{"id":338968,"date":"2025-12-11T08:51:55","date_gmt":"2025-12-11T08:51:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/88-your-redundancy-notice-has-arrived-again\/"},"modified":"2025-12-11T08:51:55","modified_gmt":"2025-12-11T08:51:55","slug":"88-your-redundancy-notice-has-arrived-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=338968","title":{"rendered":"88. Your Redundancy Notice Has Arrived (again)."},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div xmlns:default=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" dir=\"auto\">\n<div class=\"captioned-image-container\">\n<figure><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!J4OL!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp\" data-component-name=\"Image2ToDOM\" rel=\"\" class=\"image-link image2 is-viewable-img can-restack\"><\/p>\n<div class=\"image2-inset can-restack\"><picture><source type=\"image\/webp\" srcset=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!J4OL!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp 424w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!J4OL!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp 848w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!J4OL!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp 1272w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!J4OL!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp 1456w\" sizes=\"100vw\"\/><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!J4OL!,w_2400,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp\" width=\"1200\" height=\"600\" data-attrs=\"{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com\/public\/images\/d4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:false,&quot;imageSize&quot;:&quot;large&quot;,&quot;height&quot;:578,&quot;width&quot;:1156,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:1200,&quot;bytes&quot;:52930,&quot;alt&quot;:null,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image\/webp&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:false,&quot;topImage&quot;:true,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/theadstacker.com\/i\/180568019?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:&quot;center&quot;,&quot;offset&quot;:false}\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!J4OL!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp 424w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!J4OL!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp 848w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!J4OL!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp 1272w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!J4OL!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd4864fea-a3e4-4663-b136-8437920a193c_1156x578.webp 1456w\" sizes=\"100vw\" fetchpriority=\"high\" class=\"sizing-large\"\/><\/picture><\/div>\n<p><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>With 4,000+ people getting axed from the Omnicom-IPG merger, I thought it appropriate to imagine what their termination notices might actually say if corporate HR departments were honest. Consider this a public service &#8211; or a warning. Here\u2019s what didn\u2019t arrive in anyone\u2019s inbox, but probably should have.<\/p>\n<p><strong>RE: NOTICE OF EMPLOYMENT CESSATION, REDUNDANCY NOTIFICATION, AND GENERAL BUGGERING OFF<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span>DATE: 2nd December, 2025<\/span><br \/><span>TO: Employee #47,291 (Formerly Known As \u201cRoger,\u201d Possibly \u201cJanet\u201d)<\/span><br \/><span>FROM: The Committee for Downsizing, Cost Optimization, and Making Everyone Terribly Sad<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Dear Employee (or Former Employee, depending on when you read this),<\/p>\n<p><span>This is to inform you that your position as <\/span><strong>Senior Vice President of Things We No Longer Need<\/strong><span> has been made redundant.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Well, not \u201cmade\u201d redundant, really. It was <\/span><em>always<\/em><span> redundant. We just didn\u2019t mention it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Nobody expects the Corporate Restructuring!<\/p>\n<p><span>Your employment will cease <\/span><strong>IMMEDIATELY<\/strong><span> or possibly last Tuesday, we\u2019re not entirely sure. Our records indicate you may have already been terminated in 2023, but someone forgot to tell you. You know, Corporate!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>YOUR SEVERANCE PACKAGE:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>After 11 years of loyal service, blood, sweat, tears, and that presentation you did in 2019 that Linda from accounts said was \u201cquite good actually,\u201d you are entitled to:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p><strong>Seven (7) weeks of severance pay<\/strong><br \/><span>(Calculated using our proprietary formula: Years of Service \u00f7 How Much We Like You \u00d7 Fuck All)<\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p><strong>One (1) complimentary farewell email<\/strong><br \/><span>(Subject line: \u201cThank you for your service.\u201d Body: \u201cBest of luck.\u201d Signature: An algorithm.)<\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p><strong>Unlimited access to disappointment<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p><strong>Your dignity (if found, please contact HR)<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>WHAT HAPPENS NEXT:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>\n<p>You will receive a cardboard box. It is not a large box. Do not attempt to fit your career in this box. It won\u2019t fit.