\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cYou forgive yourself for every failure because you are trying to do the right thing. God knows that and you know it. Nobody else may know it.\u201d\u2013Maya Angelou<\/span><\/em><\/h2>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/harriethunter.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/mohamed-nohassi-odxB5oIG_iA-unsplash-2-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a>Why does it seem we are the last person we forgive? Have you noticed that even when we have no cause to feel guilty, when it is nothing more than our thinking<\/em>, we sometimes attack ourselves for no good reason at all?<\/p>\nWe begin to obsess, believing the world is against us, as we walk closer to that edge of The Valley of Self-Pity. It doesn\u2019t matter what we did or didn\u2019t do, we take ourselves personally and berate ourselves, because that is what comes naturally. Someone may take what we <\/em>say personally, often because of their insecurities, and they take offense<\/em>.<\/p>\nWe may hear a certain inflection in someone\u2019s voice, and we think, \u201cOops, what did I do <\/em>to cause that?\u201d We don\u2019t have to be that sensitive to every thought, gesture or imagining.<\/p>\nRather, we can look at it for what it is, pure FEAR, and nothing else.<\/p>\n
Fear can cloud our thinking in an instant, giving us the idea of if only <\/em>we, \u201cDid something different,\u201d<\/em>or \u201cSaid something different<\/em>,\u201d we would have no fear. Many times, fear can be produced by not having said anything at all.<\/p>\nForgiveness is the channel to detach from our insecure, often neurotic perception.<\/em><\/span> ![\"A](\"https:\/\/harriethunter.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/Forgiveness3-150x150.jpg\")
<\/a> We get caught in our thoughts of triviality and become blinded by what is real.<\/p>\nAre we responsible for what others think, do or say?<\/p>\n
Absolutely not.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\nBut how do we let go of the whirring and stirring in our head that says surely we must have something <\/em>to do with someone else\u2019s disappointment of us?<\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cBy forgiving others, I am given forgiveness. It does not matter that the other person may never accept my forgiveness, what does matter is that by my giving forgiveness, forgiveness returns to me and blesses me by its presence.\u201d
Charles Henry, MS, DD<\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\nDon\u2019t take yourself so seriously!<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\nNo one else does. If others do, it is because they have their own <\/em>personal agenda which has nothing to do with you.<\/span> As individuals, we come from unique experiences and opinions. When others <\/em>take something out of context, they are hearing things according to their <\/em>inner recorder. This experience belongs to them. Our job is to merely be aware and let it go.<\/p>\nWe should never take what someone else says personally because it is none of our business. Whatever is said represents the thoughts, feelings and views of the other person since it comes from them, not us. We are not responsible for what others say or think. What we can do is listen and forgive them if necessary, and then let it go.<\/p>\n
Practice in front of your mirror.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\nAllow yourself to mirror-back how you deserve to be treated and forgive yourself for real or imagined threats or actions. What loving thoughts can you honor yourself with? <\/em>Let it begin deep within you because it is deep within you that we find the courage to act and feel differently.<\/p>\nACTION<\/strong><\/span>: Some loving mantras for mirror work might be:<\/p>\n\n- I am doing the very best that I can\u2013and so is everyone else.<\/li>\n
- I deserve my own understanding, compassion and forgiveness.<\/li>\n
- I love you (name) exactly as you are; and so on.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Don\u2019t let others live rent free in your head.<\/strong><\/h3>\nTo the degree we do not accept forgiveness, we allow others to torment us any time at all. Know that forgiveness does not<\/span> <\/em>imply acceptance, or permission for us or others to continue the same behaviors. It means we have let them go and turned them over to our Universal Creator. We don\u2019t forget\u2013we let their behaviors go.<\/p>\nWrite five things to forgive yourself for, and why.<\/strong><\/h3>\nBegin with something like this, (as an example only)<\/p>\n
