{"id":357464,"date":"2026-07-10T07:52:17","date_gmt":"2026-07-10T07:52:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/why-parents-need-rie-with-melani-ladygo\/"},"modified":"2026-07-10T07:52:17","modified_gmt":"2026-07-10T07:52:17","slug":"why-parents-need-rie-with-melani-ladygo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=357464","title":{"rendered":"Why Parents Need RIE (with Melani Ladygo)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<div class=\"post-image\">\n     <a href=\"https:\/\/www.janetlansbury.com\/2026\/03\/why-parents-need-rie-with-melani-ladygo\/\" title=\"Why Parents Need RIE (with Melani Ladygo)\"><br \/>\n        <img width=\"500\" height=\"500\" src=\"https:\/\/d3tkwokssgv28o.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/13105636\/82-500x500.png\" class=\"attachment-top-slider size-top-slider wp-post-image\" alt=\"\" decoding=\"async\" fetchpriority=\"high\" srcset=\"https:\/\/d3tkwokssgv28o.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/13105636\/82-500x500.png 500w, https:\/\/d3tkwokssgv28o.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/13105636\/82-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/d3tkwokssgv28o.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/13105636\/82-1024x1024.png 1024w, https:\/\/d3tkwokssgv28o.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/13105636\/82-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/d3tkwokssgv28o.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/13105636\/82-768x768.png 768w, https:\/\/d3tkwokssgv28o.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/13105636\/82-234x234.png 234w, https:\/\/d3tkwokssgv28o.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/13105636\/82-200x200.png 200w, https:\/\/d3tkwokssgv28o.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/13105636\/82-120x120.png 120w, https:\/\/d3tkwokssgv28o.cloudfront.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/13105636\/82.png 1080w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\"\/> <\/a>\n<\/div>\n<p>You may have heard Janet, other parents, or early childhood professionals speak about \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/rie.org\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">RIE<\/a>\u201d (pronounced \u201crye\u201d). Perhaps they described \u201cRIE\u201d as profound and life changing.\u00a0 Or maybe they outright panned it. They may have brought up elements that sounded odd or controversial or even ridiculous. You wondered what this was really all about. In this episode \u00a0you\u2019ll hear <a href=\"https:\/\/melaniladygo.com\/\">RIE Executive Director Melani Ladygo<\/a> and Janet respond thoroughly and passionately to the questions: W<em>hat is RIE, and how does it help us as parents?<\/em><\/p>\n<p><iframe style=\"width: 100%; max-width: 660px; overflow: hidden; border-radius: 10px; background: transparent;\" src=\"https:\/\/embed.podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/id1030050704?i=1000752843128&amp;itsct=podcast_box_player&amp;itscg=30200&amp;ls=1&amp;theme=light\" height=\"175px\" frameborder=\"0\" sandbox=\"allow-forms allow-popups allow-same-origin allow-scripts allow-top-navigation-by-user-activation\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><b>Transcript of \u201cWhy Parents Need RIE (with Melani Ladygo)\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unruffled<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As some of you may know, the parenting approach I teach is inspired by the teachings of infant expert <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/magdagerber.org\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Magda Gerber<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and the nonprofit educational organization she founded, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/rie.org\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Resources for Infant Educarers<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, commonly referred to as RIE, R-I-E. The RIE classes I attended over 30 years ago with my firstborn had a profound effect on my perceptions of babies, the art of childcare, and life, really. And I had the privilege of training one-on-one with Magda, as well as spending many hours at her feet, literally, while my daughter played on her floor and I was able to soak up her every word. I cherish those memories.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Over the years, I\u2019ve been asked by parents and early childhood professionals to explain and define RIE, but it\u2019s such a nuanced approach that it\u2019s impossible, for me at least, to sum it up in just a few words. So I thought, who better to give an overview of the RIE approach than <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/rie.org\/our-team\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, who is RIE\u2019s executive director. She\u2019s also <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/melaniladygo.com\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">a longtime RIE associate<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and currently teaches RIE parent-infant and -toddler classes in her home.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m a huge fan of Melani. I love the way she embodies the respect that Magda taught us. So I\u2019m thrilled that Melani agreed to join me today to help clarify and crystallize her experience with RIE, and all the benefits.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hi, Melani.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: Hi, Janet.