{"id":357472,"date":"2026-07-10T08:01:01","date_gmt":"2026-07-10T08:01:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/reasonableness-is-not-moderation-a-lesson-for-facilitators-conferences-that-work\/"},"modified":"2026-07-10T08:01:01","modified_gmt":"2026-07-10T08:01:01","slug":"reasonableness-is-not-moderation-a-lesson-for-facilitators-conferences-that-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=357472","title":{"rendered":"Reasonableness is not moderation: a lesson for facilitators : Conferences That Work"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-51337\" src=\"https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-1024x576.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-1024x576.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-640x360.png 640w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-768x432.png 768w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-1536x864.png 1536w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-700x394.png 700w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-520x293.png 520w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-360x203.png 360w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-250x141.png 250w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-100x56.png 100w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-1320x743.png 1320w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation-600x338.png 600w, https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/resonableness_is_not_moderation.png 1672w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\"\/>Many facilitators assume that their job is to help groups find a middle ground.<\/p>\n<p>Often it is. But not always.<\/p>\n<p>After reading <a href=\"https:\/\/www.penguinrandomhouse.com\/authors\/2280927\/nikhil-krishnan\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener external noreferrer\" data-wpel-link=\"external\" class=\"wpel-icon-right\">Nikhil Krishnan<span class=\"wpel-icon wpel-image wpel-icon-1\"\/><\/a>\u2018s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.newyorker.com\/magazine\/2026\/04\/27\/being-reasonable-the-case-for-a-misunderstood-virtue-krista-lawlor-book-review\" data-wpel-link=\"external\" rel=\"external noopener noreferrer\" class=\"wpel-icon-right\">New Yorker review<span class=\"wpel-icon wpel-image wpel-icon-1\"\/><\/a> of philosopher <a href=\"https:\/\/profiles.stanford.edu\/krista-lawlor\" data-wpel-link=\"external\" rel=\"external noopener noreferrer\" class=\"wpel-icon-right\">Krista Lawlor<span class=\"wpel-icon wpel-image wpel-icon-1\"\/><\/a>\u2018s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Being-Reasonable-Case-Misunderstood-Virtue\/dp\/0674297474\" data-wpel-link=\"external\" rel=\"external noopener noreferrer\" class=\"wpel-icon-right\"><em>Being Reasonable<\/em><span class=\"wpel-icon wpel-image wpel-icon-1\"\/><\/a>, I was struck by an important distinction. Reasonableness is not the same thing as moderation. A reasonable person does not necessarily end up in the middle.<\/p>\n<p>This matters whenever a group includes people with fundamentally different views about what should be done.<\/p>\n<p>One of a facilitator\u2019s most important jobs is helping groups engage in reasonable disagreement.<\/p>\n<h2>Common facilitation traps<\/h2>\n<p>Facilitators can make mistakes if they confuse reasonableness with moderation. For example, they may:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>unconsciously privilege compromise, treating anyone unwilling to move as \u201cdifficult\u201d;<\/li>\n<li>assume that passionate disagreement makes productive discussion impossible;<\/li>\n<li>equate emotional intensity with unreasonableness; and<\/li>\n<li>assume every disagreement has a compromise solution.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>These mistakes confuse the <em>position<\/em> someone holds with <em>how<\/em> they hold it.<\/p>\n<h2>What being reasonable looks like<\/h2>\n<p>A participant may believe there is only one morally acceptable answer and still be reasonable.<\/p>\n<p>Reasonableness isn\u2019t a position. It shows up in how people engage with those who disagree with them, for example, by:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>accurately representing opposing views;<\/li>\n<li>acknowledging uncertainty where it exists;<\/li>\n<li>recognizing legitimate competing values;<\/li>\n<li>remaining open to evidence;<\/li>\n<li>distinguishing facts from values; and<\/li>\n<li>accepting that sincere, intelligent people can reach different conclusions.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Conversely, someone proposing a compromise may refuse to hear objections, caricature opposing positions, insist that everyone should \u201cjust be practical,\u201d or dismiss alternatives as \u201cjust common sense\u201d. That is not reasonableness.<\/p>\n<h2>What facilitators should optimize for<\/h2>\n<p>When a group faces substantial disagreement, a facilitator\u2019s goal is rarely to move everyone toward the center.<\/p>\n<p>Instead, it is to increase the group\u2019s capacity for reasonable disagreement.<\/p>\n<p>That means designing conversations where participants can:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>explain the values underlying their positions;<\/li>\n<li>demonstrate they understand opposing arguments;<\/li>\n<li>identify genuine rather than superficial disagreements; and<\/li>\n<li>discover genuine areas of agreement without pretending consensus exists where it does not.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If reasonableness is a way of engaging rather than a position, facilitators can design processes that encourage it.<\/p>\n<h2>Useful interventions<\/h2>\n<p>Several facilitation techniques become especially valuable.<\/p>\n<h3>Separate interests from conclusions<\/h3>\n<p>Ask participants to explain <em>why<\/em> they hold their position before discussing <em>what<\/em> should be done.<\/p>\n<h3>Steelman before responding<\/h3>\n<p>To avoid <a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Straw_man\" data-wpel-link=\"external\" rel=\"external noopener noreferrer\" class=\"wpel-icon-right\">straw man arguments<span class=\"wpel-icon wpel-image wpel-icon-1\"\/><\/a>, require participants to summarize the previous speaker\u2019s position to that person\u2019s satisfaction before offering criticism.<\/p>\n<h3>Surface competing values<\/h3>\n<p>Many \u201cblack-and-white\u201d disagreements actually involve different value priorities rather than different facts.