I\u2019ve included examples of my own healing process for each one of the ten steps.<\/span><\/p>\nSTEP 1 Map The Moments That Made You and identify a target part that wants<\/b><\/p>\n
to write.<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nIf parts are going to be blending in order to write, it\u2019s important to know who\u2019s <\/span>part of the scene, so the needs of all parts can be considered and decisions can be made <\/span>about whose voice gets center stage when. Mapping the Moments That Made You includes <\/span>mapping out the characters in the scene- protectors, exiles, and Self- as well as anyone else <\/span>who might be involved in the scene outside your inner world.<\/span><\/p>\nSTEP 2 Get protector permission and blend to write.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
Get permission from all parts before blending and then blend with the protector part and let it tell its story in writing. Because the hallmark of IFS is that we never override protector parts, start with asking for permission from protector parts that might have a story to tell. When you go inside and inquire about permission, remember that parts of you show up in any sensory modality. You May hear a voice (Yes, it\u2019s fine, or No, no way!), feel a sensation in your body (pit in your stomach or lightness in your chest), or visualize a part (thumbs up or thumbs down sign in your inner imagery). If the part gives you a \u201cNo,\u201d inquire about what it\u2019s afraid of. If you can\u2019t tell if there are any protectors involved in your story, try using one or both of the following creative prompts:<\/span><\/p>\n\n- Hyperaroused (fight):: I\u2019ll show him\/her\u2026<\/b><\/li>\n
- Hyperaroused (flight): I\u2019m so outa here\u2026<\/b><\/li>\n
- Hypoaroused (freeze): I could barely move when\u2026<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
STEP 3 Separate (Unblend) and introduce the protector part to the Self, updating <\/b>the part to meet the Self of today.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
Remember that most protectors think you\u2019re still very <\/span>little and unable to make do if they don\u2019t do their job. Find out what they\u2019re scared would <\/span>happen if they didn\u2019t do their job. Get to know your protector parts and earning their trust. <\/span>You can either work with your protectors in the inner world or write from the blended parts.<\/span><\/p>\nRemember the 6F\u2019s:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\nFind<\/b> (the part in your body)<\/span><\/p>\nFocus<\/b> (your attention on it)<\/span><\/p>\nFlesh<\/b> out (Get to know the part and how it thinks it\u2019s helping you)<\/span><\/p>\nFeel<\/b> towards (Assess how you feel towards the part. If you feel any of the 8 C\u2019s- Curiosity, <\/span>Calmness, Compassion, Creativity, Courage, Clarity, Confidence, or Connectedness, there\u2019s <\/span>enough \u201cSelf\u201d there to proceed. If you don\u2019t like the part or are scared of the part, that\u2019s <\/span>probably another protector part, and you repeat the process.)<\/span><\/p>\nBe<\/span>Friend<\/b> You can befriend the part by asking the following questions:<\/span><\/p>\n\n- How did it get this job?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
- How effective is it at doing the job?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
- If it didn\u2019t have to do this job, what would it do instead?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
- How old is this part?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
- How old does it think you are?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
- What else does it want you to know?\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
- What does it want for you?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Fears <\/b>(Ask what this part is afraid would happen if it didn\u2019t do its job. Often the answer will<\/span><\/p>\nlead you to an exiled inner kiddo.)<\/span><\/p>\nSTEP 4 Let Self write a love letter to your protective part. Foster a mutual <\/b>relationship between the Self and the part, then let Self validate what it heard from the part in writing.<\/b><\/p>\n
STEP 5 Hear from other protector parts involved in your parts map.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
What other protector parts were at the scene? Let them each write to add nuance and texture. Check in with parts to see when that part wants Self to quote the part directly.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nSTEP 6 Witness your wounded parts.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
Now that you\u2019ve gotten to know the protectors, updated them to the Self of today, earned their trust, and gotten their permission to proceed, let the wounded parts (exiles) write their raw, tender, vulnerable stories, which are often at the heart of your memoir. You may use this step as part of the \u201cwitnessing\u201d process from the \u201cexile unburdening\u201d process. You can blend with your hurt parts in this step- and let your hurt parts tell their story first hand. Try the immediacy of present tense for a gripping story told from the perspective of parts that are often stuck in the past.<\/span><\/p>\nSTEP 7 Let Self write a love letter back to your wounded part.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