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Thank you so much for finally being on this podcast. I\u2019ve been wanting you on for a very long time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: I am so incredibly thrilled to be here and honored that you asked me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: One of the things I want to take advantage of now that I have you here is this idea of the \u201celevator pitch\u201d for RIE, for what this approach really is. As you know, and I know from being on the board of directors for years, it\u2019s a challenge to find a succinct way to express a philosophy or way of being that\u2019s so rich and important to all of us. I was wondering how you generally do that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: I feel like when I first learned about RIE, the whole reason I took that first course\u2014which was called \u201cRIE I\u201d then and now is called <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/rie.org\/rie-foundations\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">RIE Foundations<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u2014the whole reason I took it is because I wanted to be able to do exactly that, to say, \u201cThis is what RIE is.\u201d And I took this rich 60-hour course with all these other passionate people that were in early childhood, and I got to the end and I felt so filled up and I still could not say what it was.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I really think it was the years that I spent working in the office as the person who would answer the phone, or I used to say I was the educarer at educarer@rie.org. And I really got practice in talking to people about it and saying what it is. It kind of changes every time, depending on who I\u2019m talking to, but essentially RIE is an organization that teaches parents and professionals how to have respectful, reciprocal relationships with babies and toddlers, children zero to two.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And the more I talk about it, the more I realize that RIE is\u2014well, the name of it itself is Resources for Infant Educarers, and that\u2019s a big mouthful, but it simply means that the organization itself is meant to be a resource for what Magda Gerber called an infant educarer. And she called it that because we care while we educate and we educate while we care. So the organization is meant to be a resource for people who practice this educaring approach.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Or who want to develop that kind of relationship with their child, a lifelong relationship that begins at birth. They want to be able to bond and they want that trust between them and that respect. I originally thought, before I discovered this approach, I thought that bond and respect was something that happens later, when they\u2019re talking and you can do things together and play together in a way that to me meant playing together, which is just where they\u2019re able to participate in the way that you\u2019d expect it to be more mutual.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But then what RIE taught me, or what I learned in that first RIE class with my three-month-old and just observing her, was that she had all these thoughts and all of these ideas and all this stuff going on inside her that I had not realized could possibly exist in a baby. And I wanted to know about that. I wanted to discover that person and get to know her and bond with her. Really, I wasn\u2019t even thinking about bonding with her. I was just thinking how I really want to know more about what\u2019s going on inside the mind of this person.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And that was the first time I realized she <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">was<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> a person. I mean, I would\u2019ve thought that if somebody asked me, but to really <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">see<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that, that somebody\u2019s got their own thing going on that isn\u2019t just you feeding into them, you stimulating them and them responding. It\u2019s actually them having things coming out of themselves. And that was just fascinating to me. I wanted to know everything about it, I wanted to know how to make this keep happening where I get to see this. And that became my invitation to learning about all these things that were just life-changing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: That is the perfect example, because I think when I say \u201ca respectful, reciprocal relationship,\u201d people are kind of like, What is that? And that\u2019s exactly what that is. Having a respectful relationship with you is, I want to know about you. I want to know what\u2019s going on with you and I want to share what\u2019s going on with me. I\u2019m curious about you. I don\u2019t want to impose things, I want to let things flow. And that\u2019s exactly what you found in that first class, that you are curious about this person and you want to let them unfold and share themselves with you. And it can start at the very, very beginning. I mean, that\u2019s the elevator pitch, so thank you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Well, I wanted to hear what made you want to take that course. That\u2019s what I\u2019m interested in.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: I first started being interested in young babies because I took a child development course and I learned about brain development. And it\u2019s kind of like you said, if someone had asked you if she was a person, you\u2019d be like, Well, yeah. And that\u2019s how I felt about brain development. It was like, Well, of course babies aren\u2019t mini-adults and their brains develop and change over time. But when I realized how much their brains change and how that impacts their behavior and how that could impact a parent\u2019s relationship with their child, I thought, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is what I want to do. I want to teach parents about this.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I was a baby myself, I was not even 20. And so I thought, let me go back to school, let me learn about child development, and I\u2019ll work in a childcare center so that I can have some \u201creal life\u201d experience working with babies.