{"id":7028595,"date":"2026-08-05T13:39:17","date_gmt":"2026-08-05T13:39:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/how-to-exist\/"},"modified":"2026-08-05T13:39:17","modified_gmt":"2026-08-05T13:39:17","slug":"how-to-exist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=7028595","title":{"rendered":"How to Exist"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n<\/p>\n

\n\"Post<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s an experiment for a true daredevil.<\/p>\n

Sit there for a three minutes, following two rules:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Don\u2019t do anything.<\/li>\n
  2. Be content.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    By \u201cdon\u2019t do anything,\u201d I mean don\u2019t move, don\u2019t fidget, don\u2019t indulge any thoughts or daydreams. You\u2019re allowed to breathe, and blink.<\/p>\n

    By \u201cbe content,\u201d I mean be completely okay with your experience of doing nothing. Don\u2019t try to change anything, and don\u2019t get impatient with what\u2019s happening. Be completely okay for three minutes. \u00a0<\/p>\n

    Try that now. See how long it takes before you\u2019re dying for it to be over.<\/p>\n

    It\u2019s oddly difficult to do nothing, and while you\u2019re doing nothing, it\u2019s oddly difficult to feel at ease. There\u2019s such a strong urge to do something<\/em>: look around the room, rehash a conversation, explore your incisors with your tongue, wiggle your toes, anything. When you stop doing everything and just exist, you almost feel like you\u2019re dying.<\/p>\n

    This is a crazy thing to notice after having been alive so many years \u2014 that your existence itself is so much to bear. There\u2019s always something wrong, even when everything\u2019s fine. It\u2019s as if you can only bear the present moment when you\u2019re trying change it into something else.<\/p>\n

    This is the strange condition of the human being. It\u2019s allergic to its natural habitat, which is the present moment. In order to cope with this allergy, it perpetually seeks things: feelings and experiences that are not yet present. It wants to always be getting the hell out of here.<\/p>\n

    <\/span><\/p>\n

    You might think that you\u2019re free from this problem sometimes, at least in those moments when you get the thing you\u2019re seeking. Say you\u2019re finally eating the cookie-dough ice cream flurry you looked forward to all day. If you pay close attention as you eat it, you\u2019ll notice that you want to move past this<\/em> moment too. Lingering on any one spoonful too long becomes unbearable. There\u2019s a powerful drive to go on to the next one. That\u2019s why you ordered a Large.<\/p>\n

    \n
    \"\"<\/a>
    Not a real destination<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

    This most fundamental problem of human life is so easy to overlook because our entire lives are made of the coping strategy. So much of what we seek is solely to flee the experience of being here. People buy things they don\u2019t need, start fights with their partners, eat when they\u2019re not hungry, and scroll miserable and inane content, just to escape the feeling of existence as it already is.<\/p>\n

    Notice the powerful urge to sip your drink or fiddle with something when the conversation dies at a dinner party. Or how quickly your phone comes out when there\u2019s an unexpected wait. Existence without doing is brutal!<\/p>\n

    Each year, roughly 100 firefighters are convicted of arson<\/a> in North America, often on multiple counts. Most often they are young, new firefighters, frustrated by the lack of action.<\/p>\n

    \n
    \"\"<\/a>
    Framed<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

    And hilariously, from a 2014 study<\/a> on doing nothing:<\/p>\n

    \n

    In 11 studies, we found that participants typically did not enjoy spending 6 to 15 minutes in a room by themselves with nothing to do but think, that they enjoyed doing mundane external activities much more, and that many preferred to administer electric shocks to themselves instead of being left alone with their thoughts.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    Even thinking is often a sneaky way of escaping the existence; rumination isn\u2019t so much about trying to solve your problems, as it is about going elsewhere in your mind to escape anxiety and uncertainty. Apparently, electric shocks work even better.<\/p>\n

    \n
    \"\"<\/a>
    Popular alternative to existence<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

    How to become more comfortable with existence<\/h3>\n

    You can develop the ability to exist a lot more comfortably. You do it by practicing existing, a few seconds at a time, without<\/em> trying to change anything about how existence feels right now.<\/p>\n

    Basically you sit, do nothing, and notice how it feels to do nothing. (It will probably feel subtly weird and unsettled.) You then see if you can completely embrace these feelings, without the usual squirming and looking elsewhere. But you\u2019ll do it only for a few seconds at a time, using your breath as a measuring stick.<\/p>\n

    \n
    \"\"<\/a>
    Confronting existential horror<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

    Here\u2019s how to do it without feeling overwhelmed:<\/p>\n

    (If you have PTSD or any other psychiatric disorder, check with a professional before you do this.)<\/p>\n

    Sit, eyes open or closed, and relax your body as completely as possible. Take long, easy breaths. Relax every muscle you can. Just do your best. \u00a0<\/p>\n

    When you\u2019re ready, breathe in while keeping the body supple like that. Open to every feeling that occurs during the inbreath: tingling, weirdness, unsettledness, doubt, whatever. Let the whole experience wash over you like warm surf, for that few seconds it takes to inhale.<\/p>\n

    Let it go. Give yourself a moment.<\/p>\n

    When you\u2019re ready, do it again: embrace the entire experience of one inbreath. Just let the whole experience happen to you \u2013 no need to study it, or figure it out. Just embrace the whole bouquet of feelings, for the few seconds it takes. Push away nothing, just for that few seconds of breathing in.<\/p>\n

    \n
    \"\"<\/a>
    Does not need to practice existing<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

    Once you can do that decently well (no need to be perfect), try the same thing but with an outbreath. Stay relaxed and open throughout the length of one whole outbreath. No defending, no tensing. Be a human puddle.<\/p>\n

    If you get distracted or frazzled, or you do tense up, that\u2019s okay. Take a few breaths off to recollect yourself. Then try again. You have infinite breaths to try this with.<\/p>\n

    Repeat this process, one half-breath (an inhale or an exhale) at a time. The half-breath is a small enough span of time that you can usually stay open for the 5-10 seconds it takes. Once you can do it on both an inbreath and an outbreath, see if you can start stringing them together, staying open throughout the whole breathing cycle.<\/p>\n

    \n
    \"\"<\/a>
    You, with some practice<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

    Do this for five minutes at first, including any breaks. Then see what happens when you do it longer, and with fewer gaps. Basically you\u2019ll be resting \u2014 just existing and breathing \u2014 in that non-defensive state.<\/p>\n

    Even after one session of this, you might notice you can relax a little more easily, no matter what\u2019s happening.<\/p>\n

    This is a form of meditation, but I almost want to avoid that word because it makes people get nervous and overcomplicate it. Just think of this practice as existing without fear, for a few seconds at a time. Minimum effective dose is one half-breath. \u00a0<\/p>\n

    \n
    \"\"<\/a>
    Grabbing a few minutes to exist between meetings<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n

    Naturally, if you can learn to calm your allergy to existence a bit, life gets easier in nearly every situation. Ordinary experiences like waiting in line, feeling uncertain, being a bit too warm or cold, or not being sure what to do with yourself, become much more tolerable. (And probably most<\/em> of life contains this sort of minor discomfort.)<\/p>\n

    Regular practice keeps your allergy symptoms mild. Neglecting it makes them come back.<\/p>\n

    In particular, you might notice much less of a need to entertain or distract yourself. Escape-driven habits like doomscrolling, random snacking, nail-biting, (arson?), and rumination become less magnetic. When plain old existence feels okay, there\u2019s so much you no longer need to do.<\/p>\n

    ***<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n