don\u2019t<\/em> rely on for their success and progress? Motivation.<\/p>\nThe truth is that motivation is bullshit.<\/em> It comes and goes. Wanes and waxes. Heats up and cools down. It\u2019s unreliable, inconsistent, and fleeting.<\/p>\nAnd what\u2019s worse is, when it\u2019s not <\/em>present, you feel a sense of disappointment, or shame, or frustration. \u201cWhy can\u2019t I just bring myself to get moving?!\u201d<\/p>\nDiscipline beats motivation 100% of the time. Discipline shows up even when motivation doesn\u2019t feel like it. Discipline is the foundation of consistency, which builds trust in yourself, and progress towards your goals.<\/p>\n
It doesn\u2019t matter if they\u2019re personal goals, fitness goals, professional goals\u2026goals are best reached through taking consistent and intentional action even when you don\u2019t feel like it.<\/em><\/p>\nBeing disciplined is what gets you to the gym, it\u2019s what makes those sales calls, it\u2019s what orders the grilled chicken instead of the pizza.<\/p>\n
Being disciplined shows you what you\u2019re capable of, which helps you to develop a deeper sense of confidence and self-worth.<\/p>\n
2: Patience.<\/h2>\n I know, man. You\u2019re a go-getter. You want everything, and you want it yesterday!<\/p>\n
I understand, I really do. I also think there are plenty of times in life when patience will do you a disservice.<\/em> If you want something, go get it, and don\u2019t waste time.<\/p>\nOn a larger scale, though, developing patience is going to make your life a whole hell of a lot easier.<\/em><\/p>\nDespite how quickly you want to achieve your goals, you\u2019ll need patience to wait for the results to happen.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll need patience as your employees or colleagues learn the ropes and figure things out.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll need patience as you get to know your partner in a relationship\u200a\u2014\u200aand as they get to know you.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll need patience when that same partner aggravates you in 7 years\u2026or when you aggravate them.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll definitely<\/strong> need patience with your kids.<\/p>\nI\u2019m not just talking about waiting.<\/em> Anyone can sit there and wait. Most, though, will be stewing internally or getting frustrated, annoyed, and short-tempered in the process.<\/p>\nPatience<\/strong> appears when you\u2019re able to manage those physiological responses and truly understand<\/em> that this thing, whatever the thing is, takes time.<\/em><\/p>\nIt may even be better<\/em> because it takes time. Developing an intimate relationship, for example.<\/p>\nRushing it will quite literally bring you the opposite result that you desire.<\/p>\n
In fact, losing your patience and rushing mostly anything<\/em> before it\u2019s ready will more than likely cause it to fall apart. Haste makes waste, as they old saying goes.<\/p>\nTake a deep breath. Remind yourself that it\u2019s worth the wait. Stay focused on the bigger picture. All will come to you in due time.<\/p>\n
3: Compassion.<\/h2>\n Being a good man is multi-faceted. I mentioned in the introduction that it has nothing to do with external factors like financial success, appearance, or relationship status.<\/p>\n
Compassion, though\u2026compassion is a big piece of the puzzle.<\/p>\n
If this is a new word for you, Compassion.com defines the feeling as \u201cTo empathize with someone who is suffering and to feel compelled to reduce the suffering.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nCompassion requires and thrives from emotional connection.<\/em><\/p>\nIt calls us to step outside of ourselves and see others for who they are and what they\u2019re going through. What\u2019s more, it calls us to take action to aide, support, or serve them on a deeper level.<\/p>\n
Through serving others at this capacity, we, also, develop a deeper sense of emotional connection and growth. We connect with others and with ourselves. We minimize judgment as we learn people\u2019s stories, hardships, and challenges.<\/p>\n
I believe that the more compassion we show up with, the richer and fuller our lives can be, because we\u2019ll build stronger, healthier, and more solid relationships with those around us.<\/p>\n
4: Integrity.<\/h2>\n I mentioned integrity in the introduction, but what is it, really?<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve all heard the C.S. Lewis quote: \u201cIntegrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nI think this really puts a pin in the concept of integrity. It\u2019s a moral code, a promise to one\u2019s self and others, a set of values that we pledge to live by at all times.<\/em><\/p>\nGood men live by a code. They\u2019re clear on what they\u2019ll do\u2026and also, what they won\u2019t<\/em> do.<\/p>\nEvery decision they make in their personal and professional lives is decided by this code. If it\u2019s aligned with the code, they\u2019ll do it\u200a\u2014\u200aif it\u2019s not\u2026they won\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Of course, this is difficult. Challenges arise, temptations arise, opportunities arise\u2026<\/p>\n