ACTION<\/strong>: \u201cI forgive myself for saying something I shouldn\u2019t have. Someone sent me an irate email and I reacted in kind. I took it personally, but now see it was nothing more than self-righteous fear. (\u201cWho does he think HE is?) I am ready to let this irrational belief go. My serenity and freedom from resentment and jealousy are the most important treasures to me.\u201d<\/p>\nWe are divinely created and must not judge ourselves unless we want others to judge us. We are not perfect, and we make all kinds of mistakes. When we Live and Let Live, we\u2019re given the wisdom necessary to keep the focus on ourselves and accept others where they are.<\/strong><\/p>\nWhy is this important? Because we want to be treated with the same consideration!<\/strong><\/p>\nKeep writing until you feel free, your breathing becomes calm, and your thinking brings you back to yourself, <\/em>in gratitude. Doing this practice works when we work it, because it takes a person of integrity to go this distance of looking inside ourselves.<\/em><\/p>\nBegin by Practicing Self-Compassion:<\/strong><\/h3>\nIf we want to be <\/em>estimable, we must learn to do <\/em>estimable acts for ourselves, first, before we do for others. Our life cycle begins with us in all things, and then moves outward toward you and others<\/em>.<\/p>\nWe begin by letting ourselves off the hook from negativity, fear, and false beliefs. When this happens, our intuition expands the universal forces of positivity. The belief that we deserve to be lovable, kind, and giving to that child that lives in each of us, infiltrates our knowing. We love and embrace that child within; we feel loving acceptance and compassion for ourselves. As we practice this new-found self-respect by loving ourselves for all that we are, these new behaviors become comfortable. The power of acceptance allows us to embrace all of us<\/em>, those parts we don\u2019t like, and those that we do. We begin to trust we are doing the best that we can, and so is everyone else.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\nACTION: <\/strong>Make a list of things we can do for ourselves to bring compassion into our lives. Examples of self-care are all around you.<\/p>\nMake sure that what you think<\/em>\u2013 is your reality.<\/strong><\/p>\nSounds ridiculous, I know. But I, too, am guilty of imagining a situation unveiling before me that has nothing <\/em>to do with my truth. I project, suspect, rationalize, and FEAR as I set myself and others up in a play of my creation. Then I become both judge and jury. We don\u2019t need to scare ourselves, waste time on others, and\/or imagine anything that has not happened.<\/p>\n\u201cWe are never sure about someone else\u2019s motive or actions. We only think <\/em>we know\u2013but we do not.\u201d Harriet Hunter<\/strong><\/h2>\nInstead, we focus on what is true for us.<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\nACTION<\/strong>: Make a list of thoughts and add two columns. On the left, write the situation (\u201cMy boss is out to get me\u201d), and on the right ask, \u201cAre these
thoughts TRUE <\/em>(has it happened yet?) or am I imagining? Yes, or no?
If it\u2019s false, consider letting these go. If it\u2019s true, then ask what I can or should I do about it. Speaking to your sponsor or another trusted servant can be helpful.<\/p>\nPractice Love and Kindness \u2013 to Yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\nDo you treat yourself as you would a precious loved one? If not, then this is where to begin. You are worthy of everything you so graciously give to others. But what does that look like for you?<\/p>\n
ACTION<\/strong>: Begin exploring gratitude\u2019s power by writing ways you exhibit self-love. Give three examples a day for 30 days and keep them personal.<\/p>\nNo Criticism Allowed.<\/strong><\/p>\nWe sabotage, demean, and batter ourselves emotionally when we allow negative self-talk to describe who we are or what we\u2019ve done. No one is perfect. In the eyes of our Universal Creator, we are created equal. No one is better than anyone else. We are each sick people trying to get better!<\/em> Reaffirming our goodness is a sacred act. If we don\u2019t know what these attributes are, we must find them.<\/p>\nDid you know your attributes equal your shortcomings? Can you name them? Focus on your goodness; it is where your strengths are. This is the beginning of retraining our brain and creating new and positive pathways when we expand and bring front and center, our love and kindness. There is no room for self-criticism\u2013only acceptance. This is a learning, deep journey of seeing and accepting all of us: good and bad.\u00a0 In this true and loving light, a Universal Creator enables us to see ourselves and this what we \u201csee,\u201d is our truth. Otherwise, we could not spot it!<\/p>\n
