{"id":353362,"date":"2026-07-07T14:45:30","date_gmt":"2026-07-07T14:45:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/overwhelmed-parents-need-to-start-here-to-define-the-problem\/"},"modified":"2026-07-07T14:45:30","modified_gmt":"2026-07-07T14:45:30","slug":"overwhelmed-parents-need-to-start-here-to-define-the-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=353362","title":{"rendered":"Overwhelmed Parents Need to Start HERE to Define the Problem"},"content":{"rendered":"


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\n Posted on 23 Mar<\/span><\/p>\n

\t\t\t\t\t\t\tin Solving Parenting Problems<\/a>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tby\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tscott turansky<\/a>
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t <\/span><\/p><\/div>\n

\"Scott<\/p>\n

Dr. Scott Turansky<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

When you feel overwhelmed by the poor behavior of your child, here\u2019s an exercise that will give you some direction. In fact, this activity is good for any parent looking for ways to help a child grow, but it\u2019s especially helpful when you\u2019re confused or overwhelmed by a problem\u2019s complexity or deeply rooted nature.<\/p>\n

Take out some paper and make a list of the offenses committed by your child or the problems you\u2019ve seen in your child in the last few days. This isn\u2019t a list to show to your child but is a working list so that you can gain some perspective in your discipline. You\u2019re looking for examples of problems that need to be addressed. Look for behaviors, their causes, common arenas where the problem takes place, and others who were typically involved. In this step, you\u2019re simply gathering data and making observations.<\/p>\n

Group the Offenses<\/h2>\n

Next, group the offenses around character qualities. That is, look for common threads in the offenses that are an indication of a bigger heart issue. For example, one mom was discouraged with her son because he continually resisted chores, wasn\u2019t completing his work at school, and gave her a hard time when she asked for help around the house. She saw a common thread in that her son didn\u2019t like to work hard and resisted work whenever it was presented. She called it a \u201cwork ethic\u201d but you could easily give it a character quality name such as perseverance or determination.<\/p>\n

In another family, Warren recognized that his son Cory had a lack of compassion. Cory was mean to his sister, made fun of people who were different than him, and liked to play tricks on people he didn\u2019t even know just to get a laugh. The grouping of the offenses around a character quality helped Warren to see the real need in his son\u2019s life. He looked for ways to develop compassion in his son. They talked more about hurt feelings, how humor can be offensive, and went out of their way to help people in need.<\/p>\n

Grouping offenses around character qualities is freeing for many parents. First, it provides parents with some perspective. Instead of working on 50 different negative behaviors, now you can focus on three or four positive character qualities. Furthermore, once you develop a strategy for character development you begin to see many of the offenses in your child\u2019s life as opportunities for growth.<\/p>\n

Focus on the Goal<\/h2>\n

This approach also helps parents focus on what their kids need to be doing instead of simply focusing on the wrong behavior. Listen to your words of correction. Are they primarily focused on the problem? Or are they focused on the solution? In just a matter of a few minutes one mom let out a trail of words that went on and on \u201cCut it out.\u201d \u201cStop being annoying.\u201d \u201cPeople aren\u2019t going to like you if you keep that up.\u201d Instead, she\u2019d be more effective if she\u2019d say, \u201cThink about being sensitive.\u201d \u201cRemember, stop and think first.\u201d \u201cConsider how the other person is feeling.\u201d Focusing on the character quality you\u2019re working on allows you to take a more positive and hopeful approach.<\/p>\n

In order to keep character training practical you might want to develop working definitions of the qualities you\u2019re focusing on. These aren\u2019t dictionary definitions, but are practical statements that give children hands-on ways to think about heart issues. Here are some examples to get you started, but the best definitions are ones that you develop that are targeted specifically to your child\u2019s needs.<\/p>\n

Obedience<\/strong>\u00a0is doing what someone says, right away, without being reminded.<\/p>\n

Honor<\/strong>\u00a0is treating people as special, doing more than what\u2019s expected, and having a good attitude.<\/p>\n

Perseverance<\/strong>\u00a0is hanging in there even after you feel like quitting.<\/p>\n

Attentiveness<\/strong>\u00a0is showing people you love them by looking at them when they say their words.<\/p>\n

Patience<\/strong>\u00a0is waiting with a happy heart.<\/p>\n

Self-discipline\u00a0<\/strong>is putting off present rewards for future benefits.<\/p>\n

Gratefulness<\/strong>\u00a0is being thankful for the things I have instead of grumbling about the things I don\u2019t have.<\/p>\n

This is a Spiritual Exercise<\/h2>\n

One of the benefits of being a Christian is that the Holy Spirit comes into your life and produces fruit. Galatians 5:22-23 gives a list of character qualities that come from relying on God. \u201cBut the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.\u201d These aren\u2019t just qualities for your kids. Parents need these as well. In fact, the family is a great laboratory where God is helping each person develop the character qualities they need for life.<\/p>\n

Now when you see an offense in life, take time to relate the character quality that your child needs to develop. You might say to a teenager, \u201cI sense an ungrateful spirit in you, yet you seem to continually want me to sacrifice. I don\u2019t mind helping you, but I\u2019m going to say no this time and I\u2019ll watch and see if your gratefulness increases for the things I\u2019m already doing for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

With a preschooler you might say, \u201cRemember, we\u2019re working on self-control. That means waiting without getting angry or upset.\u201d With an early elementary age child you might say, \u201cWhen you come into the room, don\u2019t just start talking. Be sure to take time to see what\u2019s going on so that you don\u2019t interrupt other people. That\u2019s what we call sensitivity.\u201d<\/p>\n

Affirm Character, not Just Actions<\/h2>\n

As your children grow and demonstrate godly character, be sure to affirm it. A little praise or even admiration for growth, can go a long way.\u00a0 Admiration and gratefulness are two different things. Many parents are in the habit of thanking their kids for things, but many don\u2019t practice admiration. Thankfulness focuses on what a child does; admiration acknowledges who the person is.<\/p>\n

For example, you might thank your son for taking out the garbage, but you could go a step further by saying, \u201cI\u2019m pleased that you did a thorough job. I admire that about you. You saw that extra bag of trash by the door and took that one out too. Thoroughness is a great quality.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Admiration helps kids recognize character qualities in themselves. A little work in this area can help children better understand how small tasks fit into the larger picture. Focusing on character is a great way to help both parents and kids maintain a healthy perspective on growth.<\/p>\n

These ideas come from the book Motivate Your Child Action Plan.<\/strong><\/a> If you see a need in your child\u2019s\u00a0heart and you want to address it using a heart-based strategy, this book and the audio sessions it includes will show you how.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Posted on 23 Mar in Solving Parenting Problems by scott turansky Dr. Scott Turansky When you feel overwhelmed by the poor behavior of your child, here\u2019s an exercise that will give you some direction. In fact, this activity is good for any parent looking for ways to help a child grow, but it\u2019s especially […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":353363,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11932,156934,137773,174391],"tags":[10950,21494,4677,11023,4106,13391,11205,5454],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-353362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-problems","category-solutions","category-solving-parenting-problems","tag-define","tag-overwhelmed","tag-parenting","tag-parents","tag-problem","tag-problems","tag-solutions","tag-start"],"yoast_head":"\nOverwhelmed Parents Need to Start HERE to Define the Problem - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=353362\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Overwhelmed Parents Need to Start HERE to Define the Problem - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Posted on 23 Mar in Solving Parenting Problems by scott turansky Dr. Scott Turansky When you feel overwhelmed by the poor behavior of your child, here\u2019s an exercise that will give you some direction. 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