Please note that this article is tongue-in-cheek. If you do not think the subject might be humorous, don\u2019t read on [ED]\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s impossible to be a good Muslim without being modest and humble. Wearing a gold watch goes against these virtues. It\u2019s less the material itself and more the Glengarry Glen Ross<\/a> statement it makes: See this watch? How obnoxious. Zenith Defy Zero G in red gold on red gold bracelet<\/p>\n<\/div>\n If it\u2019s white gold, some scholars say, it\u2019s fine since it flies under the radar and makes you a man of the people. And there you have it! The short answer. Now, roll in the overhead projector \u2018cause here comes the long one.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Islam prohibits men from wearing gold for several more reasons, all practical and in service to the empire. Here\u2019s one: your preoccupation with frivolous matters such as \u201cAm I pulling this gold ring off?\u201d distracts you from the cause and suggests that your heart just ain\u2019t in it, not to mention your mind, which has wandered off to Unnecessary Land.<\/span><\/p>\n The cause, in case you\u2019re wondering, is vanquishing Islam\u2019s enemies and (preferably) dying in the attempt. Back then, whenever that was, the battlefield was often the way forward \u2013 the highway to heaven, if you like. So, your mind ought to be on swinging swords, not accessorizing. Are you trying to make a statement? \u201cAllah Akbar,\u201d that\u2019s your statement. Now, grab that scimitar and off with you!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Naturally, such undertakings require the kind of commitment and single-mindedness of a warrior prepared to fight and die for what they stand for. To some extent, the sentiment persists. You\u2019ll find it in all modern militaries, even those belonging to hyper-inclusive, open-minded nations, such as the United States.<\/span><\/p>\n Under the roof of its armed forces, servicemembers adhere to strict dress codes that prohibit them from letting the freak flags fly. They\u2019re not allowed to wear chains or earrings, for example, dye their hair purple, or paint their nails \u2013 not even in red, white, and blue. That would upset the uniformity of the team and (more importantly) send the wrong message:\u00a0aren\u2019t we the most fabulous outfit in town?<\/em>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Careful not to break a nail while reloading under heavy enemy fire. Ideally, you want to be intimidating, not cute. And in the fighting spirit of Islam, being rough around the edges is a virtue, while being soft is a liability. Thus, the ban on gold: a soft metal for soft people. I.e., women (don\u2019t shoot the messenger).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Unburdened by such expectations, women have always been free to drape themselves in gold, funds permitting. To wear it was to get dolled up, by the standards of the day, as it accentuates conventional femininity and flatters the fairer sex.<\/span><\/p>\n No harm, no foul. Therefore, it is\u2014much like the kebab joint you hit on the way home from a rowdy night out\u2014 Hala. Meaning: two thumbs up. Hala for Hareem, Haram (meaning forbidden) for Harry and his boys. When hammering a point home, alliteration is hella-effective. But I ain\u2019t done yet! Should Harry wear gold, he (according to the prophecy) will start to look like Sally. That can cramp an army\u2019s style out on the battlefield.<\/span><\/p>\n Imitating disbelievers is yet another practical reason for the ban. It makes sense. If your opposing team is dressed in red, you don\u2019t want your team in the same colors. For one, it would be confusing. Who\u2019s on what side here?<\/span><\/p>\n Differentiate yourself from the enemy lest we forget what side you\u2019re on. Instead, dress in blue green or pink. Maybe not pink. See paragraph above. Furthermore, failing to maintain a distinct identity is bad for the brand. Think of it as a matter of cultural appropriation (way ahead of the curve on that one). In other words, no copying! No elaborate mustaches for Muslims since it\u2019s a big Sikh thing. No fasting on days Jews fast because we must contradict them. What\u2019s that? Rome\u2019s generals clad themselves in gold? Welp! No gold for us then.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I only unfurl the history lesson here because of its relevance to this forum and the twelve Muslims who follow it. If you read my article One and Done<\/a>, you\u2019ll know I\u2019m a sucker for a traditional, no-nonsense dress watch, preferably in (you guessed it) colored gold\u2014or \u201cAfrican American gold,\u201d as my friends from California refer to it.<\/span><\/p>\n But my friends in Saudi Arabia (where I\u2019m from) give me a hard time. Gold on men is met with resistance there and in all Muslim states, pretty much. Strangers won\u2019t hassle you; it\u2019s not illegal to wear a gold Sub. They\u2019ll sell it to you over there and not under any bogus unisex pretense, like it\u2019s a gift for your wife. But if you buy it and wear it, family and friends will have something to say, at least if they\u2019re of the Muslim faith. And it won\u2019t be \u201cOh, my God, I love your watch!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Haram. No two ways about it. So far so normal. But here\u2019s where it gets interesting. Objections, for the most part, come from barely practicing, well-to-do Saudi\/Khaleeji chads who are more than happy to look the other way on most other things: drinking, skirt-chasing, gossiping (all haram).