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Are you in the middle of figuring out when the right time for your kid(s) to have their phone? I know I am; I\u2019ve told my daughter not until she\u2019s 13. That seems like forever to her, but that was the number I came up with for now. She\u2019s ten now and counting down the years. <\/p>\n
What parent isn\u2019t worried about cyberbullying, screen addiction, and the dangers of being online in general? As a gen-Xer, I\u2019m navigating territory I did not have to handle growing up. I was already in my early twenties when I had my first cell phone. <\/p>\n
Texting wasn\u2019t even an option on the Primeco wood-grain phone, or was it? I can\u2019t remember it\u2019s been too long. \ud83d\ude06. And there wasn\u2019t any social media yet. <\/p>\n
I\u2019m faced with, as many of you are today, when and how to handle phone usage & social media usage. We\u2019ve already dealt with tween drama last year and things viewed on youtube. It was a whole thing that made us see that I had to further crackdown on device usage and secure parental restrictions. Youtube was removed from her Ipad and t.v. She\u2019s managed to survive without it for the last seven months. <\/p>\n
My daughter does not have a phone but an old IPad that she uses for games, facetime with her friends and family. No social media is on the device. <\/p>\n
I\u2019m pretty strict when it comes to device usage. I only allow 1 hour of usage per day Friday-Sunday. No devices at all during the school week. My oldest can get an extra hour to use on a day she chooses on the weekend. This is only increased because she has gotten a little older. Her younger sister does not get the extra hour and was barely allowed to get on a device this last year. She\u2019s in second grade, if you are wondering.<\/p>\n
From speaking with other parents, my rules seem more strict than many others. I stand by what works for my family and children. My priority is school and ensuring their focus is on just that. It is explained that devices are a privilege, not a requirement. Devices are earned and can easily be taken away. <\/p>\n
I\u2019ve also heard from other parents of older high school kids to delay, delay, delay the phone. Just because they\u2019re older doesn\u2019t mean there won\u2019t be incidents to deal with on social.<\/p>\n
I hope this article from David Magee helps anyone seeking guidance on this issue. I\u2019ve already pre-orderd his book Things Have Changed: What Every Parent (and Educator) Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis<\/a><\/u><\/em><\/p>\n It\u2019s Official, Social Media Is Toxic for Our Youth. A Student Wellbeing Activist Shares What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Children.<\/strong><\/p>\n A new advisory from the Surgeon General warns that children should not have unfettered<\/em> access to social media. (It really is as dangerous as we\u2019ve thought all along!) Student<\/em> wellbeing activist David Magee offers some advice for worried parents.<\/em><\/p>\n Oxford, MS<\/strong>\u00a0(June 2023)\u2014The\u00a0U.S. Surgeon General just confirmed what we\u2019ve all long suspected: Social media is\u00a0harmful to young people<\/a>. In a recent\u00a0public advisory<\/a>\u00a0warning of the risks social media use poses to children and teens, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy says while we don\u2019t yet know the full impact on our young people, there are \u201cample indicators that social media can also have a profound risk of harm to the mental health and wellbeing of children and adolescents.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Student wellbeing activist David Magee couldn\u2019t agree more.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u201cToo much social media is outright toxic for young people,\u201d asserts Magee, author of the upcoming book\u00a0Things Have Changed: What Every Parent (and Educator) Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis<\/a><\/u><\/em>(Matt Holt, August 2023, ISBN:\u00a0978-1-6377439-6-6, $22.00)\u00a0and award-winning book\u00a0Dear William: A Father\u2019s Memoir of Addiction, Recovery, Love, and Loss<\/a><\/u><\/em>. \u201cAt a time when children and teens should be building social skills, deepening relationships with friends and loved ones, and pursuing their interests, they are feeding an addiction to apps like TikTok and Snapchat. And it\u2019s not even giving them the joy and happiness they are seeking. In fact, it\u2019s making them sick and miserable.\u201d<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Social media is a \u201cjoy thief\u201d in many ways, says Magee, who travels the country speaking with parents and children about substance misuse and mental health. Social media apps fuel rising levels of stress, depression, and anxiety. They contribute to sleep disturbances, which cause a domino effect of symptoms mimicking ADHD, along with roller-coaster emotions and impulses. They lead to body image issues and dangerous eating disorders. They expose children to bullying, destroy their self-esteem, and even target them with messages from drug pushers.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Echoing Dr. Murthy, Magee insists that adolescents, whose brains are still developing, are not yet equipped to deal with these risks and dangers. That\u2019s why it\u2019s up to parents to intervene and help them develop healthier habits around their social media use. A few tips:<\/p>\n Here\u2019s the mantra on smartphone ownership: Delay, delay, delay.