This replicates the \u201creunion\u201d phase of \u201cexile unburdening,\u201d when Self introduces itself to the exile and bears witness, mirrors, validates, and extends love and compassion to the exile..<\/span><\/p>\nSTEP 8 Let the wounded part write the redo, what it wished for and didn\u2019t get <\/b>at the time.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
When you\u2019re writing, this often feels like writing fiction, rather than memoir- because it comes from the part\u2019s imagination. But it can feel very real to the part. Let the part\u2019s imagination create beauty from \u201cwhat should have happened\u201d by writing about it. The exile will tell you what they need, so don\u2019t overthink it. As Dick Schwartz describes in his \u201cLaws of Inner Physics,\u201d anything <\/span>goes in the inner world. Nothing bad happens in the outer world if the exile wants you to <\/span>do something violent, get revenge, or stand up for the exile. What you\u2019re doing is rewiring <\/span>the existing trauma neural pathways and rewriting a healthy version that is void of the <\/span>overwhelming feelings from the past. (implicit neuroplasticity). <\/span>If you wish to complete the \u201cexile unburdening process,\u201d follow up the \u201credo\u201d with <\/span>closing your eyes and imagining yourself retrieving the wounded part from the scene of the <\/span>trauma. Take the part out of the past and bring it somewhere safe in the present, then invite <\/span>it to unload and unburden its \u201cburdens\u201d (limiting beliefs, uncomfortable physical sensations, <\/span>thoughts or feelings about yourself or the world). Invite the part to take in qualities it needs <\/span>as it moves forward. Then allow any protectors who were involved with that wounded part to <\/span>see how the wounded part is doing after the unburdening is complete. Invite those protectors <\/span>to relax and invite them to release their extreme roles and take up more relaxing or fun roles <\/span>in the internal family system.<\/span><\/p>\nSTEP 9 Let Self write on behalf of all relevant parts.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
Now that the protectors have relaxed and the wounded parts have been unburdened, make an attempt at synthesizing all the voices and determining who speaks when to tell the story most accurately. This process will also add literary depth to the creative voice of your memoir. Because trauma is a misaligned interaction of energy from Source, healing trauma requires working with and bringing in different types of healing energy to align with Source (love, God, compassion, guides.) Bringing Self energy into the telling of the story allows the energy to shift from trauma to healing, such that the writing of the story can help you heal.<\/span><\/p>\nSTEP 10 Find a third party witness.<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nIf your parts give consent, share any of your writing with a safe, trusted third party who can witness your part compassionately along with your Self. Although IFS can get you far as a self-help practice, it\u2019s even more healing as a relational practice. While Self can witness our own parts, wounds that happen in relationship often heal more thoroughly in relationship. This is part of why therapy works- because the therapist is often the first safe, trusted other for someone with severe trauma. If you can\u2019t find or afford a therapist to be that safe third person, the next best thing is a peer-to-peer healing partner. This might be your romantic partner or a family member, but it\u2019s even safer to try this with someone less close to you, someone less likely to activate your own parts if the other person doesn\u2019t respond in the exact way your parts might wish. Ideally, your healing partner is also engaging in therapy or the IFS model or otherwise doing their own work, so you can reciprocate witnessing their process in a way that makes it balanced.<\/span><\/p>\nRemember, this way of writing to heal is a therapeutic practice, not necessarily <\/span>the most efficient way to write a memoir! But you\u2019ll be surprised how the immediacy of what <\/span>comes up when you give your parts the pen (and when you let Self mirror and validate those <\/span>parts and then synthesize their voices), bringing vitality to your storytelling.<\/span><\/p>\nIf you\u2019d like to try this with a community of seekers, writers, and people committed to healing, or if you\u2019re interested in learning more so you can help your clients deepen their work by supporting their own systems in between sessions, please consider gifting yourself or someone else a spot with me and Frank for WRITE TO HEAL.<\/span><\/p>\nRegister for WRITE TO HEAL here.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n
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