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As luck would have it, I landed in this infant program that was very RIE-influenced. All the teachers in my classroom had taken that training, the toddler directors, the infant toddler directors had taken it, even the center director had taken this training. And I walked into this room with 12 babies and felt peaceful, and it was kind of surprising to me how peaceful it felt. I slowly started to work there and every now and then I would start to get a little bit of a correction, like a child would start to cry and I\u2019d start to jostle them, \u201cIt\u2019s okay, it\u2019s okay.\u201d And someone would come over to me and just say very gently, \u201cIt\u2019s okay that she\u2019s crying. We\u2019re here with her.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There was a time that this baby was climbing up a slide. She was trying to go up that incline and her feet kept slipping, so I came up behind her and I just kind of put my hands under each of her feet so she could push up. And she got all the way up to the top and she had this big smile on her face and I had a big smile on my face. A teacher came down and sat next to me and said, \u201cI saw what you did there.\u201d And I was like, \u201cYeah, maybe this wasn\u2019t a good thing.\u201d And she said, \u201cNo, it was wonderful, but how do you think she\u2019s going to feel the next time she tries to go up that slide and you aren\u2019t there? She didn\u2019t know you were helping her, so she thought she did it by herself, but she really did it with you.\u201d And it kind of got me thinking about the baby\u2019s experience. And she said, \u201cDid she look frustrated? Did she look like she was having a hard time?\u201d And I realized, no, she wasn\u2019t asking for help.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I started to get curious. I would say, \u201cWell, how did you learn of this? What is this? What is this approach that we\u2019re doing? Why can\u2019t I distract a crying baby? Why can\u2019t I help her climb?\u201d And they would say, \u201cWell, it\u2019s RIE.\u201d And I was like, okay, I really want to know what this is. So they said, \u201cWell, go take the training.\u201d And so I went to Silver Lake and I met for weeks and weeks with a group of people that were passionate about RIE and about early education. And I felt filled up and I felt so excited and I felt like I understood it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But like I said, at the end of that time, I still couldn\u2019t say exactly what RIE was. I just knew that I was seeing babies in a different way and it felt really good.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: I think you spoke to something in your description of your time at the childcare center that is exactly it. It\u2019s that the baby has a point of view, the child has a point of view. And it sounds like the carers were communicating to you, without you maybe even exactly knowing why that seemed different and interesting to you, but it was like they were kind of speaking for the baby. And that\u2019s like what I saw in my daughter, that she had her own point of view there. And that really also could be something of an elevator pitch, that a baby has a valid point of view that\u2019s worth considering and taking interest in and wanting them to express to us as much as possible, so that they can share it, so that they can feel seen.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: It\u2019s interesting that you say that about being seen, it\u2019s exactly that. Because you do end up giving this elevator pitch here and there throughout your life. And during COVID, I taught these RIE parent-infant classes outside, to do it in kind of a safer way. And I was teaching a lot of classes because parents were, especially during that time, really looking for connection and support. I was teaching like six days a week.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I was going to the grocery store and buying a lot of bananas. Because if you\u2019ve been in a parent-infant class, you know that pretty much the snack that we usually serve is bananas. And I was going to this grocery store pretty regularly and only buying bananas. And finally, one of the checkers asked me like, \u201cOkay, what\u2019s up with the bananas? Why are you here three or four times?\u201d And so I said, \u201cOh, it\u2019s for this class that I teach.\u201d She\u2019s like, \u201cWhat kind of class?\u201d I was like, \u201cWell, it\u2019s this class where I help parents slow down and let children figure things out on their own and really help parents really see their children.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And two checkers over, there\u2019s this gentleman who kind of slammed his hand down on the register and said, \u201cI wish my parents had taken that class. They need it right now.\u201d And that\u2019s an adult, right? And it\u2019s exactly that: We all want to be seen. We all have a point of view. Even young babies want to be seen.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Yes. They don\u2019t know they want to be seen, but to be able to invite them into the world being seen is incredible. And then that only continues. It\u2019s like once we see them, we can\u2019t really unsee them, I\u2019ve found, as people. I mean, it took me a long time to really get it, get it that, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oooh, that\u2019s really a person<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. But once I did, you can\u2019t go back. It\u2019s so interesting. Every baby you see, you\u2019re seeing into them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And one thing I really wanted to talk with you about, actually you brought it up when we first connected about doing this together: This is for parents. This sounds like we\u2019re talking about how to do the best thing for babies, but what this is really about, and why I share it so passionately, is for us. Because when we see the person in