<\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s no secret that adolescents often use smartphones to access social media apps, so be mindful of how early you give them their first phone. There is no \u201cright\u201d age recommendation for this. Only you know your child\u2019s maturity level, what they can handle, and what\u2019s right for them. But Magee and other experts recommend holding off as long as possible. For example, the non-profit Wait Until 8th<\/sup>\u00a0urges parents to wait until children are in the eighth grade before giving them a smartphone.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t preach. But do talk to your children about the dangers of social media.<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cHave age-appropriate conversations with your children about the risks, such as cyberbullying, mental health disorders, and solicitations from online drug dealers,\u201d advises Magee. \u201cLet them know they should come to you if they are struggling. But also, teach them to be smart about how they use social media. Help them check their privacy settings so their information is not public. Remind them about what is and isn\u2019t appropriate to post. And do make sure they are treating their peers with respect and kindness when they are online.\u201d<\/p>\n Set reasonable limits on social media use.\u00a0<\/strong>Have a talk with your children and work together to make rules about how much social media time is allowed each day. Also, decide on times when the entire family will \u201cunplug\u201d to enjoy time together. Find time every day to put the devices away and create fun and lasting memories you can all cherish forever.<\/p>\n Banish phones from the bedside.\u00a0<\/strong>Children and teens who don\u2019t sleep are more at risk for symptoms of ADHD, roller-coaster emotions and impulses, increased anxiety and depression, and angry outbursts. And yet, most adolescents miss out on the sleep they desperately need so they can scroll away on social media. (In fact, more than one-third of all teens get only 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night, according to a 2010 study in the\u00a0Journal of Adolescent Health<\/em>, while the optimal sleep amount for teens is 9.25 hours nightly.)<\/p>\n \u201cInstead of preaching and pressuring your child to \u2018get off the phone and go to sleep,\u2019 engage them in a conversation about the importance of sleep and its benefits,\u201d suggests Magee. \u201cHelp them recognize that smartphone use is an obstacle to a good night\u2019s rest, and that bed is not for homework or social time, but for sleeping.\u201d<\/p>\n Curb your\u00a0own\u00a0<\/em>phone time.\u00a0<\/strong>Yes, many parents love getting on social media themselves. If you\u2019re one of them, remember that your children are watching and taking cues from you to learn how much scrolling and posting is healthy or appropriate. Check your own usage. If you are spending all your free time on Facebook or Instagram, put yourself on a social media diet and hold yourself accountable to the limits you set.<\/p>\n Silence nonessential notifications.<\/strong>\u00a0No one can focus near a smartphone that\u2019s constantly beeping or vibrating. Remind your children to silence the notifications on their social media apps so incoming messages are less distracting while they are doing other activities.\u00a0<\/p>\n Help your child embrace their life in the \u201creal world.\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0When your child\u2019s life is full of healthy activities and strong relationships, they will be less tempted to escape into their social media apps. Encourage them to invite friends over to hang out. Help them get involved in an extracurricular activity or with a volunteer organization so they can meet new people and have in-person interactions. If they are old enough, encourage them to get a part-time job.<\/p>\n \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0The Surgeon General\u2019s warning is no surprise to anyone who\u2019s paying attention. Parents and educators see the damaging effects of social media up close every day. It\u2019s all too easy for children\u2014at shockingly younger ages\u2014to get sucked into a world of bullying, drama, and online gossip; absorb unhealthy messages on body image; or even buy dangerous and deadly drugs. Change is long overdue, and Magee says it starts with real conversations with our children. \u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWe need to explain that real, sustainable joy goes far beyond the instant gratification that social media brings,\u201d says Magee. \u201cNo number of followers or \u2018likes\u2019 can compete with the lasting satisfaction that comes from pursuing your own passions and following your own path.<\/p>\n \u201cParents can steer children away from sources that deplete their joy and threaten their lives, like social media can,\u201d he adds. \u201cThe sooner you help them see that there\u2019s much more to their life, their worth, and their future than their online profiles and interactions, the sooner you can get them on the road to lasting wellbeing.\u201d<\/p>\n I believe that our kids learn more by watching and listening to us than most any other means. So for us to put down the phone without being completely enthralled with it shows them the best example. Of course, we must teach online safety and so much more. <\/p>\n As a mom of girls, I want them to know that almost all pictures on social are unrealistic, false, filtered body images. Not real. Spending time with them is a priority, so we have these talks. There is much more to discuss, but I\u2019ll end it here.<\/p>\n I wish you and your kids peace and guidance on this topic. Take care and be well. <\/p>\n
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\nWhat are your phone rules for your kids? Do you have any? I\u2019d love to hear other parents\u2019 guidelines. <\/strong><\/h2>\n