<\/span><\/p>\n They won\u2019t judge you for any of it. Au contraire! They\u2019re cool, see? They\u2019ll encourage bad behavior and join in, willingly and zealously. But if you show up to the party wearing a gold watch, God help you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Again, these aren\u2019t straight-laced missionaries out to right all the wrongs in the world; they\u2019re just looking to give somebody (anybody) a talking to. That\u2019s why whenever some blowhard jumps in with their bullshit, showboating stance on men wearing gold, shaking their head and rubbing forefingers together, I call them out. They live in glass houses and all they ever seem to do is throw stones. I get that casting moral judgment gets you off, but what a weird, arbitrary place to draw the line and make your stand.<\/span><\/p>\n Why here and what for? The empire? Last I checked, you weren\u2019t storming the Iberian Peninsula. So, what is it? Can\u2019t you tell what side I\u2019m on? Or do I look like a lady? Are you enjoying the view from your high horse? Or are you legitimately trying to save me, as if my choice of watch will tip the scale when I stand before God? \u201cWell, sir, we were about to direct you to Hell, but we\u2019ve just noticed you\u2019re wearing a platinum Day-Date rather than a gold one, so welcome to Heaven.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Platinum is fine. Why? Because Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) never mentioned it. Why? Because he died before it was discovered. Congratulations, you\u2019re off the hook on a technicality. Feel free to splurge. Gold is haram, a display of debauchery and decadence, but platinum? All good in the hood, baby!<\/span><\/p>\n Rolex Day-Date 40 in platinum<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Awesome. I\u2019ll take my Day Date with an ice-blue dial, then, thank you very much! Blood diamonds and all. Also, I\u2019m late for my rubdown. Can you mail it to my hotel? I\u2019m staying at the Bellagio. My masseuse is Brazilian. Can you believe it? Brazilian! The things they do now are un-be-lievable! Do you accept casino chips for payment? She does. Anyway, where was I?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Ah, yes! This people, is only the tip of the iceberg, virtue signaling from the Sea of Selective Righteousness. Here\u2019s where we are: neglecting big no-nos, like being a racist or throwing food away, and focusing on the trivial, like \u201cIs medium rare haram?\u201d and \u201cI accidentally stepped into the bathroom with my right foot rather than my left, will I go to hell for this?\u201d No, sir, you\u2019re going to hell for bothering people with your pedantry.<\/span><\/p>\n As for those who are trying in earnest to be good, they\u2019re not getting their money\u2019s worth from the watch hobby. Or maybe they are, since steel is less expensive, so a chambered \u201cagainst my religion\u201d excuse will save money. Sour grapes, anyone? Either way, they\u2019re missing out.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m not saying you should not bother at all, but you\u2019re not getting the full, unadulterated experience either. It\u2019s like being both a foodie and a vegetarian. Most of the good stuff (foie gras, beef wellington, caviar, bluefin tuna, steak tartare, rack of lamb, veal chops, bone marrow, clam chowder, scallops, lobster, ribs, brats, gabagool) is off the table.<\/span><\/p>\n The same, though not to the same extent, is true for watches: a lot of the flair, the panache, the rich and hearty stuff, is colored. Yes, steel trended for a hot minute. And, yes, platinum is shelved above gold. Tantalum is exotic, titanium is cool, ceramic is bold, and bronze is quirky. But gold? Gold is the gold standard, baby. That\u2019s why it\u2019s called a \u201cgold standard.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Vacheron Constantin Historiques 222 in yellow gold<\/p>\n<\/div>\n You want the yellow gold Vacheron Constantin 222, not the steel version. The steel to the gold is what Jaden is to Will Smith. We know who the daddy is. You want the Cartier Crash in its truest form: yellow gold, accept no substitutes. The Pie Pan Omega Constellation looks the absolute business in yellow. As is the case for the Rolex Day Date: get it in yellow and keep it presidential. Warm look: A. Lange & S\u00f6hne 1815 Rattrapante Honeygold<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Nearly all modern A. Lange & S\u00f6hne pieces look best in the company\u2019s proprietary Honey Gold. Most dress watches look best in yellow just as most Ferraris look best in red. You may prefer other colors and to each their own, but there\u2019s no arguing with quintessence. To be quintessential is to be a shining example of what something is supposed to be. Now, let\u2019s bring it home.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n If, unlike me, you are a shining example of what a good Muslim man is supposed to be, I won\u2019t encourage you to wear a gold watch. It\u2019s not worth it. Pick yours up from heaven. As for all you bothersome pretenders, tightening and loosening your religious reins at will, I\u2019ll see you in hell.<\/span><\/p>\n So, You Want to Buy a Rolex? Well, Daddy-O, I\u2019m here to Talk you Out of It!<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n The Case Against Watch Lume: It\u2019s Weak Sauce and Here\u2019s Why<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n One and Done?\u00a0Dress Watch or Sports Watch?<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n
<\/span><\/p>\n![\"Zenith](\"https:\/\/quillandpad.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Zenith-Defy-Zero-G_red-gold-bracelet_9W0B1396.jpg\")
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