![\"\"](\"https:\/\/ninjamam.wordpress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/somebody-say-pda.jpg?w=480&h=640&crop=1\")
<\/a><\/p>\nSo, some Local Authorities don\u2019t recognise, PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). They say it doesn\u2019t exist and won\u2019t entertain it so good luck getting a diagnosis! I say give them ten minutes with Bubba and we could change their minds! It\u2019s very real and it drives us mad!<\/p>\n
For those professionals, and families that believe in it, PDA is understood to be part of the autism spectrum and rooted in an anxiety-based need for control. Those presenting with it are driven to avoid everyday demands and expectations and will go to extremes to achieve this. \u00a0<\/p>\n
Can you imagine the fun times it can lead to with us? Often me and \u2018The Wife\u2019 are just left bewildered and speechless at Bubba\u2019s behaviour or reasoning. This morning was a good example.<\/p>\n
On a school day, if I\u2019m feeling particularly energetic or \u2018up for the fight\u2019 I\u2019ll go through Bubba\u2019s bag and empty out all the \u2018stuff that shouldn\u2019t be taken to school\u2019. Last Thursday, second day back, my stash was four toy cars, two soft toys, a plastic sword, three finger skateboards (that he doesn\u2019t even play with!) and two large transformers.<\/p>\n
Now, I don\u2019t care what he takes to school, he\u2019s always done this and if they were used as transition items or if he left it in his bag until break time then fine but no, my little prince takes his random bits of tat out in class, faffs and fannys around with them and has arguments with his LSA\u2019s until the inevitable detention is handed out. I\u2019m trying to help. He never see\u2019s it that way though.<\/p>\n
So this morning I took out a book about paper airplanes \u2013 it\u2019s one where the pages are examples of designs and you tear the page out and make the plane. \u00a0Not really going to work in school is it\u2026<\/p>\n
Bubba, begrudgingly dragged his eyes away from the TV and shouted, \u2018I need that, it\u2019s my reading book\u2019 (there are no words in this book just arrows and diagrams!)<\/p>\n
\u2018Well you can take this instead\u2019 and I stuffed in the schoolbook he\u2019d brought home at the end of last term and left on his desk, unmoving, unopen all through the Summer.<\/p>\n
His bag was snatched off me as he fought his way into his coat \u2013 Bubba won\u2019t wear a coat, or a waterproof and this morning it was raining, I mean proper raining, so as he jammed his arms into a wind breaker I knew this wouldn\u2019t fit over his blazer.\u00a0 \u2018Bubba it won\u2019t\u2026..\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Arghhhh stupid coat won\u2019t go on, I need to take this off, and\u2026\u2019 windbreaker was ripped from his body and thrown across the room as he started to removed his blazer\u2026<\/p>\n
\u2018erm, no, you need to wear that\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u2018No I don\u2019t\u2019 and off he stomped, still wearing the offensive blazer.<\/p>\n
Off he trotted to the car chuntering under his breath and ready for a fight as \u2018The Wife\u2019 innocently asked him what his first class was.<\/p>\n
\u2018Well I\u2019ll get a detention in all of them today won\u2019t I because I haven\u2019t got a book to read\u2019<\/p>\n
Before she had chance to reply he carried on with, \u2018We need to have a reading book in every class and I haven\u2019t got a book now because SHE took it out so I\u2019ll get detentions.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Bubba you have a book in your bag, I put it in\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u2018No, that\u2019s a book to go back, that\u2019s due back, I can\u2019t read it\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018The Wife\u2019 made the mistake of trying to assure him\u2026 \u2018But you can still read it\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u2018No I can\u2019t, it needs to go back. Look!\u2019 \u2018He plunged his hand into his rucksack \u2018Oh lets just see when this was due back\u2026 LOOK! 7th<\/sup>! It was due back last week so it needs to go back!\u2019<\/p>\nI sat in the back with Squeak and stayed silent, as what\u2019s the point, really?<\/p>\n
\u2018Well why don\u2019t you use that as your reading book until breaktime and then take it back to the library and cha..\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018No! I can\u2019t do that, it has to go back.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Yes, take it back and..\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018It\u2019s not a reading book it\u2019s a book to go back\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u2018But it\u2019s a book\u2026\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018It\u2019s not a reading book though is it?!\u2019 (it was, it was a reading book!)<\/p>\n
As he carried on chuntering and stuffing the offensive book back in his bag \u00a0I caught \u2018The Wife\u2019s eye in the mirror and saw her desperate desire to say something else. My practical wife needed to follow the logic and reach a conclusion, to prove to Bubba that it\u2019s a book, he can read it (because as sure as Sherlock he hadn\u2019t read it over the Summer!)<\/p>\n