our baby, then we get to be seen by them as ourselves. We get to be ourselves. We don\u2019t have to say the right things and do the right things and be this perfect parent that maybe we saw on Instagram or what we think we\u2019re supposed to be. We get to be a whole person too in the way that we engage with our baby and have boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Obviously we have to give up a lot to be able to care for the needs of a baby, but we\u2019re doing it as ourselves. We\u2019re not having to go in there and quiet them down and jack them up again to get excited. We can really engage with them in a way that\u2019s so comfortable and easy, and therefore we end up engaging with them a lot more than we might if we thought we had to do it in some performative way. To me, that\u2019s the beauty of this, how it changes our experience. Not only making it easier because we\u2019re letting our child do all these things that we thought we had to do for them, like get them up the slide, get them to calm down. We thought those were our jobs. And when we let go of a lot of those things and are able to be present and receptive to who this person is, it just takes this whole load of work off of our plates.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: It so, so does. When I first started working at that childcare center, I was only working six hours a day. I was a super part-time person and I found myself going to the office saying, \u201cHey, if you need anybody working extra hours . . .\u201d And I didn\u2019t really have time, I was going to school, but it felt so good to be in the classroom. It felt so good to be with children in that way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Just last week, I had some people come and observe one of my classes. And it was actually kind of a chaotic class because I have a beautiful space where I teach out of my home and I have a lovely play space that opens out onto a deck. We usually take advantage of that full space, but the week these people came, it was raining and we had the door closed. So I had seven very active toddlers in a space that\u2019s about half of the space they were used to having. And it was a busy class, children were climbing and sliding and throwing balls and actually moving a little furniture here and there. They were sharing toys, taking toys. It was busy, but it wasn\u2019t stressful. All of the parents were able to just sit back and simply watch and maybe have a little conversation on the side here and there.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We wrapped class and before even the last parent had left the space, my observers were like, \u201cThe parents are so relaxed. Did you see they were climbing to the top of that piece of equipment? How was that safe? How did they feel calm?\u201d They just said, \u201cWhat a gift to parents to be able to just sit back and have confidence in their children\u2019s abilities.\u201d And I talked about how it\u2019s not that we just suddenly landed here, it\u2019s a process. I walked them through how parents slowly start to develop this muscle of trust by observing their children and looking at them as they struggle through something or as they attempt something they\u2019ve never done before. You\u2019re still going to come close, but you\u2019re going to let them do it. And the more you start to see how capable they are, the more you can relax and have that trust.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I truly believe that is the biggest gift that RIE gives to parents and to children, that trusting relationship and that peacefulness that you can find. Not all the time, but it\u2019s your baseline.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: It\u2019s your baseline, exactly. It\u2019s that peace that you felt when you first walked into that childcare center and saw the babies and it was almost jarring to you. <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why are people not working so hard trying to keep everybody happy?<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Because it\u2019s like we\u2019re reunderstanding happiness, what that is. And happiness for babies is being allowed to be where they are in development and be able to be kind of struggling to do things that they may not achieve that time or the next time, but one day they will. And to know that that\u2019s not a negative thing. To be able to see when a child is working on something, how positive that experience is. It\u2019s not just positive that they got to the end and solved it, but that they\u2019re able to be in the middle of it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Getting comfortable with that as a parent, which is no small thing, it takes us all the way through life with our child. I could say with children as adults, it takes you all the way through the college applications and the career decisions and the disappointments and the heartbreak of relationships. And it helps you help your child through all of these situations and gives them this sense that life isn\u2019t always easy and sometimes it\u2019s very hard. It doesn\u2019t feel good when you\u2019re in the middle of that sometimes, but you\u2019re going to be okay. We could tell kids that until we\u2019re blue in the face, but they have to experience that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: Yes. And the connection, it\u2019s being seen in your struggle. You don\u2019t have to be rescued from your struggle, but just having someone see and acknowledge it and say it\u2019s okay. I mean, I had that exact experience as an adult just a few weeks ago. Someone asked about something I\u2019ve been struggling with and I said, \u201cI really don\u2019t know.\u201d And they said, \u201cIt\u2019s okay.