![\"\"](\"https:\/\/crystalhealingtechniques.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/Larry-Book-Cover-529x800-1.png\")
<\/a>And now it\u2019s going to mean that to me, I love that it\u2019s about the fact that we need a village and that we cannot do these things on our own and in that moment when you were most on your own is when you discovered how to resource other people is what it sounds like.<\/span><\/p>\nOne of the biggest lessons that I learned is how to ask for help.<\/span><\/p>\nYou know that\u2019s not normal in a lot of men\u2019s itinerary is that they think that they\u2019re supposed to do it themselves, kind of like the Superman or the Mighty Mouse or all those things that we\u2019re trusting so we\u2019re going to do it on our own.<\/span><\/p>\nI don\u2019t believe that is all anymore.<\/span><\/p>\nI know that I get stuck and when I get stuck the best thing for me eventually when I realize that I\u2019m stuck is to ask for help, to find some resource that can help me through my problem and that works and I mean I\u2019ve met some really wonderful people along the way that I\u2019ve learned from but I have to be willing to learn and that isn\u2019t always the case with some of the people that I coach and they\u2019re not necessarily ready to learn right away.<\/span><\/p>\nThey want to hold on to their old belief system and you have to take a look at your current belief systems and see if they\u2019re working for you.<\/span><\/p>\nAre they going to really help you succeed or not? And in many cases they\u2019re not, so you kind of discard them and pick up something else and work with that one for a while and if it works keep working it.<\/span><\/p>\nThese are wonderful lessons.<\/span><\/p>\nI mean you\u2019re saying these almost as throwaway lines and I know that they aren\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\nThe capacity for a man to ask for help, you could be the best man I ever met Larry.<\/span><\/p>\nYou\u2019re saying what every woman discusses behind a man\u2019s back, \u201cWhy can\u2019t they just ask for help?\u201d And so although I will be fair, Neil, my husband, he does ask for help when he needs directions particularly which can be a male failing too, not to ask for directions, but let\u2019s continue.<\/span><\/p>\nWhat\u2019s unique about the life lessons you\u2019ve shared in the book? They\u2019re experiential lessons, in other words they\u2019re not me just pontificating about what you should do with your life.<\/span><\/p>\nThese are lessons that I applied to situations that I was in and they helped me through the situation that I was in.<\/span><\/p>\nSo I have a little confidence at least from my personal experience that the ideas work.<\/span><\/p>\nNow there were other ideas that I tried that didn\u2019t work so they didn\u2019t get into the book but the ones that got into the book are the ones that I had tried and applied and worked for me and ended up being my core belief system that I chose to live my life by and that was the whole thing is to realize that I was always a choice and at the very beginning of course when I was years old I thought that I had learned all the life lessons from my folks, let\u2019s say the church, the community, the school and then I began to realize, \u201cWow, I just had a pretty limited look at life and there were lots of different ways to look at solving the problem and I have a line that I use a lot just in conversation because it means so much to me, is to be an observer of the observer you are.\u201d In other words, to constantly look at how am I looking at the situation, how am I looking at the problem.<\/span><\/p>\nA lot of times I\u2019m finding the way that I\u2019m looking at the problem is the problem.<\/span><\/p>\nI laugh at myself when I get those wonderful insights that, \u201cHey, the way that you\u2019re looking at this thing is probably the wrong way, if you look at it another way you could probably solve it.\u201d So that\u2019s been really helpful, a lot less than I didn\u2019t come up with it but I learned it from Julio Olalla from New Field Network.<\/span><\/p>\nSo you tested it, everything in your book is not theoretical, it\u2019s tried and tested and applied and it\u2019s been practical for you in your life and that\u2019s what you\u2019re sharing, that\u2019s what I\u2019m hearing.<\/span><\/p>\nIs that right? Yes, it is.<\/span><\/p>\nI wish I\u2019d said it your way.<\/span><\/p>\nNo, I\u2019m just saying what you said, we did have a previous discussion and in that previous discussion you said that beliefs are important and that\u2019s a place where we are also in alignment because in my work I also have to seek out the beliefs.