I just gave a little shake of the head \u2013 No, let it go. You\u2019re never winning this one. It\u2019s the PDA.\u00a0 Her eyes were pleading for permission to say, \u2018It\u2019s just a book\u2019, but luckily we were saved, as we so often are by Squeak launching into his familiar rendition of \u2018Sweet Caroline\u2019 at the top of his voice giving Bubba something else to argue with \u2013 \u2018Shut Up Squeak!\u2019\u00a0 Happy Monday!<\/p>\n
He\u2019s always anxious on a morning so we should know better really and not speak to him at all as whatever we say will inflame him.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s certain things we\u2019ve learnt to help us like using \u2018I\u2019d really appreciate it if you could\u2026\u2019 or \u2018It would be really helpful if\u2026.\u2019 when we want him to do something. It sometimes works, not on baths and showers though, they\u2019re still strictly in the \u2018achieved through bribery\u2019 zone. \u00a0And you can\u2019t predict his reactions and he\u2019s often anxious and I can\u2019t think of a time when he isn\u2019t really. The smallest thing can make him explode.\u00a0 Like being in the garden. You wouldn\u2019t think so would you but EV-ER-EEEE-TIME!<\/p>\n
We have a trampoline and it sits on a woodchip base. To access the bouncy thing you just, wearing shoes, walk across the wood chip, climb up the short ladder and as if by magic, you\u2019re in and bouncing. Simple. I understand the process, Squeak, with his delay that makes him cognitively four years old, can understand this\u2026 Bubba.. what do you think?<\/p>\n
Bubba refuses to wear shoes in the garden, not even the smelly crocs that he otherwise lives in. \u00a0Don\u2019t know why but he\u2019s made this decision. I think it\u2019s because we\u2019ve told him to wear shoes that he won\u2019t do it \u2013 that happens a lot with PDA, ask him to do something innocuous and because we\u2019ve asked, it won\u2019t be done.<\/p>\n
When he wants to go on the trampoline he\u2019ll become anxious about shoes and instead of slipping his crocs on and running across the woodchip, taking him less than ten seconds, he\u2019ll spend an age very angrily picking his way across the woodchip yelling and shouting. Sometimes he\u2019ll attempt to construct an elaborate walkway using inappropriate toys and garden furniture that he then tries to precariously balance on to travel over the two feet of flippin\u2019 woodchip!<\/p>\n
If we dare to point out to him how much easier and quicker it would be in footwear, we\u2019re met with more screaming, shouting and insults.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s gotten splinters before, he\u2019s cut his feet before, he\u2019s trodden on hidden stones \u2013 it all adds to his tantrum but he will no put shoes on.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s no logic to it. In my kind of neuro-typical mind I think, I want to do something, here is the barrier to doing it, here is the solution \u2013 shoes. Not Bubba, it has to be his way which sadly is the PDA way.<\/p>\n
I think it\u2019s this lack of logic that me and \u2018The Wife\u2019 both struggle with. There\u2019s that saying \u2018You could argue about anything\u2019 but he truly can and we never, absolutely never win.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve now started to run an inner dialogue in my head whilst having the verbal discussion with him. In my head I can say all the things I could to a neuro-typical child, we can debate, I can reason with him, we can agree\u2026 all the things I can\u2019t do with Bubba. With Bubba I tend to say \u2018Ok\u2019.\u00a0 Just that \u2018Ok\u2019. \u00a0Because anything else won\u2019t be welcomed or met with logic. I let him run with his argument, with his rant until he\u2019s run out of steam and even he can\u2019t argue with himself anymore.<\/p>\n
You might not agree, \u2018The Wife\u2019 struggles with this as she needs him to learn, she needs to show him the logic but right now, until he\u2019s emotionally more mature and can recognise his PDA and work with it, he won\u2019t learn and my sanity needs saving.<\/p>\n
Typically when we got home I checked his timetable and his morning comprises of double PE so he didn\u2019t even need the flippin\u2019 book anyway!!<\/p>\n
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Here We Go\u00a0Again\u2026..<\/a> <\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n
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Posted on September 11, 2023 by NinjaMamandsons Leave a Comment So, some Local Authorities don\u2019t recognise, PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). They say it doesn\u2019t exist and won\u2019t entertain it so good luck getting a diagnosis! I say give them ten minutes with Bubba and we could change their minds! It\u2019s very real and it drives […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":337252,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[131449,162101,109476,162102,12056],"tags":[131450,140017,8057],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-337251","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-childrensmentalhealth-adoption-autism","category-pda","category-adoption","category-attachment-disorder","category-autism","tag-ninjamam","tag-pda","tag-sons"],"yoast_head":"\n
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