{"id":358129,"date":"2026-07-18T08:28:33","date_gmt":"2026-07-18T08:28:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/jerri-clark-explains-ambiguous-loss-in-new-book-gone-before-gone\/"},"modified":"2026-07-18T08:28:33","modified_gmt":"2026-07-18T08:28:33","slug":"jerri-clark-explains-ambiguous-loss-in-new-book-gone-before-gone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=358129","title":{"rendered":"Jerri Clark Explains “Ambiguous Loss:” In New Book – Gone Before Gone"},"content":{"rendered":"


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((5-27-26) Mental Health Advocate Jerri Clark<\/a> writes brilliantly in her new book \u2013 Gone Before Gone<\/a><\/em> \u2013 about how she copes with the loss of her son, Calvin, whose serious mental illness led to arrests, homelessness and eventually suicide in 2019 at age 23.<\/p>\n

What makes Gone Before Gone<\/a><\/em> unique is her exploration of \u201cambiguous loss\u201d\u2014the grief experienced when a loved one with dementia or severe mental illness is \u201c\u2018gone\u201d but is still alive. She describes it as \u201cdeath by degrees.\u201d<\/p>\n

She concludes that \u201cLife\u2019s only clarity is sheer uncertainty.\u201d<\/p>\n

In a positive review, Kirkus<\/a>\u00a0noted: \u201cClark offers refreshingly simple responses to platitudes about mental illness, such as a measured rebuttal to \u201ceverything happens for a reason.\u201d Clark writes: \u201cMy son\u2019s struggle with mental illness had no reason to it. I\u2019m trying to find meaning in what\u2019s left of my life, but that doesn\u2019t mean his pain was something the world needed.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here are my thoughts.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jerri Niebaum Clark loved her son, Calvin, from the moment he was born. She changed his diapers, sang him to sleep at night, and felt the pure joy that came when he first said \u201cMama.\u201d When Calvin later described his childhood, he pictured \u201ca smiling sun in a cutely drawn neighborhood\u2014everything a kid would ever want.\u201d There were good schools, plenty of friends, and endless smiles. Jerri taught Calvin how to surf\u2014one of her passions\u2014and watched with pride as he caught his first wave. Family vacations and birthdays were joyful celebrations.<\/p>\n

There were hiccups, of course\u2014the ordinary troubles that shape both child and parent. But Calvin loved his parents and appeared on track to live a successful and full life. That was before he became sick.<\/p>\n

Because Jerri\u2019s love for her son was so deep and unwavering, she never doubted, after Calvin was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder, that he would recover and that life would return to what it had been. Jerri and her husband, Matt, would make certain of that outcome. With their help, Calvin would put this \u201cblip\u201d behind him.<\/p>\n

She was confident this was a blip<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is how their journey began, as it does for so many parents who love children with serious mental illness: with confidence, determination, and hope. Jerri sought out the best doctors and therapists to help quiet the storm in Calvin\u2019s brain. She learned everything she could about serious mental illness and the depression, self-medication, and addiction that often accompany a bipolar diagnosis. Together with Matt, she believed they would help Calvin return to being the loving son they had raised.<\/p>\n

But mental illness is cruel, persistent, and\u2014when untreated\u2014progressive.<\/p>\n

Those of us who have a child with serious mental illness or addiction know what it is like to look into their face and see a stranger. It can feel as though an alien force has taken control. This loss is especially devastating when an adult child refuses to accept the illness\u2014an all-too-common symptom of the disease itself. There are moments of clarity. We hear our children promise that \u201cthis time\u201d will be different. This time therapy will work. This time medication will help pull them back from the abyss. And slowly, painfully, we learn a truth no parent wants to face: recovery does not come in a straight line, and it is never guaranteed.<\/p>\n

With each hospitalization and each arrest\u2014and there were many of both\u2014recovery seemed more distant. It was as if Jerri were trying to catch smoke in her hands. The good times grew fewer; the bad times more frequent. Calvin would beg for help and then push his parents away with cruel words. He told Jerri he loved her. He told her he hated her. As his illness progressed, Calvin cut his parents out of his life and became homeless. How does a mother sleep at night knowing her son is wandering the streets?<\/p>\n

What is Ambiguous Loss?<\/strong><\/p>\n

What Jerri was living through, though she did not yet have the language for it, is what family therapist Pauline Boss calls ambiguous loss. Calvin was physically present but increasingly psychologically absent\u2014a form of loss common in families affected by serious mental illness, addiction, dementia, and traumatic brain injury. There was no clear line between presence and absence, no socially recognized ending, and therefore no roadmap for grieving. Jerri was expected to hope and mourn at the same time\u2014to hold on and let go simultaneously.<\/p>\n

