Can you turn a bully into an ally or friend?<\/h2>\n
Most people might be satisfied just to stop bullying when they, or someone they love, is a victim of bullying.\u00a0 When we recently encountered bullying with one of our children, we aimed a little higher and strove to help our son turn a bully into a friend once again.<\/strong><\/p>\n Bullying is a widespread problem that affects people of all ages and backgrounds. According to the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), around 20% of students in the United States report being bullied at school. And that\u2019s just the ones who report it! Bullying can take many forms, including physical bullying, verbal bullying, and social bullying.<\/p>\n Research also shows that bullying can have serious consequences for both the victims and the bullies. Victims of bullying are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. They may also have difficulty sleeping, suffer from headaches and stomachaches, and have a harder time making friends.<\/p>\n Bullies themselves are also at risk for negative outcomes. They are more likely to engage in risky behaviors, such as drug and alcohol use, and are more likely to have difficulty in school and in relationships. They may also be at greater risk for mental health problems such as anxiety and depression.<\/p>\n There is also a correlation between bullying and suicide. Studies show that victims of bullying are more likely to have thoughts of suicide and suicide attempts.<\/p>\n It\u2019s important to note that the above statistics are from before the pandemic and the shift to virtual learning. With the shift to virtual learning and the rise of cyberbullying, the statistics might have changed.<\/p>\n There are several strategies that can be used to stop a bully:<\/p>\n It\u2019s also important to remember that stopping a bully is not always possible, especially if the bully is unwilling to change their behavior. However, by using these strategies, you can take steps to protect yourself and create a more positive and supportive environment for yourself and others.<\/p>\n There are several strategies that can be used to turn a bully into an ally.\u00a0<\/p>\n It\u2019s important to remember that changing someone\u2019s behavior is a process that may take time, and it\u2019s not always possible to turn a bully into an ally. However, by using these strategies, you can create a more positive and supportive environment for yourself and others.<\/p>\n There are many resources that can help you deal with a bully:<\/p>\n It\u2019s important to remember that you are not alone in dealing with a bully, and there are many resources available to help you.<\/p>\n Building a relationship with the bully and trying to find common ground<\/strong> with him<\/strong> (highlighted above, section 2 point #2) is the approach we took recently after our son Dominick was the target of a number of bullying incidents by another student at his school.\u00a0 The boy bullying Dominick was both a classmate and a basketball teammate.\u00a0 Before reaching out to the school administration, we decided to reach out to the guardians\/grandparents of the individual that was bullying Dominick.\u00a0 I had a brief conversation with the guardian one night after basketball practice before the boys were dismissed.\u00a0 The guardian listened intently and assured me he would take care of the situation.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n 2 days later the gentleman came up to me and explained what he & his wife understood to have happened and the steps they had taken in dealing with their boy.\u00a0 He also indicated that Dominick had a group of friends that had, and continued, to relentlessly tease & bully the \u201cbully\u201d over the course of the last year.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n I immediately took this information from our conversation and met with my wife.\u00a0 We talked about the situation and then called Dominick into the room.\u00a0 The first thing we did was tell him what the guardian of the boy told us.\u00a0 We weren\u2019t looking for comments from Dominick at this point.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n We then listened to what Dominick had to say about the broader circumstances.\u00a0 Dominick took issue with some of the characterizations the guardian had relayed to me. We respectfully acknowledged this and told Dominick that we believed him.\u00a0 However, we did also tell him that, in our experience, we have learned that people can sincerely & genuinely perceive things differently \u2013 and that is why such things as eye-witness testimony is so notoriously unreliable. We decided not to wade into those waters and get into the nitty-gritty, or a pissing match, with the other boy\u2019s guardians.\u00a0 We wanted to deal with this at a higher level than that \u2013 so that is what we did.<\/p>\n Finally, we told Dominick how we expected him to handle the situation.\u00a0 We gave him very specific steps that were unambiguous and clear.\u00a0<\/p>\n It took 2 days \u2013 but Dominick did as we instructed him.<\/p>\n That same day that Dominick had his conversation with the boy I did see his guardian.\u00a0 I sat down with him and told him how we dealt with the situation and what Dominick did.\u00a0 I made it clear that Dominick had told the boy that he expected that BOTH OF THEM would honor The Golden Rule.\u00a0 He was pleased \u2013 and so-far-so-good \u2013 the boys have been getting along \u2013 and seem to have even re-kindled a friendship.\u00a0<\/p>\n Bullying is something that is at the top of our minds \u2013 as the Catholic schools require us to have Youth Protection training every few years if we are going to be involved in any activities. Additionally, I have to take a Youth Protection class every year for scouting & just recently re-completed the requirement.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n We understand bullying to be the root of many of the social problems we see in society today \u2013 so when we encounter it \u2013 we try to identify it early \u2013 and put a plan in motion to stop it.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n In our most recent encounter with bullying \u2013 we aspired to do more than just stop the bullying \u2013 but rather turn the bully back into an ally & friend of our son.\u00a0 Although the incident was recent \u2013 we are pleased with the results of our strategy so far \u2013 and hope it proves to have decisively terminated the bullying and yield a long-term victory.<\/p>\n Sincerely,<\/p>\n
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\n1) What are some strategies to stop a bully?<\/h2>\n
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\n2) Strategies to help turn a bully into an ally<\/h2>\n
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\n3) What are some resources to help dealing with a bully?<\/h2>\n
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\n4) Our Recent Experience With Bullying<\/h2>\n
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\nConclusion<\/h2>\n
![\"Chip\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.theparenthoodadventures.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/imageedit_30_3807563035-1.png?resize=129%2C111&ssl=1\")
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