\n
The second week of April I went to lunch with my childhood best friend who has been incredibly supportive through all of my ups and downs in life, especially in regards to my mental health. She listens without judgment and doesn\u2019t try to give me advice unless I ask. I told her how I was feeling and that I was hopeful the medicine would help, and she gently reminded me to try to do the things that bring me joy, like watercolor painting. I promised to pick up my paintbrush as we finished up our lunch.<\/p>\n
Thursday brought an unexpected therapy session. Two days before I had canceled my regular therapy appointment feeling as though it wasn\u2019t going to be helpful given that I didn\u2019t feel much relief after my last session. Instead I called a friend who happened to be a psychiatric nurse practitioner and trauma therapist. We got to talking and through my tears she could tell how depressed I was. She offered to do a session with me that morning to see if she could help me have a breakthrough, and felt confident she could do it.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
We met for over two hours and although I didn\u2019t feel much benefit in the immediate moments following therapy, one thing we talked about left a lasting impact. My depression had become like a companion to me, living inside my mind and telling me horrible things that I had started to believe even though I knew they weren\u2019t true. She described this state as my comfort zone because it had become so familiar to me. \u201cWhat if you were to venture outside your comfort zone, Jenn?\u201d she offered. \u201cWhat would that look like?\u201d In the moments of discussing this concept I wasn\u2019t fully grasping it, but the next day it began to dawn on me. She was right.\u00a0It\u2019s difficult to describe how I managed to try to work this approach, but for me it started with talking back to the depressive thoughts swirling around in my head. I would quickly recognize them and tell myself that wasn\u2019t how I wanted to be feeling. This takes a lot of practice, and I\u2019m still working on it. But it does help tremendously and my hope is that I can get back to a comfort zone of joy and fulfillment by using this technique.<\/p>\n
Thursday afternoon I picked up my paints and allowed myself to just be present with the colors and shapes I was creating. I used a pretty springtime napkin that was full of bright flowers as inspiration and it led to a heart-shaped floral design that I was really proud of when I finished. I kept with the same design and painted two more pages before wrapping up my art therapy session. It felt good to be creative and definitely helped my mood.\u00a0<\/p>\n
My sleep hasn\u2019t been perfect lately, but I have been getting about 7 hours a night, which seems to be what my body needs. I can\u2019t get back to sleep once I wake up in the morning which is usually around 4:30\/5am. I wish I could get back to my old sleep schedule of going to be around 10-10:30pm and waking around 6:30am, but alas, the kids\u2019 swim schedule wins out. I\u2019m in bed by 8:30pm and asleep by 9pm because our wake-up call as parents is 4:30am to get Owen to the pool by 5am. Even though Ben is the one taking him, I\u2019m awake and can\u2019t get back to sleep. I sometimes wonder if this shift in my sleep schedule had an impact on my mental health. Unfortunately, I can\u2019t change it, as our kids are dedicated to swimming and I want to support them in their sport. So I do my best to monitor the sleep I am getting, making sure I try to get to bed on time to get in those crucial seven hours.<\/p>\n
Hormones are an obvious factor that I know affect my mood, but I haven\u2019t had hormone testing to know what\u2019s going on with mine. It\u2019s definitely something I want to look into, and given the call I received yesterday, I may be able to do this in the near future.<\/p>\n
My psychiatrist passed away suddenly the first week of April. I was supposed to have an appointment with her that week, but received a call from the practice. They said they needed to cancel my appointment and asked that I call them back as soon as possible. I had been out on a hike with my sister-in-law when the call came in and I ignored it thinking it was just a reminder call. When we got home from the hike a text came in from my doctor\u2019s family sharing the sad news. I don\u2019t know what happened. Maybe she had been ill or maybe it was a heart attack. I\u2019ll miss her and am grateful for the care she provided me. It\u2019s strange to think I\u2019ll never see her again. Reminds me how precious life is.<\/p>\n
The practice worked with me to find a provider to take over my care. I\u2019ll start seeing a psychiatric nurse practitioner in a few weeks, and she has a background as a women\u2019s care nurse, so I\u2019m hopeful she\u2019ll be able to help me with my hormone questions.\u00a0<\/p>\n
So while I\u2019m not able to point to one particular thing that helped lift my depression this month, I\u2019m reminded that taking care of our mental health involves many different approaches. I\u2019m going to keep up with the things that have been helping – painting, hiking, talk therapy with friends and professionals, my new medicine, and protecting my sleep. I\u2019m hopeful I\u2019ll be able to stay outside the comfort zone of depression by remembering how good it feels to focus on the things that make me feel good. <\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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