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p>Security will escort you from the building. His name is Keith. Keith is very sorry. Keith didn\u2019t want this either. Keith is also being made redundant next month, but we haven\u2019t told him yet.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p>Your email will be deactivated at 4:47 PM. Why 4:47? Because fuck you, that\u2019s why. (No, seriously, it\u2019s a system automation thing. IT couldn\u2019t be asked to change it.)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p>You are invited to a \u201ctransition meeting\u201d on Friday at 2 PM in Conference Room D. This meeting has been cancelled. We will not tell you it has been cancelled. You will show up. There will be no one there. This is intentional.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><strong>FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Q: Why is this happening?<\/strong><br \/><span>A: Synergy. Also, profits. Mainly profits. But we\u2019ll say \u201csynergy\u201d on LinkedIn. By the by, please do not post there. There are other (former) sister agencies who will also be posting, and HR would love, love, love it if we can keep spirits high. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Q: What about my projects?<\/strong><br \/><span>A: They\u2019re being reassigned to Deborah. Deborah doesn\u2019t know this yet. Deborah is also being made redundant in March. It\u2019s redundancies all the way down.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Q: Can I say goodbye to my team?<\/strong><br \/><span>A: Absolutely not. Your team has been placed in a separate \u201ctransition track.\u201d They think you quit. We told them you \u201cpursued other opportunities.\u201d Those opportunities are unemployment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Q: I have 11 years of experience here. Doesn\u2019t that count for anything?<\/strong><br \/><span>A: It counts for 7 weeks of severance! Well done, you did the math correctly. That\u2019s more than Jenkins got. Jenkins got 4 weeks. Jenkins cried in the stairwell. Don\u2019t be like Jenkins.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Q: This seems cruel.<\/strong><br \/><span>A: That\u2019s not a question. But yes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>IMPORTANT LEGAL DISCLAIMER:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>By reading this letter, you acknowledge that:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p>Your contributions were valued (until they weren\u2019t)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p>This decision was difficult (it wasn\u2019t)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p>We wish you the best in your future endeavors (we don\u2019t)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p>The Company reserves the right to replace you with an unpaid intern, a chatbot, or a particularly ambitious golden retriever<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>A PERSONAL NOTE FROM LEADERSHIP:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span>We want you to know that this wasn\u2019t personal. Well, it was <\/span><em>slightly<\/em><span> personal. Karen from Finance never liked you. But mostly it was about cost savings and operational efficiency and shareholder value and several other words we learned at business school that mean \u201cwe\u2019re going to fire you and buy a fucking yacht.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p>You will always be part of the Omnicom family.**<\/p>\n<p>**Unless you talk to the press. Then you are dead to us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>YOUR NEXT STEPS:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span>\u2713 Cry<\/span><br \/><span>\u2713 Update LinkedIn (but make it sound like YOUR choice)<\/span><br \/><span>\u2713 Develop a sudden interest in \u201cconsulting\u201d<\/span><br \/><span>\u2713 Drink<\/span><br \/><span>\u2713 Revisit that novel you said you were going to write<\/span><br \/><span>\u2713 Drink more<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>IN CLOSING:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Thank you for your 11 years of service, creativity, dedication, late nights, missed birthdays, skipped vacations, and that one time you came in with the flu because Jenkins was already out and someone needed to finish the Campbell\u2019s pitch.<\/p>\n<p>We truly couldn\u2019t have done this without you.<\/p>\n<p>No, literally. We needed you to build the thing so we could sell the thing so we could afford to fire you.<\/p>\n<p>Cheers!<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Omnicom Redundancy Committee<\/strong><br \/><em>\u201cOur Chief Weapon is Surprise&#8230;and Severance&#8230;Two! Our TWO Chief Weapons are Surprise and Severance!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>M. Python, CBE<\/strong><br \/><em>Grand Marshal of Terminations, Herald of Bad News &amp; Keeper of the Severance Calculator<\/em><br \/><em>Department of Cost Optimization &amp; Casual Cruelty<\/em><br \/><em>Omnicom Global Holdings Redundancy Division (Subsection K, Conference Room D, Third Floor, Behind the Broken Copier)<\/em><\/p>\n<p>P.S. \u2014 Please return your laptop, keycard, and any remaining optimism by end of business Wednesday.<\/p>\n<p>P.P.S. \u2014 This notice is recyclable. Unlike your job.<\/p>\n<p><em>This communication is confidential and intended solely for the terminated. If you are not the terminated, please disregard and await your own termination notice<\/em><\/p>\n<div class=\"captioned-image-container\">\n<figure><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!a8mG!