Find Your Balance.<\/strong><\/p>\nOh, how comfortable we are working and doing for others. Going out of our way, taking care of, and responding to the needs of others is automatic for many of us. Gifting ourselves <\/em>with the same nurturing, time, loving focus, and attention we give others seems foreign.<\/p>\nHow is it we continue to put ourselves last, by neglecting to honor and support our energy and goodness? We cannot afford to exhaust our precious selves. We deserve to put ourselves first.<\/p>\n
ACTION<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n- Make a list each day of things you can do for you <\/em>(and you alone,) and list them in order of priority<\/u><\/strong>.<\/li>\n
- Carry them over to the next day if needed. They can be something as small as fixing a pair of pants, calling a friend, putting our feet up or getting a much-needed manicure.<\/li>\n
- Begin by closing your eyes as you imagine your creator standing in front of you. Ask the question, \u201cWhat is it you<\/span> would have me do?\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Become willing to forgive.<\/strong><\/p>\nThere are many times our magnifying mind concocts perceived or real expectations, while allowing negativity and pain to take a big space in our psyche. Some hurts leave quickly; others have festered too long and require extra attention.<\/p>\n
ACTION: <\/strong>Develop a prayer for willingness that sounds something like this:<\/p>\n\u201cMy creator, please help me be free <\/em>of pain and guilt. Show me how to become willing to forgive myself or (someone else) for what I did <\/em>to cause harm. I don\u2019t want to carry this any longer.\u201d<\/p>\nAfter you\u2019ve determined whether or not what you\u2019re facing is real or imagined, you can then decide to let it go with prayer, or to make amends.<\/p>\n
Practice makes Progress.<\/strong><\/p>\nIf you like this article,<\/strong> you can find much more like this in Harriet Hunter\u2019s Award-Winning book, \u201cMiracles of Recovery\u201d <\/a>on Amazon. Now through November 15 you can buy two and get one absolutely free!<\/p>\nVisi thttps:\/\/www.Harriethunter.org<\/a>for Miracles of Recovery, Journaling With a purpose<\/a>, companion e-books, free audios here<\/a> and, her deep dive videos<\/a> on certain core issues.<\/p>\nDon\u2019t forget to sign up for my Quarterly newsletter!<\/p>\n
Related<\/em><\/h3>\n<\/p><\/div>\n
<\/a>Why does it seem we are the last person we forgive? Have you noticed that even when we have no cause to feel guilty, when it is nothing more than our thinking<\/em>, we sometimes attack ourselves for no good reason at all?<\/p>\nWe begin to obsess, believing the world is against us, as we walk closer to that edge of The Valley of Self-Pity. It doesn\u2019t matter what we did or didn\u2019t do, we take ourselves personally and berate ourselves, because that is what comes naturally. Someone may take what we <\/em>say personally, often because of their insecurities, and they take offense<\/em>.<\/p>\n We may hear a certain inflection in someone\u2019s voice, and we think, \u201cOops, what did I do <\/em>to cause that?\u201d We don\u2019t have to be that sensitive to every thought, gesture or imagining.<\/p>\n Rather, we can look at it for what it is, pure FEAR, and nothing else.<\/p>\n Fear can cloud our thinking in an instant, giving us the idea of if only <\/em>we, \u201cDid something different,\u201d<\/em>or \u201cSaid something different<\/em>,\u201d we would have no fear. Many times, fear can be produced by not having said anything at all.<\/p>\n Forgiveness is the channel to detach from our insecure, often neurotic perception.<\/em><\/span> Are we responsible for what others think, do or say?<\/p>\n Absolutely not.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n But how do we let go of the whirring and stirring in our head that says surely we must have something <\/em>to do with someone else\u2019s disappointment of us?