![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blackmomsblog.com\/ashley-byrd-oylga6ikzqs-unsplash\/\")
<\/figure>\nI gave birth to my first child in the summer of 2017. My pregnancy and delivery were normal and even fun. For months I\u2019d walked around watching my belly slowly get bigger, wondering \u201cWhat is everyone talking about?<\/em>\u201d When I heard pregnancy and birth horror stories from other moms it seemed un-relatable. One woman told me her delivery had been an absolute nightmare due to her \u201cinverted uterus.\u201d Others shared stories of how sick pregnancy had left them, unable to eat anything but Saltines for three months straight.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know about you, but I\u2019d have to be on the brink of death to try and subsist on Saltine crackers. My pregnancy was normal, healthy, and even fun: my skin looked fantastic, my moodiness had balanced out, and I was constantly told how cute I looked in all my maternity clothes. At the time I worked as a marketing rep for a local pharmacy, so I came into contact with many people in the medical field. Most everybody had compliments for me, and most everybody had some sort of advice to offer.<\/p>\n Looking back, I find it telling that everybody had a lot to say on being pregnant, raising children, and child development, but there was a (perhaps foreboding?) absence of discussion when it came to the postpartum period of new motherhood. I didn\u2019t notice this at the time, of course; I naively believed that my smooth pregnancy was some sort of harbinger of things to come.<\/p>\n After a slightly complicated but ultimately successful vaginal delivery, my daughter arrived safely and in good health. The first few months were hard, but manageable. My husband, a teacher, was home with us and after a sleepless night or two (or three\u2026four\u2026) he\u2019d take our daughter in the morning so I could get in a few extra hours of zzz\u2019s. We had many visitors \u2013 my mom came for a bit, my sister another time. My dad and stepmother lived less than 2 hours away. His sister, his mother and stepmother even came out too. New mom life was hard, especially because I was breastfeeding, but overall I was doing alright.<\/p>\n Realization<\/strong><\/p>\n And then \u2013 everything crashed. The school year began and my husband went back to work. The visitors left. My daughter and I were stuck inside for much of the day, alone, because most of my friends had normal schedules and were at work. The regular human interaction I\u2019d been used to in the working world was gone; on tough days, between naps and feedings, I was lucky to be out of the house for more than an hour without a meltdown.<\/p>\n I\u2019m not sure exactly when the worrying symptoms started to creep in. The dark moods, the disturbing thoughts, the suicidal images, the anxiety fits. I\u2019ve always struggled with general depression, so at first a few \u201clow\u201d days didn\u2019t really sound any alarms for me.\u00a0<\/p>\n I saw other new moms around me and wondered how many of them were feeling like me? None, it seemed. They all appeared to be fairly happy with their new lives, frustrated at times perhaps, but they certainly didn\u2019t seem to be as hopeless as I felt. I had two good friends with children and when I inquired neither one of them had experienced anything like what I was feeling. They were helpful, but ultimately the talks left me feeling even more isolated.<\/p>\n Recognition<\/strong><\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t until I was watching an episode of ABC\u2019s black-ish<\/em> that I opened up to the possibility that my situation had gotten beyond my control, and that I might need help.<\/p>\n We recorded the show every week on our DVR, and one night after our daughter had gone to bed we watched the latest episode (although by that time it was probably a few weeks old, since we were on new parent time now). Bow Johnson had recently given birth to her fifth child, Devante. The episode focused around Bow\u2019s odd and somewhat exaggerated behavior changes, which Dre figured out to be symptomatic of postpartum depression. In the pivotal scene Dre and Bow take a PPD screening questionnaire together, which reveals that she is indeed exhibiting symptoms of postpartum depression.<\/p>\n And this, y\u2019all, is exactly why representation is so important. Here was an educated, middle class,\u00a0 biracial woman pitted in a struggle against something unfamiliar, and she faced up to it and recognized it for the monster it was. I saw my own struggles and symptoms reflected in the episode\u2019s spotlight. I identified with Bow, and it made me realize that I needed help. I hadn\u2019t been able to see my symptoms for what they were before because I didn\u2019t identify with the examples given \u2013 mostly women who didn\u2019t look like me. But Bow \u2013 I identified with her.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/blackmomsblog.com\/anh-nguyen-v-nbxj3yv5o-unsplash\/\")