\u201d And it was like a little crack opened up in my heart because it\u2019s like, right, I don\u2019t have to have it all figured out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That kind of goes back to what you said about what it gives to us as adults when we practice this. Watching a baby struggle and not get there and sometimes they struggle and there is no angst, right? They\u2019re just like that baby that was going up the slide. She was just working on a problem and she hadn\u2019t ascribed any kind of angst or worry to it. So it\u2019s kind of like a reflection for myself: Not every problem needs to be quite so stressful.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Yes. And I would say for the baby, that wasn\u2019t even a problem. That was just the situation in front of them that was interesting. They were just exploring a situation that they were in. As parents or adults we frame it as, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oh, there\u2019s a problem and hopefully they\u2019ll find the answer and they\u2019re worried<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and all these things that we project. I mean, I\u2019m guilty of all of this still, but I catch myself now. I\u2019m able to hear those voices and go, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Okay, that\u2019s you, but let\u2019s really see where they\u2019re at with this.<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> And when they do get upset and cry, oftentimes it\u2019s very much about them being tired or something else when they\u2019re very little. They\u2019re learning that they can manage things and that we are there and that we support where they are right now, as much as we try to do that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I just wanted to get back to one thing you said about it\u2019s not always easy though, because it definitely isn\u2019t. I mean, being a parent or working at a childcare center, it\u2019s very draining and exhausting, physically and emotionally and everything else. But imagine if we could also find areas of our day that refuel us, allowing us more of that peace. That\u2019s the observation part of this, where you\u2019re seeing and you\u2019re enjoying the challenge of accepting and appreciating where your child is on a particular day, or maybe you are seeing them achieve something they\u2019ve been working on. And all of these things that to me would\u2019ve been unnoticeable, not something to cherish, they become little wins in the day that kind of get you through a lot of the other stuff or help make it a little more palatable.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But there\u2019s still going to be days when it\u2019s just impossible and hard to be unruffled and all of those things.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: Yes. I definitely say that this work makes parenting or being with children easier, but this is human relationships and we all get tired and we all get overwhelmed and we all have days, babies included, where things just aren\u2019t clicking the way they need to click and we don\u2019t always stay in connection. But when you have this framework to fall back on, there\u2019s more opportunities to catch those moments because you\u2019re looking for them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: And just to be able to admit you\u2019re in the struggle. I mean, this is one of the things I started doing with my children. If there would be a diaper change or something that was just seeming impossible and they were pushing back and it just wasn\u2019t working and I was trying to do all the things, be respectful and slow it down and let them be a part of it, and they just weren\u2019t having it. And just being able to say, which I did from time to time, \u201cThis is really a disaster! We are just not working together here. This is awful. What\u2019s going on?\u201d But to be able to throw your hands up and go, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All right, sometimes we\u2019re just not going to get along very well.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: That\u2019s such a real thing, and it\u2019s a reset. It\u2019s like a discharge for you and it\u2019s authentic with them. I think it kind of brings you both back to the moment of connection. And then maybe it\u2019ll work, the diaper change will flow after that, maybe not, but you\u2019ve had that moment of connection.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Yes. You\u2019ve put it out there and you\u2019ve released yourself of this thing of, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oh, I\u2019ve got to pull it together and I\u2019ve got to get this working<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and all that tension that we do to ourselves because we think that\u2019s our job. But our job is to be ourselves, our job is to let our babies be themselves and give ourselves permission to be who we are. I loved Magda Gerber\u2019s thing of, it\u2019s two in the morning and you\u2019re going in for that feeding or your toddler woke up and was having a bad dream. You don\u2019t have to come in perky, you get to be your tired, grumpy self. You don\u2019t want to try to take it out on them, but we get to be exhausted and <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ugh, what is it?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: Just like how you would be in any other authentic relationship, right? If you have a houseguest who\u2019s like, \u201cI need this and I need that!\u201d You\u2019re not going to go in, \u201cHere you go!\u201d You might be like, \u201cWhat is it this time?\u201d And just be real. <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s two in the morning, man. Here\u2019s your water.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Yes!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: When you said free to be ourselves, I think about the reflection a lot of parents have about the impulses that come up for themselves. And the thing that RIE gives you is the opportunity to pause and choose, do you want to react or respond? Because a lot of our reactions are kind of knee-jerk from the way we were raised or the way society tells you that we should be with other people.