Someone at work makes you an offer to help close a deal that would net a large commission, but you\u2019re not morally comfortable with the actions that need to be taken\u2026<\/p>\n
A temptation that would, in theory, be dismissed by integrity. <\/em>An action outside of your moral code must not be taken if you want to be a man who stays true to his values and code.<\/p>\n\u201cBut James, what if nobody else would know?\u201d<\/p>\n
Having integrity isn\u2019t about following a code because other people will know whether or not you did\u2026it\u2019s about whether or not you<\/strong> will know, even if nobody else is looking.<\/p>\n5: Personal accountability.<\/h2>\n To put it simply: Good men own up to their mistakes.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not easy, it\u2019s not pleasant, and it\u2019s not fun\u200a\u2014\u200abut that\u2019s what makes it such a powerful character trait.<\/p>\n
When you\u2019re able to admit wrongdoings (and work to fix them<\/em>), it builds trust with others, but also with yourself.<\/p>\nIt shows the people around you that they can trust and count on you. It shows them you\u2019re willing to look at reality and truth. It shows them that you won\u2019t<\/em> turn around and place the blame on them, or become defensive, or refuse to admit when you\u2019re wrong.<\/p>\nThat\u2019s all because it shows a strong level of\u2026<\/p>\n
6: Self-awareness.<\/h2>\n We cannot be honest with ourselves about the areas we want or need to improve in, if we\u2019re not willing to look at them through an honest lens.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s more, we cannot even develop who we want to be as a person<\/em> if we\u2019re not willing to admit who we are today.<\/em><\/p>\nSelf-awareness empowers us to see the truth in ourselves and our actions.<\/p>\n
Other, less obvious added benefits?<\/p>\n
Self-awareness makes you a better lover.<\/p>\n
An even better partner.<\/p>\n
An even better friend.<\/p>\n
An even better leader.<\/p>\n
An even better CEO.<\/p>\n
It opens you up to better ways of receiving feedback without becoming defensive,<\/em> because the ultimate goal is not to \u201clook good,\u201d but instead, to learn how you can improve.<\/p>\nIt helps you understand what you\u2019re great at, and what you\u2019re\u2026eh, not so great at. This way, you can find better partners and delegate tasks more effectively rather than just plowing through things that you won\u2019t admit you suck at.<\/p>\n
It helps to find better romantic<\/em> partners as well, because you\u2019re honest and genuine about who you are, what you need, what you\u2019re looking for, and what you\u2019ll accept into your life.<\/p>\nNone of this is possible if you ignore your inner-most emotions, desires, and truths.<\/p>\n
7: Open-mindedness.<\/h2>\n Here\u2019s the thing about being a good man\u200a\u2014\u200ait\u2019s not selective.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not conditional.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not a way that you show up for some, but not for others.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s about you,<\/em> it\u2019s rooted in your<\/em> identity. It\u2019s driven by your<\/em> personality.<\/p>\nThat means that no matter who you encounter, what their background is, where they\u2019re from, who they love, or what they believe in (as long as it\u2019s not harmful or dangerous), then you being a \u201cgood man\u201d still shines through.<\/p>\n
This, of course, requires being open-minded. Non-judgmental. Tolerant\u2026no\u2026accepting.<\/em> Tolerance is just putting up with people, whereas acceptance is truly embracing them.<\/p>\nYou cannot truly<\/em> be a good man if you pick and choose who you\u2019re good to.<\/p>\n8: Loyalty.<\/h2>\n Loyalty is the mental, emotional, and moral commitment to a person (in this case). Sure, you can be loyal to a job, or a brand, or a cause\u200a\u2014\u200abut at the end of the day all we really have are other people.<\/p>\n
A company is nothing but a collection of people. A cause is put forth to serve a group of people. A brand is created by people.<\/p>\n
Loyalty to the people we truly care about is what forges our relationships. It is, quite literally, the bond<\/em> that we speak of.<\/p>\nIt\u2019s what brings us back to people\u200a\u2014\u200ahell, it\u2019s what makes sure we never leave in the first place.<\/p>\n
Loyalty creates consistency and trust in our relationships while showing others that they can trust us, as well.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s what keeps couples faithful and together forever.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a non-negotiable trait in a good man\u200a\u2014\u200afor without it, he may turn his back on those he cares about when a \u201cbetter opportunity\u201d comes along, and there is no integrity in that.<\/p>\n
9: Supportive encouragement.<\/h2>\n I could\u2019ve made \u201csupportive\u201d and \u201cencouraging\u201d two separate points here, but hey, efficiency is key.<\/p>\n
Supportive encouragement\u200a\u2014\u200abeing a cheerleader for the people in your life. Wanting to see them succeed. Standing behind them during their hard times, and helping to push them forward during the triumphant times.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re there when they lose, and you\u2019re there when they win.<\/p>\n
