{"id":323020,"date":"2025-11-28T10:11:24","date_gmt":"2025-11-28T10:11:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/a-holiday-conversation-guide-for-lgbtq-families\/"},"modified":"2025-11-28T10:11:24","modified_gmt":"2025-11-28T10:11:24","slug":"a-holiday-conversation-guide-for-lgbtq-families","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=323020","title":{"rendered":"A Holiday Conversation Guide for LGBTQ+ Families"},"content":{"rendered":"


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This time of year traditionally means a break from our regular lives to rest and relax. But for many LGBTQ+ parents and parents-to-be, this is also the time we brace ourselves for dealing with ignorance and intrusive questions. How can queer parents navigate the unique social stress of the holidays? We have some ideas we hope will help.<\/p>\n

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In this article:<\/h4>\n<\/blockquote>\n

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‘Tis the season to get…awkward?<\/h2>\n

We all know from experience that bringing together an extended family and friend group can yield varying results. Sometimes it\u2019s a mix of beliefs or traditions<\/a> that extend much further than whether or not to tell your kids about Santa Claus.<\/p>\n

Equally (or even more) challenging are all the well-meaning relatives and friends asking ignorant and invasive questions<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Gifts, desserts and societal norms: a tried-and-true holiday trio. There\u2019s real pressure in responding to questions from relatives and friends with answers that conform to the hegemonic culture we\u2019re all a part of.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Yes, I got a promotion.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Yes, we just got engaged.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Yes, we bought a house.<\/em><\/p>\n

Yes, we’re having a baby!<\/em><\/p>\n

Answering those questions feels doable, but what happens when people start prying into your business even further? Let’s talk about it.<\/span><\/p>\n

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The Art of Social Politics<\/h3>\n

On top of the typical pressure to fill everyone in about what happened for them in the past year, queer parents and parents-to-be<\/a> usually have to deal with follow-up questions that others don\u2019t. It\u2019s a whole other arena of social politics.<\/p>\n

These questions may come from a place of ignorance, nervousness or discomfort. And while most<\/em><\/span> people have good intentions, there are unfortunately some who simply want to be nosy or make you feel uncomfortable.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The good news? <\/span>We’re here to help!<\/span> Keep reading for a few great ways to respond to some challenging frequently asked questions you may encounter this holiday season.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Navigating Personal Questions<\/h2>\n

We\u2019re going to look at two common (very personal) questions that LGBTQ+ parents and parents-to-be often have to field during the holiday season – and some ways you can respond.<\/p>\n

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Remember:<\/span> There’s no one right way to handle these types of questions, and in the end, it’s up to you (and your partner, if you have one) to decide what feels best to you.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Each person has their own comfort level when it comes to dealing with difficult conversations, and only you know what’s right for your family. It’s important to note that you are always<\/span> allowed to simply remove yourself from the situation if you’re feeling overwhelmed, unsafe, or unable to respond at that moment.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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1. “Who\u2019s the dad?” or “Who\u2019s the mom?”<\/h3>\n

The heart of this question is deeply personal: the person is essentially asking whose sperm or egg<\/a> has been used in conceiving your child. Opposite-sex couples rarely get asked about this (because, well – it’s wildly inappropriate), but when it comes to queer couples, some people consider it fair game.<\/p>\n

Though the question is extremely invasive, you can<\/em> set firm boundaries in your response.\u00a0<\/p>\n

How to respond:<\/h4>\n

Greg Zola, father of two children through egg donation<\/a> and surrogacy<\/a> with his husband, Gay Parents To Be founder Dr. Mark Leondires<\/a>, likes to respond to this question by flipping it back on the other person with a simple, “Why are you asking?”<\/span><\/p>\n

This puts the onus back on them to think about what they\u2019re actually<\/em> wanting to know.<\/p>\n

Zola goes on to explain, “If they think for a moment, they can figure it out on their own.” Sometimes a moment of reflection can help someone realize that the question they\u2019re asking is anything but typical conversation \u2013 and not something they would ask of a straight-presenting couple.\u00a0<\/p>\n

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2. “How are you going to have kids?”<\/h3>\n

For many individuals and couples, assumptions are made about how they will conceive, based on societal norms (and a lack of understanding about diversity in family-building pathways).<\/p>\n

But for queer parents-to-be, the options for having children are sometimes different. Anything outside the norm when it comes to conceiving children can feel up for questioning, leading some (often well-meaning) friends or family members to inquire about how your family will be formed.<\/p>\n

Again, this is a wildly personal topic, and questions about it may (understandably) catch you off-guard. We recommend you come prepared to holiday gatherings with a few potential ways to respond or redirect the conversation.\u00a0<\/p>\n

How to respond:<\/h4>\n

One way to deal with this question is to use the technique mentioned above: “Why are you asking?”<\/span>\u00a0Hopefully, this will cause the person to immediately reflect on why it matters that they know how a child is being brought into your family<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If they persist in asking about how you plan to have children, try one of the following responses:<\/p>\n