{"id":289018,"date":"2025-06-11T23:55:14","date_gmt":"2025-06-11T23:55:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/the-reality-and-journey-of-uncovering-historic-trauma-vawg-sexual-violence-talk\/"},"modified":"2025-06-11T23:55:14","modified_gmt":"2025-06-11T23:55:14","slug":"the-reality-and-journey-of-uncovering-historic-trauma-vawg-sexual-violence-talk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=289018","title":{"rendered":"The Reality and Journey of Uncovering Historic Trauma &#038; VAWG\/Sexual Violence Talk"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div id=\"post-body-2204308489392711790\" itemprop=\"description articleBody\">\n<div style=\"text-align: center;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/img\/a\/AVvXsEiT_48jSmOlH8Zt2D4T1gfkLdTI7LkUgjZeRIu767--PL8yVDAbiC6RBW-KrW7hBrSJHMTERSYOSA6Pmk_AxAuBG1MuoMqHX8sJlSFrTObbnShmVvEKpW2d0CeBOoD7BjXC_K5EmYfgGQ5G3Nyq5Sg4M9a8FgzqDF3G2Xsi89nkjHtz-rrR1ElKULzsgA=s1200\" imageanchor=\"1\"><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"the reality and journey of uncovering historic trauma and VAWG\/sexual violence talk\" border=\"0\" data-original-height=\"1200\" data-original-width=\"800\" src=\"https:\/\/blogger.googleusercontent.com\/img\/a\/AVvXsEiT_48jSmOlH8Zt2D4T1gfkLdTI7LkUgjZeRIu767--PL8yVDAbiC6RBW-KrW7hBrSJHMTERSYOSA6Pmk_AxAuBG1MuoMqHX8sJlSFrTObbnShmVvEKpW2d0CeBOoD7BjXC_K5EmYfgGQ5G3Nyq5Sg4M9a8FgzqDF3G2Xsi89nkjHtz-rrR1ElKULzsgA=s16000\"\/><\/a><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: #ead1dc; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;\"><i><b>Trigger Warning: this post will heavily focus on sexual violence trauma, particularly that of rape and spiking crimes and the aftermath. Please do a headspace check before reading this if this is possible to trigger you and take care of yourself if proceeding x<\/b><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\" style=\"-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;\">I\u2019ve spoken in drips and drabs about what happened to me three years ago, but never in completion and never enough to make me feel like I truly told my side. The first post I made I referenced it as a sexual assault, because i still wasn\u2019t ready to admit what really happened to me. It took me a good long few months to admit that and even at the start I thought it was rough and I was struggling but I was wrong. That was nothing. Right now I\u2019m in the full throws of realising, remembering, thinking, overthinking every tiny detail of what happened, and even reliving it in graphic flashbacks and intrusive thoughts daily to the point of complete disassociation or meltdown. I\u2019m waiting for therapy, but with waiting lists plus the fact I\u2019m currently in intensive treatment for my personality disorder, that isn\u2019t doable right now. So it\u2019s just me, and my thoughts. And that can be a dangerous place.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\" style=\"-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;\">It really hit me when my psychiatrist told me at a medication review my diagnosis had been altered to include complex PTSD, and no one thought to inform me. I don\u2019t even know who diagnosed this but it\u2019s there. In black and white how affected my brain is by something that I thought I locked away for good 3 years ago. The three year anniversary back in July was also pretty rough. A notification for a Snapchat memory popped up and it was of a group photo of me and my friends from the day, and I completely broke down at work and disassociated and sobbed to a coworker about why it upset me so hard, I\u2019d been fine all morning and by lunch I snapped and couldn\u2019t take it anymore. All I could think and question was why now? Why did I have to deal with this now? As if I haven\u2019t got enough in my tiny loud noisy annoying brain. I wished I\u2019d never realised it. But also thought about how I probably always knew and it\u2019s most likely had a bigger impact on me the last few years than I\u2019m likely to ever realise, this backed up by my mental health team and my ISVA (independent sexual violence advisor) assigned to me at the time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\" style=\"-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;\">Then the blows of the case being dropped came, and subsequently a month or two ago my case with the sexual violence services was closed and my ISVA unassigned to me and no longer in regular contact which I held so dear as my only person to speak about this with. Those were hard. Having to admit that\u2019s it and it\u2019s time to move on wasn\u2019t easy and still isn\u2019t. The lack of justice for victims of sexual violence is horrific and a topic for another day, but some days it really just hits me in the chest that I\u2019m the one who has to suffer and he isn\u2019t. That fucking sucks. I knew the case wouldn\u2019t proceed very far, it had been three years and All I had was some meaningless Instagram messages and my word that it happened. But being told that there isn\u2019t enough evidence to prove and sentence my attacker as a rapist when all I can do it think about that night on repeat, is hard. They tell you \u201cit\u2019s not that we don\u2019t believe you!\u201d But that\u2019s exactly what it feels like. They tell you it\u2019s to protect you from standing up in court and telling your story for it to be shut down with the lack of proof to convict, but it feels like they don\u2019t even give you the chance to speak your peace. Because no there isn\u2019t evidence, but I can tell you where we met, when we started speaking, details surrounding the vague and odd Instagram messages, screen shots of our texts to friends, conversations with friends had the next day of me not remembering what happened and brushing it off at the time. But that\u2019s not what they need. It feels like they need you to have a photo or concrete evidence and how is that ever going to be possible for such an intimate crime?