<\/span><\/p>\nBut let\u2019s hear about it from you, why is the search for the source of beliefs so important in your coaching work? Well probably the best place that I can apply that belief statement is I struggled trying to put another relationship together after Shirley Yag and it probably took me or years before I finally found a woman that I was interested in making a life with but I was learning something about myself is that because of the belief system that I had adopted I made up is that I could trust the women that I love to leave me.<\/span><\/p>\nThe lesson was to be attractive to the women and then as they got closer I would push them away so the lesson for me was so I was busy living life this way and I went to a workshop and what I learned is hey the women that I love don\u2019t leave me, they are there forever.<\/span><\/p>\nI\u2019m at choice about whether I want to be in love with them, access them, but they aren\u2019t going anywhere, if they loved me back before they died then they also love me now and that\u2019s been really helpful and that\u2019s helped me have a wonderful year relationship with my second life.<\/span><\/p>\nIt wouldn\u2019t have been possible if I hadn\u2019t shifted my point of view.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd this whole thing of finding a partner, it\u2019s a fascinating process because it\u2019s something that I\u2019ve watched over the years and I\u2019ve seen the beliefs in a completely different pattern from the beliefs that you\u2019re talking about but where people are looking in the wrong package for what they want and that\u2019s such a pity because they\u2019re not really seeing what\u2019s in front of them, they\u2019re looking for, they have an idea of something, it\u2019s like looking for a jigsaw puzzle piece and you\u2019ve got the strong idea of what that jigsaw puzzle piece should look like, but really you want to get the right shape because the right shape is what\u2019s going to fit in the jigsaw puzzle, not the right, the look you don\u2019t know until you see it and I see people looking for their partners, their life partners in packages that have got what they think is the right look but they haven\u2019t got the right shape.<\/span><\/p>\nI think that\u2019s a good way to put it.<\/span><\/p>\nIt\u2019s really interesting, you can set up a whole list of criteria up front and one of the courses that I took had us write Miss Cinderella, you know, and put all the characteristics of this beautiful woman that you wanted to be in a relationship with.<\/span><\/p>\nThey did it for the women too, looking for Mr.<\/span><\/p>\nWonderful, the terrific guy and then you realize, hey that\u2019s fantasy land, you\u2019re looking for the perfect person and there really isn\u2019t a perfect person out there, except if you look and say that person is perfect for me, but they\u2019re not perfect.<\/span><\/p>\nRight, there are no perfect people because that\u2019s what it is to be human, is not to be perfect, right? Except for us.<\/span><\/p>\nI call myself a perfectly imperfect person.<\/span><\/p>\nMe too, that\u2019s two of us, okay, now you\u2019ve got something else very, very interesting that I\u2019d like you to share with our listeners.<\/span><\/p>\nWhat are some of the lessons you have learned and used to manage FEAR, F-E-A-R, tell us first what you made FEAR stand for and then some of the lessons you learned.<\/span><\/p>\nOkay, for one thing, the word FEAR became an acronym for me, it\u2019s not my original idea, but FEAR is False Expectations Appearing Real and I had that particular lesson come forth for me in a couple of incidents when I was doing an outward bound experience and I was climbing a cliff and I did all right climbing up, but boy I was scared to go down the cliff and to trust somebody that was at the end of the belay rope and just, you know, basically it was like or feet straight down and I said, \u201cWow, am I going to do this thing or not?\u201d And finally after minutes of processing it, I allowed myself to be let down and to trust the guy that is at the bottom of the cliff, and what I had built up in my mind of course is that I was supposedly jumping off the cliff but was out of the belay line.<\/span><\/p>\nWell that wasn\u2019t true, the truth was that I was well structured to be safe, but that was really important in the outward bound high rope course, is that you\u2019re all tied up and you were jumping in space, but at the same time you were very safe because you were in a big harness that was holding you up in case you didn\u2019t make it to the next stop.