{"id":284253,"date":"2025-06-09T20:03:54","date_gmt":"2025-06-09T20:03:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/peraltafinancing.com\/uncategorized\/the-blade-and-the-pot-holder-sleeping-between-giants\/"},"modified":"2025-06-09T20:03:54","modified_gmt":"2025-06-09T20:03:54","slug":"the-blade-and-the-pot-holder-sleeping-between-giants","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fivemor.com\/?p=284253","title":{"rendered":"The Blade and the Pot Holder \u2013 Sleeping between Giants"},"content":{"rendered":"


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\n\t\tFriday, August 30, 2024
– by Dave Jaffe<\/p>\n

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Nowhere is a honed proficiency in karate more valuable than when it comes to survival in the kitchen. It\u2019s why martial artist Betty Crocker was so feared and respected by rival chefs.<\/p>\n

Well, that and her Chocolate-Toffee Crunch Layer Cake. Yum!<\/p>\n

Understanding where karate and kitchen skills intersect demands that we take a cold, hard look at this fighting system. But not too <\/em>cold or hard, \u2018cause whoa, dude, just be cool! We ain\u2019t lookin\u2019 for no trouble!<\/p>\n

Karate teaches discipline, agility and timing. So does kitchen work, only there\u2019s more butter. <\/p>\n

The dangers that lurk in the kitchen can pose a far greater threat than those seen in even the most racist Kung Fu movies: sharp knives, cabinet doors, appliance cords, electrical sockets, my wife Denise.<\/p>\n

Okay, I promised <\/em>myself that I wouldn\u2019t go there, but honestly, this column might be a cry for help. She\u2019s trying to kill me! Has been for years. Let us consider how she treats knives versus how knives were meant <\/em>to be treated, all while keeping our fingers tightly curled in and our movements slow and deliberate.<\/p>\n

Although lost in antiquity, the origin of knives probably can be traced back to prehistoric times when early Cave Dad first warned early Cave Son not to run with that pointy rock because \u201cyer\u2019 gonna poke your unga-unga<\/em> out, kid!\u201d<\/p>\n

This warning generally was ignored because back then, everything <\/em>could poke yer\u2019 unga-unga out. That gave way to the development of better, more refined unga-unga-poking-out implements and improvements to rudimentary knives. <\/p>\n

With the eventual discovery of how to sharpen stuff came the Bronze Age and with it the Era of Stabbity Stab. During this period, knives came to a fork in the road with some knives choosing to pursue the culinary arts while the rest were left embedded in the bodies of enemies. <\/p>\n

Which brings us back to Denise trying to kill me. And herself. And everything, everywhere.<\/p>\n

While washing dishes, I encountered a chopping knife leaning against a corner of the sink, blade out, cutting edge exposed.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a helpful life hack: a knife blade positioned edge-on is invisible until all your fingers are sliced off. <\/p>\n

Karate, developed by the poor, weaponless peasants of feudal Japan as a way to defend themselves, translates as \u201cempty hand.\u201d It does not <\/em>mean \u201cfingerless stump.\u201d So, thanks to years of rigorous training, I had the battle-hardened instincts to scream, utter a stream of curses, and maybe pee myself just <\/em>a little.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou wish to share?\u201d asked Denise with the cruel indifference of a racist Kung Fu movie villain.<\/p>\n

Uttering one final pee-related curse I asked, \u201cWhy would you put a knife in the sink like that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo that you\u2019d wash it,\u201d she said, then returned to counting the heavy taxes she\u2019d collected from the peasants.<\/p>\n

Later in that same Kung Fu movie, I cracked my knee on an open cabinet door.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy was this door open?\u201d I whimpered in a highly disciplined, spiritually centered tone. Okay, mostly whimpered. <\/p>\n

\u201cUm. . . because that\u2019s where people reach inside,\u201d Denise explained in a highly disciplined, spiritually centered, whimperless tone.<\/p>\n

Clearly, I was losing the highly disciplined, spiritually-centered high ground of kitchen safety. But like anyone committed to attaining mastery of the martial arts or who\u2019s been married 50 years, I knew to be patient and await an opening.<\/p>\n

That came when I entered the kitchen, first scanning all cardinal points for adversaries, and found Denise perched on tiptoe at the top of a step stool, her arm stretched fullest as she teased a can of tuna fish from a top shelf with the point of that deadly sharp chopping knife mentioned previously.<\/p>\n

Directly below sat our doofus dog staring up, eyes wide, mouth hanging open, tongue lolling, thinking, \u201cI know <\/em>this is gonna work out great for all of us!\u201d<\/p>\n

Calling on my years of karate training, I inhaled slowly through the nose, then out through the mouth, and calmly said, \u201cSay, hon! Would you mind not moving or breathing or even thinking for juuust <\/em>a moment?\u201d<\/p>\n

Then I gently lowered her death hand, plucked the knife from her loose, mildly interested grip, and replaced it with a set of rubber-tipped, non-slip, dishwasher safe tongs \u2013 the kind that God made just for this purpose!<\/p>\n

The dog sighed disappointedly. The chopping knife sneered evilly, \u201cNext time!\u201d Denise squinted absently at the tongs, then to the knife, then back to the tongs.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, these\u2019ll work, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

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