<\/p>\n<h3>Explore the depth of disagreement<\/h3>\n<p>Before trying to resolve disagreement, understand how widespread and deeply held it is. Simple tools like <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/index.php\/event-design\/2012\/06\/testing-consensus-using-roman-voting\/\" data-wpel-link=\"internal\">Roman voting<\/a> can quickly reveal the distribution of views and identify those with concerns or objections.<\/p>\n<h3>Make room for principled disagreement<\/h3>\n<p>Sometimes the best outcome is not consensus but a clearer understanding of why disagreement persists.<\/p>\n<h3>Use structured consensus methods when needed<\/h3>\n<p>If a workable consensus is an important outcome of a group discussion and progress stalls, consider structured processes such as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/index.php\/facilitating-change\/2016\/01\/indaba\/\" data-wpel-link=\"internal\">Indaba or concordance<\/a>.<\/p>\n<h2>A shift in facilitation<\/h2>\n<p>Facilitators should spend less energy trying to make people more moderate and more energy helping them become more reasonable.<\/p>\n<p>These are different goals.<\/p>\n<p>Facilitators should cultivate standards of reasonableness rather than encourage moderation.<\/p>\n<p>Moderation seeks to change where people stand. Reasonableness changes how they engage with each other.<\/p>\n<p>Facilitators cannot determine where participants will end up, but they can design conversations that help participants disagree more reasonably.<\/p>\n<div class=\"crp_related     crp-text-only\">\n<h3>Related Posts:<\/h3>\n<ol>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/index.php\/event-design\/2013\/03\/bigger-meetings\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"crp_link post-3785\" data-wpel-link=\"internal\"><span class=\"crp_title\">Bigger meetings aren&#8217;t necessarily better meetings<\/span><\/a><span class=\"crp_excerpt\"> Bigger meetings aren&#8217;t necessarily better meetings https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=Mc6yxg-smbY Mine is bigger than yours It&#8217;s common to be impressed by a big meeting. Size implies status\u2014and seemingly success. Walking onto the floor\u2026<\/span><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/index.php\/event-design\/2015\/10\/covenants-not-ground-rules\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"crp_link post-7437\" data-wpel-link=\"internal\"><span class=\"crp_title\">Covenants, not ground rules<\/span><\/a><span class=\"crp_excerpt\"> Though adopting\u00a0explicit ground rules can improve conferences, I&#8217;ve never been thrilled with the term ground rules. Language is important, and Rules are typically\u00a0imposed by bosses, governments, and dictators. So the\u2026<\/span><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/index.php\/facilitation\/2023\/10\/facilitating-try-to-remember-we-are-all-different\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"crp_link post-29939\" data-wpel-link=\"internal\"><span class=\"crp_title\">Facilitating: try to remember we are all different<\/span><\/a><span class=\"crp_excerpt\"> While facilitating, I try to remember that we are all different. Here&#8217;s why that goal can make me a better facilitator. I can be better than I expect at noticing\u2026<\/span><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/index.php\/facilitation\/2021\/11\/support-the-bottom\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"crp_link post-23700\" data-wpel-link=\"internal\"><span class=\"crp_title\">Support the bottom \u2014 a Thanksgiving reminder<\/span><\/a><span class=\"crp_excerpt\"> After our prime Thanksgiving dinner, I was sleepily washing a large turkey foil platter when I noticed its\u00a0embossed central message: &#8220;Support the bottom.&#8221; I&#8217;m going to blame the tryptophan in\u2026<\/span><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/index.php\/event-design\/2025\/04\/participants-bill-of-rights\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"crp_link post-34446\" data-wpel-link=\"internal\"><span class=\"crp_title\">A Participants&#8217; Bill of Rights<\/span><\/a><span class=\"crp_excerpt\"> I love the folks (especially my good friend, Jan-Jaap In der Maur) at Masters In Moderation, a company that has been providing meeting and facilitation services and training in the\u2026<\/span><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.conferencesthatwork.com\/index.php\/tip-2\/2023\/01\/improve-breakout-gallery-walks\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"crp_link post-26452\" data-wpel-link=\"internal\"><span class=\"crp_title\">Tip to improve breakout gallery walks<\/span><\/a><span class=\"crp_excerpt\"> In a typical in-person conference breakout session, participants divide into small groups to discuss one or more topics. Each group records members&#8217; thoughts and ideas on one or more sheets\u2026<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Many facilitators assume that their job is to help groups find a middle ground. Often it is. But not always. After reading Nikhil Krishnan\u2018s New Yorker review of philosopher Krista Lawlor\u2018s Being Reasonable, I was struck by an important distinction. Reasonableness is not the same thing as moderation. A reasonable person does not necessarily end [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":357473,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[178780,178779,178781,178782,178783,178784,133392,178785],"tags":[11016,11591,88196,178786,178787,178789,178788,34620,11594,18686,19478,418],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-357472","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-compromise","category-facilitation","category-facilitation-tools","category-facilitation-traps","category-group-work","category-interventions","category-moderation","category-reasonableness","tag-compromise","tag-conferences","tag-facilitation","tag-facilitation-tools","tag-facilitation-traps","tag-facilitators","tag-group-work","tag-interventions","tag-lesson","tag-moderation","tag-reasonableness","tag-work"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Reasonableness is not moderation: a lesson for facilitators : Conferences That Work - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=357472\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Reasonableness is not moderation: a lesson for facilitators : Conferences That Work - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Many facilitators assume that their job is to help groups find a middle ground. 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Often it is. But not always. After reading Nikhil Krishnan\u2018s New Yorker review of philosopher Krista Lawlor\u2018s Being Reasonable, I was struck by an important distinction. Reasonableness is not the same thing as moderation. 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