{"id":352353,"date":"2026-07-06T14:54:16","date_gmt":"2026-07-06T14:54:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/responsive-parenting-doesnt-work-responsive-parenting\/"},"modified":"2026-07-06T14:54:16","modified_gmt":"2026-07-06T14:54:16","slug":"responsive-parenting-doesnt-work-responsive-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=352353","title":{"rendered":"Responsive Parenting Doesn\u2019t Work!! \u2013 Responsive Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">It works, it just doesn\u2019t have the same goals as coercive parenting (CP).<\/p>\n<p class=\"p3 wp-block-paragraph\">If your goal is obedience, then it might feel like RP doesn\u2019t \u201cwork.\u201d You might be trying to use a RP method to achieve a CP goal.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p3 wp-block-paragraph\">Your methods may be aligned with Responsive Parenting but are your goals also aligned? I find it\u2019s really hard to do one without having the other. Same as if you have RP goals but not RP methods (that\u2019s probably more my struggle). Either way, we\u2019re always working towards aligning our goals and methods.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p3 wp-block-paragraph\">A great example is when a parent says\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p3 wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI validate all their feelings but then the tantrum just continues.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"p3 wp-block-paragraph\">Or\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p3 wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI want to validate my child\u2019s feelings, I want to hold space, but I get so frustrated.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"p3 wp-block-paragraph\">One parent is hoping the validation will stop the behaviour. The other is wanting to validate the behaviour but struggling with their own nervous system. You know what\u2019s interesting? They\u2019re both experiencing the same thing, from a nervous system point of view. They are both activated and in sympathetic, feeling the need to flee or fight.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p3 wp-block-paragraph\">In regards to safety boundaries, the RP perspective is it\u2019s the adult\u2019s job to protect their child from harm and not the child\u2019s job to be obedient in order to avoid getting hurt.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p3 wp-block-paragraph\">Why? It\u2019s a much more effective plan than relying on the obedience of a child. No we don\u2019t put them in a plastic bubble. Risk taking is important but we also don\u2019t rely on their ability to be obedient to keep them safe.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">Responsive Parenting is not simply using gentler words and methods, with the same goals as coercive parenting. It\u2019s seeing childhood and your parenting role, from a different perspective. Without that shift in perspective, you may find yourself confused and frustrated, a lot of the time.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">Remember that Responsive Parenting is a choice. I\u2019m not trying to convince you to practice it. If you do feel drawn to this way of seeing childhood, I encourage you to look at more than just what you can say or do differently. Look at how you can think differently about your child and your role as a parent. When we do the thinking before the doing, the doing makes a lot more sense.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">Coercive Parenting vs. Responsive Parenting<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">CP is based on correcting behaviour.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">RP is about understanding behaviour.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">CP is about training a child to meet the adults\u00a0 needs.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">RP is about adapting to the child\u2019s needs.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">CP uses fear as a motivator.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">RP uses connection and empathy as a motivator.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">CP sees a child as someone with a set of behaviours that need to be corrected in order to create a person who fits easily into society.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">RP sees the child as a whole being, perfect and complete, just as they are; and in need of support, in order to flourish and grow into the person they want to be.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">CP values conformity and obedience above all.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">RP sees authenticity and empathy as the true catalysts for intrinsic motivation.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">Not excuses for using coercive parenting methods\u00a0<\/p>\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list ol1\">\n<li>\u201cThere is no one size fits all approach\u201d is not an excuse to mistreat children in order to get them to obey.<\/li>\n<li>\u201cThis doesn\u2019t work with neurodivergent kids,\u201d is not an excuse to treat your child with less respect than you would a neurotypical child.<\/li>\n<li>\u201cMy child doesn\u2019t understand emotions\u201d is not an excuse for disregarding your child\u2019s emotions.\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>\u201cI don\u2019t have any support\u201d is not an excuse to take your stress out on your child.<\/li>\n<li>\u201cMy child can\u2019t talk, so they can\u2019t tell me what they want\u201d is not an excuse to make assumptions about your child\u2019s competence and consent.\u00a0<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cCoercive control, as a parenting strategy, has a shelf-life.\u201d J. Milburn<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">It is true that fear is a strong motivator but it is a temporary one. Why? Because, as humans, we tend to overcome fear. We have survival mechanisms in place that help us to survive and become more able to respond to that fear next time. All these instincts come at a price. For ourselves, but also for those who try to use fear to control us. Once we overcome the fear, they no longer have control. The level of terror must increase to elicit that same fear response.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">Fear is never love. If someone is afraid of you, they either don\u2019t feel loved by you or even worse, they\u2019ve learned that they should fear those who love them.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">That fear and love are one.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">But let\u2019s get honest here\u2026 were you raised that way? That<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">fear = respect = love<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">But the message really is<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">fear + obedience = worthy of love\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">But that\u2019s not love\u2026.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">A child who feels fear in their home is not feeling loved.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">They aren\u2019t feeling safe.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">They aren\u2019t feeling a sense of belonging.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">Did you feel safe in your home as a child?\u00a0<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">Do you know how it feels to be loved unconditionally?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1 wp-block-paragraph\">Outdated parenting strategies that do more harm than good<\/p>\n<p><span id=\"wordads-inline-marker\" style=\"display: none;\"\/><\/p><\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It works, it just doesn\u2019t have the same goals as coercive parenting (CP). If your goal is obedience, then it might feel like RP doesn\u2019t \u201cwork.\u201d You might be trying to use a RP method to achieve a CP goal. Your methods may be aligned with Responsive Parenting but are your goals also aligned? I [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":352354,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[173437,101764,107361,150894,101927,111238,173438,173384,132437,118015,123240,173439,11932,137968,173383,102776,11967,173440,173441,97080,173442,173443],"tags":[7997,4677,9780,418],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-352353","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-attachment","category-authenticity","category-behavior","category-behaviour","category-boundaries","category-child-development","category-co-regulation","category-emotional-development","category-expectations","category-guilt","category-obedience","category-parent-guilt","category-parenting","category-respect","category-reward","category-rewards","category-sleep","category-time-in","category-time-out","category-toddler","category-toilet-learning","category-toilet-training","tag-doesnt","tag-parenting","tag-responsive","tag-work"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Responsive Parenting Doesn\u2019t Work!! \u2013 Responsive Parenting - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=352353\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Responsive Parenting Doesn\u2019t Work!! \u2013 Responsive Parenting - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It works, it just doesn\u2019t have the same goals as coercive parenting (CP). 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