<\/span><\/p>\nSo learning about False Expectations Appearing Real really came forth when I was whitewater rafting in Costa Rica, and one of the things that you try to do is you try to stay in the raft and if you don\u2019t stay in the raft, it\u2019s a little dicey and so we hit this big wave that we had to get over and the guy who was guiding us said, \u201cYou know, if you hit it fast enough, you can ride the top of the wave over it, but if you hit it too slow, the wave will pop you over and you\u2019ll pop out of the raft like toothpicks.\u201d Well I was a toothpick and I came up underneath the raft, I was fluttering around with my sandals and finally I decided, \u201cHey, you know what, I\u2019ve got to get out and get some regular air instead of just the air bubbles that are around me, around the raft.\u201d But I got scared and the next day I fell out of the raft again.<\/span><\/p>\nSo I was really frightened because the trip got worse.<\/span><\/p>\nThere were class four and class five rapids at the end of the trip.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd so there were a bunch of river guides from the United States that were leading these trips.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd I thought, \u201cCertainly they had worked with people that had fear before.\u201d So I asked the first river guide, \u201cI said, \u201cYou know, you\u2019ve worked with people that had fear before.\u201d He says, \u201cWell, you know, what I experienced is people, if they had an experience of getting out of the raft, and so they anticipate the rapid that\u2019s coming up.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd then what happens, they anticipate the next rapid that\u2019s coming up and they anticipate the next rapid that\u2019s coming up, and pretty soon they have this huge rapid that they need to go over.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd so my lesson is you take one rapid at a time.\u201d Wow, has that been helpful information because I take that approach when I do problem solving.<\/span><\/p>\nTake one rapid at a time instead of being intimidated by the whole problem.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd the next guide that I talked to said, \u201cYou know, most people, there aren\u2019t that many accidents down the river itself.<\/span><\/p>\nMost people have a problem being on the shoreline and being playing badminton or catch or something like that.<\/span><\/p>\nBut if you do follow the rules of whitewater rafting and you\u2019re faced down the river and you don\u2019t step up on the river and break your leg, it\u2019s pretty safe.\u201d And then the third guide, he was really smart.<\/span><\/p>\nHe said, \u201cYou know, you really have fun.<\/span><\/p>\nSo take a chance and when the river is really smooth, jump in the water and experience what it\u2019s like to experience the water in Costa Rica.\u201d And I thought, \u201cWhat a great idea!\u201d I had went to the University of Minnesota, been part of a record-breaking relay team, and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cMy God, here I am afraid of the water and I\u2019m a swimmer.<\/span><\/p>\nThat doesn\u2019t make a lot of sense.\u201d And that just kind of tapped off the learning that I had.<\/span><\/p>\nI was doing one rapid at a time, and that letting my false expectations of pretty real stopped me from taking action.<\/span><\/p>\nWow, Larry, can you tell everybody where they can get your book? Because this is real stuff and this is very helpful.<\/span><\/p>\nIn fact, the day after we spoke to each other, I was recommending your book to somebody who really needed it.<\/span><\/p>\nSo please tell everybody how they can get hold of your book and tell them the title again.<\/span><\/p>\nThe easiest way to get hold of the book is to go to Amazon and look up \u201cAlways at Choice.\u201d And you can acquire it through Amazon both on Kindle and also as a hard copy print.<\/span><\/p>\nI kind of like the hard copies because I like seeing the boat or the ship on the cover.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd then you also do coaching, and you\u2019ve got a website, haven\u2019t you? Yes, I do.<\/span><\/p>\nThat\u2019s \u201cStepping Through the Gate.\u201d That is, again, also one of my learning experiences, is the woman said, \u201cYou know, what you\u2019ve done is you\u2019ve allowed me to step through the gate.<\/span><\/p>\nI\u2019ve wanted to do all these things all my life, and I\u2019ve never had the courage to step through the gate, and what you\u2019ve done is you\u2019ve opened up the gate.\u201d That was the result of an equine guided workshop that I was running.<\/span><\/p>\nOh, horses, too.<\/span><\/p>\nOkay, so steppingthroughthegate.com.<\/span><\/p>\nThat\u2019s your website.<\/span><\/p>\nThanks, Larry.<\/span><\/p>\nWe\u2019re going to take a break now.