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<\/p>\nCelebrating with Patti<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
(11-21-25) My wonderful cancer doctor, Dr. Alexander Spira,<\/a> with Virginia Cancer Specialists,<\/a> told me this morning that a recent CT scan showed the cancer in my right lung remains in remission. It has not grown or spread!<\/p>\n Studies show that 60 percent of the patients taking my life-saving medication live five years of more. I am coming up on my two-year anniversary.<\/p>\n Being told you have Stage Four non-small cell carcinoma <\/a>(BTW: I never smoked<\/em>) hits you like a bucket of ice water in the face. After receiving that diagnosis, I decided to retire from writing and focus on my health, my supportive spouse Patti, our grandchildren and our family. I also began checking off adventures on a bucket list.<\/p>\n A month ago, I completed a tandem sky dive at Skydive Orange.<\/a> I never would have jumped from a perfectly good airplane if I hadn\u2019t gotten cancer. A friend with cancer challenged me to jump \u2013 something that my friend has done several times despite her Stage Four colon cancer.\u00a0 The crew at Skydive Orange was so professional that it was not frightening.<\/p>\n Mario, my tandem partner (wearing helmet) has completed 8,000 jumps and specializes in \u201csenior citizen\u201d dives.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n While I will continue to post sporadically on my blog, I have asked my son, Kevin, to start a new blog on my author\u2019s webpage. You might remember him as \u201cMike\u201d in my book, CRAZY: A Father\u2019s Search Through America\u2019s Mental Health Madness. <\/a><\/p>\n I\u2019ve encouraged Kevin<\/a> to write about his successful journey from being psychotic and arrested to earning a Masters Degree in Social Work and working full-time in Arlington County Va., as a specialist helping others with mental illnesses. He has his own strong opinions so I will be eager to read this new edition to my author\u2019s page. (Watch for it. It should be available in the next few months.<\/em>)<\/p>\n I continue to receive weekly emails from individuals (mostly parents<\/em>) seeking advice because someone whom they love has been diagnosed with a serious mental illness. Often, law enforcement has gotten involved. These emails document how difficult it is to get decent mental health care in our country. Many of the folks reach out after reading my book. It is their first time visiting this blog. Few have read through the 1,700 blogs that I have written since 2006.<\/p>\n I am no longer going to my office regularly to read emails so I want to reprint a blog that I hope will help those readers just starting their journey and those of us who have walked along the same path for years.<\/p>\n Please know you are not alone. Have hope and be thankful for all of your fellow advocates who are working to save lives and fix our system.<\/p>\n Happy Thanksgiving.<\/p>\n Helping Someone Who Has A Mental Illness<\/strong><\/p>\n It\u2019s difficult helping someone with a mental illness.<\/p>\n My relationship with my son has not always been easy. Those of you who have read my book know that I was forced to lie about him threatening me in order to get him taken into a hospital rather than put in jail. During a later break, \u00a0I called the police and my son was shot twice with a Taser. These events can play havoc on father-son relationships.<\/p>\n So what have I learned?<\/p>\n First,<\/strong> mental illnesses are serious business. You can\u2019t take an aspirin and wake up in the morning healed. It took more than five years for my son to become stable. Parents and others need to realize that there are no quick fixes. Hang in there and realize there will be many highs and lows on your journey.<\/p>\n Second,<\/strong> accept a new normal. Saying you want your child to go back to the way that he was is counter productive. You need to understand that the person who you love has a mental illness. Most people can and do recover. But the journey that you go through with them to recovery changes both of you. There is no going back to the past.<\/p>\n Third,<\/strong> learn to trust your own judgment. No one knows the person you love better than you and while there are amazing, devoted and really smart mental health professionals, they do not have to live with the person who is sick.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve had people tell me that I\u00a0needed to get tough with Kevin when he was psychotic and not lift a finger to help him until he hit rock bottom. I remember wondering: What does that mean exactly? After all, he was arrested and shot with a Taser? Short of allowing him to go\u00a0homeless \u2014 what\u2019s left? Suicide?<\/p>\n Other times, I know my anxiety about pushing him too hard has led to me being an enabler.\u00a0 It helps that Patti is Kevin\u2019s step-mom. While she certainly loves him, she sometimes can take a step back and see how Kevin and I are engaging in destructive\u00a0behaviors that are not good for either of us.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve turned to professionals for help numerous times and fortunately have gotten good advice. But I\u2019ve also known some therapists who have no business advising anyone. One actually put Kevin in harm\u2019s way because of a rushed diagnosis.<\/p>\n A counselor at the Miami Dade County Jail told me that his sister, who had schizophrenia, had seen more than a dozen doctors and literally hundreds of therapists during her thirty year struggle. Yet, the family was seen as part of the problem, ignored and often\u00a0treated rudely.\u00a0\u201cBut who was there when all of those others\u00a0moved on?\u201d he asked me rhetorically. \u201cIn the end, all my sister had was me.\u201d You must be resilient.<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0Trust your heart.<\/p>\n Fourth,<\/strong> educate yourself. Think of mental illness as a formable enemy and realize you need to be knowledgeable to prevent it from destroying your loved one\u2019s life. Seek information from the Treatment Advocacy Center,<\/a>\u00a0 National Alliance on Mental Illness , <\/a><\/span>Mental Health America.<\/a> Learn about Crisis Intervention Team training and if law enforcement in your community has CIT officers who you can call. Become knowledgable about medications and alternatives.<\/span>\u00a0Obtain the tools that you need to help someone you love.<\/p>\n Two sources that have\u00a0helped me are Dr. Xavier Amador\u2019s <\/a>book, I\u2019m Not Sick, I Don\u2019t Need\u00a0Help,<\/em> <\/a>and the National Alliance on Mental Illness\u2019s Family-to-Family<\/a> course. One advantage of joining a mental health group is that you meet others on the same road. Learn from them.<\/p>\n Fifth,<\/strong> realize that mental illnesses impact your entire family.\u00a0Siblings often are jealous of all the attention that is being \u00a0shown\u00a0someone with a disorder. They accuse their troubled brother or sister of acting out to get attention or of manipulating their parents. Encouraging them to learn about mental illness and including them in helping someone recover can ease those feelings.<\/p>\n Sixth,<\/strong> understand your own limitations. This is perhaps the most difficult lesson to learn.\u00a0Sometimes, no matter what you do and how hard you try, you will not be successful. If your child had cancer and you couldn\u2019t save them, would you blame yourself? \u00a0A parent can\u2019t always fix things. This doesn\u2019t mean that you give up, although some do and for good reason.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.peteearley.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/IMG_5616.jpeg\")
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