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019ll never forget this one mom, she had a really powerful daughter and her daughter knew her mind, she knew what she wanted to do and how she wanted to do it. And her mom loved that, except for when she got in the rocking boat and wouldn\u2019t let anybody else in the rocking boat. She wanted to be in that boat by herself. And it\u2019s built for multiple children, so that mom had the hardest time with her daughter saying no to other children getting in the boat. I talked to her about it and I said, \u201cIt\u2019s perfectly fair for her to want to be in the boat by herself. I would want to be in the boat by myself sometimes too. And we want her to be able to notice what that <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">no<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is doing to other people.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After a couple of times of this, I noticed that she was crying a little bit. We talked about it and she said, \u201cI realized I feel like I always give up what I want when someone else wants it and I don\u2019t want that for my child. I want my child to decide that if I want to be the only person in the boat, I want to feel comfortable being that only person in the boat. And not feel like just because someone else is saying I want it too, that I have to automatically just acquiesce and let someone else in the boat.\u201d Yes, I want you to be someone who\u2019s out in the world who\u2019s kind and who shares, but I also want you to be someone who can take care of your own needs.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Yes, that makes a lot of sense. I don\u2019t think I would keep the other kids away though. I mean-<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: No, I didn\u2019t keep the other kids away.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Yes, I would be there spotting. First of all, I can totally understand wanting to be in the rocking boat alone because somebody moves it every time you\u2019re just trying to get balanced in it and then somebody else changes that. You\u2019re not going to feel any kind of sense of control. But I think very much allowing that point of view and encouraging that point of view, I would still allow the children to decide for themselves if they want to go up against that. And if they do, I\u2019m not going to let her push them off, I\u2019m going to have my hand there so she can\u2019t hurt them or physically keep them from getting in. For me, the idea is that, Yes, your point of view is valid, and so are these other children that want to get on. I\u2019m not going to help them on, I\u2019m not going to help you hold onto it, but I\u2019m going to allow the children and you to figure that out, with me there keeping everybody safe.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: Just keeping everybody safe, and sometimes translating. \u201cI hear you saying no, and I hear you saying you really want to get in the boat with her. I hear that and I see their space. No, I\u2019m not going to let you push. You can keep telling her no, it\u2019s okay.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Yes, but you\u2019re neutral. That\u2019s the hard thing. I think that\u2019s the hard thing for parents, especially if it\u2019s their child. If their child is one of the two children, how hard is it to be neutral? But that\u2019s what we get to practice with this approach. And it helps with siblings, it makes all the difference with siblings loving each other, getting along with each other, that they don\u2019t feel that we\u2019ve made one into a villain and one into a victim in any situation or that we\u2019re more on somebody else\u2019s side.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: Because if you do come in and you litigate that, if you\u2019re like, \u201cThere\u2019s space for two and I\u2019m going to hold the boat and this person can get in,\u201d then you are putting a judgment on it and you\u2019re arbitrating it. And instead, what we\u2019re doing is teaching children to be RIE with other children. We\u2019re letting them see the experience that the other person is having, because that is where true sharing is going to happen. For you to be a truly empathetic and generous person, you have to understand what it feels like to be selfish a little bit because, spoiler alert, being selfish doesn\u2019t really feel that good. When you\u2019re the only one in the boat and you\u2019re protecting that boat and nobody else can get in, you\u2019re not enjoying the boat.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Or maybe if they get in and then you say, Well, I\u2019m going to get out, then the people that were so insistent on getting in feel like, Well, this really isn\u2019t that fun when she\u2019s not telling us not to get in here. So everybody\u2019s learning something about how to be in relationships. I mean, that\u2019s why we get the children together in these classes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And most people don\u2019t have this kind of opportunity, I just have to say, most people do not have these communities, these like-minded people available for playgroups. Parents are maybe working outside the home all day and they can\u2019t give their child these experiences of getting to socialize in a way where there aren\u2019t other parents judging them and feeling like they need to do a certain thing. And I think that is hard.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what this whole approach gives us is, well, it gives us first the understanding that our relationship with our child is by far the most important teacher of social intelligence and that we have complete control over, at least on our end, how we\u2019re navigating that. And then what we learn from these classes and what we can bring to parents that aren\u2019t able to be in a situation like that is that your child is very capable of social exploring and problem-solving. Maybe there are places you can allow them to do this and they can do it with their sibling, as long as they have us to keep them safe.