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp\" data-component-name=\"Image2ToDOM\" rel=\"\" class=\"image-link image2 is-viewable-img can-restack\"><\/p>\n<div class=\"image2-inset can-restack\"><picture><source type=\"image\/webp\" srcset=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!a8mG!,w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp 424w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!a8mG!,w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp 848w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!a8mG!,w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp 1272w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!a8mG!,w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp 1456w\" sizes=\"100vw\"\/><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!a8mG!,w_2400,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp\" width=\"1200\" height=\"600\" data-attrs=\"{&quot;src&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com\/public\/images\/f3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp&quot;,&quot;srcNoWatermark&quot;:null,&quot;fullscreen&quot;:false,&quot;imageSize&quot;:&quot;large&quot;,&quot;height&quot;:584,&quot;width&quot;:1168,&quot;resizeWidth&quot;:1200,&quot;bytes&quot;:36588,&quot;alt&quot;:null,&quot;title&quot;:null,&quot;type&quot;:&quot;image\/webp&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:null,&quot;belowTheFold&quot;:true,&quot;topImage&quot;:false,&quot;internalRedirect&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/theadstacker.com\/i\/180568019?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp&quot;,&quot;isProcessing&quot;:false,&quot;align&quot;:&quot;center&quot;,&quot;offset&quot;:false}\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!a8mG!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp 424w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!a8mG!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp 848w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!a8mG!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp 1272w, https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/$s_!a8mG!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff3c4fef1-2785-47a3-b488-c5ab4ce8f66a_1168x584.webp 1456w\" sizes=\"auto, 100vw\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"sizing-large\"\/><\/picture><\/div>\n<p><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<p>Feel free to leave comments and feedback. <\/p>\n<p data-attrs=\"{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/theadstacker.com\/p\/88-your-redundancy-notice-has-arrived?utm_source=substack&amp;utm_medium=email&amp;utm_content=share&amp;action=share&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Share&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:&quot;button-wrapper&quot;}\" data-component-name=\"ButtonCreateButton\" class=\"button-wrapper\"><a href=\"https:\/\/theadstacker.com\/p\/88-your-redundancy-notice-has-arrived?utm_source=substack&amp;utm_medium=email&amp;utm_content=share&amp;action=share\" rel=\"\" class=\"button primary button-wrapper\"><span>Share<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p data-attrs=\"{&quot;url&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/theadstacker.com\/p\/88-your-redundancy-notice-has-arrived\/comments&quot;,&quot;text&quot;:&quot;Leave a comment&quot;,&quot;action&quot;:null,&quot;class&quot;:&quot;button-wrapper&quot;}\" data-component-name=\"ButtonCreateButton\" class=\"button-wrapper\"><a href=\"https:\/\/theadstacker.com\/p\/88-your-redundancy-notice-has-arrived\/comments\" rel=\"\" class=\"button primary button-wrapper\"><span>Leave a comment<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p><strong>Please forward this<\/strong><span> to three randos, dorks, colleagues, or someone you met today.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p>Like and Re-stack it below so others can find it!<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p>Drop a comment. If you\u2019re into it, if it sucks \u2026 perhaps drop a Haiku about programmatic AI. Your call.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Thanks for the read.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>With 4,000+ people getting axed from the Omnicom-IPG merger, I thought it appropriate to imagine what their termination notices might actually say if corporate HR departments were honest. Consider this a public service &#8211; or a warning. Here\u2019s what didn\u2019t arrive in anyone\u2019s inbox, but probably should have. RE: NOTICE OF EMPLOYMENT CESSATION, REDUNDANCY NOTIFICATION, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":338969,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[14023,2896,71745],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-338968","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-arrived","tag-notice","tag-redundancy"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>88. Your Redundancy Notice Has Arrived (again). - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=338968\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"88. Your Redundancy Notice Has Arrived (again). - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"With 4,000+ people getting axed from the Omnicom-IPG merger, I thought it appropriate to imagine what their termination notices might actually say if corporate HR departments were honest. Consider this a public service &#8211; or a warning. Here\u2019s what didn\u2019t arrive in anyone\u2019s inbox, but probably should have. 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