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd when we come back from the break, I hope you don\u2019t mind that I want to take a little bit more look at you as a person and share more about you as a human being for everybody\u2019s benefit.<\/span><\/p>\nSo, everyone, please join us again after the break.<\/span><\/p>\nWelcome back to \u201cThe Schapera Show,\u201d where we are interviewing our most senior guest ever, Larry Freeborg, author of \u201cAlways at Choice,\u201d a book about navigating the downs of life so that we can turn them back into ups.<\/span><\/p>\nHi, Larry, we\u2019re back, and you told me that you\u2019re years old.<\/span><\/p>\nWhy are you still working? Well, \u201cAlways at Choice,\u201d I had decided when I was I looked at the word \u201cretired.\u201d And when I looked at the definition of a word, it wasn\u2019t a very good word for me.<\/span><\/p>\nI knew that retirement was just a man-made concept that didn\u2019t exist and some years ago.<\/span><\/p>\nBut I was at choice about what I wanted to do with my life, and I liked the idea of having fun.<\/span><\/p>\nI still have fun.<\/span><\/p>\nI love being of service to people and working, having a purpose.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd so I decided instead of retiring, I would refire, do what I love to do, maybe just shrink it down a little bit because the workload was pretty heavy when I was before and trying to carry that same workload at doesn\u2019t make a lot of sense.<\/span><\/p>\nBut even yesterday, I just designed a program where I\u2019m going to be delivering a faculty discussion group to the senior center that I live in.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd I think it\u2019s going to be a wonderful thing because people still need to talk.<\/span><\/p>\nThey still need to express their opinion.<\/span><\/p>\nSo that\u2019s going to be a fun thing, and then I\u2019m going to do a talk on \u201cAlways at Choice\u201d later on in July.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd it\u2019s still being of service, and that\u2019s the purpose is to make a contribution as long as I can.<\/span><\/p>\nNow, like a couple of things that you said there, the one is turning retire into refire.<\/span><\/p>\nI think that\u2019s fabulous.<\/span><\/p>\nI think that\u2019s absolutely fabulous, and if you don\u2019t mind, I\u2019m going to be borrowing it.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd then the other thing that you said that\u2019s absolutely delightful for me is that you\u2019re talking about life being fun, and that is exactly, exactly, exactly my \u2026<\/span><\/p>\nI say my middle name is Fun.<\/span><\/p>\nMy first name is Sirius, and my middle name is Fun.<\/span><\/p>\nI like to have serious fun.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd the more properly I do things, the more fun they are.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd ChatGPT even asked me, \u201cWhat do you want to look back on? What do you want to be saying when you\u2019re on your deathbed?\u201d Or asked me this question, probably thinking that I made a contribution to others or something like that would be my answer.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd I said, \u201cNo, I just want to be able to say that was fun when I look back on my life.\u201d And it\u2019s why we call our Chaperu show this big adventure called life, because life is a big adventure, isn\u2019t it? It really is.<\/span><\/p>\nAnd you know, I live in gratitude about the fact that I\u2019ve been given the gift to live a life with all its trials and tribulations and opportunities for learning.<\/span><\/p>\nBasically, I\u2019ve had a good life.<\/span><\/p>\nI\u2019ve enjoyed my life.<\/span><\/p>\nI still am enjoying my life.<\/span><\/p>\nSure, I have some down times when I\u2019m sad and I\u2019m feeling kind of wondering, but that isn\u2019t too often, because I regularly celebrate the good parts of my day.<\/span><\/p>\nI have what I call a blessing practice, where every day I listen to ten blessings.<\/span><\/p>\nBlessings are things that come to me that I don\u2019t have any control over.<\/span><\/p>\nThere\u2019s things like flowers and birds and trees and weather, and it\u2019s really interesting because that helps set my mood in a positive way that I\u2019m just a guest here.<\/span><\/p>\nI\u2019m not in control of anything.<\/span><\/p>\nSome of the life is going around me all the time.<\/span><\/p>\nI just have to recognize that it\u2019s there, and since I adopted that blessing practice about seven years ago, my days are a lot better.<\/span><\/p>\nIt is so interesting to speak to you about this.<\/span><\/p>\nNow, of course, we\u2019re not speaking gladly about just life being fun, because both of us, we\u2019ve had some terrible grief to deal with in our lives.<\/span><\/p>\n