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: That is the thing. And the number one question is, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How do I do this when I go to the park? How do I do this with my friend when they come over?<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> My answer is, depending on your comfort level, try. Say, \u201cWell, let\u2019s see what happens.\u201d Or, \u201cI\u2019m watching this and I wonder what she\u2019ll do. I wonder what will happen if we kind of just let them work this out.\u201d Sometimes, maybe most of the time unfortunately, you\u2019re going to get somebody who looks at you like, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are 100% crazy. I need to teach my kid to share and this is what\u2019s going to happen.<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> But you might get someone who pauses back and recognizes, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oh, I could do this in a slightly different way.<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> That\u2019s how you can start to grow your network of people.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s low-stakes, only do it when you feel comfortable. But I\u2019ve definitely had people who knew nothing about RIE, but had an interaction like that at a playdate or in a park and said, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oh, I want to know more about that<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, because they see it out in the world. I think that\u2019s what we need more of, people modeling this in little interactions.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Definitely. One thing I used to do a lot, and it actually helped me build confidence in myself with this approach with my children, is that I would just go up and be what I call the \u201cbuddyguard.\u201d I\u2019d just be up next to my child to make sure my child\u2019s not taking something away from this other child or whatever. But I would interpret like we do in class, with my hand there to block things. \u201cOh, you really want what he\u2019s using and you want to keep that for yourself. Of course, you brought that here.\u201d Just doing that thing of being neutral and allowing the children to experience the conflict.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And oftentimes what happens is they do find a solution. It\u2019s not the one we would find for them where we\u2019d say, \u201cOkay, give them a turn and now you do it.\u201d Oftentimes nobody wants it and they both go off and do something else or they\u2019re interested in following each other or maybe the child does give it to the other child or your child decides that they see something else interesting to do. They find their ways of resolving it. And a lot of times it is the way that actually brings them both more together, in my experience. But not always! I think we have to be open to everything. I mean, that\u2019s the whole thing of letting kids problem-solve, is that it\u2019s a big surprise how it works out every time. You can\u2019t dictate it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: Yes, you\u2019re right. It works out more often than you would expect, but it\u2019s not foolproof. We all make mistakes in our relationships, and especially young children are going to make a lot of mistakes because they\u2019re learning and they\u2019re processing and their brains are developing. It\u2019s so not a hands-off approach. It\u2019s such an approach where you are really present and keeping boundaries, but also not solving.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Yes. And what you find is that it does end up benefiting you, because you have a child that\u2019s more confident going into situations and solving all kinds of problems.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: Yes. The thing about that childcare center that I worked at, it was in a pretty affluent place. It was from birth to school age. And it was so interesting to me because when children were ready to enter the \u201creal world\u201d of school from this childcare center, they went in many different directions. There were some that went to very progressive schools, there are some that went to very traditional schools, some that went to very rigid and academic schools, some did unschooling. But the feedback that we would get from all of these different types of schools, it didn\u2019t matter, was they were like, Oh, we are always so glad to get a child from this program. Because what this program was really focused on was exactly that, letting children figure out how to be in relationship with other children.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because children, when their brains are ready for those academics, they need to have the social pieces kind of worked out. And that\u2019s what RIE really helps children do in those early years. But honestly, that\u2019s what we all need in all of our lives, is the social pieces worked out so that we can survive and thrive.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: 100%, yes. Well, while you\u2019re on this podcast, I know there are early childhood educators that listen and people that want to start programs, in-home childcare or center-based childcare, and maybe they\u2019d like to attend the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/rie.org\/the-36th-annual-rie-conferencefor-parents-professionalsnatures-path-for-play-creating-conditions-for-authentic-playfulness\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">RIE Conference<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> online, which is coming up in just a few weeks. And if you use the code <\/span><b>Unruffled<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, you can get $50 off your registration.