<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cBy forgiving others, I am given forgiveness. It does not matter that the other person may never accept my forgiveness, what does matter is that by my giving forgiveness, forgiveness returns to me and blesses me by its presence.\u201d No one else does. If others do, it is because they have their own <\/em>personal agenda which has nothing to do with you.<\/span> As individuals, we come from unique experiences and opinions. When others <\/em>take something out of context, they are hearing things according to their <\/em>inner recorder. This experience belongs to them. Our job is to merely be aware and let it go.<\/p>\n We should never take what someone else says personally because it is none of our business. Whatever is said represents the thoughts, feelings and views of the other person since it comes from them, not us. We are not responsible for what others say or think. What we can do is listen and forgive them if necessary, and then let it go.<\/p>\n Practice in front of your mirror.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Allow yourself to mirror-back how you deserve to be treated and forgive yourself for real or imagined threats or actions. What loving thoughts can you honor yourself with? <\/em>Let it begin deep within you because it is deep within you that we find the courage to act and feel differently.<\/p>\n ACTION<\/strong><\/span>: Some loving mantras for mirror work might be:<\/p>\n To the degree we do not accept forgiveness, we allow others to torment us any time at all. Know that forgiveness does not<\/span> <\/em>imply acceptance, or permission for us or others to continue the same behaviors. It means we have let them go and turned them over to our Universal Creator. We don\u2019t forget\u2013we let their behaviors go.<\/p>\n Begin with something like this, (as an example only)<\/p>\n ACTION<\/strong>: \u201cI forgive myself for saying something I shouldn\u2019t have. Someone sent me an irate email and I reacted in kind. I took it personally, but now see it was nothing more than self-righteous fear. (\u201cWho does he think HE is?) I am ready to let this irrational belief go. My serenity and freedom from resentment and jealousy are the most important treasures to me.\u201d<\/p>\n We are divinely created and must not judge ourselves unless we want others to judge us. We are not perfect, and we make all kinds of mistakes. When we Live and Let Live, we\u2019re given the wisdom necessary to keep the focus on ourselves and accept others where they are.<\/strong><\/p>\n Why is this important? Because we want to be treated with the same consideration!<\/strong><\/p>\n Keep writing until you feel free, your breathing becomes calm, and your thinking brings you back to yourself, <\/em>in gratitude. Doing this practice works when we work it, because it takes a person of integrity to go this distance of looking inside ourselves.<\/em><\/p>\n If we want to be <\/em>estimable, we must learn to do <\/em>estimable acts for ourselves, first, before we do for others. Our life cycle begins with us in all things, and then moves outward toward you and others<\/em>.<\/p>\n We begin by letting ourselves off the hook from negativity, fear, and false beliefs. When this happens, our intuition expands the universal forces of positivity. The belief that we deserve to be lovable, kind, and giving to that child that lives in each of us, infiltrates our knowing. We love and embrace that child within; we feel loving acceptance and compassion for ourselves. As we practice this new-found self-respect by loving ourselves for all that we are, these new behaviors become comfortable. The power of acceptance allows us to embrace all of us<\/em>, those parts we don\u2019t like, and those that we do. We begin to trust we are doing the best that we can, and so is everyone else.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n ACTION: <\/strong>Make a list of things we can do for ourselves to bring compassion into our lives. Examples of self-care are all around you.<\/p>\n Make sure that what you think<\/em>\u2013 is your reality.<\/strong><\/p>\n Sounds ridiculous, I know. But I, too, am guilty of imagining a situation unveiling before me that has nothing <\/em>to do with my truth. I project, suspect, rationalize, and FEAR as I set myself and others up in a play of my creation. Then I become both judge and jury. We don\u2019t need to scare ourselves, waste time on others, and\/or imagine anything that has not happened.<\/p>\n Instead, we focus on what is true for us.