{"id":57196,"date":"2025-01-30T07:00:39","date_gmt":"2025-01-30T07:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/anthropology\/balancing-acts-of-care-from-kitchen-to-cosmos\/"},"modified":"2025-01-30T07:00:39","modified_gmt":"2025-01-30T07:00:39","slug":"balancing-acts-of-care-from-kitchen-to-cosmos","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=57196","title":{"rendered":"Balancing Acts of Care from Kitchen to Cosmos"},"content":{"rendered":"


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Article begins<\/h2>\n

I met Nazneen, a twenty-five-year-old university student, in an eating joint tucked away from the busy and crowded lanes of Patna Market in 2022. In this historic commercial heart of Patna, dressed in a dark blue abaya, Nazneen sat at a corner table, her textbooks spread before her, stealing glances at her watch. As I approached her for a cup of chai, she began gathering her things, a sense of urgency in her movements. \u201cI have to go, I am sorry I won\u2019t be able to talk to you today for long,\u201d she said, her voice tinged with both apology and resolve. \u201cDadi (paternal grandmother) is at home alone, and I have to give her the medicines. Since my mother passed away last year, I have to take care of the home in between hours. Abba (father) goes to work and comes back only in the evening. A lot of my time goes in my grandmother\u2019s care these days. Inshallah, Allah will reward me for all this hard work.<\/em>\u201c<\/p>\n

As Nazneen prepared to leave for her home in Phulwari Sharif, an old middle-class Muslim neighborhood, I found myself reflecting on the layered meanings of khidmat, a devotional practice of care, and how it shapes the lives of young women like Nazneen and myself. While I was familiar with khidmat through my own upbringing\u2014spending hours alongside my mother in the kitchen, learning to knead dough, chop vegetables, and master the intricate rhythms of household work\u2014Nazneen\u2019s interpretation offered a fresh perspective. She viewed it as ethical labor that transforms the precarious mundane into the sacred. In Patna, where traditional family structures often intersect with young women\u2019s growing aspirations for education and social mobility, her understanding of care work offered a unique perspective on negotiating these seemingly competing demands. Her daily acts of care to her grandmother weren\u2019t just intergenerational kinship obligations and unpaid labor but forms of spiritual investment for the future.<\/p>\n

Khidmat, in its essence, is a polysemic concept. It carries multiple meanings in the context of North India. It can mean the physical act of caregiving, the emotional labor of supporting family members during illness, or the spiritual practice of serving the divine through one\u2019s actions. In my observations of young Muslim women in Patna, I found they often approach their caregiving responsibilities at home through the lens of spiritual and devotional care. Rather than viewing it only as routine care work, they see it as a spiritual practice that will bring divine blessings and rewards from Allah.<\/p>\n

After building a two-year rapport with Nazneen, during my fieldwork, I spontaneously offered to assist her in her daily chores. Given our established relationship, I also thought it would be an opportunity to deepen my understanding of her daily routines and perhaps witness firsthand the toil of ordinary caregiving practices at home. At the time, I hadn\u2019t anticipated how ordinary care could also mean sacred responsibility for women, one imbued with divine meanings. Her eyes lit up with a mixture of surprise and relief. \u201cActually,\u201d she said, hesitating for just a moment, \u201cif you could stay with Dadi for a little bit while I pick up some groceries, that would be a great help.\u201d Soon, I found myself in a modest apartment in Phulwari Sharif, sitting beside Nazneen\u2019s grandmother. The room was small but neatly kept with framed verses from the Quran hung on the wall.\u00a0<\/p>\n

As Dadi and I talked, I noticed her eyes constantly flickering toward the door, awaiting Nazneen\u2019s return. \u201cSuch a good girl, my Nazneen,\u00a0meri ankhon ka tara\u00a0<\/em>(star of eyes),\u201d she mused, \u201calways bustling about, caring for everyone. Sometimes I fear it\u2019s too heavy a burden. I hope her studies don\u2019t suffer. You\u2019re a good friend to her, beta (child\/term of endearment). Has she mentioned her exams? They\u2019re next month.\u201d Before I could respond, Nazneen came in, slightly winded, grocery bags weighing down her arms. I watched as she effortlessly slipped back into her role as the star granddaughter. With what looked like a practiced efficiency, she organized Dadi\u2019s blood pressure medications, assisted her to the washroom, and began dinner preparations. While she worked, we discussed my research, and I inquired about her exam preparation.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cThis month has been challenging,\u201d she admitted, juggling multiple tasks. \u201cLife mein aise hi sab balance karke chalna parta hai<\/em>\u00a0(In life, you have to keep balancing everything as you move forward),\u201d she said matter-of-factly. Her lips curved into a smile as she added, \u201cI am preparing for two futures\u2014one where I am an English literature professor, and another where I am a daughter, future wife, and mother.\u201d As she walked me to the door later, she paused, gesturing toward the apartment. \u201cThis,\u201d she said softly, \u201cis my world of khidmat. It isn\u2019t always simple, but it gives my life meaning. Dadi won\u2019t be with us forever, but her\u00a0dua<\/em>\u00a0(prayers\/blessings) will remain with me. Her blessings and my experience of doing all this work,\u201d she gestured toward her cooking, \u201cI am sure they will serve me well when I get married, have my own home, and my children and husband to take care of.\u201d<\/p>\n

