several of the remedies above. That is completely normal. Emotions overlap, and most people have more than one thing going on at a time. A personalised Bach flower remedy can include up to seven different remedies, chosen to reflect the different aspects of how you\u2019re feeling right now.<\/span> Choosing your Bach flower remedies gives you an opportunity to pause and think about what is happening beneath the surface. Not what other people see. Not what you think you should feel. Just what is honestly there.<\/span><\/p>\n You can create your own personalised remedy by choosing up to seven Bach flower remedies. If you\u2019re not sure which ones are right for you, my online quiz<\/a> can help you narrow them down. For more individual support, you can also book a personal consultation with me and we can explore how you\u2019re feeling together.<\/span><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\nAgrimony: hiding your worries behind a smile<\/span><\/h2>\n
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Oak: the person who never stops<\/span><\/h2>\n
Elm: when the person who usually copes feels overwhelmed<\/span><\/h2>\n
Centaury: putting your own needs last<\/span><\/h2>\n
Pine: feeling guilty for struggling<\/span><\/h2>\n
White Chestnut: looking calm while your mind is racing<\/span><\/h2>\n
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Walnut: trying to seem fine during a big change<\/span><\/h2>\n
What does \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d actually mean for you?<\/span><\/h2>\n