While many Americans with bipolar disorder receive treatment and are able to move forward with their lives, not everyone does. Calvin died at age twenty-three, despite the herculean efforts of his parents. He left behind unanswered questions, lingering doubts, and\u2014most painfully for Jerri\u2014no closure. Her grief churned like the turbulent waves she once loved to ride while surfing. The rituals that usually help people mourn proved ineffective. As Pauline Boss explains, ambiguous loss resists closure. It defies the ceremonies, language, and social acknowledgment that help make loss bearable.<\/p>\n

Jerri came to realize that ambiguous loss had entered her life long before the March day Calvin died. Though he had been physically present during those final months, he had been psychologically absent. Like dementia or traumatic brain injury, mental illness had taken her son from her in pieces.<\/p>\n

How loss has impacted my life<\/strong><\/p>\n

I had never heard the term ambiguous loss before I met Jerri. But when I read this book\u2014with its skilled, compassionate writing and its clear-eyed exploration of unresolved grief\u2014I thought about the death of my sister, Alice. She was killed in an automobile accident at seventeen while riding a motorbike I owned, on her way to visit a high school friend. A car struck her as both entered a blind rural intersection bordered by tall crops. I was two years younger and knew nothing about grief.<\/p>\n

At her funeral, the minister quoted the Apostle Paul: \u201cO death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?\u201d That verse\u2014and the well-meaning platitudes offered by friends (\u201cThis is part of God\u2019s plan.\u201d \u201cShe\u2019s in a better place.\u201d \u201cEverything happens for a reason.\u201d)\u2014rang hollow. At home, I watched my parents suffer. Even near the end of their lives\u2014both lived to be ninety-four\u2014you could not mention my sister\u2019s name without reopening their pain.<\/p>\n

Pauline Boss describes a second form of ambiguous loss\u2014one in which a loved one is physically absent but psychologically present. Although my sister died suddenly, her absence never resolved into anything resembling closure. Decades later, she remains vividly alive in my mind, in my parents\u2019 unhealed grief, and in my own longing. Her death, too, remained ambiguous.<\/p>\n

Nineteen years after Alice\u2019s death, I woke one night calling out her name. The feelings I had buried as a child\u2014silenced because her death was too painful for my parents to discuss\u2014came spilling out. Seeking closure, I returned to the rural intersection where she was killed, hoping to make sense of my loss. Instead, I found only frustration, anger, and bewilderment. The sadness my parents carried daily had been passed on to me, settling in as an unwanted guest, forever present.<\/p>\n

That is why I am so grateful to Jerri Clark for writing Gone Before Gone. After Calvin\u2019s death, she did not fall silent. She became an advocate for others living with serious mental illness. That is how we first met\u2014as parents demanding that our nation build a more humane and effective mental health care system. Her tireless efforts locally, statewide, and nationally through the Treatment Advocacy Center\u2014an organization dedicated to removing barriers to treatment\u2014created an immediate bond between us.<\/p>\n

Ambiguous loss does not require resolution<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jerri\u2019s search for meaning led her to Pauline Boss and the teaching that ambiguous loss does not require resolution. With the same passion she brings to advocacy, Jerri found solace in understanding loss and became determined to share that understanding with others. Reading this book helped me realize that the grief I carry\u2014for my sister\u2019s death, my son\u2019s serious mental illness, my father\u2019s dementia\u2014does not need to be fixed. Instead, it needs to be acknowledged, named, and lived with.<\/p>\n

As Boss teaches, the goal is not closure but resilience: learning to live fully while holding unanswered questions, fractured narratives, and enduring love.<\/p>\n

Gone Before Gone is a gift because it offers permission to stop asking the impossible of ourselves. By sharing Calvin\u2019s life, his death, and her own journey through grief, Jerri Clark shows us that while we may never move on from loss, we can live well alongside it. Perhaps that, ultimately, is both Calvin\u2019s legacy\u2014and hers.<\/p>\n

\"\u200eGone<\/div>\n
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((5-27-26) Mental Health Advocate Jerri Clark writes brilliantly in her new book \u2013 Gone Before Gone \u2013 about how she copes with the loss of her son, Calvin, whose serious mental illness led to arrests, homelessness and eventually suicide in 2019 at age 23. 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