I felt a twinge of frustration at how ordinary care and domesticity typically always is a women\u2019s responsibility in their marital homes, not just for Muslim women, but also in other contexts across class and religion. Yet, I realized that viewing care work solely through the lens of unpaid female labor also tends to overlook the spiritual dimensions embedded within it. Nazneen\u2019s preparation for dual futures illuminates the multiple meanings of khidmat (caregiving). In her childhood home, it emerges as both filial duty and intergenerational care of her grandmother. Simultaneously, it serves as preparation for her anticipated role in her future marital household. \u201cAll these lessons\u2014patience, multitasking, the art of caring\u2014they are skills I will carry into my married life,\u201d Nazneen reflected, showing how she viewed her current caregiving role as both immediate responsibility and future investment.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The way young women like Nazneen navigate their present responsibilities while crafting their futures reflects what anthropologist Arjun Appadurai describes as the \u201ccapacity to aspire<\/a>.\u201d This capacity, as demonstrated in Nazneen\u2019s case, doesn\u2019t reject traditional roles but rather reimagines them. Instead of seeing domestic duties and professional ambitions as opposing forces, she weaves them together into different realms of possibilities. Having said that, one cannot overlook how structural inequalities and gendered expectations fundamentally shape many young women\u2019s aspirations in this context. In Nazneen\u2019s case, while she demonstrates agency in how she frames her caregiving role, the very fact that she must prepare for a future that inherently includes domestic responsibilities reflects deeply embedded gender norms that her male counterparts likely don\u2019t face.<\/p>\n

On another occasion, I was speaking to Nazneen\u2019s\u00a0khala<\/em>\u00a0(maternal aunt), Fatima, who visited Nazneen in her home. The conversation drifted into marriage. A potential\u00a0rishta<\/em>\u00a0(marriage proposal) has recently come for Nazneen,\u00a0khala<\/em>\u00a0said. \u201cI am excited for Nazneen.\u201d At that moment, Nazneen jumped in and said, \u201cYou may be excited, but I am very nervous. The proposal may be good, but I wonder how I\u2019ll balance everything\u2014being a wife, potentially a mother, and still pursuing my studies.\u201d Fatima glances up from the simmering pot, her expression softening with maternal understanding. \u201cRashid seems to understand the importance of education; he mentioned that his mother worked as a teacher even after marriage. I tell you, a good marriage is a partnership in khidmat. You support each other in helping and caring for each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

She said, \u201cHave faith, everything will be fine. Allah will reward you for all your hard work!\u201d At that moment, I found myself contemplating the layers within her reassurance. What exactly constitutes this \u201chard work\u201d that merits divine reward? Is it the physical labor of caregiving, the many hours spent tending to others\u2019 needs? The mental gymnastics of balancing multiple roles? Or perhaps the intellectual rigor of pursuing career aspirations while managing domestic expectations? These questions point to how young Muslim women navigate what Saba Mahmood might term \u201cethical self-formation<\/a>.\u201d Here, the promise of divine reward becomes not just a comfort but an epistemological framework through which these women make sense of their present struggles and imagine their futures.<\/p>\n

Religious discourse, in this context, emerges not as a simple overlay on daily experiences but as an actively negotiated framework through which young women in India interpret and reshape their realities. When Fatima invokes divine reward, she isn\u2019t merely offering spiritual comfort; she\u2019s demonstrating how religious understanding becomes entangled with everyday pressures and possibilities. Religious concepts like khidmat become sites where traditional expectations and personal aspirations are constantly reworked and reinterpreted.<\/p>\n

As I reflect on these moments spent in kitchens and living rooms during my fieldwork, watching women like Nazneen and Fatima navigate their worlds, I realize that khidmat transcends simple definitions of caregiving as domestic labor. It connects the present to women\u2019s imagined futures. Through countless cups of tea served, medications managed, and prayers whispered, these women aren\u2019t just performing duties; they\u2019re crafting meaning from the ordinary.<\/p>\n

In our last conversation, as evening prayer echoed from a nearby mosque in Patna Market, Nazneen shared something that stayed with me: \u201cWhen I prepare Dadi\u2019s medicine, help Khala in the kitchen, or study late into the night, I am not just doing tasks. Islam tells us that all our actions (amal) are prayers, a hope. These are actions in a small step toward who I want to become. I don\u2019t think Khidmat is just about caring for others\u2014it\u2019s about how we sustain each other, how we hold our worlds together when everything seems uncertain.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Article begins I met Nazneen, a twenty-five-year-old university student, in an eating joint tucked away from the busy and crowded lanes of Patna Market in 2022. In this historic commercial heart of Patna, dressed in a dark blue abaya, Nazneen sat at a corner table, her textbooks spread before her, stealing glances at her watch. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":57197,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11767],"tags":[30100,11313,760,7185,16127,15594,8707,32452,1114,15371],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-57196","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anthropology","tag-acts","tag-balancing","tag-care","tag-cosmos","tag-ethics","tag-gender","tag-india","tag-islam","tag-kitchen","tag-labor"],"yoast_head":"\nBalancing Acts of Care from Kitchen to Cosmos - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=57196\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Balancing Acts of Care from Kitchen to Cosmos - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Article begins I met Nazneen, a twenty-five-year-old university student, in an eating joint tucked away from the busy and crowded lanes of Patna Market in 2022. 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