<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n ACTION<\/strong>: Make a list of thoughts and add two columns. On the left, write the situation (\u201cMy boss is out to get me\u201d), and on the right ask, \u201cAre these Practice Love and Kindness \u2013 to Yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n Do you treat yourself as you would a precious loved one? If not, then this is where to begin. You are worthy of everything you so graciously give to others. But what does that look like for you?<\/p>\n ACTION<\/strong>: Begin exploring gratitude\u2019s power by writing ways you exhibit self-love. Give three examples a day for 30 days and keep them personal.<\/p>\n No Criticism Allowed.<\/strong><\/p>\n We sabotage, demean, and batter ourselves emotionally when we allow negative self-talk to describe who we are or what we\u2019ve done. No one is perfect. In the eyes of our Universal Creator, we are created equal. No one is better than anyone else. We are each sick people trying to get better!<\/em> Reaffirming our goodness is a sacred act. If we don\u2019t know what these attributes are, we must find them.<\/p>\n Did you know your attributes equal your shortcomings? Can you name them? Focus on your goodness; it is where your strengths are. This is the beginning of retraining our brain and creating new and positive pathways when we expand and bring front and center, our love and kindness. There is no room for self-criticism\u2013only acceptance. This is a learning, deep journey of seeing and accepting all of us: good and bad.\u00a0 In this true and loving light, a Universal Creator enables us to see ourselves and this what we \u201csee,\u201d is our truth. Otherwise, we could not spot it!<\/p>\n Find Your Balance.<\/strong><\/p>\n Oh, how comfortable we are working and doing for others. Going out of our way, taking care of, and responding to the needs of others is automatic for many of us. Gifting ourselves <\/em>with the same nurturing, time, loving focus, and attention we give others seems foreign.<\/p>\n How is it we continue to put ourselves last, by neglecting to honor and support our energy and goodness? We cannot afford to exhaust our precious selves. We deserve to put ourselves first.<\/p>\n ACTION<\/strong>:<\/p>\n Become willing to forgive.<\/strong><\/p>\n There are many times our magnifying mind concocts perceived or real expectations, while allowing negativity and pain to take a big space in our psyche. Some hurts leave quickly; others have festered too long and require extra attention.<\/p>\n ACTION: <\/strong>Develop a prayer for willingness that sounds something like this:<\/p>\n \u201cMy creator, please help me be free <\/em>of pain and guilt. Show me how to become willing to forgive myself or (someone else) for what I did <\/em>to cause harm. I don\u2019t want to carry this any longer.\u201d<\/p>\n After you\u2019ve determined whether or not what you\u2019re facing is real or imagined, you can then decide to let it go with prayer, or to make amends.<\/p>\n Practice makes Progress.<\/strong><\/p>\n If you like this article,<\/strong> you can find much more like this in Harriet Hunter\u2019s Award-Winning book, \u201cMiracles of Recovery\u201d <\/a>on Amazon. Now through November 15 you can buy two and get one absolutely free!<\/p>\n Visi thttps:\/\/www.Harriethunter.org<\/a>for Miracles of Recovery, Journaling With a purpose<\/a>, companion e-books, free audios here<\/a> and, her deep dive videos<\/a> on certain core issues.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t forget to sign up for my Quarterly newsletter!<\/p>\n<\/a> We get caught in our thoughts of triviality and become blinded by what is real.<\/p>\n
Charles Henry, MS, DD<\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\nDon\u2019t take yourself so seriously!<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n
\n
Don\u2019t let others live rent free in your head.<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Write five things to forgive yourself for, and why.<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Begin by Practicing Self-Compassion:<\/strong><\/h3>\n
\u201cWe are never sure about someone else\u2019s motive or actions. We only think <\/em>we know\u2013but we do not.\u201d Harriet Hunter<\/strong><\/h2>\n
thoughts TRUE <\/em>(has it happened yet?) or am I imagining? Yes, or no?
If it\u2019s false, consider letting these go. If it\u2019s true, then ask what I can or should I do about it. Speaking to your sponsor or another trusted servant can be helpful.<\/p>\n\n
Related<\/em><\/h3>\n<\/p><\/div>\n