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\" style=\"-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;\">The fear that it\u2019s caused in my everyday life I never expected. To have to rush into my car, keys tightly between my fingers and lock the doors instantly and then get my breath back because of how anxious it made me, to have my hands shake from how fast I try to lock and bolt my flat door panicked that someone has followed me up, to not be able to wear my ear defenders from the painful noise out and about because I\u2019m scared I won\u2019t hear someone approaching me, to freezing and feeling sick to my stomach when I see police officers or cars around me, to not being able to sleep without underwear or some sort of bottom half on in fear I\u2019ll wake up without them. I\u2019m terrified. So terrified. And it never stops because the violence towards women never stops, and it\u2019s bullshit. The fact that I\u2019m so very far from alone in my fears saddens me more than anything. I don\u2019t even want to return to the city it happened which used to hold so many good memories, because now it holds a haunted poisoned one.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\" style=\"-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;\">Realising and recovering from trauma is never easy or have a set schedule. It\u2019s taken me just under 3 years to acknowledge it even happened. It took me a month to report it to the police when I did. It took me a few months to even say the word rape and admit I\u2019d been raped. And it took me 3.5 years after the event to start reliving it through flashbacks and constant intrusive thoughts on repeat of what happened. My brain making me watch it over and over until it can piece the picture back together. And obviously it never will. Because I never had those memories to begin with. They were never mine to recover, only his now. And to him they\u2019re twisted and turned into a narrative that makes me feel sick to my stomach. Three and a half years later and my life feels like it\u2019s falling apart all over again from something that\u2019s so old. How can something feel that way? So old and yet so painfully fresh?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\" style=\"-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;\">Three years ago, i met a police officer working in my nearest city whilst at university on a dating app called tinder, who met up with me after a day of drinking with my friends for a birthday, after he had postponed us grabbing a drink all day long later and later. Three years ago I sat with him for that drink in a bar in Sheffield that no longer exists. Three years ago my memories of the day before I went to the toilet are clear, where I went, what I did, who was there, daft details like a woman recognising me as the girl she saw fall into a bush some hours earlier. But I came back from the toilet and finished that drink and everything after is in fragments. Three years ago that officer took me to his uni house he shared with four girls at the time, a walk I can only remember in hazy snippets. Three years ago that officer raped me as I drifted in and out of consciousness, in no fit state to consent, to argue or to fight back. I say officer, because as far as I\u2019m aware he still wears that badge and title, and I wear the one of a survivor, but feeling a victim more and more everyday.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\" style=\"-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;\">I will not be silenced by you matthew. I will not be silenced of the crime you committed against me and refused to comment on when questioned.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\" style=\"-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;\">I will continue to speak and speak out on sexual violence and violence towards women and girls because these stories of women who didn\u2019t get to come home will haunt me every time I hear them. I will speak out in the names of all those who never got to, for Sarah, Sabina, Sherrie, Emma, Klaudia, Patricia, Phyllis, Constanta, Egle,\u00a0<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>Michelle, Beth, Julia, Gracie,\u00a0<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span>Ingrid, Maddie, and thousands more. One woman is murdered every 3 days in the UK by male violence. And I will never stop shouting about it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\" style=\"-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;\"><span class=\"s1\" style=\"font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;\">Meg x<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Trigger Warning: this post will heavily focus on sexual violence trauma, particularly that of rape and spiking crimes and the aftermath. Please do a headspace check before reading this if this is possible to trigger you and take care of yourself if proceeding x I\u2019ve spoken in drips and drabs about what happened to me [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":289019,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[10874,6967,6970,3061,120088,19585,20078,120089,16837],"dealstore":[],"offerexpiration":[],"class_list":["post-289018","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-historic","tag-journey","tag-reality","tag-talk","tag-the-reality-and-journey-of-uncovering-historic-trauma-vawg-sexual-violence-talk","tag-trauma","tag-uncovering","tag-vawgsexual","tag-violence"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Reality and Journey of Uncovering Historic Trauma &amp; VAWG\/Sexual Violence Talk - Som2ny Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=289018\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Reality and Journey of Uncovering Historic Trauma &amp; VAWG\/Sexual Violence Talk - Som2ny Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Trigger Warning: this post will heavily focus on sexual violence trauma, particularly that of rape and spiking crimes and the aftermath. 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