A good man is there for the people he cares about without fault, waiver, or judgment. He is their calm in the chaos, their pillar, their lighthouse in the storm.<\/p>\n
10: Emotional intelligence.<\/h2>\n According to Harvard Business School, \u201cEmotional intelligence is defined as the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of those around you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nThe good news is, it\u2019s a skill. There is mountains of information regarding \u201cEQ\u201d that has been released in recent years that can help you to cultivate and strengthen yours. EQ isn\u2019t the newest or most cutting-edge topic anymore, but it remains highly important and relevant, as it is deeply rooted in the human experience and how we connect with each other.<\/p>\n
EQ, in some cases being seen as more important than IQ, is a worthy focus of a good man\u2019s effort. He works to hone it, understand it, and embody it.<\/p>\n
11: Decisiveness.<\/h2>\n \u201cJames\u2026what?\u201d<\/p>\n
Alright, hear me out\u2026<\/p>\n
Perhaps loosely appropriate here in an article about traits, but I believe that being decisive<\/em> is actually a highly valuable trait.<\/p>\nThe decisions you make quite literally<\/strong> shape your life.<\/p>\nYou decide how you show up every morning. You decide how you treat people. You decide how you treat yourself. <\/em>You decide where you work. You decide who you accept into your life\u2026<\/p>\nYou get the idea.<\/p>\n
That being understood, it\u2019s easy to see how not<\/strong> being decisive can lead to a slew of challenges and problems through the years.<\/p>\nPerhaps you\u2019ll take the safe route, or the easy way, because it\u2019s just more convenient than having to make a hard decision.<\/p>\n
Maybe you\u2019ll avoid taking risks or chances, causing you to miss out on connections, opportunities, or love.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re not decisive, you\u2019ll become\u2026well\u2026mush<\/em> that the world around you is free to mold however it sees fit. You\u2019ll go with the flow, you\u2019ll blend into the crowd, you\u2019ll be the \u201cnice guy\u201d people pleaser who does everything to make other people happy and sacrifices himself in the process.<\/p>\nThat is not what a good man<\/em> does. A good man does what is right, lives by principles and while he serves those around him\u200a\u2014\u200ahe never sacrifices his own integrity or dignity in the process.<\/p>\nHe is empowered to do this, because he has a\u2026<\/p>\n
12: Strong sense of identity.<\/h2>\n Identity is what drives us. It is shaped by the story that we tell ourselves about ourselves. The qualities we embody, the standards we set, the boundaries that we maintain\u2026<\/p>\n
A strong sense of identity is the most important thing any human can develop.<\/em><\/p>\nIt guides us along the journey of life. Every decision we make and interaction we have is driven by who we are.<\/em><\/p>\nIt\u2019s not about \u201cwhat\u201d we do or \u201chow\u201d we do it\u200a\u2014\u200abut who<\/strong> we work to become.<\/p>\nThat will serve as the foundation for the whens, whats, wheres, and whys.<\/p>\n
Without security in who we are as an individual, the world\u2019s terrain becomes far more rocky and uncertain. Any small divergence in the path can throw us completely off course, because, well, there wasn\u2019t really a set course to begin with. We were just stumbling along, seeing what we came across.<\/p>\n
When you don\u2019t know where you\u2019re going\u2026anywhere will do.<\/p>\n
When you don\u2019t know who you are\u2026anyone<\/em> will do. Dating anyone, listening to anyone, working for anyone, being<\/strong> anyone.<\/p>\nWe are like a ship at sea without a compass.<\/p>\n
A strong sense of identity is the umbrella that everything else in this article falls under.<\/p>\n
Who are you? What are the traits and qualities that you embody? What standards do you demand from yourself and from the people around you?<\/p>\n
When this is clear, we have the opportunity to create a life that fully aligns with it.<\/p>\n
We live each day in accordance with who we are, and what that person<\/em> would (or wouldn\u2019t) do.<\/p>\nYour identity is your guide. It\u2019s your foundation. It\u2019s your flashlight in the dark.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s who you are<\/strong> at your core, and when you work to become clear on that, everything else will follow after it.<\/p>\nSubscribe to my newsletter<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>\u201cThe Next Level\u201d<\/em>\u00a0<\/strong>for honest and uncensored advice normally reserved for private clients.<\/p>\nJames Michael Sama<\/em><\/strong><\/a>\u00a0is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development\u00a0<\/em>coach.<\/em><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\nFinding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to\u00a0<\/em>his website<\/em><\/strong><\/a>\u00a0and a collective social media following of over 400,000.<\/em><\/p>\nJames speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as\u00a0<\/em>CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS,<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0and more.<\/em><\/p>\n\n <\/aside>\n <\/p>\n
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