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: Absolutely. It\u2019s a really wonderful opportunity to dip your toe into all things RIE. Because unlike our courses, where we\u2019re going to teach you exactly what the approach is, what happens at the conference is you get to really see all the many, many different ways that this work can be applied. So you really get to see how does it work in a classroom? We have one workshop about how do you offer free play but also be in alignment with any ECE documentation standards? And we\u2019ve got how do you solve conflict with RIE and through play? It\u2019s just like a smorgasbord of hearing the different ways people can put this work into practice.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Yes, I always think of it as similar to a smorgasbord, maybe it\u2019s the same thing, but I think of it like a banquet that you could feast on as a parent and as a professional in childcare. It\u2019s all there for you. And it\u2019s like, wow, you do feel very satiated at the end because it\u2019s about us, it\u2019s about us and our children, so there\u2019s always a ton to explore. The theme this year is play and you have <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.petergray.org\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Peter Gray<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> as the main speaker, which should be phenomenal.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: I sat down to read <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.petergray.org\/blank-2\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">his book<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> knowing that he was going to be coming. And I don\u2019t have a lot of time to sit down and read, but I got through half of his book in one sitting because I saw so many threads. Just like Magda said in one of RIE\u2019s films, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/rie.org\/products\/seeing-infants-with-new-eyes-online-version\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Seeing Infants with New Eyes<\/span><\/i><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, she said when she\u2019s talking about this approach to professionals, they say, \u201cWell, what you\u2019re doing makes so much sense. I do it with a five-year-old or a four-year-old or maybe a two-and-a-half-year-old as long as the child could speak. I just wouldn\u2019t think about doing it with infants.\u201d When I read Peter\u2019s book, it was like, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oh my gosh, you are practicing RIE with older children<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. So it\u2019s really exciting to see that throughline.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Yes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: The other thing that I tell people, especially people who are not in a place where they have a class that they can go to, where you feel like you\u2019re practicing this at home by yourself, it does offer a really awesome community. It\u2019s just wonderful to be around other like-minded people that get it. And so even if you\u2019re coming online, just connecting and just seeing that there is a wider world out there of people who see babies the way you do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: I think we\u2019re all struggling for that sense of community. I mean, even before the pandemic, but certainly since then, it seems like it\u2019s still hard to feel as connected to people and this is another way to do that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: Love it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Again, everybody, if you want to go to the RIE site, <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/rie.org\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">rie.org<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and register for the conference, you could get $50 off with the code <\/span><b>Unruffled<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. And I hope it\u2019s a huge success. Until then, let\u2019s say goodbye and hopefully talk again very soon.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Melani Ladygo: I would love to. Thank you so much for this opportunity.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Janet Lansbury: Thank you, Melani.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\u2665<\/p>\n<p>You can learn and enjoy more from Melani Ladygo through her articles at <a href=\"http:\/\/melaniladygo.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">MelaniLadygo.com<\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"post-meta-data\">\n<p>Originally published by Janet Lansbury on March 16, 2026<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You may have heard Janet, other parents, or early childhood professionals speak about \u201cRIE\u201d (pronounced \u201crye\u201d). Perhaps they described \u201cRIE\u201d as profound and life changing.\u00a0 Or maybe they outright panned it. They may have brought up elements that sounded odd or controversial or even ridiculous. You wondered what this was really all about. In this [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":357465,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11932,97416,178771],"tags":[178774,178773,11023,6247,82785,178772],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-357464","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-podcasts","category-rie-parenting","tag-ladygo","tag-melani","tag-parents","tag-podcasts","tag-rie","tag-rie-parenting"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Why Parents Need RIE (with Melani Ladygo) - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=357464\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why Parents Need RIE (with Melani Ladygo) - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You may have heard Janet, other parents, or early childhood professionals speak about \u201cRIE\u201d (pronounced \u201crye\u201d). 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